joanna1 Posted October 3, 2012 Share Posted October 3, 2012 (edited) Right, this is the first time i have ever done this sort of thing but i really need to just talk about this as it's driving me crazy. I'm 16, and mature for my age. I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years now and this wasn't your usual teenage relationship. To cut a long story short he had a lot of problems at home and got thrown out when he was about 14, social services got involved and he came to live with me and my family for a while. We didn't sleep together or anything as my parents wouldn't allow it but he became part of the family pretty quickly. 2 years later he lives with his step sister but our relationship is still going as strong as ever and were very happy. He is my best friend and i spend most of my time with him i wouldn't say we have any problem bar 1, and this is why i'm on here today to try and help me out. We are having sex and are both very comfortable as we are so close? after many long talks etc we have both discussed that it turns us on to think of each other with other people. Basically we like the idea of the other one cheating. However we only like this idea when we are 'turned on' afterwards we hate it and it drives us crazy. I get really upset about it because I hate the idea so much, i dont no whether i should see someone or what am i normal? is this completely crazy and disgusting is it a mental illness? i really dont no what to do because when i'm thinking the way i am now it angers me so much! i dont what to think these things i want him to want me and me only. please if anyone can shine any light on this subject do because i'm getting desperate Edited October 3, 2012 by joanna1 change title Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted October 3, 2012 Share Posted October 3, 2012 Thoughts of fantasy do not require action. All people have thoughts they would never act on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author joanna1 Posted October 3, 2012 Author Share Posted October 3, 2012 but i hate the thoughts i have? they make me feel horrible afterwards? because i then kinda get annoyed about what he's said even though at the time i liked it. Its really messed up? Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted October 3, 2012 Share Posted October 3, 2012 (edited) It's probably your superego suppressing things you believe are socially unacceptable. When you are 'in the mode' you seem to set the superego aside and embrace the fantasies. You should probably do some introspection and figure out what you really believe, as opposed to being limited to believing only what you're supposed to believe. You're young and don't need to feel bad because you're still developing your personality and discovering who you are. If you come to the realization that you actually believe sexual experimentation is not morally wrong then perhaps you will want to experiment by living out some of the fantasies. On the other hand, if you discover that you truly do not believe this sort of experimentation is ok, you can still allow yourself to enjoy the fantasies and perhaps live them out through role playing with your bf. You just have conflicting things going on that you can't reconcile yet. In time, as you mature, I expect you will come to understand and accept these two facets of yourself and integrate them in a way you are perfectly comfortable with. Just wait until you're sure you've resolved the conflicts within before acting them out, and don't let anyone pressure you to do anything before your'e ready. Edited October 3, 2012 by salparadise Link to post Share on other sites
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