Holier than thou BITCH aka my mother

[ShyOne82]

For someone who calls themselves a christian, my mother, is the most evil woman I've ever come across. Granted, christians are not perfect, but when she tries to act like she is holier than thou I want to slit my wrists.

 

She disrespects me evry chance she gets, in front of people, talks about me to my daughter and laughs. Sometimes I wonder if she wants me to physically hurt her because she provokes me to the point where my blood is boiling over and I am ready to kill somebody-- just so she can tell everyone how disrespectful I am.

 

No one ever attempts to put her in her place. I am the only one that speaks my mind when I feel she has belittled me long enough. She's helping me out with my daughter as I just moved back in town so I guess she thinks she can treat me like garbage for the time being.

 

She has brought my spirit six feet under. I feel worthless. When I am out and about quite often people tell me how beautiful I am, how kind I am, easy to get along with, etc..but my own mother talks about every inch of me. I have ZERO confidence because of this bitch and yes it is HER fault because she raised me. I dont have enough strength right now to say **** the world I love myself because all the negativity doesnt come from the world.. it comes from my OWN MOTHER, who has given me life and now treats me as if she wants me dead. I am truly at the end of my rope.

 

I remember a time when family were encouraging and there for one another.. Now its friends and strangers who treat you better than ur family.

 

Sigh.. I pray things get better for our relationship.. although I am not too optimistic. She is a wicked bitch.

[River Rain]

Strangers I've met on online forums have always treated me with more respect and compassion than any member of my ex-family and any of my friends from the past. My mother was evil as well, and when I disowned the family, my life suddenly got better and I felt relief, freedom and joy. Just because you're related by name and blood, doesn't mean you need to put up with the cr*p.

[ShyOne82]

Strangers I've met on online forums have always treated me with more respect and compassion than any member of my ex-family and any of my friends from the past. My mother was evil as well, and when I disowned the family, my life suddenly got better and I felt relief, freedom and joy. Just because you're related by name and blood, doesn't mean you need to put up with the cr*p.

 

And u know what, thanks for ur reply because I do believe I will have peace when I completely separate myself from my mother and her whole side of family. They all disgust me. Its the only way. She will never change.

[River Rain]

I know it's radical to some, but it was the only way I could heal. I even went so far as legally changing my first and last names too. It took me until age 35 to realize that the toxicity of that family was ruining my self-esteem and confidence over and over. It's been the best decision I've ever made and I will never regret it. It's hard at first because even though you have good reason to despise them, you still mourn whatever good times you had as a family. But after time, anger and hurt passes, it's refreshing.

 

Funny....I just got dumped last weekend, and after re-reading what I just wrote to you about mourning the ex-family, it sounds a lot like a breakup...

[Eve]

Sounds to me like your mother is treating you like you are a belligerant child.

 

Are you?

 

Your relationship should be more balanced than this! Sounds to me like something has happened previously and your mother has no confidence in you because of this.

 

I hope that you can both put down your defences and sort this out.

 

Life is too short.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[El Brujo]

Sigh.. I pray things get better for our relationship.. although I am not too optimistic. She is a wicked bitch.

 

I felt the same about my grandmother. She was always selfish and spoiled, and she had the mentality of a 7-yo girl. She thought old age was supposed to be a sort of VIP red carpet treatment... then when it didn't meet her expectations, she acted as rotten as can be.

 

No biggie... she's someplace where it's good and HOT. >:-D

 

I know it's radical to some, but it was the only way I could heal. I even went so far as legally changing my first and last names too. It took me until age 35 to realize that the toxicity of that family was ruining my self-esteem and confidence over and over.

 

What is this fetish that mothers have about names????? I want to legally change my name because to me it sounds like fingernails on a blackboard... I didn't hate my mother. In fact, my mother and I never hated each other... I just think she was horrible at picking names.

[ShyOne82]

Sounds to me like your mother is treating you like you are a belligerant child.

Are you?

 

Your relationship should be more balanced than this! Sounds to me like something has happened previously and your mother has no confidence in you because of this.

