feelingnotgoodenough Posted October 2, 2012 Share Posted October 2, 2012 So I am writing to get some words of wisdom. I have been dating the same guy for two years and when we met he was up front and advised that he enjoys playing poker and that he gave it up once for a girl and wouldn't do it again. I never thought that it would get to this. He goes all the time, he plays poker online and it is so bad that he is running his company in the ground. He hasn't paid taxes, gst, payroll taxes and he has borrowed approx. $50K from me, my family and his family before anyone knew how bad the gambling really was. He refuses to stop. I have left and came back on the promise it was going to stop and he would get help. But I have been back 2 days and woke up at 3am to find he was gone and at the casino. So I have to leave right??? Why is it so hard? I love this man and I don't understand why he is choosing the casino over me? Why am I not good enough? I know... It's the addiction right? But that doesn't stop it from hurting. It doesn't take away the fact that I need to be strong and I need to leave. Where do I get the strength from? I don't want to leave. I don't want this to happen to me. I'm 31 and I feel like I don't have the energy or the strength to do it. I feel like I am going to be along forever I Feel like my best isn't good enough I feel like I mean nothing. Why can't he see how much this is hurting me. He must because I cry about it all the time. We fight about it all the time Why doesn't he care? I feel like I don't matter. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted October 2, 2012 Share Posted October 2, 2012 You do matter but it's very hard to compete with an addiction unfortunately. The only thing you can do is leave, learn and live. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted October 2, 2012 Share Posted October 2, 2012 I feel for you. I was in the same position with a guy who had an addiction to alcohol and the feelings are exactly the same; he prefers the bottle over me... I don't matter, the alcohol does... I didn't want to be alone... But you have to realize that for an addict, they can't think straight and there is nothing YOU can do to help them - they have to want to help themselves. Look for a Gambler's Anonymous group for support. Or attend Al-Anon which will give you the same message and assistance. It isn't about you or your lack of worthiness. It is the addiction that is stronger and I am very sorry for you... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 Well, he already said he loves to gamble and that he gave it up once for a woman and wouldn't ever again. I think this was your red flag early on that you chose to ignore. This isn't a man acknowledging an addiction. He's perfectly fine gambling his life, family, friends, and job away. If you stay he will sink you too. I wish I could say you'd see that 50 grand again but you probably won't. He also won't stop with the gambling. I hope you have separate checking accounts, separate savings accounts, no joint credit cards, etc. He will destroy you if you're linked to him in ANY way financially. Link to post Share on other sites
Daniel V. Ross Posted November 9, 2012 Share Posted November 9, 2012 It is one common problems that couples are experiencing today. Solving it, you must do it together. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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