Unreasonable?

[kookybunny]

We walked into a place and saw this single girl that we both know. I said hi to her and she replied back with lukewarm sincerity. Then my boyfriend who was sort of behind me comes in view and she's like HIIIIIIIIIII!!!! and hugs him.

 

My guy has things in common with her brother and they attend similar events. Sometimes I go with my guy and that chick is there, sees us together and knows we are a couple.

 

He once went to an event without me and told me she went HI GORGEOUS and hugged him.

 

Now it's at the point where she sees us, ignores me (or I swear, gives me a dirty look) and zeros in on him with a hug. He is kind of shy in social situations so he doesn't know what to do, just hugs her back and returns her niceties like a deer in the headlights.

 

It's getting pretty obvious now to the point where it seems malicious on her end. And now it feels like we run into her everywhere. It's not like she stays to talk to him, or engage him or anaything, so after the hug, she pretty much walks away.

 

She has us both on facebook and we have the same profile pic, us together and our status shows this as well. I don't think she is up to anything because she is like this with LOTS of people, always walking around and giving hugs etc. Pretty sure she doesn't even actually know my bf's name....WTH.

 

I just find it really tacky that to act like that to a guy with his girlfriend standing right there, ignoring her. This person is a young businesswoman and somewhat minor local celebrity...shouldn't she know better??

 

It makes me pretty pissy that my guy doesn't think to stand up for me and is so tonguetied and intimidated that he doesn't say or do anything.

 

It happened again tonight so I asked him to next time, say "Have you met my girlfriend kookybunny?" and intro me. This however would be kind of awkward because SHE DOES KNOW ME.

 

The whole situation only annoys me in a minor way. She is very short and unattractive. I think she might do it because she's jealous of me. Usually when this is happening, I just act completely unaffected and ignore the scene completely, turn my back and talk to somebody, etc.

 

Why would someone act like this? Am I being unreasonable? And how should we deal with this?

 

Any thoughts appreciated. Thanks

[Eddie Edirol]

She is doing it because she is single and jealous. Theres nothing you can do to change her behavior, and it would be rude to have him ignore her, especially since she doesnt converse with him afterwards. You just have to decide if you want to stoop down to playing games with her to see if you can get her to stop. Maybe keep talking to him like she isnt there. The way to really make it sting for her is to not look at her and not care about any interaction from her. But now that I think about it, if you can get your bf to introduce you the first time, it might make her think it will go that way everytime you see her.

[kookybunny]

i am getting pretty upset about this.

 

i love my boyfriend SO much. he is the most amazing man i've ever met. i really admire him.

 

but when he acts like this, it crushes me. similar things have happened before and he wouldn't even say anything until i brought it up like "so......that blonde chick that ran up and hugged you at the bar this evening. sorry, dont know her name because you turned your back on me and chatted with her for a few minutes..."

 

it's like he's a deer in the headlights and any girl that approaches us can do or say whatever they want to me or him and he'll just freeze up.

 

hurts me extra badly because my mom did this to me, let her boyfriends say mean things to me. my cousin who i was best friends with has done this to me as well. i am perfectly capable of speaking up for myself but when its someone interacting with the person you are there with and that person seems to completely have forgotten about you...it really hurts.

 

this happened to us once and i stood up for him. there was this guy that seemed interested in me and when me and my boyfriend came by him later, he said HI !! and hugged me and kind of shouldered my boyfriend out to talk to me. I said OH! YOu are the hugging type!! Don't forget my boyfriend!! And this guy had to hug him too! It was hilarious! I would never let anyone make him feel disrespected like that. after, he told me he was surprised that i said anything.

 

i suppose someone who would accept that treatment of themselves might not understand how that could make me upset when happening to me.

 

i feel like there's no point in talking with him further about this issue. we have hashed it out to death and to his credit, he HAS mde significant progress.

 

he is so confident and smart and outgoing in discussions with people we know but with acquaintances and strangers, they can do whatever they want to him or me, as far as he's concerned.

