Here we go again

[veryhappy]

Mount, if the problem is the addictive thrill you get from it, get another affair. I'm serious. Get a drug replacement. Being involved at work is insane, and will not end well for you.

 

Have you signed up for any activities to meet new people?

[Mount]

Yes, I did sign up, but obviously when my mind is not out there, the result will not be productive anyway.

 

I don't drink, don't smoke, don't even like to take any OTC pills.

 

 

Mount, if the problem is the addictive thrill you get from it, get another affair. I'm serious. Get a drug replacement. Being involved at work is insane, and will not end well for you.

 

Have you signed up for any activities to meet new people?

[TaraMaiden]

Yes my brain tells me it is destructive, my minds can not stop thinking of him, because I have feeling for him.

 

Answer the questions...

They have serious basis, I didn't just pose them for the heck of it.

Answering will help you truly move on from what cripples you....

 

What is it you can't let go of - and why?

 

What does it feed in you?

What's your payoff?

 

Really, REALLY think about them....

 

No harshness intended.

[Mount]

Ok, let me answer it now:-

 

1) By continuing the A with him, he is not going to leave his "ancient" marriage anyway, so I am wasting my time;

2) My self-esteem would be ruined if continuing involving with him, because of the guilty, not having him 100%...etc;

3) Even though we are doing it very secretively, workplace might still get hints about our A thus my reputuation will be impacted.

 

So, by having him now, just a bandid comfort for me as I am so lonely. Without him at this moment, I will feel no one with me at all.

 

 

Answer the questions...

They have serious basis, I didn't just pose them for the heck of it.

Answering will help you truly move on from what cripples you....

 

 

 

Really, REALLY think about them....

 

No harshness intended.

[TaraMaiden]

So there's no payoff? You gain nothing from this, apart from the false impression that it makes you less lonely....?

 

And you can see the utter craziness in this - the insanity of continuing to perpetuate this situation, the utter self-destructive foolishness of burying yourself in how ludicrous it all is.

 

Yet you keep on....?

 

Do something for me.....Tell me... look in a mirror, and give yourself, as you are now, in this moment - Marks out of 10......

[Mount]

And I see an unhappy woman:p

 

So there's no payoff? You gain nothing from this, apart from the false impression that it makes you less lonely....?

 

And you can see the utter craziness in this - the insanity of continuing to perpetuate this situation, the utter self-destructive foolishness of burying yourself in how ludicrous it all is.

 

Yet you keep on....?

 

Do something for me.....Tell me... look in a mirror, and give yourself, as you are now, in this moment - Marks out of 10......[/QUOTE]

[veryhappy]

Yes, I did sign up, but obviously when my mind is not out there, the result will not be productive anyway.

 

I don't drink, don't smoke, don't even like to take any OTC pills.

 

I'm talking about getting a different relationship to replace the A. It can be a single guy, or anotherA if only that does it for you, but this one will cause you so much pain you need to put a stop to it. You weren't even so much into him at some point, so you're continuing something without reason must because it's addictive. For your professional's life sake, get a different A if you can't break the addiction. But you are attaching more and more to a particular man you work with with no reasons. You think it's hard to walk away now, it will be harder months from now.

[Mount]

Hi Cute, I never stop dating with other guys even from the beginning of the affair, but apparently, my body sat there talking to them, and my mind is still with the MM.

 

I get your point and thank you very much. What you are saying is that, it has to be some other dramatic or big thing in my life, to distract myself from the MM.

 

I'm talking about getting a different relationship to replace the A. It can be a single guy, or anotherA if only that does it for you, but this one will cause you so much pain you need to put a stop to it. You weren't even so much into him at some point, so you're continuing something without reason must because it's addictive. For your professional's life sake, get a different A if you can't break the addiction. But you are attaching more and more to a particular man you work with with no reasons. You think it's hard to walk away now, it will be harder months from now.

[TaraMaiden]

And I see an unhappy woman:p

 

So there's no payoff? You gain nothing from this, apart from the false impression that it makes you less lonely....?

 

And you can see the utter craziness in this - the insanity of continuing to perpetuate this situation, the utter self-destructive foolishness of burying yourself in how ludicrous it all is.

 

Yet you keep on....?

 

Do something for me.....Tell me... look in a mirror, and give yourself, as you are now, in this moment - Marks out of 10......

 

No - I said - give me marks out of ten.

 

This is a tendency you have - to answer straight questions in the way you want - which occasionally evades answering the question.