Eve x

 

No one else feels the same way as her except for the people she talks to and tells all my fabricated business to. This started while I was a teenager and no I am not a belligerant child. Here's the thing.. I get belittled, I speak my mind, and then I am the one that is disrespectful when I am only trying to get my point across.. although it has gotten out of hand plenty of times from my rage. She believes no one else besides her has feelings. It's disgusting the way she talks about God and church and then she judges everyone, disrespects and critisizes me, is unforgiving. Everyone does these things, but dont portray urself to be so Godly when you hate ur daughter. It really makes me sick to the point of vomitting

 

As Ive gotten older I try to ignore her, but when I keep quiet... and she sees that I am not responding. she continues.. says more slick comments.. and it just builds and builds until I want to shoot myself. Parents always want to quote "Honor ur mother and ur father..." but the bible also says.. "do not provoke ur children to anger" I guess one scripture is more important than the other to her. I am twenty-seven years old.. there is NO reason to still talk to me like am garbage. I am FARRR from perfect as kid I talked back when my mother disrespected me. As a matter of fact.. that is the only thing she can actually say about my behavior growing up. Did she think it came from nothing?

 

Till this day she denies all of the things she has said and done to hurt me. She keeps telling me to "let go of my anger" "get on ur knees a pray" "don't hold grudges" lol one time my mom said something crazy to me and i went berzerk.. and she goes "well u shouldnt listen to what people say.." UM UR MY ****ING MOTHER DUMBASS.. like seriously.. i think something is wrong with her. I cant wait to go back up north with my kid. Stupid bitch

[ShyOne82]

No biggie... she's someplace where it's good and HOT. >:-D

 

Omg that was harsh. I guess I shouldn't talk with all the name calling I have done already.

 

My mother had me in her 40s so she is up in age. She believes she can talk to people any old way bcz of that.. She's not wise. Half the things that come out of her mouth makes no sense. When she hears about something she always says "I havent heard that in the history" or whatever the hell she says.. NEWFLASH ur not a genius. U dont know everything, u can be wrong sometimes.. accept it. I have friends and family who have bitter personalites.. The only major problem I have is when she brings God into it. In the Christian faith, GOD IS LOVE. I dont wish her to be thrown into the pits of hell.. I just want her to have more respect more me. She doubts my whole life.. she doesnt know a damn thing. If I told her the sky is blue, she will tell me its red.. That's how much she hates me.. I cant say or do anything right in her eyes.. On the verge of cutting her off completely..

[El Brujo]

My mother had me in her 40s so she is up in age. She believes she can talk to people any old way bcz of that.. She's not wise. Half the things that come out of her mouth makes no sense.

 

Mothers are like that. When a woman has a kid, her brain cells die off which control things like common sense, planning, and in some cases, mercy. They start believing all kinds of superstitious BS, and at the same time they start believing science is a load of crap.

 

I thought it was just my mother, my gm, and my ggm who were like that... but my neighbor's mother is nuttier than all 3 put together!!! It's a mystery why he never ran away from home when he was a kid!

 

I wonder if men start believing all sorts of cockamamy things when they father a kid? My old man split when I was little, so I never got to experience many of his cornball ideas.

[freestyle]

Till this day she denies all of the things she has said and done to hurt me. She keeps telling me to "let go of my anger" "get on ur knees a pray" "don't hold grudges" lol one time my mom said something crazy to me and i went berzerk.. and she goes "well u shouldnt listen to what people say.." UM UR MY ****ING MOTHER DUMBASS.. like seriously.. i think something is wrong with her. I cant wait to go back up north with my kid. Stupid bitch

 

 

Don't you love it when the person dishing out the verbal/emotional/psychological abuse issues directives at you to "just let it go".....

 

(it's a classic abuse tactic--"forget about how badly I've treated you, so I can do it again...)

 

 

Shy One--I think it would be helpful for you to learn to shore up your boundaries with your mother.

 

NO ONE ever deserves to be belittled, and shamed like that. It's toxic.

And doing that in front of your child is undermining, it will eventually affect that relationship, too.

 

OF course your mother knows how to push your buttons---she's the one who instilled them, after all. However---if you react with rage..