 

really bothers me. his family is this way as well.

[kookybunny]

Maybe keep talking to him like she isnt there.

This might work except I'm pretty sure he'd ignore me and then I'd look like even more of a chump. If someone else is interacting with him, my hair could be on fire and he wouldn't notice.

 

I told him this and he says that he ALWAYS is thinking about me. I just don't get it.

[Minka333]

Some women are just poor when it comes to boundaries/proper etiquette. And your bf must have been taken aback and caught on the spot. Hence, him freezing.

 

Just as long as he doesn't flirt back or cross the line, then you don't have to let these petty incidents affect you too much. Even if it's kinda' annoying, be the classy one by acting calm, cool and collected. Show them they ain't worth your time.

 

These girls already know you are the winner anyway. Let them salivate over what they can't have.

[Eddie Edirol]

 

hurts me extra badly because my mom did this to me, let her boyfriends say mean things to me. my cousin who i was best friends with has done this to me as well. i am perfectly capable of speaking up for myself but when its someone interacting with the person you are there with and that person seems to completely have forgotten about you...it really hurts.

 

his family is this way as well.

 

So either he WANTS to do this, or he grew up with it. Either way, you will have a hard time changing him. If he doesnt want to change you will just have to find other people to talk to when you get shut out. Butting into conversations that people dont want you in is pretty bad, but I cannot comprehend why he would shut you out like that, or what his reasoning is. Has he ever told you why he does that, why his family does it?

[CptObvious]

i love my boyfriend SO much. he is the most amazing man i've ever met. i really admire him.

 

There's your problem. He's top of the line product and every girl is going to want some of that.

[venusianx13]

Unfortunately, I've dealt with girls like this. They are territorial (even when they have no warrant to be so), and get a kick out of making other girls feel bad, because it makes them feel "superior". Everything is competition, in her mind. It's not attractive, and I doubt your boyfriend sees it as appealing, but the thing with these kinds of girls is that they emanate a very powerful false sense of power. I can honestly see why your boyfriend would get tongue-tied in the presence of a girl like this.

 

I had a friend like this once, and she actually introduced me and my ex. When he began showing interest in me, she behaved in just the same way that you describe this girl as behaving, and then I began to notice that she was like that with EVERYONE. It's a territory thing. It's like she's coming over, such as a dog would, and peeing on your boyfriend to mark him as "hers", even though she has not right to do so.

 

These kinds of people feed their egos with the fact that others take them seriously. Laugh about her behavior, shrug it off, and if you find yourself in her presence, make a silly remark... I guarantee you, she'll lose her momentum.

[kookybunny]

Unfortunately, I've dealt with girls like this. They are territorial (even when they have no warrant to be so), and get a kick out of making other girls feel bad, because it makes them feel "superior". Everything is competition, in her mind. It's not attractive, and I doubt your boyfriend sees it as appealing, but the thing with these kinds of girls is that they emanate a very powerful false sense of power. I can honestly see why your boyfriend would get tongue-tied in the presence of a girl like this.

 

I had a friend like this once, and she actually introduced me and my ex. When he began showing interest in me, she behaved in just the same way that you describe this girl as behaving, and then I began to notice that she was like that with EVERYONE. It's a territory thing. It's like she's coming over, such as a dog would, and peeing on your boyfriend to mark him as "hers", even though she has not right to do so.

 

These kinds of people feed their egos with the fact that others take them seriously. Laugh about her behavior, shrug it off, and if you find yourself in her presence, make a silly remark... I guarantee you, she'll lose her momentum.

 

Thanks for the insight! I feel like the best way to deal with her is to completely ignore it. The other day I thought about how I must look to her from her point of view. I am tall and model-esque, 5'll, very stylish and classy, she is older than me and maybe five feet tall, looks like a hippie. It's a little ridiculous.

