NotInProvence Posted October 4, 2012 Share Posted October 4, 2012 Hello! I hope it's okay for me to ask this here; if not, let me know. I come in peace and bring cookies! For those of you who don't know me from the Infidelity boards, I recently left my cheating fiancé. I will spare you the details, but I do have a question that I hope someone here can help me answer. I have known about the affair for some time now, but after my ex told OW that he was planning to marry me as soon as I had my upcoming surgery she really started making her presence...more of an issue I guess? (I recognize that this isn't my place to vent so I am trying to be respectful.) I could understand that, I guess; she probably felt threatened. However...here is the part I don't understand: After their relationship was totally out in the open, THEN she started telling me really outrageous lies. I don't mean, "trying to hide anything" lies, I mean really out-there. For example, she said he defecated in her bed. She accused him of incest with his mother, and said some other things about both him and his mom that could be grounds for a lawsuit. I guess my question is...why would the lies start after there was no more need to hide anything? Furthermore, why would they be so outlandish and damaging? Can anyone help me understand this? TIA. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladydrib Posted October 4, 2012 Share Posted October 4, 2012 Hello! I hope it's okay for me to ask this here; if not, let me know. I come in peace and bring cookies! For those of you who don't know me from the Infidelity boards, I recently left my cheating fiancé. I will spare you the details, but I do have a question that I hope someone here can help me answer. I have known about the affair for some time now, but after my ex told OW that he was planning to marry me as soon as I had my upcoming surgery she really started making her presence...more of an issue I guess? (I recognize that this isn't my place to vent so I am trying to be respectful.) I could understand that, I guess; she probably felt threatened. However...here is the part I don't understand: After their relationship was totally out in the open, THEN she started telling me really outrageous lies. I don't mean, "trying to hide anything" lies, I mean really out-there. For example, she said he defecated in her bed. She accused him of incest with his mother, and said some other things about both him and his mom that could be grounds for a lawsuit. I guess my question is...why would the lies start after there was no more need to hide anything? Furthermore, why would they be so outlandish and damaging? Can anyone help me understand this? TIA. Because she's crazy perhaps? I'd get out of that mess if I were you. You're not even married yet. Don't put up with this unacceptable behavior. I hope you do leave him. I'm concerned that you did not the second you found out he was cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NotInProvence Posted October 4, 2012 Author Share Posted October 4, 2012 Looking back, so am I. Staying in that mess isn't like me. I have moved out on my own, so...he made his choices, and I made mine. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted October 4, 2012 Share Posted October 4, 2012 Hello! I hope it's okay for me to ask this here; if not, let me know. I come in peace and bring cookies! For those of you who don't know me from the Infidelity boards, I recently left my cheating fiancé. I will spare you the details, but I do have a question that I hope someone here can help me answer. I have known about the affair for some time now, but after my ex told OW that he was planning to marry me as soon as I had my upcoming surgery she really started making her presence...more of an issue I guess? (I recognize that this isn't my place to vent so I am trying to be respectful.) I could understand that, I guess; she probably felt threatened. However...here is the part I don't understand: After their relationship was totally out in the open, THEN she started telling me really outrageous lies. I don't mean, "trying to hide anything" lies, I mean really out-there. For example, she said he defecated in her bed. She accused him of incest with his mother, and said some other things about both him and his mom that could be grounds for a lawsuit. I guess my question is...why would the lies start after there was no more need to hide anything? Furthermore, why would they be so outlandish and damaging? Can anyone help me understand this? TIA. Are they still together??? Anyway, she sounds a bit nuts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NotInProvence Posted October 4, 2012 Author Share Posted October 4, 2012 No idea.... And yeah, I agree. She is convinced her roommate is a spy who is investigating her. Um, he happens to be a researcher at my daughter's school. *facepalm* Link to post Share on other sites
