Capris Posted October 2, 2012 Share Posted October 2, 2012 Hello again. I was in a relationship with a sociopath about7 months ago. Unfortuantly, this guy is still in my life and i cant do anything about it, YET. I have these bursts of anger now and then, still after all these months. Although, months isn the real number, i actually realised he is a sociopath about 3 months ago and that was when i really understood we were over, long story. Anyways. I really need to just talk. At first i was taking it really good. My confidence went sky high and still pretty much is, i found my old self again, my old interests and a really nice feeling to live my life again! VERY refreshing! I always had this need to confront him and get my closure, but thats apparantly not a good idea. Thing is, i get these anger bursts, even now. At first it was real bad, then most of my anger went away, yet its still there. I dont know how to rid of it. Although i see him daily (work), sometimes i can start being mean to him n stuff, which by all means, he derves it, but i dont like that i still have this emotion towards him. Im also not sleeping well the last couple of months. I cant fall asleep. I lost a lot of pounds, which i didnt even realise. Also, although i thought i was handling this quite well, apparantly im not. Do i need to go to a doctor? Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted October 2, 2012 Share Posted October 2, 2012 (edited) There's nothing wrong with going to a doctor. Seeking therapy is good too. But listen, if you read a lot of my posts, especially in the Coping forum under the thread "Post here instead of contacting your ex" you will read about the anger I have. For a long time it was on-going. Now I fluctuate between pity and anger. There's lots of info on dating a sociopath. Consider yourself lucky. Someone once wrote that the average dating time before people discover their partner is a sociopath is 3 years. That is how long I dated by ex off and on. I also read that being involved with a sociopath can make you feel like you are losing your mind. I felt like that when all of his lies came out. The only thing worse than dating a sociopath is a psychopath, both which stem from Antisocial Personality Disorder (APD). Look it up. Read. Some sociopaths have Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) as well. My ex had very strong traits of both disorders. People with APD make their lovers suffer. They do all kinds of horrible things behind their backs and they lie consistently. They do terrible things and try to make you feel that what they did is your fault. They try to make you feel that the hurt and pain and depression you feel is YOUR fault, when they were actually the ones that caused it. They have no remorse, they have no conscience, and no matter how much you want to help them, be there for them, they will take that and use it against you through manipulations. They are champion manipulators and compulsive liars. They go through life causing emotional destruction and take no blame for any of it. They can make you feel as if your world is crashing down around you. They can make you feel that nothing in the relationship was real. They wreak havoc wherever they go and they do it with a smile in their heart. Confronting a sociopath for closure will lead to more lies and manipulation. The lies, the deceit, the manipulation never stops. You think they have changed, you think they are remorseful, but it is ALL AN ACT. Believe me, I know what I'm saying. Read. Learn. Stay away. Take care of you. Edited October 2, 2012 by CopingGal Link to post Share on other sites
Author Capris Posted October 3, 2012 Author Share Posted October 3, 2012 Hi CopingGal and thanks for your responce. I remember you from the period when i just found out he was a sociopath. Unfortunantly, i may have confused you with the numbers, we were dating for 5 years till i found out and it was an affair. After all these months we're seperatedd, i realise that it being an affair only made things more hard to figure out. Secrets and mystyrious behaviours are by default things that describe an affair. Im gonna go read the thread you mentioned, im sure i have tons of stuff to add too. "My" ex, also seems to have traits of a Narc. During these months we are finally seperated, i catch him in his lies and tell him "you will never admit to it, lets just leave it there". Its "fun" to some point. He tried to manipulate me the other day saying im still his "target", thank god i can read him so clear now. He actually thinks i still have feelings for him, so when i see him and his new gf making out or something, he thinks it will make me feel better if he tells me he still wants me. LOL. You're right about the closure though. When i once told him "you didnt even say you were sorry", he said "i have done nothing wrong to you, i have no reason to apologise". Anyways, its good to have a place to talk about it, so thanks! Im off to the thread! Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 3, 2012 Share Posted October 3, 2012 It's better if you stop handing him so much of YOUR power. If he's sociopathic and/or narcissistic - don't expect him to apologize (unrealistic expectation) - as, in HIS twisted mind, he did nothing wrong. You won't be able to make sense of a person when they have no conscience if you do have one. Best to NEVER speak to him again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted October 3, 2012 Share Posted October 3, 2012 Hi. My ex did everything to me except rape me, steal from me, and try to kill me. But he did practically everything else. I have suffered tremendously. He made excuses for terrible behavior and acted as if it's my fault for being intensely hurt. In his mind, maunipulating me, lying to me, cheating on me, leading me on for three years, using me, harassing me, throwing other women in my face, using his autistic kid in his lies, pretending that he loved me, lying to the couple's therapist, shifting money back and forth between different accounts, rejecting his poor sick, father and kicking his father out of his life because he was so sick he could not recognize him, kicking his mother out of his life because she was poor, kicking his siblings out of his life, and more were necessary things for him to do and he's not sorry he did any of it. He feels doing those things are good things because they got him what he wanted. He actually doesn't think these are bad things to do. He felt entitiled to do it all and then some. He is a very, very sick and twisted person and I feel sorry for anyone that ends up with him. Thank goodness he is out of my life. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted October 4, 2012 Share Posted October 4, 2012 Go visit a therapist. They can let you rant, but they'll also give you good tips on what to do when the anger comes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Capris Posted October 4, 2012 Author Share Posted October 4, 2012 CopingGal, your ex sounds alot like mine. Making me feel responsible for anything that hurt me. Treating his family like crap and everyone else, unless and until he needed them to gain something for him. Lies and lies and lies. Turnera, i want to go to a therapist, i'll have to save money to do so :/ Still havent added to the "rant" thread, which i found interesting and i can relate so much. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted October 4, 2012 Share Posted October 4, 2012 Where do you live? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Capris Posted October 4, 2012 Author Share Posted October 4, 2012 Europe, id rather not be any more specific, im sorry. There is this one center thats prety cheap, but i dont really trust doctors that much over here. I should just give it a try though, ya never know. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted October 4, 2012 Share Posted October 4, 2012 Oh, I was just trying to see if you were in the US or not. Cos they have tons of free/cheap counseling available. Go ahead and try. You can always choose not to go back. Link to post Share on other sites
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