 

I feel like her getting ANY reaction out of me will make her feel victorious. It really doesn't bug me that she's so pathetic, it's my boyfriend going along with it that bugs me. It makes him seem like such a pansy. If some guy kept doing this to me, I would just say loudly, why do you always hug me and ignore my boyfriend??? with a smile maybe, depending how annoying the person was.

 

And you are SO right about the territory thing.

 

The fact that she does it when I'm not there is interesting too.

[kae]

she`s jealous.

 

whatever you do show insecurity. when she hugs your man.. ask her if she had a bad day and would like a hug from you too.. tell her hugs are medicine for the soul.. treat her like an toddler..mother her..that`ll flip her out. lavish her with pity. keep it subtle. the way she`s doing it..

 

or just act like a sob. like ur better than her and even if she wanted to you wouldnt talk to her...shè beneath you, type thing. Sting her..make her want YOUR attention. hehewhoaHAHAHhahahah..

 

Note to SELF!!!

[kae]

DONT show insecurity**

snob*

[Sporty Girl]

Oh she knows that you both are a couple, and she is jealous of you, and trying to make you jealous. Sounds like she does have an attraction to you're boyfriend, and she problaby does this to every man she knows, well just about, maybe those ith their women, to feel like she is competing. She sounds like a witch to me. Next time you know what you do. You tell her, "Excuse me why do you flirt with my man right in front of me? "That's my man". See what she does next. Tell her "It is rude to ignore your presence, and that she is making you uncomfortable".

Edited October 7, 2012 by Sporty Girl

[darkmoon]

i knew a hugger, disgusting, i dropped her, pushy she was, i didn't like her or her fake-innocent machinations, tell her to get a man of her own, tell don't ask

Edited October 7, 2012 by darkmoon

[venusianx13]

Thanks for the insight! I feel like the best way to deal with her is to completely ignore it. The other day I thought about how I must look to her from her point of view. I am tall and model-esque, 5'll, very stylish and classy, she is older than me and maybe five feet tall, looks like a hippie. It's a little ridiculous.

 

I feel like her getting ANY reaction out of me will make her feel victorious. It really doesn't bug me that she's so pathetic, it's my boyfriend going along with it that bugs me. It makes him seem like such a pansy. If some guy kept doing this to me, I would just say loudly, why do you always hug me and ignore my boyfriend??? with a smile maybe, depending how annoying the person was.

 

And you are SO right about the territory thing.

 

The fact that she does it when I'm not there is interesting too.

 

 

You're right... she feeds off of your reaction, and if you don't react, she'll having nothing to fuel her fire. Your boyfriend is probably caught off guard by this girl. I knew a girl like this once, and she claimed territory to every guy she knew, INCLUDING the guy I was seeing at that time. Looking back, she KNEW how uncomfortable I was around her, and she liked it. I wish I hadn't given her so much power. She eventually faded out (of our lives).

 

In regards to your boyfriend, I am certain he finds himself between a rock and a hard place. He probably feels uncomfortable, too, but doesn't want to look like a jerk by telling her off in some way, shape or form. I think the only way is to have a heart-to-heart with him, tell him how this makes you feel, and come up with a plan as a team to handle encounters with her in the future. Make sure both of you are on the same page.

[sweetkiwi]

my guy is also shy and he would probably do the same thing. Except here in italy its kissing cheeks. At first it annoyed me but its a social norm. My problem not his. But me bitching isn't helping anything. Maybe he just needs some of your confidence. I'm the same as you, i don't let anyone disrespect people i care about. Just ignore this girl. Who knows why she's doing it. She obviously needs attention.

[lawlessloveless]

Hey kookybunny

 

I'd love to be immature and give you some advice like: condescend to her and make her feel small. She deserves that if she is acting maliciously (seems that way), but you should take another route. Ignore her.

I also think your idea about having your boyfriend introduce you to her is a good idea. She needs to know that he is unwavering in his feelings and commitment to you. Ask him even if he can just give her a cold one arm hug or just clutch onto your waist when she comes in for a hug.

 

don't let her get to you. Girls do this. Keep it cold and distant.