veryhappy Posted October 4, 2012 Share Posted October 4, 2012 I have questioned my sanity for a while after the A ended so it is a crazy making situation, but this woman sounds like she has problems. Problems that were probably worsened by the stress of the A, but she seems off to begin with. There's not much to understand about crazy people. Logic won't work. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted October 4, 2012 Share Posted October 4, 2012 This issue is known as SEP. Someone Else's Problem. namely, your ex's. Good luck to him! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted October 4, 2012 Share Posted October 4, 2012 This issue is known as SEP. Someone Else's Problem. namely, your ex's. Good luck to him! LMAO! So true. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted October 4, 2012 Share Posted October 4, 2012 This issue is known as SEP. Someone Else's Problem. namely, your ex's. Good luck to him! Gotta say she hit the nail on the head. Don't try to make sense out of the insensible...logic out of the illogical. Just remove it from your life and drive on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NotInProvence Posted October 4, 2012 Author Share Posted October 4, 2012 Cutedragon, I agree. She claims to have been kidnapped and tortured as a child, and she does have a lot of scars. If true, it would explain a lot; however, her stories are so far out in left field there is no way to tell. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NotInProvence Posted October 4, 2012 Author Share Posted October 4, 2012 TaraMaiden, I like that. I really do. May I adopt it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author NotInProvence Posted October 4, 2012 Author Share Posted October 4, 2012 LFH, I can promise you the incest thing is entirely in her head. My ex won't allow a negative thing said about his mother, and sings her praises even when they argue. The odds of him discrediting her like that are...yeah. I agree with you that she has something very badly wrong inside. I am not in the least afraid to call the cops or make it a legal matter if she tries anything. And thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Author NotInProvence Posted October 4, 2012 Author Share Posted October 4, 2012 Sound advice as always, Owl. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted October 4, 2012 Share Posted October 4, 2012 Go ahead! it's a good one, and a fine point to remember, under many different circumstances! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 4, 2012 Share Posted October 4, 2012 No idea.... And yeah, I agree. She is convinced her roommate is a spy who is investigating her. Um, he happens to be a researcher at my daughter's school. *facepalm* Sounds more like she has a mental illness, possibly schizophrenia. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NotInProvence Posted October 4, 2012 Author Share Posted October 4, 2012 I would not rule it out, now that you mention. In fact, I should have thought of it before. I have an honorary aunt who is schizophrenic, and when her meds go off-kilter it gets rocky. If it weren't for the other stories, the spy story would make me write off OW as wanting to be special/important. The more I think about it though, the pieces together paint a very different picture. Sounds like my ex has his hands full. Oh darn. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted October 4, 2012 Share Posted October 4, 2012 Hello! I hope it's okay for me to ask this here; if not, let me know. I come in peace and bring cookies! For those of you who don't know me from the Infidelity boards, I recently left my cheating fiancé. I will spare you the details, but I do have a question that I hope someone here can help me answer. I have known about the affair for some time now, but after my ex told OW that he was planning to marry me as soon as I had my upcoming surgery she really started making her presence...more of an issue I guess? (I recognize that this isn't my place to vent so I am trying to be respectful.) I could understand that, I guess; she probably felt threatened. However...here is the part I don't understand: After their relationship was totally out in the open, THEN she started telling me really outrageous lies. I don't mean, "trying to hide anything" lies, I mean really out-there. For example, she said he defecated in her bed. She accused him of incest with his mother, and said some other things about both him and his mom that could be grounds for a lawsuit. I guess my question is...why would the lies start after there was no more need to hide anything? Furthermore, why would they be so outlandish and damaging? Can anyone help me understand this? TIA. ok I come for the cookies i am on a diet and a cookie seems delish at the moment.....starvin marvin...pass the cookie....just give me the whole jar now.....smilin..... ok i think bitterness is in play jealousy maybe i dont know....pretty severe accusations she is most likely trying to turn tables.if there is a lawsuit possible stay away from her......you have stated that these lies are damaging they are....to you ...they make you question adn feel insecure...stay away from her dotn listen to her and let the people she is dishing out defamation of character too, take care of it...you concentrate on what you need to do....and not on her.....i send you hope for a speedy resolution to the damages that could and can be done........ooops ate all the cookies....sorreeeee....slinks off with a trail of crumbs behind....deb Link to post Share on other sites
