cheating makes no sense.

[rainfall]

But I am very interested as to why you know what all men think.

 

My partner believes he is 100% in love with me? Yet he was able to do it to me.

 

I cannot see him doing it again, as it was something we did bfore we settled down into a serious relationship.

 

Its just my opinon that if a man is really 100% in love with a woman he won't want to sleep with other people. You say you guys weren't serious at the time and couldn't do it again so then what does it matter if anyone thinks that it means that back then you guys weren't serious and in love?

 

If you really believe that its not going to happen again then it shouldn't bother you that someone says that a guys who loves someone wouldn't want to sleep with others. You say your boyfriend wouldn't want to do it again, so how exactly am I saying he doesn't love you?

[nofool4u]

What he did was not monogomus, but he did not cheat in my opinion. I let him do what he did.

 

Thats exactly right. You get to call whether it was cheating or not. And since you sanctioned it, and actually bought the hookers for him, its not cheating.

[Leigh 87]

Its just my opinon that if a man is really 100% in love with a woman he won't want to sleep with other people. You say you guys weren't serious at the time and couldn't do it again so then what does it matter if anyone thinks that it means that back then you guys weren't serious and in love?

 

If you really believe that its not going to happen again then it shouldn't bother you that someone says that a guys who loves someone wouldn't want to sleep with others. You say your boyfriend wouldn't want to do it again, so how exactly am I saying he doesn't love you?

 

 

 

 

You need to learn that you can never ASSUME to know know what ANOTHER man is thinking.

 

We were not UN serious when he did it, either; he did not have eyes for other women he was around at all, and he had NO desire to date others. only me.

 

So we were already committed to stayint together.

 

We just happened to think meaningless sex with hookers meant nothing.

 

And he never wanted to have sex with non hookers, despite having ample opportunities. It is not what he wanted.

 

Take that as you will: a man has expressed that he only wanted to be with me and no other girls, yet was still able to have meaningless sex with hookers.

 

What does that tell you? according to YOU, he must be delluded; because APPARENTLY, you can speak for ALL GUYS when you say: well, if had sex witha hooker, and therefore must not have been remotely serious about Leigh 87"

 

.....How can you know he was NOT serious at all? We were not thinking about marriage, your right, but he certainly did not want to be with other girls (yes I do know this to be a fact)

 

And who are YOU to assume he had no real feelings for me?

 

YOU KNOW - some men are simply capable of totally separating between the meaningless, hooker type sex, and true love.

 

PLENTY of men claim to be able to be truly in love, yet engage in such behaviours.

MY partner did not act any differently to the guys I see who are totally in love. His verbal and body language and the way we were together was no less loving than the " other happy couples" around us who DID NOT engage in the hooker behaviour.

 

 

YOU NEED to learn that you cannot read other peoples minds...

[Leigh 87]

Thats exactly right. You get to call whether it was cheating or not. And since you sanctioned it, and actually bought the hookers for him, its not cheating.

 

 

 

Well it did not bother me to get a young man of 24 to get it out of his system before settling down with me. It absolutely did not bother me.

 

Now it would, because he has made a promise to not do it again. He sais he has no place for it now, therefore if he did it he wuld be betraying me. We have been together almost two years now, and while hookers still do not bother me, I made the decision that I should just do monogomy like everyone else.

My mother had the biggest influence. She did not even mind at first about our arrangement and thought it to be sensible; yet down the track she said I should demand total monogomy if we WERE to get serious. So I did, and Andrew had NO issue with it. He hardly mentioned hookers anyway.

 

To this day though I believe some men can detatch and be totally in love, and still be able to have meaningless sex with hookers.

I DO NOT think these men have a magic "off" switch when they are totally 100% in love, where they just cannot engage in meaningless sex with hookers.

I do think though when forplay, kissing, and intimacy are involved, and when the man craves for and desires to please another women, that his love may not be that solid.

[rainfall]

PLENTY of men claim to be able to be truly in love, yet engage in such behaviours.

MY partner did not act any differently to the guys I see who are totally in love. His verbal and body language and the way we were together was no less loving than the " other happy couples" around us who DID NOT engage in the hooker behaviour.

 

.

 

 

Men can claim anything they want. My best friends ex-husband claimed he loved her for years, but he was out sleeping with other woman all the time. He claimed it didn't mean anything and he would give it up for her, but thankfully she didn't forgive him. He treated her better than most guys treat their girlfriends/wives. ( that is when he wasn't out cheating on her).....Just because a guy claims something doesn't make it true.

 

You should stop worrying and caring so much about what people on here think and focus on your relationship. Most people aren't open to the idea of hookers/sharing in a relationship. I have always thought people who are open to that kind of thing aren't serious in their relationship, aren't really happy, or are afraid if they don't let their SO have others then maybe their SO will leave them.

