Themrandres Posted October 3, 2012 Share Posted October 3, 2012 So 2 weeks ago i got dumped by the girl of my dreams. We were together for 8 months after a good year and a half of being friends, I went through a couple of relationships while we were friends and she was always there for me and often helped me when I needed help in my relationships and my daily life. Last January I got out of a terrible relationship where I was unhappy for months and spent 2 months trying to dump her but almost a month after I ended it with her I found out my friend had loved me from the moment we had first met. Soon we started dating and omg it was love from the first date. I saw her everyday and she became my muse she was my life and boy did this girl love me Like I was convinced I could do nothing wrong she was almost obsessed with me, I thought I could do no wrong. But as the relationship continued we got more serious we got more physical and we did stuff everyday after school and I began to pressure her into things. I was never being mean or threatening her I would just tease her of if I did Link to post Share on other sites
Author Themrandres Posted October 3, 2012 Author Share Posted October 3, 2012 her I would just tease her until she would do stuff. And along with that I became incredibly unreliable I would make plans and change them 101 times and just annoy her alot and although I never lied id go back on promises like I promised I would drink at prom and I got drunk or I said I'd take her for dinner but we'd get burgers. *Afew weeks ago we went to a party with my friends where I didn't really pay too much attention to and kinda teased her in front of my friends I didnt say anything rude, *just little jokes. The next day I find out she was really mad at me and she was talking about all the issues she's been having with the relationship. I was still a good boyfriend i was always there for her when she really needed me i told her i loved her so much everyday and for every bad thing there was a good thing. she said she didn't wanna break up but things had to change. So we met up that day and talked through everything and she told me how she couldn't count on me and that she didnt want a relationship without trust, but she was still very much in love. so I told her I would stop all the bad things and that we can talk when she gets back from camp (she was going to some high school camp thingy for 3 days) So I went home and next thing that happens is I get a ring at my door and her mom drove her over to dump me. She said she had to dump *me now cuz she didnt want me to wait till she got back just to get dumped. I found out her mom thought we should break up, and although she said it was her choice I think her mom influenced her alot. So I waited till she got back and the moment she got back I gave her a 6 page book about all the reasons I love her and what I want to change. She said it was emotional but she didnt buy it. So I left her alone and tried NO CONTACT, but I was texting a mutual friend who suffers from ptsd and anxiety and depression and I was telling her * how upset I was and then I found out this friend was stressed out by me telling her my problems and she told my ex everythingXP so then she texted me telling me to get over it and that I shouldnt be texting our mutual friend about it and she seemed almost upset at me. So after this point I havnt spoken to her since. It's been 9 days since I spoke to her last, I've went on a few dates and am trying to show I moved on. But last Friday *I found out she got a new bf that was one of her friends and was with her at camp, she just started dating him a week after camp. Is this a rebound? She knew this guy for awhile but im confident she never had feeling for him and according to another mutual friend she never thought of dating him ever and always looked at him as a brother. According to another mutual friend there really awkward and won't hold hands and that they find it awkward around each other. And according to another girl who dated him hes really cute and every girl likes him but he's super boring and she wanted to dump him within 2 days. *So right now I'm playing it cool acting like I'm fine with it *i even texted her friend saying "make sure hes good to her" to show im fine with it but in all honest im hoping that the relationship ends soon, cuz it's only been 2 weeks since we broke up. So I'm gonna act like I've moved on and try another week of NO CONTACT till I try starting contact. I still have to pick up my stuff so I might try to talk to her then. I still have hope because she broke up with me cuz she couldn't trust me not because she fell out of love and she said she was still in love the day she broke up. So any advice on what to do next. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Themrandres Posted October 3, 2012 Author Share Posted October 3, 2012 Please guys any feed back plz Link to post Share on other sites
River Rain Posted October 3, 2012 Share Posted October 3, 2012 Please guys any feed back plz Sorry but my feedback isn't very rosy. You didn't treat her very well by teasing her and going back on promises. Actions speak so much louder than words, and even if you wrote a 60-page note to tell her how much you love her and want to change, they really are just words. You have to back up your words with actions for them to mean anything right? But it looks like she's moved on already, maybe you went too far and she had enough and lost trust in you. Trust is something that's really hard to get back once you lose it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Themrandres Posted October 3, 2012 Author Share Posted October 3, 2012 well when i said i would change in those letters i wasnt just saying whatever just to get her back. ive been trying to fix everything she had problems with, ive got a job and my g1 just like she wanted me to, im studying more and im working on myself like you wouldnt imagine. But the weirdest thing is that when this all happend it was like the biggest eye opener of my life, like im almost glad it happened cuz i know now if we got back together everything would be better than before. i honest to god had this bizzare clarity of thought and i realise how i should have treated her and how i want to treat her, those letters i wrote were the truest things ive ever written and im trying to back up what i say. Link to post Share on other sites
