EmptyinNV Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 I've been trying to save my marriage, with each passing day its becoming clearer and clearer that it won't work. He's asking me to sit down and do paperwork with him over the weekend so he can file it on Tuesday. I've told him that I'm NOT ready to agree to divorce, and he just tells me he needs it. He isn't giving me much of a chance to get my medical affairs in order He asked me for a divorce on September 14,2012 and I hate this state, there is no "cool down" period, there is no time in-between filing and getting divorced. It takes less than 2 weeks in this state. He won't listen/understand what I'm telling him. I'm fully prepared to contest this divorce, but he doesn't want it to go to that point, he wants me to agree to the divorce so he can "know he's out of this marriage." Link to post Share on other sites
riverratt Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 Sorry to hear it... If he doesn't want you save your soul for some one who does....I know it hurts but if it is meant to be it will someday be. Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 Don't you think fighting the divorce is only going to make him resent you more? What do you think will happen, you make divorce difficult so he'll decide to love you again? Link to post Share on other sites
veryhappy Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 Are you absolutely sure there's no other woman involved? I think the only way to get him back is give him what he wants. If he's done and you're keeping him, he'll just resent you. Nothing stops him to come back even if you divorce. What is the book you were reading saying you should do? Link to post Share on other sites
Real2Real Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 I am sorry to hear that you are going through. In your post there is no information about background, but from what you write is best way to let go. And maybe it will turn cards to your favor. Other side is not interested in your arguments for now and maybe never and you are now between freedom and jail... Stay calm. SPA helps! Link to post Share on other sites
CarboniteCammy Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 I'm sorry for you. I also would just release him. You deserve someone who is going to love you and cherish you. I've asked my husband for a separation, but he won't grant me one unless he gets full custody of our son. Forcing someone to stay with you is not the way to earn their love. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 Definitely give him his divorce. Making him stay married to you is not going to make him love you. You deserve love. I wouldn't be surprised if there was another woman waiting somewhere in the wings for him. That's okay because you will be happy again. Trust in yourself as you are stronger than you think. Fight for happiness not someone who doesn't want you anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Steadfast Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 (edited) I don't think the OP is suggesting or hoping she can make him stay or love her by resisting divorce people. She's being pressed. Nothing is keeping him there, except his possessions. Divorce or no divorce, he's free to take them and get the hell out. And while it is true that you're holding on OP, you're holding onto air. No matter what, don't allow him to dictate anything regarding divorce or separation of property alone. Your head is not in this right now so don't sign or agree to anything! If he's so anxious to get it done, tell him to leave and badger someone else about it. He's rushing. There's a reason. I do encourage you to settle out of court. It's way cheaper. If you know the percentages and can agree to a division of property, a paralegal will write and file the document for less than 25% what a lawyer would charge. Stand your ground. Tell him he's free but you're not signing or agreeing to anything until you've ready to devote some time and energy to it. If he doesn't like it, tell him to blow it out his ear-hole. Join the party. Edited October 5, 2012 by Steadfast 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AllieKat Posted October 7, 2012 Share Posted October 7, 2012 I havent got a clue how things in NV work dont lethim force you into to anything. If you arent ready he should be decent enough to respect you as his wife and give you a little time. Seems like hes selfish. Im not trying to give you hope or anything but dont do anything your not ready to until you have to. Also I wouldnt be nice and sweet anymore. Are you in same house? If not I'd not be taking his calls or seeing him. Give him a dose of being treated bad see how he likes it! Link to post Share on other sites
Cb3657 Posted October 7, 2012 Share Posted October 7, 2012 Agree with alliek and steadfast, the love and chance of reconciliation may be gone but marriage is at heart a contract, forcing someone out of a contract through pressure is, at best, unethical. Don't sign untill your ready. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted October 7, 2012 Share Posted October 7, 2012 find a new circle of people on meet-up see what happens, treading water as you are is causing you pain 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author EmptyinNV Posted October 10, 2012 Author Share Posted October 10, 2012 I'm not holding on to ANYTHING. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around this divorce. He filed for it Friday, we got the paperwork today. I'm not signing a thing until I am ready. I reminded him that he is free to move out. He'll get his divorce, when his wife is ready. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EmptyinNV Posted October 10, 2012 Author Share Posted October 10, 2012 We still live together, and will continue to live together after the divorce. There isn't another woman, if there was he'd be moved out with her or always with her. He's always home, weekends included. Link to post Share on other sites
