fiance broke it all off with me

[d.uta]

So here's the story.

I been with my ex fiance for two years we were engaged for about 6 months.

 

We had broken up once before she with me because of school but we ended up getting back together. We were broken up for about two months.

 

Things were great when we got back. Yea we would get into arguments but nothing major. We both really loved each other. New years comes around and we made a new years resolution of getting engaged this new year. We always said that once we hit sophmore year of college that we would get engaged we both wanted it. She was excited as was I. I proposed to her in march and she tearfully said yes. I even planned a surprise engagement party for her the day of inviting her friends and family.

 

Well after engaement we started getting into fights about finaces and my family. She didnt get along with my mom. But i thought nothing of it really its typical. Dont get me wrong I tried to help their relationship get better by talking to my mom about how great my fiance was. I was patient and understanding of both parties. And i always sided with my fiance because she was most important to me. I on the other hand was very close to her family and they loved me and i loved them i felt like they were my family. But in the end we would always tell each other that we loved each other and regardless were happy to be together.

 

Fast forward to the month of august. She has become more distant with me and tells me that she wonders if we made the right choice in getting engaged. And i say i dont regret my decision you are the love of my life. I ask her i was hers and she says she doesn't know. This was at the beginning of the month.

 

The middle of the month: She says she wants to break the engagement off but still keep dating. She said she was overly stressed with my family and that she didnt want to have to deal with them anymore that if were just dating then she had no obligation to see them. I of course got mad at her and told that it was dumb but i said ok because as long as i had her well then it was ok. She tells her family this and her dad chews her out saying that it was stupid and that if she was going to break the engagement it was going to be for good no dating no nothing. That you dont break an engament because you are stressed. So she told me the next day that she wasnt going to break the engagement bc of what her dad said and she still had very strong feelings for me that she couldnt break up with me.

 

Fast forward to the end of the month: She says she doesnt want to be with me anymore. She gave me the famous words i love you but im not in love with you. She said she found it hard to look up to me as i was always catering to her. She said she felt like she was dating herself because i focused so much on her. This is true but i wasnt a push over i did put her in her place many times.

 

Its been a month since we split. I've seen her unintentionally at church for three weeks. Its a big church so i didnt expect to run into her but i did. Each time we would do small talk. The first time i saw her i asked if we could have lunch afterwards to catch up. She told me flat out no that it was a bad idea that it was too soon and that it was too hard right now.

 

I cant stop thinking about her grades at school have been slipping. I miss her alot and truly love this woman. I want her back. You guyst think there is a chance?

[oldshirt]

I know it hurts. It's very painfull to want to be with someone and they do not want to be with you. Rejection always sucks.

 

But you need to keep a few things in mind.

 

Dating is an interview and tryout process to determine if someone is the right one for you. A year and a half is plenty of time to determine if someone is the right person or not.

 

Perhaps she knew back when you proposed that you were not "the one" but she got wrapped up in getting a ring and all the excitement of being "engaged" instead of just dating.

 

Perhaps she was sincere at the time she accepted the proposal but came to her senses as time went on and it began to sink in what marriage and home and family really meant.

 

Either way it really doesn't matter. What matters is that she has realized that you are not the one and that she does not want to marry you and realizes that continuing to date you has no future for her either.

 

She was right to break it off now and end things cleanly now before you were legally binded in marriage and before there were mortgages, car payments, bank accounts, insurance policys, retirement accounts and children involved.

 

That may not ease your pain now but trust me, it is a whole lot less painfull now and a million times less hardship and heartache now than after the wedding.

 

Her dumping you does not necessarily mean that you did anything wrong or that she does not like or appreciate you. It just means that she doesn't think you are the one she wants to marry, make a home and raise children with.

 

It's better for her to set you free now so that you can move on and find someone else now rather than marry you, have kids, live in a loveless and sexless marriage for 10 years and then dump you and have to deal with dividing up all the property and working out custody and child support arraingements.

 

Walk away, move on, make yourself a good life and in time you will meet and become involved with someone else.

[TiredFamilyGuy]

Can't say it better than oldshirt.

 

One thought: You did not suit her, but that does NOT mean you did anything wrong. It means you did not suit her, which is different.