 

Who knows I may be wrong, but you aren't going to convince me that I am and if you and your boyfriend and happy then again why do you care so much that other people think you aren't?...(Im not saying that I don't think you guys are happy.... you say you are so I believe you...) You just seem to get mad when anyone here questions your love and I don't understand why.

Edited October 9, 2012 by rainfall

[Leigh 87]

Men can claim anything they want. My best friends ex-husband claimed he loved her for years, but he was out sleeping with other woman all the time. He claimed it didn't mean anything and he would give it up for her, but thankfully she didn't forgive him. He treated her better than most guys treat their girlfriends/wives. ( that is when he wasn't out cheating on her).....Just because a guy claims something doesn't make it true.

 

You should stop worrying and caring so much about what people on here think and focus on your relationship. Most people aren't open to the idea of hookers/sharing in a relationship. I have always thought people who are open to that kind of thing aren't serious in their relationship, aren't really happy, or are afraid if they don't let their SO have others then maybe their SO will leave them.

 

 

Who knows I may be wrong, but you aren't going to convince me that I am and if you and your boyfriend and happy then again why do you care so much that other people think you aren't?

 

 

Because you have the audcaity to tell other people what they think, when your not THEM.

 

I did not let him do it for the reasons your outlined. I was very happy with him. I was not at alla fraid he would leave me.

 

How do you KNOW that I did it because I was not serious about him, or because I was unhappy? STOP TELLING ME WHAT I THINK.

 

A pet HATE of mine.

 

I am telling you what I was thinking. Why can't you believe that? What makes YOU think that you know what I think better than I do!

 

You have not one shred of evidence that he did it because he was nit into me, and unsatisfied.

 

He would tell you that is NOT what he was thinking; and wh are YOU tell tell HIM what he thoughtt?

 

Why is it hard for you to accept that you are wrong about what some people think?

 

We may be the exeption to the rule, but nevertheless, we think what we think, and you MUST stop claiming to know what ALL other people think, just cps a huge group of people do it for the reasons u tlaked about.

[Leigh 87]

Andrew does not love you. He cheated on you and you gave him permission. True love doesn't involve hookers. He may lust you, but certainly not love.

 

 

 

Oh well, he thinks he does:lmao::lmao: seeing as he wants to spend the rest of his life with me.

[rainfall]

 

I do think though when forplay, kissing, and intimacy are involved, and when the man craves for and desires to please another women, that his love may not be that solid.

 

 

Aren't you assuming what other people think though by saying this? I don't disagree with you but if you are going to say a man can sleep with other women and still be in love then it should apply to any man who wants to sleep with other women as long as his partner approves.

[Leigh 87]

Aren't you assuming what other people think though by saying this? I don't disagree with you but if you are going to say a man can sleep with other women and still be in love then it should apply to any man who wants to sleep with other women as long as his partner approves.

 

 

No, it does not apply to any man.

 

A man, for instance, who is not in love with his partner and is sleeping around because he is not satisfied and is unhappy in the relationship is ONE thing.

 

My situation was different. I was with a guy who was into me, committed to me, but we wanted to try a threesome, whcih we did (wanted to try something out once to see what it was like).

 

We were not in love at that stage of the threesome but the reason we had it was not because he was bored of me and " needed" it.

 

He would have been fine without it. It was fun, not an essential NEED from his part. he would have stayed with me and been happy wthout it, si MY point.

 

 

...Then before we settled down, he is a guy I did not think was ready for long term, life long sex with one women. So I told him to have a few hookers until he was ready to settle down with one women.

 

He said he did nto really have much of a desire to do it, but tried it a few times to make sure he was finished with other women.

 

Turns out he was, and does not care for other women now.

 

 

..........But you are getting the REASONING wrong; my partner KNOWS why he did what he did. YOU, on the other hand, do not.

 

You WRONGLY assume he did it because he did nto care about me, that I was just another girl he knew and did not even give a damn abotu.

 

In reality, he was into me, and really had strong feelings for me, and would have been devastated had I broken up with him.

[Silly_Girl]

Because you have the audcaity to tell other people what they think, when your not THEM.

 

I did not let him do it for the reasons your outlined. I was very happy with him. I was not at alla fraid he would leave me.

 

How do you KNOW that I did it because I was not serious about him, or because I was unhappy? STOP TELLING ME WHAT I THINK.

 

A pet HATE of mine.

 

I am telling you what I was thinking. Why can't you believe that? What makes YOU think that you know what I think better than I do!

 

You have not one shred of evidence that he did it because he was nit into me, and unsatisfied.

 

He would tell you that is NOT what he was thinking; and wh are YOU tell tell HIM what he thoughtt?

 

Why is it hard for you to accept that you are wrong about what some people think?