AllieKat Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 Empty- im so sorry! I was hoping he wouldnt file! Just take care of you and only do what feels right for you Allie Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 Is it possible that you don't understand what divorce is in legal terms? It is shutting down a business. It's about allocating assets and debt to each party. How you gain by refusing to sign escapes me. Your easiest way to delay would be hiring an experienced attorney. Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 She's abundantly clear about not agreeing to divorce. Her reality is that ONE party files and the process begins. Her only options regard property. I suppose one party, her in this case, can force litigation of property, thus delaying the process. In most states a divorce can actually be granted prior to property settlement litigation. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 OP, since you mentioned 'medical affairs', I suggest filing an answer with the court within the 20 day period so you preserve your rights and options regarding negotiation and settlement. Otherwise, he could file for default and request a summary judgment on the original petition, which might work against your goals/needs. Check with your local court's self-help center for procedural information, presuming you wish to proceed without an attorney. If the medical affairs are substantial, and/or if you have children, I'd recommend against self-help and for hiring a competent attorney. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 His emergency is not her emergency. Never good to sign anything or make important decisions under emotional stress. That is why we have due process. Duh. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kaylan Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 I'm not holding on to ANYTHING. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around this divorce. He filed for it Friday, we got the paperwork today. I'm not signing a thing until I am ready. I reminded him that he is free to move out. He'll get his divorce, when his wife is ready. The bold is petty in my opinion. There is no marriage when one person wants it, therefore you should not force him to remain married when he doesnt want to. Simply sign and get it over with. Im sure plenty of people have heard stories of divorces being long, drawn out, annoying little buggers. Seems like you are starting down that path. You are ok with him moving out and taking all of his things right? So he can be divorced personally, but not contractually? You are obviously trying to maintain some sort of hold over him. Just let him go. Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 Your boring me now. Now maybe help her in a way she`d really want you to? jeeez...men!!! "Your easiest way to delay would be hiring an experienced attorney." Link to post Share on other sites
Author EmptyinNV Posted October 11, 2012 Author Share Posted October 11, 2012 Hiring an attorney would make this a contested divorce, something he wants to avoid. But I told him he can go ahead and pay more money to do this a different way. I remind him in our paperwork it says " You are entering this voluntarily and willingly" which I am NOT. I feel forced into this, rushed into this and not ready to agree to divorce. I just wish I could understand WHY there is such a rush on it. He isn't moving out, and neither am I. This is my home, he's the one that wants out of our marriage, he can move out of our home. I'm mad that he has 0 regard for me in this. Yet still wants sex (which he isn't getting from me) and to sleep in our bedroom with me (which I have only let him once, and was up and outta there long before the sun was up) He doesn't want me to move out, he wants us to live under the same roof as roommates. He wants to provide for me financially until I'm ready to move out with no time restraints. While I feel very powerless, I know that I am not. I have the one thing he so deeply desires, and that's my signature. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EmptyinNV Posted October 11, 2012 Author Share Posted October 11, 2012 Why should I have to throw away everything I have ever known in 4 weeks? He's apparently had plenty of time to prepare for this divorce and is demanding I be just as ready in 4 weeks? I'm not trying to keep him, he's completely free to go. However, I deserve more explanation and time. I'd LOVE to go before a judge, his idea of uncontested is me just running out with him to the nearest notary, raise my right hand and swear I'm over it to make him happy? Link to post Share on other sites
Author EmptyinNV Posted October 11, 2012 Author Share Posted October 11, 2012 His emergency is not her emergency. Never good to sign anything or make important decisions under emotional stress. That is why we have due process. Duh. I am under complete emotional duress. I'm not thinking clearly or for the long term. Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted October 11, 2012 Share Posted October 11, 2012 I am under complete emotional duress. I'm not thinking clearly or for the long term. Ditto what I said before. Get into to see the doctor. Pull yourself together. You have to. No more pity party - it's been three weeks. Tell him to leave (because he is what's is causing you the stress). Go to doctor, get it on record you are under emotional detress (with him on the pemises) go to an attorney, beat him to it, file, and have him removed. You can pull this off in one day - In that order. Just because you file does not mean you have to go thru with it. But if he wants it, you have no choice. So put yourself in the driver's seat, and file first - it will give you a certain atvantage. Just get him out of there so you can think straight. Perhaps Rob already instructed you to pack his bag for him, and gather his stuff in the garage. He wants a divorce - create the crisis for him. I'm telling you, this is your best choice. You don't need him there. Take him by surprise - and you may get him out. Scream like a crazy wench too, and get him all confused on his way out the door. Yas Link to post Share on other sites
Author EmptyinNV Posted October 11, 2012 Author Share Posted October 11, 2012 Ha, it takes almost a month to get into my doctor. He can't afford to move out. And he's already started it, but it's a uncontested divorce, we have the papers here, just need to go to a notary sign them and mail them back. Link to post Share on other sites
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