what to do?

[lynnzz]

Maybe someone can advise me, or maybe just getting this out will help.I have been in a de-facto relationship for 13 years.I have 4 children from a previous marriage who live with us.I moved 3000 kms away from my family with my partner when he changed jobs.He works night shift and alwasys has, he will not consider day shift. I study full time and therefore we do not see each other during week days.

 

We have a few issues but the main one for me is that we bought a house that is in his name , he pays the mortgage and we share the other bills. He keeps calling it his house and wants to make all the rules about what we are allowed to do in it. When things do not go his way he loses his temper and tells me to get out of his house and take my children with me. He will not speak to me for one or two weeks following this. He will also go out during this time saying he has every right to as we are finished.i usually cry a lot and ask to work things out, i always make the first move. This time i have not cried or tried to touch him or begged to make up and i feel terrible. I cannott sleep or do assignments and my heart is heavy. I feel that this time he means it.

 

Previous to moving interstate he used to leave for a week every now and again, i even moved myself and children out of what was our home for a week as he felt he needed time to work himself out.

 

He shouts at me a lot and if he has a problem with anyone or anything in the home he calls out to me to deal with it immediately. I cannott believe that i still really love this guy, he feels like my soul mate, but this is wearing me down. I feel like i am treading on eggshells constantly and always doing things that prevent him from getting upset even if it goes against my wishes.I feel that he is often sel centered in all his decisions. He gets angry only when wrongs affect him.

 

Am i fighting a losing battle? I have the feeling that people will say to leave him as my family and freinds do constantly. Is there anything i can do as i feel that if i make the first move again this will be a constant cycle for the rest of my life.

 

I hate fighting and cannot see the need for it, i will usually walk away and tell him that i will talk to him when he calms down but this makes him angrier, what do i do?

[Deejette]

He sounds controlling and you are enabling him to be the big boss by trying to appease him. This is not love. It is based on fear. He does not show respect, kindness, or real caring about you.

 

It's about him, his house, his temper, his job, him, him, him. Is he so fabulous that you have to sacrifice your happiness for him? What is he doing that is so great to justify your putting up with emotional abuse?

 

Do you want an award as a saint instead of a mutually loving and giving relationship with a man that knows how to express love and tenderness?

Maybe someone can advise me, or maybe just getting this out will help.I have been in a de-facto relationship for 13 years.I have 4 children from a previous marriage who live with us.I moved 3000 kms away from my family with my partner when he changed jobs.He works night shift and alwasys has, he will not consider day shift. I study full time and therefore we do not see each other during week days. We have a few issues but the main one for me is that we bought a house that is in his name , he pays the mortgage and we share the other bills. He keeps calling it his house and wants to make all the rules about what we are allowed to do in it. When things do not go his way he loses his temper and tells me to get out of his house and take my children with me. He will not speak to me for one or two weeks following this. He will also go out during this time saying he has every right to as we are finished.i usually cry a lot and ask to work things out, i always make the first move. This time i have not cried or tried to touch him or begged to make up and i feel terrible. I cannott sleep or do assignments and my heart is heavy. I feel that this time he means it. Previous to moving interstate he used to leave for a week every now and again, i even moved myself and children out of what was our home for a week as he felt he needed time to work himself out. He shouts at me a lot and if he has a problem with anyone or anything in the home he calls out to me to deal with it immediately. I cannott believe that i still really love this guy, he feels like my soul mate, but this is wearing me down. I feel like i am treading on eggshells constantly and always doing things that prevent him from getting upset even if it goes against my wishes.I feel that he is often sel centered in all his decisions. He gets angry only when wrongs affect him. Am i fighting a losing battle? I have the feeling that people will say to leave him as my family and freinds do constantly. Is there anything i can do as i feel that if i make the first move again this will be a constant cycle for the rest of my life. I hate fighting and cannot see the need for it, i will usually walk away and tell him that i will talk to him when he calms down but this makes him angrier, what do i do?