 

We may be the exeption to the rule, but nevertheless, we think what we think, and you MUST stop claiming to know what ALL other people think, just cps a huge group of people do it for the reasons u tlaked about.

 

Rainfall gave their own interpretation of your behaviour and did not presume to accuse you of lying or to know better than you what you are thinking. If you're at peace with your actions, why so aggro?

[Leigh 87]

Rainfall gave their own interpretation of your behaviour and did not presume to accuse you of lying or to know better than you what you are thinking. If you're at peace with your actions, why so aggro?

 

 

I cannot stand people who claim to read minds.

 

MY boyfriend said he loved me at the time he had sex with the hookers.

 

He genuinely BELIEVES that he was into me, committed to me, and simply had meaningless sex with some hooker.

 

He does not think he did it because he was not happy in the relationship with me.

 

 

SO WHY DOES ANYONE ELSE claim to know what HE thinks!?!?! HE Knows, strangers over the internet really have no place in mind reading.

 

It is very condescending when people ASSUME to know what OTHER people think...

 

MY bofriend finds it very.. bizarre, that people on here tell me how HE feels about me. Because he KNOWS how he feels, and cannot fathom why others think they know better than him!

[Leigh 87]

Rainfall gave their own interpretation of your behaviour and did not presume to accuse you of lying or to know better than you what you are thinking. If you're at peace with your actions, why so aggro?

 

 

I get agrro at ignorant people.

 

She assumes my partner went to hookers because he was not satisfied with our sex life and did not really care about me.

 

To me, that is an ingredibly ignorant and rude thing to say about a man she does not know.

 

We actually live together, and he is so into me that he would be totally heartbroken and devastated without me.

 

Where she THAT poster assumes that because he had the hookers, that he really does not care about me and needed the sex because OUR sex life sucked.

[utterer of lies]

She assumes my partner went to hookers because he was not satisfied with our sex life and did not really care about me.

 

To me, that is an ingredibly ignorant and rude thing to say about a man she does not know.

 

We actually live together, and he is so into me that he would be totally heartbroken and devastated without me.

 

Where she THAT poster assumes that because he had the hookers, that he really does not care about me and needed the sex because OUR sex life sucked.

 

What you read into other people's messages says a lot about you.

 

 

If you would stop constantly defending your relationship and your bf, you would seem a lot less insecure and a lot less unhappy. Yes, all your claims of bliss seem insincere considering the effort you put into repeating them.

 

 

This is not an attack, and I don't know what's going on inside you - I can only tell you the impression I get from reading your posts.

[Silly_Girl]

No one KNOWS. They share their views based on what they read.

 

Ignore what a bunch of strangers say on an internet forum... If you're happy, settled and at peace with your choices it shouldn't matter a fig what others think.

[karnak]

If she's really happy with her relationship, then why the hell is she in Loveshack?

[Leigh 87]

What you read into other people's messages says a lot about you.

 

 

If you would stop constantly defending your relationship and your bf, you would seem a lot less insecure and a lot less unhappy. Yes, all your claims of bliss seem insincere considering the effort you put into repeating them.

 

 

This is not an attack, and I don't know what's going on inside you - I can only tell you the impression I get from reading your posts.

 

 

 

No, I am telling you how things are. It is what it is.

[Leigh 87]

If she's really happy with her relationship, then why the hell is she in Loveshack?

 

 

 

Oh, love shack is so much fun! I personally come here to give advice, as I have made mistakes with men and feel at least I can help others from them.

 

And I orininally game for the sex section. Then it grew from there haha

 

This site aint just for those of us who have bad relationships.

 

My own relationship is awesome, people just fail to see that, given we have had issues in the past that we have worked through.

[karnak]

Well. If you're here just to help, then that's ok. You're doing a public service.

 

But if you're asking for advice then get ready to receive all kinds of feedback. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, be it right or wrong.

[JamesM]

I will try to not judge you or him, but out of curiosity, you say that he only used the hookers for his own satisfaction and did not try to please them (as you see this as cheating)...did he actually enjoy being with them?

 

And I agree with those who tell you to not base your relationship on what anonymous people (who do have agendas) tell you. I have my opinion, too, but I know that in real life, our relationships are different. We vent on here as we feel and it may not always reflect reality. Andrew probably loves you dearly and only was with a hooker at your request.

 

Would you suggest to him now to "use" an escort or is that in the past?

 

How do you define cheating? Is kissing cheating? What acts are and are not?

 

Whatever you do don't stay or break up with Andrew based on what is being posted here. I know how it can eat at me when responses hit me wrong, or are even somewhat right based on what I posted, but remember, we don't always remember to post everything and your readers have no clue how Andrew actually feels...only what you have told us.

 

I feel for you and think that you may be letting some people get to you when they are not even close with what they are saying.

