3 year LDR in different continents

[JackD4niels]

Forgive me for asking a question that has probably been asked a million times before, but I need your advice on something.

 

I met my girlfriend about 7 months ago. Completely an example of a 'love-at-first-sight' scenario. Started a relationship three weeks later and I have never been in love this much. The problem is that we are both at the beginning of our career, both having amazing job offers (world's top firms in our industry), but one of us holds an offer in Europe and the other one in the US. Both will sign a contract for three years, involving 80-hour workweeks.

 

For any of you who went through something similar (3 years apart), how did you manage to keep up with it? We can probably fly back and forth once in 6 - 8 weeks and both have a weekend off, but it will not get much better than that. Money is not an issue obviously.

 

Is chasing this realistic? Right now it feels like I can easily put up with it, but 3 years is a very long time.

 

Any advice would be appreciated!

[justwhoiam]

80 working hours a week per 3 years? Is it even legal?

[january2011]

At the moment, I'm heading for the two-year mark. However, I'm at a different life stage than you and have different goals at the moment. I also met my SO online and we've met every few months. That is, we didn't start out in a relationship that became LD. It has always been LD.

 

I'm not sure I could hit three years. After the one-year mark, it has been tough for both of us. I think that we've only just about managed it so far by keeping in regular contact, nearly every day. If your schedules won't allow that but you both need it, then an emotional distance will grow between you. Added to the fact that you're both transitioning, will be making new friends and have lots of exciting things happen to you that you won't be able share in person, it can put a lot of pressure on an LDR that started out without the LD.

 

You can see if you can do the LD and keep reviewing the situation - after all, you won't know until you try. However, you do need to maintain the lines of communication and be aware of the insecurity that can creep into relationship when you're are so far apart. Be honest with each other and yourselves. Continue to make plans to see each other regularly and share your lives as much as possible.

[HeavenOrHell]

I've been in an LDR with someone in another country for 2 1/2 years, we have no end in sight, we did, but we don't now, so to me to have an end date in 3 years is great, as it's better than not having an end date, possibly ever.

 

But we have always been LD, you have the added hardship of being with her for 7 months beforehand, whereas I've only ever seen my partner every other month, sometimes longer.

 

It's all relative, so what one couple can handle another might not be able to.

 

We all have different circumstances which affect things in different ways.

 

My partner is very busy with work and very stressed from it, and tired when he gets home, and that's only working about 40 hours a week, not sure we'd survive if he was working 80 hours a week and pretty sure we wouldn't if I was too, I don't think there would be enough time or energy to devote to the relationship.

 

You will have to somehow make time for the r/ship, I'm not sure many LDR's would survive the r/ship being given a back seat for 3 years.

 

Will you have enough time and energy to nurture it? LDR's need a lot of nurturing and effort to keep them going.

 

Even with a 40 hour week my partner is tired/stressed and doesn't always have the energy to give much to us, we did split up briefly because of it earlier this year and afterwards it's improved, and he apologised for making work his priority, but his workload has increased and so has the stress, I hope we will survive it, I've no idea.

 

No matter how tired he is though we do talk every day and feel close to one another.

 

If you think you can both put the effort in to make it work then all you can do it see how it goes, bit by bit.

 

Good luck

 

 

 

Forgive me for asking a question that has probably been asked a million times before, but I need your advice on something.

 

I met my girlfriend about 7 months ago. Completely an example of a 'love-at-first-sight' scenario. Started a relationship three weeks later and I have never been in love this much. The problem is that we are both at the beginning of our career, both having amazing job offers (world's top firms in our industry), but one of us holds an offer in Europe and the other one in the US. Both will sign a contract for three years, involving 80-hour workweeks.

 

For any of you who went through something similar (3 years apart), how did you manage to keep up with it? We can probably fly back and forth once in 6 - 8 weeks and both have a weekend off, but it will not get much better than that. Money is not an issue obviously.

 

Is chasing this realistic? Right now it feels like I can easily put up with it, but 3 years is a very long time.

 

Any advice would be appreciated!

[JackD4niels]

Thanks - I really appreciate the advice.

 

There are a lot of communication devices that at least gives you the opportunity to stay in touch. Given I could see my SO about once in 6 - 8 weeks, we might be able to pull it off.

 

The positive factor of an 80-hour week for a relationship is that you will barely have time to develop a strong relationship with someone else - given you're working almost all the time ;-)