 

You're playing right into the drama she's manufacturing.Following the script.

 

You will never be able to control her behavior, but you can learn to control your reaction to her behavior.You can set boundaries.

 

Boundaries are not about controlling her, they're about controlling what you will & won't tolerate in YOUR life.

 

For example--if she starts putting you down--tell her once, that you won't be spoken to that way. If she insists on continuing, remove yourself from

the room

the conversation

end the phone call, etc.

 

Either she will start to get the hint that her behavior is unacceptable, or she won't. Then you can make a decision about whether or not to continue a relationship with her, or not.

[ShyOne82]

Mothers are like that. When a woman has a kid, her brain cells die off which control things like common sense, planning, and in some cases, mercy. They start believing all kinds of superstitious BS, and at the same time they start believing science is a load of crap.

 

I thought it was just my mother, my gm, and my ggm who were like that... but my neighbor's mother is nuttier than all 3 put together!!! It's a mystery why he never ran away from home when he was a kid!

 

I wonder if men start believing all sorts of cockamamy things when they father a kid? My old man split when I was little, so I never got to experience many of his cornball ideas.

 

lol I'm a mother and I don't act like that. Well she is young now... and who knows how she will be so I dont want to eat my words.. I just know I will handle things alot differently and TRY to maintain a decent relationship with my daughtr so she will feel comfortable with telling me whats going on in her life.. I dont tell my mother a damn thing bcz shes too critical, and if i am doing something positive with my career I dont need her bringing me down. So I dont say much. We only talk when we're arguing.. AFTER she has said something slick. If she wants me to be more open with her she cant act that way towards me.

[Hawaii50]

I feel bad for you all, and only the cycle will be broken in your life

 

I've come from the most loving and supportive family.. Of course they're not perfect people, but together we're an awesome family. I can pull up to any one of my brother's house with a body in trunk, no-doubt.

[Eve]

No one else feels the same way as her except for the people she talks to and tells all my fabricated business to. This started while I was a teenager and no I am not a belligerant child. Here's the thing.. I get belittled, I speak my mind, and then I am the one that is disrespectful when I am only trying to get my point across.. although it has gotten out of hand plenty of times from my rage. She believes no one else besides her has feelings. It's disgusting the way she talks about God and church and then she judges everyone, disrespects and critisizes me, is unforgiving. Everyone does these things, but dont portray urself to be so Godly when you hate ur daughter. It really makes me sick to the point of vomitting

 

As Ive gotten older I try to ignore her, but when I keep quiet... and she sees that I am not responding. she continues.. says more slick comments.. and it just builds and builds until I want to shoot myself. Parents always want to quote "Honor ur mother and ur father..." but the bible also says.. "do not provoke ur children to anger" I guess one scripture is more important than the other to her. I am twenty-seven years old.. there is NO reason to still talk to me like am garbage. I am FARRR from perfect as kid I talked back when my mother disrespected me. As a matter of fact.. that is the only thing she can actually say about my behavior growing up. Did she think it came from nothing?

 

Till this day she denies all of the things she has said and done to hurt me. She keeps telling me to "let go of my anger" "get on ur knees a pray" "don't hold grudges" lol one time my mom said something crazy to me and i went berzerk.. and she goes "well u shouldnt listen to what people say.." UM UR MY ****ING MOTHER DUMBASS.. like seriously.. i think something is wrong with her. I cant wait to go back up north with my kid. Stupid bitch

 

It is still an interaction, whoever starts it first. Find the words you want to hear from her and tell her what they are. Sounds like you want her to be proud of you and not bring up negatives. You want her to listen and be a mother to you. To nurture you.

 

Some family relationships never recover from an initial hurt. In my experience there is always an initial hurt. It is just that both sides see it differently. I hope you both can get some support to have a more adult to adult relationship. Other than that.. if balance is not possible, leave each other alone. The relationship is dead.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[El Brujo]

I feel bad for you all, and only the cycle will be broken in your life

 

I've come from the most loving and supportive family.. Of course they're not perfect people, but together we're an awesome family. I can pull up to any one of my brother's house with a body in trunk, no-doubt.