River Rain Posted October 3, 2012 Share Posted October 3, 2012 Well, maybe there still is a chance then? If you really are backing up your words, and once you feel confident in yourself, why not approach her again? She may still be dating that camp guy, but she may also see how you've changed and consider her old feelings for you too. Just remember the trust, if she considers being with you again, you need to build trust again. Trust is based on positive experiences and quality bonding together. If not, then at least you know you did your best. And all the changes you're making were probably initially for her, but they are making you a better person and you'll attract honest and good people for it. I know it hurts though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Themrandres Posted October 3, 2012 Author Share Posted October 3, 2012 like even if things dont work out i really hope i can get better. Right now im focusing on fixing myself before i get her back, id rather make sure i can really change for good than just get her back and then go back to how i was before. its an amazing feeling when you love someone enough to genuinly want to be a better person. oh yeah and one last thing i wanna mention that i didnt mention in my first post after we broke up she said how upset she would be if i just got a new girlfriend in less than a month, like she was honest to god brought to tears just talking about it. But she got a new bf in less than 2 weeks:P like this makes me think it might be a rebound what do u think? Link to post Share on other sites
River Rain Posted October 3, 2012 Share Posted October 3, 2012 A rebound is born from a need to feel comforted and wanted again right? I know that I appreciated the attention I was getting from a certain guy after my ex dumped me. I also knew it would turn into a rebound so I stopped it before that happened because I didn't want to hurt him. The only danger, in your case, is if this guy turns out to treat her the way she's really wanted to be treated and it sticks. :-( I think you need to be prepared for that too. It's great that you want to be a better person. So many people are just too stubborn to actually hear why the ex is leaving them, refuse to see their part in things and continue the same pattern of hurting people over and over. It's really good that you have hope to get back with her. I'm sure you're learning so much about yourself in the process too. It's so much better than sitting at home, wallowing in pain and anger. Life isn't over because we got our hearts broken, we always have to find a way to move on and keep going. I do hope it works out for you either way. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 3, 2012 Share Posted October 3, 2012 well when i said i would change in those letters i wasnt just saying whatever just to get her back. ive been trying to fix everything she had problems with, ive got a job and my g1 just like she wanted me to, im studying more and im working on myself like you wouldnt imagine. But the weirdest thing is that when this all happend it was like the biggest eye opener of my life, like im almost glad it happened cuz i know now if we got back together everything would be better than before. i honest to god had this bizzare clarity of thought and i realise how i should have treated her and how i want to treat her, those letters i wrote were the truest things ive ever written and im trying to back up what i say. When you prove that you are unreliable and untrustworthy - it may take a LIFETIME of new BEHAVIOR for someone to trust you again. You're better off finding someone new - and treating the with respect and honor at every interaction . You did this R all backwards for it to be heAlthy! She WS strong and good to HERSELF to end it!!! Words mean nothing! Actions show every word you may never speak! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Themrandres Posted October 3, 2012 Author Share Posted October 3, 2012 well although i didnt treat her great i didnt treat her terribly and she said i was still super sweet and constantly did cute things and was very spontainius and i think i have a better chance than the other guy because i dont think he can make her laugh like i can and i think that sets me miles apert:) so i think she has a type, cuz everything she said she loved about me is evrything the new boy isnt. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 3, 2012 Share Posted October 3, 2012 well although i didnt treat her great i didnt treat her terribly and she said i was still super sweet and constantly did cute things and was very spontainius and i think i have a better chance than the other guy because i dont think he can make her laugh like i can and i think that sets me miles apert:) so i think she has a type, cuz everything she said she loved about me is evrything the new boy isnt. If you changed plans on her regularly 101 times - how is that NOT treating her terribly? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Themrandres Posted October 3, 2012 Author Share Posted October 3, 2012 it wasnt terrible because i always made up for it. like everyday i said i would see her although i changed plans i always tried to see her that day and do somthing big to make up for it. like one day i walked 50 minutes in the rain just to see her and buy her her favorite candy etc. Although it wasnt fair that i always changed plans i was always genuinely sorry and tried to make up for it with my whole heart. And in our whole relationship i never lied to her and loved her so thats why i didnt treat her terrible. Link to post Share on other sites
River Rain Posted October 3, 2012 Share Posted October 3, 2012 it wasnt terrible because i always made up for it. like everyday i said i would see her although i changed plans i always tried to see her that day and do somthing big to make up for it. like one day i walked 50 minutes in the rain just to see her and buy her her favorite candy etc. Although it wasnt fair that i always changed plans i was always genuinely sorry and tried to make up for it with my whole heart. And in our whole relationship i never lied to her and loved her so thats why i didnt treat her terrible. In the end, you're the only one who can determine your behaviour, people will judge you based on the words you write and their own experiences. But I think the most important thing is that you recognized what you don't like about the way you've acted and you're taking real steps to be a better person. She might see that you have genuinely changed and be able to let go of the past and move on with you in the future, I hope so. I wish my ex would have made the effort to change! That would have made all the difference to me. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 3, 2012 Share Posted October 3, 2012 Leave her alone! It IS terrible! YOU disrespected and disregarded her!!! EVERYTIME! She's right to dump you - you simply didn't treat her right. She's telling you she's not putting up with your bad behavior anymore - good for HER being a strong gal! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Themrandres Posted October 3, 2012 Author Share Posted October 3, 2012 i wasnt treating her terribly, i grew up in a house where i saw first hand just how terrible a man could treat a woman and i am positive i didnt treat her terribly. "A man cant souly be judged by how many promises he keeps but by his acountability for the ones he cant" i couldnt keep my promises but gosh did i try to keep them and i never ever lied to her about them ether Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 3, 2012 Share Posted October 3, 2012 Well apparently you don't have her anymore. Unless you realize whatYOU did wrong - YOU'RE likely to do the same to the next gal. Link to post Share on other sites
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