COMMITMENT FEAR - how do i know is there ONE true love???

[olivemartini]

I’ve not really done this before. But I simply don’t know what to do about this, so please bear w/ me.

 

I’ve been w/ my BF for 2.5 yrs. recently, he decides, because of frustration at work and at the suggestion of family, to move to another country to study language. For the past 4 months we’ve seen each other twice. he’s younger than me and our families don’t approve of our relationship (even tried to separate us). He doesn’t mind our age difference. But he does care for his family’s opinion and doesn’t know how to persuade them. This has created pressure on our relationship before he left for his study.

 

At the beginning of the LDR, he wrote me almost everyday to tell me about his day and share how he feels. Once he got a phone, at first we talk occasionally, then we are on the line almost every nite. But it seems like the more we’re on the phone, the less we talk (quality talk) and he rarely emails now. I know int’l calls are expensive, but something is missing. I don’t know what.

 

During our last trip, we had a talk. It seems like his family has not stopped bothering him about our relationship. He thought we’ve come to a crossroad where we either engage or breakup going forward. He promises that if we survive our LDR this year, we’ll “take our relationship up a notch” next year.

Somehow I feel that he’s not comfortable w/ what he said. When ask about it again, he can’t even make himself to say the “E” word, thinking it’s something he can’t take back and shuts off the “breakup” option. He admits to have commitment issue (don’t they all? ). He’s not sure if there’s one true love and if he’s settled. But he feels that he might be “more ready” next year. It seems like the more we talk, the more pressured he feels.

 

I love him and would like to share a future w/ him, but I can’t wait around and be treated like a standby till the next “best thing” to come along. He’s coming to visit me in 2 weeks. Any advice on how we can calm each other’s fear and commitment barrier?

[MorningRose]

Hi there,

 

I have been in this situation one time in my life. I believe threading in vague grounds is more painful than being sure it is to drift away. But you know what? It's a conscious decision. Most of my fears, I let subside through a simple process of weighing the pro's and con's of each action. ~I don't like being treated this way... I hate that I don't know what's going on inside his mind.. what his next move will be...~ I weigh it out. It pains me but should I leave him and go on with my life hoping I'd find happiness, alone or with someone else? Or should I just hold on, hoping he'd let his intentions known SOON.

 

In my case, I chose to stay and take whatever he can offer for the time being. I am flying to the States primarily to be with him soon. I guess it's a matter of figuring out what you want and staying with the decision whatever happens. And yes honey, an open communication is also important.

 

In the end, if you two ever decide to be together, it IS the two of you together. You can be concerned with how your families will react but it's another thing to let go of each other just because...

 

Regards,

MorningRose