Suggestions?

[Suz]

Hi Folks,

 

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

 

I would like some varioius advice on this situation that I am in...

 

I am 22, and have only dated one guy. We dated for a year, and he never kissed me and was not affectionate at all.

 

That is history now, we are just friends.

 

(that is my history on dating - On guy - never been kissed)

 

... ok, anyway,

 

I have met this new guy - well I met him 3 years ago, and w were both at different points in our lives.

 

Since I was still in college and he was in his 30's, probably we just ignored eachother a little. But now, three years later, I see that there had been a little 'spark' the last time that we had met.

 

He was looking for a job in the same field that I work in

 

(art), and I had some suggestions - so my Dad (who is his Pastor) sent his email address to me.

 

I sent him an email last week Monday, and then got an immediate response. For 5 solid days, we had friendly writing back and forth, then it all stopped. He stopped writing.

 

I see more and more that he is the man of my dreams. We have a lot in common - but are still different enough to get along well.

 

Should I ask him why his emails suddenly slowed down/almost stopped? Should I tell him how I feel about him already a week later? I know that I will see him at Christmas, so I don't want to make anything uncomfortable.

 

Any advice?

[Rogue]

Don't tell him how you feel until you know him a bit more.Hold off on making too much of your correspondence, since it could be misinterpreted.Keep your cool for now, let him come to you.Don't worry too much about what to say and how to act....just keep your eyes and mind open for now.

 

If you can,find out as much about him without prying. Ask you father for advice.He's a Pastor,right? He should know more about this guy and a lot about people's problems.He's a good guy to have for a Dad.

[Taressa]

No. Please don't chase the guy. When you see him at Christmas let him see a happy, strong you that is enjoying life and friends. Give him something he wants to join - - a good you.

 

Please keep your eyes open... inexperience and loneliness sometimes causes us to feel love where there is none. They sometimes cause us to mistake wishful thinking as hope.

 

Gather your friends around you. They will keep you from being lonely and they will be kind enough to tell you the truth as this new relationship grows or fades - - either way you'll be needing their support.

 

I'm guessing that the man will pursue you if he finds you happy, strong, and content in life when he visits at Christmas.

 

I'll be hoping so.

[Tony T]

YOU ASK: "Should I ask him why his emails suddenly slowed down/almost stopped?"

 

I will answer this one for you. He did not desire or have the time to write you Emails. His computer could be down. But whatever the reason, it will not look good for you to ask. It is rude to not answer Email that comes from a personal friend. Asking a rude person why they are rude is like asking a policeman why he arrests people. If you want something with this rude guy at some point, just be cool and let him wonder what you are up to.

 

Do not contact him at all unless he Emails you. Then wait a day or two and reply. Rewarding someone who has ignored your kindness, mail, etc. with your positive feelings is not exactly a cool thing to do.

 

THEN YOU ASK: "Should I tell him how I feel about him already a week later?"

 

Oh, my God, NO NO NO NO NO. You haven't even seen the guy for a long time. Any feelings you develop for someone by Emailing them for five days are ALL IN YOUR HEAD and not hardly reality based. I mean, this guy has been rude to you and you want to tell him you have feelings for him. He would think you were nuts.

 

Flirt with him a bit when you see him at Christmas, unless you have the chance before. Meanwhile, open yourself up to dating many other people. You really don't have to jump at the first guy that comes along. Never, ever seem too eager when you meet someone or start corresponding with them. That's an excellent way to drive them away. Just be cool. Use your newly acquired freedom to explore new friends and dates.

 

Never, ever tolerate people who are rude to you or who treat you with disrespect on inconsideration.

 

You have a very sweet dad to keep you in mind when he meets men who may be potentially nice for you.

[Mitch]

I have met this new guy - well I met him 3 years ago, and w were both at different points in our lives. Since I was still in college and he was in his 30's, probably we just ignored eachother a little. But now, three years later, I see that there had been a little 'spark' the last time that we had met. He was looking for a job in the same field that I work in (art), and I had some suggestions - so my Dad (who is his Pastor) sent his email address to me. I sent him an email last week Monday, and then got an immediate response. For 5 solid days, we had friendly writing back and forth, then it all stopped. He stopped writing. I see more and more that he is the man of my dreams. We have a lot in common - but are still different enough to get along well. Should I ask him why his emails suddenly slowed down/almost stopped? Should I tell him how I feel about him already a week later? I know that I will see him at Christmas, so I don't want to make anything uncomfortable. Any advice?

Yeah.

 

Keep it cool. It's likely much too early to ask any questions like that.

[Suz]

Thank you all for your responses! I really appreciated them. They also made me do a reality check. After having a long chat with my Dad (the Pastor), I realized that my loneliness was getting the better of me and I was reading into things that weren't even there. The guy I was talking about is considering joining a monastery(no, not because of me!)... that shows how much I knew about him --- but my Dad knew that. It was quite a shock... but gave me a kick in the butt and heart! (a good one that is!... :oD

 

Why do lonely people do stupid things? I know that I am not desperate by any means. I am young and have a long life ahead. I'm just anxious to meet that guy that God has in store for me. I'll just have to be more patient!

 

Thanks again for your responses. I'll keep looking at this discussion board every once in a while... it's kind of fun to read some of the messages!

 

Take care!

 

God Bless!

 

heidi suz

YOU ASK: "Should I ask him why his emails suddenly slowed down/almost stopped?" I will answer this one for you. He did not desire or have the time to write you Emails. His computer could be down. But whatever the reason, it will not look good for you to ask. It is rude to not answer Email that comes from a personal friend. Asking a rude person why they are rude is like asking a policeman why he arrests people. If you want something with this rude guy at some point, just be cool and let him wonder what you are up to. Do not contact him at all unless he Emails you. Then wait a day or two and reply. Rewarding someone who has ignored your kindness, mail, etc. with your positive feelings is not exactly a cool thing to do. THEN YOU ASK: "Should I tell him how I feel about him already a week later?" Oh, my God, NO NO NO NO NO. You haven't even seen the guy for a long time. Any feelings you develop for someone by Emailing them for five days are ALL IN YOUR HEAD and not hardly reality based. I mean, this guy has been rude to you and you want to tell him you have feelings for him. He would think you were nuts. Flirt with him a bit when you see him at Christmas, unless you have the chance before. Meanwhile, open yourself up to dating many other people. You really don't have to jump at the first guy that comes along. Never, ever seem too eager when you meet someone or start corresponding with them. That's an excellent way to drive them away. Just be cool. Use your newly acquired freedom to explore new friends and dates. Never, ever tolerate people who are rude to you or who treat you with disrespect on inconsideration.

 

You have a very sweet dad to keep you in mind when he meets men who may be potentially nice for you.