[Leigh 87]

well this thread is about cheating. I personally consider cheating to be when a man or women goes behind your back and betrays your trust. That is not what Andrew did to me, in MY mind. What anyone else thinks is TOTALLY irrelevant. It does not make it cheating in my eyes.

 

Andrew and I were young and not the types to settle down when we met, I did not know if he was ready to settle down with one women for a long time, andw e both wanted to try out threesomes and stuff. So I prefered him to experiment first, see what he could and could not do, and to only be with me if he truly had gotten sex with other women out of his system.

 

He could not go through with sex with non hookers. To him, kissing and forplay and the desire to please another women, is not something he is CAPABLE of when he really likes a girl.

However, he was able to have meaningless sex with a hooker, as it removed all the kissing and forplay.

People on here find it very very difficult to understand that he was not able to have sex or fool around with non hookers, yet able to f*ck hookers.

 

It is how it is though; this is how he feels.

If I felt the least bit cheated on or worried about future cheating, I would not be with him.

 

Lastly - Andrew believes that he can fully love ANY girl, and still be able to have sex with a hooker. He simply believes that is who HE is.,

He does not think he will ever meet a women, and suddenly NOT be able to have sex with a hooker.

 

What I do not get, is how people QUESTION his love, when he has very clearly expressed who HE is, and how HE feels.

 

As if anyone else know's how he feels, only HE would.

 

 

 

...He loves me a great deal, it does not appear that ther eis much room for him to be that much MORE in love with another women one day. He pretty much gives out as much as a dude CAN give in terms of love.

 

Which is why I find it VERY HARD to believe that he would NOT be able to go through with meaningless hooker sex with " the right" girl. As I feel I AM the right girl, as much as CAN be for him.

[Leigh 87]

Well. If you're here just to help, then that's ok. You're doing a public service.

 

But if you're asking for advice then get ready to receive all kinds of feedback. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, be it right or wrong.

 

 

but they are idiots of they think they know what another person is thinking.

 

I can see a situation as obvious, but I still never claim to know what another person thinks....

 

NO one knows what my partner thinks besides him. he has told me what he thinks, so there.

[rainfall]

but they are idiots of they think they know what another person is thinking.

 

I can see a situation as obvious, but I still never claim to know what another person thinks....

 

NO one knows what my partner thinks besides him. he has told me what he thinks, so there.

 

You do though when you say if a guy wanted to kiss or please another women then you might question his love. If you want to say you can't claim to know how people feel then it should be possible for people to want to do that and still be in love.

[Leigh 87]

You do though when you say if a guy wanted to kiss or please another women then you might question his love. If you want to say you can't claim to know how people feel then it should be possible for people to want to do that and still be in love.

 

 

 

Yes your right, I meant to say that if my boyfriend did it, I would then believe he was not in love with me.

 

Other people could, sure, how would I know what they think?

[Leigh 87]

My partner has told me, regarding cheating

 

" I could love a girl as much as I CAN (as I do you, Leigh), and still be able to have sex with a hooker. Because hookers to me feel 100% different than hooking up with a non hooker".

 

He sais " when I like a girl, there is no way I could hook up with another girl, and kiss her and go through the whole forplay process, as that involves having the will to please them"

 

 

 

That is MY partner, and how HE feels. He sais the day he feels as though he could kiss and hook up with a non hooker, he would know he was not in love with me.

[Bobibble]

My partner has told me, regarding cheating

 

" I could love a girl as much as I CAN (as I do you, Leigh), and still be able to have sex with a hooker. Because hookers to me feel 100% different than hooking up with a non hooker".

 

He sais " when I like a girl, there is no way I could hook up with another girl, and kiss her and go through the whole forplay process, as that involves having the will to please them"

 

 

 

That is MY partner, and how HE feels. He sais the day he feels as though he could kiss and hook up with a non hooker, he would know he was not in love with me.

 

You DO realize what you just said right? That the man who says he is in love with you and wants to be with you forever has no problem with having sex with a hooker? A hooker and a non-hooker are both females, both NOT YOU. You said he got it out of his system early in the relationship, yet he still feels like he is not cheating because he is having sex with a hooker, therefore there is no emotional attachment. Okay, he isn't emotionally cheating, but that is PHYSICAL cheating my dear, don't kid yourself.

This Andrew has no idea what true love is. I can't stand it when my boyfriend talks about going to a strip club with his friends, if he had sex with a hooker, he is out the door and I'm not looking back no matter how much I love him. And for you to be okay with him having sex with a hooker because there is no emotional attachment, I think you are either a) lying to yourself, or b) have some serious psychological issues you need to address.

 

He has you wrapped around his little finger and can get his sexual pleasure from a hooker and know you won't care at all. You thoroughly enjoy the thought that you are not enough for him sexually that he has to have sex with a hooker or even think about having sex with a hooker? That is not only insulting to you, but also dangerous to you, who knows what kinds of diseases he holds!