Els Posted October 7, 2012 Share Posted October 7, 2012 It isn't a matter of just going lighter or using less pressure. She can't handle ANY clit activity at all because "there's too much else going on." That's why it's odd to me. It's not like I can just ease up on the pressure, or I can just have her do it herself, and it's fine. Any clit activity at all is too intense for her. But once we stop having sex, then I can rub her clit or perform oral to orgasm and that's not really a problem. She just can't handle it during sex. Hrrrm. That seems like a fairly odd physiological quirk, but I'm just going to assume that she's being honest, since nothing points in the other direction. In that case, I have to ask... what exactly is the problem you have with this? Perhaps have oral and bring her to orgasm first, then do intercourse without clitoral stimulation? Is there a reason the two of you need her to be clitorally stimulated at the same time as intercourse is going on? Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted October 7, 2012 Share Posted October 7, 2012 We used to have Skype sex a lot, but she would use her vibrator on her clit and not in her vagina, so it didn't really help when it came to the sex-pain/soarness problem. Using a vibrator on a clit is pretty standard. Very few women who masturbate with a vibrator also use something (a dildo?) for insertion. Speaking for myself - and I masturbate a lot - I'll only use a dildo to enhance my masturbatorial experience once every thirty or forty times. It is just easier and faster to masturbate with simple clitoral stimulation. You also said you "used to have Skype sex a lot..." Has that stopped for some reason? Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted October 7, 2012 Share Posted October 7, 2012 I wonder OP whether she just wants to move in with you because she wants to get married and is prepared to say or do anything to achieve that. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted October 7, 2012 Share Posted October 7, 2012 I wonder OP whether she just wants to move in with you because she wants to get married and is prepared to say or do anything to achieve that. I didn't want to come out and say that, but this is what I was alluding to by indicating her pain might be psychosomatic. She may not have this conscious directive as Emilia spelled out, but we read here of a lot of women who are no longer sexual with their husbands and we read how they used to be sexual before the ring gets put on their finger. Link to post Share on other sites
MonsterMash Posted October 7, 2012 Share Posted October 7, 2012 , I'm inclined to trust her on that. Thats your first mistake. Hahaha Link to post Share on other sites
Author zsk5386 Posted October 8, 2012 Author Share Posted October 8, 2012 (edited) Is there a reason the two of you need her to be clitorally stimulated at the same time as intercourse is going on? This is honestly more my insecurity than anything she has said or done. If having sex only gets me off, I feel like it's one-sided, and maybe she's not enjoying it as much as she could be. But she has said numerous times that she really enjoys sex with me and hasn't really alluded otherwise. I wonder OP whether she just wants to move in with you because she wants to get married and is prepared to say or do anything to achieve that. She's not this kind of girl. Think of the most blunt and straightforward no-bull**** person you know; that's her. There's no doubt she wants to get married, but she's also not the kind of person to pretend there's a sexual attraction there when there isn't. Moreover, why would anyone want to marry someone they aren't attracted to? I have no money (I'm a student), haha. I've had a few chats with other girls I know that have said the complete opposite things that you guys are saying. When they go on long trips for work, or go for long periods without sex, they tighten up, and it often can be painful/uncomfortable during, and for a few days after, the first time they resume sex. They also say they regularly use lube during sex. They didn't think there was anything abnormal at all about our sex life. I think for now I'm just going to go on the theory that every lady is different and has different needs. It's great that you guys don't need lube for sex and that you can go for long periods without sex and feel fine the next time you have intercourse. In talking to other women, though, plenty of them appear to be the opposite and in very happy and stable long-term relationships. Moving in together is only a stepping stone towards marriage, and is by no means a guarantee. People move in all the time just to realize things aren't working how they hoped and breakup. I really don't think it'll hurt to give moving in a shot, and if things don't get better after she moves in, it'll warrant further discussion. So we'll see what happens. I thank you all for your comments. Edited October 8, 2012 by zsk5386 Link to post Share on other sites
Author zsk5386 Posted October 8, 2012 Author Share Posted October 8, 2012 (edited) Plus, she comes from a family with divorced parents, which really took a toll on her, and I know she's in no rush to emulate that situation. So I doubt she's putting aside her personal feelings just to get married/a ring. Edited October 8, 2012 by zsk5386 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 This is honestly more my insecurity than anything she has said or done. If having sex only gets me off, I feel like it's one-sided, and maybe she's not enjoying it as much as she could be. But she has said numerous times that she really enjoys sex with me and hasn't really alluded otherwise. Many women (studies differ as to HOW many, but they all agree that there are 'many') do not get off from intercourse alone, but instead get their orgasm from oral or toy-time before or after Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 Plus, she comes from a family with divorced parents, which really took a toll on her, and I know she's in no rush to emulate that situation. So I doubt she's putting aside her personal feelings just to get married/a ring. Now I believe what I said earlier even stronger. She comes from a family (same as me!) where she grew up without stability and she has no idea how long term, stable relationships work. She must crave stability, believe me I'm speaking from experience, she might also underestimate the importance of sex long term. What she saw with her parents is likely to have made her think it's smarter to pick a long term partner with your brain rather than your heart. I've seen this with divorce parents' kids: they don't necessarily believe in 'love forever' and can be quite pragmatic about it. Everything you say about her in your previous post is your regurgitating what she has told you so far and blindly taking at face value what she says rather than critically evaluating her and her behaviour. There is no point in asking other people's opinions if you are not prepared to look beyond what she says or does. When you are looking for a potential long term mate, you are supposed to be able to read between the lines and work out who the person is beyond the words. I think your girlfriend loves you and I think her overwhelming desire is to marry you because she wants to have the life she didn't have when she was growing up. You can go along with that and have an unsatisfying sex life or you can open up your eyes and see your relationship for what it is. Your choice, good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 I'm a bit late to the party here but, yes, I sometimes get pain from sex when my guy and I haven't seen each other in a while. I have very delicate and sensitive skin (everywhere) and, even when I'm well lubricated, I have been known to tear on occasion, especially if we are a little over enthusiastic the first time we get back together. Even my nipples have been rubbed raw (with soap in the shower!) after 'first time in a few months' sex. Sex would then be painful for a few days until I had healed - and it would take longer to heal the more sex we had. Over the years, we have learnt to be careful when we get together after a break - until I am used to the 'action' - then, it's generally all systems go for the time we're together. I don't know if this helps at all OP, as I don't think my experience is common, but at least you know it's 'possible' she is being genuine. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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