We're putting you on the spot here, because what is happening in your life now - is your fault, and yours to remedy - but you claim you either can't, or won't.

 

Are we wasting our time trying to support you through this....?

[veryhappy]

What I say as a woman is that you, as a woman, need to protect your professional life at all costs, magic MM included. The women pay the price in the fallout at work. I doubt he'll support you financially or get you another job.

 

Be smart about it, don't be caught in your emotions.

[Mount]

English is not my first language.

 

Marks of myself? It would be 7.5. I think if I am able to get rid of A from my life, my confidence will be boosting more, then the score would be 8.5ish.

 

I know, all the experience I wrote here is/was from my choice.

 

No - I said - give me marks out of ten.

 

This is a tendency you have - to answer straight questions in the way you want - which occasionally evades answering the question.

We're putting you on the spot here, because what is happening in your life now - is your fault, and yours to remedy - but you claim you either can't, or won't.

 

Are we wasting our time trying to support you through this....?

[Owl]

I'm going to offer a different solution for you, Mount.

 

You need to fill the time and energy that you spent with MM with something else. Not someone else...but something else.

 

My personal recommendation is a bit different. Take up a new hobby...preferably something that requires a lot of concentration or effort to learn, or something that requires a lot of physical effort to do.

 

Martial arts is a great example of what I'm talking about. Get involved in a martial arts program that taxes your mind and body to their limits. Something that leaves you both mentally and physically exhausted at the end of the day.

 

Work at it HARD...put all your effort into perfecting it.

 

What you'll find is that as you fill your mind, spend your time, and exhaust your body with this kind of activity...there's nothing left to spend on your addiction to MM.

 

It's a great way to combat stress as well...your body will let you sleep whether or not your mind wants to.

 

Do this for 45 days.

 

I bet you that if you hold to it for 45 days, putting all your effort into it...your life will change completely. MM will become a thing of the past...not even worth spending thought on.

 

Running, weightlifting, any kind of exercise that requires both mental and physical focus will do.

[Mount]

I know, cute, I am so wanting to have zero impact as well at work because of the A, even no one knows.

 

Financially, both myself and the MM are very comfortable. But again, now is the emotion, is the trouble.

 

What I say as a woman is that you, as a woman, need to protect your professional life at all costs, magic MM included. The women pay the price in the fallout at work. I doubt he'll support you financially or get you another job.

 

Be smart about it, don't be caught in your emotions.

[Mount]

I have been doing certain exercise a while ago, I had the willpower continuing doing so even from the beginning it was hard. The result is very good, as made me losing almost 20lbs, and now my size is 0~4, depends on brand of clothing. Which apparently, it made MM being attracted to me more.

 

But again, I hear you. One thing I use to distract myself is to work more.

 

 

I'm going to offer a different solution for you, Mount.

 

You need to fill the time and energy that you spent with MM with something else. Not someone else...but something else.

 

My personal recommendation is a bit different. Take up a new hobby...preferably something that requires a lot of concentration or effort to learn, or something that requires a lot of physical effort to do.

 

Martial arts is a great example of what I'm talking about. Get involved in a martial arts program that taxes your mind and body to their limits. Something that leaves you both mentally and physically exhausted at the end of the day.

 

Work at it HARD...put all your effort into perfecting it.

 

What you'll find is that as you fill your mind, spend your time, and exhaust your body with this kind of activity...there's nothing left to spend on your addiction to MM.

 

It's a great way to combat stress as well...your body will let you sleep whether or not your mind wants to.

 

Do this for 45 days.

 

I bet you that if you hold to it for 45 days, putting all your effort into it...your life will change completely. MM will become a thing of the past...not even worth spending thought on.

 

Running, weightlifting, any kind of exercise that requires both mental and physical focus will do.

[scatterd]

I am so sorry for your pain. I hope you find the strength to move on and find someone that has more to offer you. Seeing this man constantly does not help either. You do have it in you to get over this. If you wait longer the more hurt you will have. If this relationship is discovered you will not have any choices. This could ruin so many things for you and for others. Dig deep inside your self and think about what you deserve and what you are getting. Take a paper and write down all of the pros and cons. I have done this and found the cons to be higher. when getting out of relationships. I understand you feel stuck but in all honesty if you get out now you could walk away with out reputation damage and with a job. while you right that list write down what you can loose and what you can gain. I hope this will help you to get past this. Life is to short live it as happy as you can even if it means hurting for a short time.