Author NotInProvence Posted October 4, 2012 Author Share Posted October 4, 2012 No problem bout the cookies, making more. Thank you. Someone on the Infidelity boards observed she seemed to be aiming for my position in his life. Lying about his mom is an odd way to go about it, but hey.... I will take your advice and stay FAR way though! Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted October 4, 2012 Share Posted October 4, 2012 I would not rule it out, now that you mention. In fact, I should have thought of it before. I have an honorary aunt who is schizophrenic, and when her meds go off-kilter it gets rocky. If it weren't for the other stories, the spy story would make me write off OW as wanting to be special/important. The more I think about it though, the pieces together paint a very different picture. Sounds like my ex has his hands full. Oh darn. paranoia is not often wanting to be special or important but a scary place to be where you think people are against you.......i have schizo affective disorder....i have periods of paranoia where i think people are hiding things from me or playing games with me....the reality is.....they have......a lot of people who have done this like my cheating ex who had a long affair would use my illness against me to say i was ****ed up....i was NUTS.. stupid retarded useless hopeless......the truth was i wasnt yes he was having an affair and yes we split......dont assume anything....especially take schizophrenia lightly....make jokes about it.....i find it offensive actually and that isnt a lie its me being honest.... this thread is turning that track so i give your cookies back and wish you well...its not funny for someone to have to deal with someone who is mentally ill........nor is it right when dealing with mental illness people assume that schizophrenics cant tell the truth.or assume if they tell lies yep they are schizophrenic because they lie....not all mentally ill people lie.....i hope you really dont feel good about this situation...by writing OH DARN.......thats a bit mean....leaving now.....good luck to you and yours.....deb( schizo affective disorder 101 not on medication better watch it might turn feral......) Link to post Share on other sites
Author NotInProvence Posted October 5, 2012 Author Share Posted October 5, 2012 I am sorry. I was trying not to offend and still did. I realize now how that sounded, and yikes...I didn't mean to seem so flippant and cruel. Again, I am truly sorry. I think it would be best if I go. Link to post Share on other sites
waytogo Posted October 6, 2012 Share Posted October 6, 2012 Hello! I hope it's okay for me to ask this here; if not, let me know. I come in peace and bring cookies! For those of you who don't know me from the Infidelity boards, I recently left my cheating fiancé. I will spare you the details, but I do have a question that I hope someone here can help me answer. I have known about the affair for some time now, but after my ex told OW that he was planning to marry me as soon as I had my upcoming surgery she really started making her presence...more of an issue I guess? (I recognize that this isn't my place to vent so I am trying to be respectful.) I could understand that, I guess; she probably felt threatened. However...here is the part I don't understand: After their relationship was totally out in the open, THEN she started telling me really outrageous lies. I don't mean, "trying to hide anything" lies, I mean really out-there. For example, she said he defecated in her bed. She accused him of incest with his mother, and said some other things about both him and his mom that could be grounds for a lawsuit. I guess my question is...why would the lies start after there was no more need to hide anything? Furthermore, why would they be so outlandish and damaging? Can anyone help me understand this? TIA. Darling, he picked that nut job, not you. You've opted to rid him of your life , which I think a good decision. Who knows what he said about you, or himself and his mother. It's only a potential lawsuit if PROVEN malicious and he never told her any such thing. Hard to prove when 2 liars are involved. Easier said than done, I know...try to put them both out of your mind and leave room in your life for someone who is worth your future. If it helps, picture him dedicating in any bed. You want next to that Link to post Share on other sites
SecretFlower Posted October 7, 2012 Share Posted October 7, 2012 I'm going to have to repeat what the other's have said. It all seems a bit out there. I'd change my number if I were you. I'm assuming that's how she has contacted you? Link to post Share on other sites
utterer of lies Posted October 7, 2012 Share Posted October 7, 2012 Go ahead! it's a good one, and a fine point to remember, under many different circumstances! Related link: Wikipedia Link to post Share on other sites
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