texasgirl4 Posted October 3, 2012 Share Posted October 3, 2012 I don't know where to start. I had a very hard relationship in my past..divorced and me a great guy. He took me with my 4 children...at the time were all small in ages..but this guy just took full responsibility...i felt completely indebted to him, so i married him..however, i was never in love with him. It shows now in our relationship because we go with months...maybe even a year before having sex. I want to divorce him but I feel guilty and unappreciative...so I am confused. About almost 5 yrs ago..my boss started flirting with me....mind you he is 10yrs older than me and is married. At first..I was flattered ...and it was simply flirting...through out the years is became more flirtatious ...between us. Recently, about almost 1-1/2 its been more ...we are very attrative to each other, feelings are running deep...but we are married. We have not been sexual....but now our flirts are a little more sexual in way...more personal...alot closer... My boss is always finding ways to hug me..or just touch me...smacks my butt with paper..etc..always making sexual comments of how i look..he had a dream about me...a sexual dream...I don't know what to do...I feel the same about him but we are both married. I have fallen in love with him...but i don't want to be sex toy or a trophy..i want more than sex....but he is pressuring me everyday....what should i do.. Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted October 3, 2012 Share Posted October 3, 2012 I don't know where to start. I had a very hard relationship in my past..divorced and me a great guy. He took me with my 4 children...at the time were all small in ages..but this guy just took full responsibility...i felt completely indebted to him, so i married him..however, i was never in love with him. It shows now in our relationship because we go with months...maybe even a year before having sex. I want to divorce him but I feel guilty and unappreciative...so I am confused. About almost 5 yrs ago..my boss started flirting with me....mind you he is 10yrs older than me and is married. At first..I was flattered ...and it was simply flirting...through out the years is became more flirtatious ...between us. Recently, about almost 1-1/2 its been more ...we are very attrative to each other, feelings are running deep...but we are married. We have not been sexual....but now our flirts are a little more sexual in way...more personal...alot closer... My boss is always finding ways to hug me..or just touch me...smacks my butt with paper..etc..always making sexual comments of how i look..he had a dream about me...a sexual dream...I don't know what to do...I feel the same about him but we are both married. I have fallen in love with him...but i don't want to be sex toy or a trophy..i want more than sex....but he is pressuring me everyday....what should i do.. What you're doing to your husband is completely unfair. If he knew you were only with him out of guilt, how do you think that would make him feel? Regardless of your other relationships, you should let him go and find a woman who does love him, because he sounds like he deserves that. Ultimately, you're hurting him more by staying with him than you would by leaving him. As far as your boss goes..it sounds to me like he's just looking for a f*ck buddy, and it sounds like you're just infatuated, not in love. Time to look for a new job. In the meantime, if he continues harassing you and pressuring you to have sex, report him to HR. His behavior is totally inappropriate and disgusting. Link to post Share on other sites
veryhappy Posted October 3, 2012 Share Posted October 3, 2012 As a woman having an affair at work, with your direct boss on top of it, you'll be completely screwed. You can end up divorced and unemployed, for a sleazy man. If he really makes you tingle, and your vagina can't do without, find a new job first. Do not get involved while working for him. You are looking for an exit affair; I strongly advise you avoid the workplace. It never ends well for the woman. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 3, 2012 Share Posted October 3, 2012 I think him smacking you on the butt at work is very disrespectful. Has he made you any promises that he wants to leave his wife and take care of you and your 4 kids? I didn't think so. He sounds like he is out for a roll in the hay. In the meantime you do need to find another job that pays well so you can support your 4 kids and move toward divorce. That poor husband of yours shouldn't be used one day longer. Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted October 4, 2012 Share Posted October 4, 2012 Fix your marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted October 4, 2012 Share Posted October 4, 2012 Hold on... How can someone fall in love with a man she was never in love with in the first place? I don't think 'Fixing the marriage' is definitely on the cards, but you do need to start being a bit honest - with your H. and with yourself. If you were happily married, your Boss' behaviour would be tantamount to sexual harassment and way out of line. If you were happy, or at least, content in your marriage, you boss wouldn't even get a look-in.... But you're not happy. However, you can't go on like this - and you're going to have to do some honest, and straight-talking with your H. What can be done, there? Forget your boss for a moment. What do you actually WANT to happen, in your marriage? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted October 4, 2012 Share Posted October 4, 2012 Unless she is looking for a reason to have the affair. Unless she is rewriting marital history to have the affair. Yep. "Never" loved him? Doubt it. Marriages take effort to fix and there's more to read and try on that subject than just about anything. It can be done. Comparing her "boring" marriage to her fantasy affair with her flirtatious boss is nothing short of typical. An affair fixes nothing so that should certainly be ruled out as an option. And after only 4 paragraphs from the OP, it seems rather remarkable to say so definitively that her M is not fixable and that she should divorce. She should knock off her nonsense at work and commit to her marriage. How about we start by getting honest in marriage counseling? Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted October 4, 2012 Share Posted October 4, 2012 I have fallen in love with him...but i don't want to be sex toy or a trophy..i want more than sex....but he is pressuring me everyday....what should i do.. Tell him you're married...remind him that he's married. Make him understand that this is a line you won't cross, and that he needs to back off and maintain a BUSINESS relationship ONLY. Set a hard line...a hard, clear boundary. If he crosses it...tell him that he's done so, very clearly, and inform him that you won't tolerate further violations of that boundary. Spell out consequences if he does so...such as reporting it to his boss, or his wife. If you keep flirting...this will continue. If you don't set a hard clear boundary...he won't stop. It's that simple and point blank. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted October 4, 2012 Share Posted October 4, 2012 It's not fixable. She never loved him, she married him because she felt indebeted. The appropriate choice is to leave the marriage. If that's truly how she feels...then I completely agree. Link to post Share on other sites
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