Cman219 Posted October 4, 2012 Share Posted October 4, 2012 (edited) Hi everyone, first time poster here. Not sure if i'm posting in the right area but i come to you all today for some advice about a tricky situation i got into with a friend of mine. I'll try to keep it concise but not leave out important details. A little history about myself... i'm a mid 20's asian male born and raised in NYC. I was born a shy and introverted boy who's come a very long way. I'm still pretty new to the dating scene but i'd say im in the "almost there" zone. So here is my current dilemma: A couple years ago i graduated college and i joined a team rowing sport that involves a lot of traveling and mingling and met a nice asian girl that's my age. She was 4 years into a serious relationship at the time (Its her first bf, and i've never been in a relationship before). We got to know each over the first few months and long story short we fell for each other. At first she started flirting with me so i just went along with it. After some time i finally admitted to her that i liked her and she admitted to liking me too, but it ended with her staying with her bf because she is loyal like that and we never really had any closure since at the time i was too new to the dating scene and was still sorta shy about that stuff. We stayed good friends. Two years have passed since then, i've gotten much better at my game and have gone on quite a few dates but no cigar yet. Now here's the kicker, she broke up with her bf about 3 months ago because he cheated on her. It broke her to pieces to say the least, but because she has great friends (including myself) she recovered very quickly, although she's still having to get over some things. Now here's where it gets bad, for a couple months i found myself getting close to her and liking her again. I finally told her how i felt these past years and she was touched to point where she wanted to give me a second chance but just not right now since she's still recovering and wanted to focus on getting her career started. But it got messy when we went on a trip together because she gave me the cold shoulder and i got extremely jealous about her being really close (touching and all) to another guy friend of ours. She apologized about being insensitive to my feelings but told me bluntly right then and there that she felt there wasn't chemistry between us anymore and that she isn't giving me a second chance anymore. Because i was so pent up with emotion (i was holding it in the entire trip trying to keep my composure) i overreacted and became very emotional and pretty much begged for her to be with me. When we returned home i asked her why she felt it wasn't going to work, and it was because she felt our conversations weren't natural since we're both the quiet type, and that i have terrible body language. She wasn't 100% comfortable around me basically. Since then we've tried to remain friends. My dilemma now... is that i still do kinda like her and it would still hurt me a lot to see her with another guy. I know i must move on for now, but part of me still wishes it worked or will work out. I'm kinda curious to know how i should be treating her now. I feel if i give her the cold shoulder we'll just end up parting ways and live our own lives because she doesn't really need my attention, she has enough from other guys. Another part of me thinks if i keep giving her attention now it would be as if i have no self-respect. So now i am confused... Edit: Just an FYI, she pretty much hangs out with just me and the other guy friend at the moment. She also has some old college friends she hangs out with but thats only once in a while. The thing is, i notice a lot of guys starting to chat her up because they know she is single now. Edited October 4, 2012 by Cman219 Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 You either need to suck it up and deal with the fact that your crush is unrequited, or you need to stop talking to her. You have no right to be cold or mean to her..she didn't do anything wrong. She was honest with you, as you asked her to be. She has every right to date other men, and if you're going to be friends with her then you're going to have to see it and not say anything about it. It's up to you whether you can deal with it or not. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Daniel V. Ross Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 It is such a complicated situation. Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 It is such a complicated situation. Actually it's pretty simple. Boy likes girl, girl doesn't like boy. Boy is unhappy. Link to post Share on other sites
River Rain Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 Actually it's pretty simple. Boy likes girl, girl doesn't like boy. Boy is unhappy. Boy should move on and find happy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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