 

I broke MY family's cycle of abuse by not fathering any kids. When I reached prime breeding age, my mother used to make a pitiful face to try to make me feel all guilty for not wanting to father kids.

 

But, hey... she brandished a carving knife at me when I was 6 (back in the 70s, abuse was part of normal child rearing), my gm beat her when she was little, she grew up watching my gm's 2 brothers solve their arguments with insults and punches, and my ggm regularly beat all of them when they were little.

 

So, no whackin' the kid for me. Breaking the cycle is the cruelest, most soul-stabbing thing any kid can ever do to an abusive parent.

[ShyOne82]

I might be going a little off topic but some parents don't realize the negative things they say to a child are embedded into their brain. My mother has called me every name in the book and I've NEVER forgotten: A slob, loser, will never be successful, fat ass, slut, n the list goes on..

 

When you degrade a developing child on a daily basis, how the fk do u think that child is going to turn out!? Some end up fine, but others like myself aren't that strong. I became EXTREMELY timid. I held my head down while I walked. Could not have eye contact. Extremely shy. I had no confidence becz of this woman. In college, if had a presentation I would skip class. . She raised me to always care about what ppl think. She puts up this front like she doesnt know or cant understand where "all this anger" came from.. GTFOH

 

And shes very accusatory.. i lost some weight, she accused me of being bulemic.. in 8th grade she thought i was in a gang.. LMAAOOOO.. accused me of being a slut when I wasnt even sexually active AT THE TIME.. Accused me of not going to school when i was enrolled and going full-time.. its just sad.. and she wonders why i have like zero respect for her and i look at her in disgust

[scatterd]

I am so sorry to hear any parent is disrespectful to their children. My child told me when she was young if you want me to respect you respect me. I did not think about that before but it made so much sence. I respect my children and they respect me we have a wonderful relationship. They are older I give them advise and I am still their mother i love them unconditionally. All I can do is be there for them and advise them. I have seen my sister treat her daughter horribly it makes me mad and I hurt for her daughter. Let your parents know that if they want respect they need to give you respect also. every kid needs approval and to hear that thier parent is proud of them.I hope things get better.big hugs

Edited October 7, 2012 by scatterd

[darkmoon]

she's a jealous older woman, it happens, she might well see you as very pretty, poor you xx

[El Brujo]

Yeah, my granny was like that. She was an authority on everything and the biggest dummy in town. She'd always rattle off about how she knew so much more than me OR my mother, then in the same breath she'd say "I don't know" when someone would ask her something.

 

And talk about rude... she'd belch, fart, and chew food with her mouth open at the table, and she'd cuss out anyone who dared to complain when she stunk the place up with her shredded rubber el ropo coffin nails. AND she would cuss and cry at the 3 different therapists who came to the house to try to help her after the dumb klutz fell over in front of the house and had her busted hip replaced.

 

My mother was just the opposite, a total doormat to everyone except me. Con artists had this uncanny ability to play my mother like a pipe organ, because she felt sorry for them and they knew it... but she never believed a word I said. Instead, she assumed I was slightly dumber than all the women in my family (none of whom was particularly bright).

 

But, I've lived alone now for 5 years... I no longer have to put up with my ggm's witch-doctoring, my gm's rudeness, or my mother's bad decisions... and my quality of life is better for it.

[ShyOne82]

And talk about rude... she'd belch, fart, and chew food with her mouth open at the table, and she'd cuss out anyone who dared to complain when she stunk the place up with her shredded rubber el ropo coffin nails.

 

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO OMG WOW hehe

 

I'm glad ur free!! Hopefully I will be alot happier soon.

[turnera]

Rude to say, but she probably won't be around much longer. If you want to have, and to have your daughter have, a relationship with the rest of your family, it may be smarter to do the stronger thing, and just zip your lip. Be smarter. Rise above. Everyone else knows what's wrong with your mom, they just won't speak up. You lowering yourself to her level just proves out her accusations. Rise above it, shake your head as in 'you poor thing' and walk away when she talks like that, and talk to someone else. In the end, you'll have your family's respect and friendship and she'll be left behind.

 

And it's a great lesson to teach your daughter.