HIS house

[alritenow]

Hi all! I have been here before for past issues and stroll here when I am having an issue and need advice. I can usually find a thread that is similar to what I am going through.

 

Well anyway, why I am here now. I have just gotten married, about a month ago....and I moved in with him. I actually moved in a few months before we got married.

He owns the house. He owned it with someone that just moved out, so now it's just my Hubby and I.

I am finding it hard to feel like it is my house too. In reality, it isn't. I can not feel comfortable and feel like I have to go with all the ideas/decisions he has for making the place over. Now that the other guy moved out, we have the whole basement to do with as we please, but I feel like I really don't have a say.

He wants a pool table, and I really don't like pool. I told him this, but said if that's what you want, then get one. He asks me to go shopping for new furniture to replace some of the things the other guy took when he moved and I hate it, because my hubby asks my opinion, but it really doesn't matter. He gets what he wants anyway. He says "you're my wife, so it's up to you too" but I don't feel like it is. Ugh, I don't know.

I love him a lot, but it really sucks that I am living here but don't feel at "home".

 

I am not asking that I make ALL the decisions, but man, atleast decisions together? Another thing, I love animals, and soon enough, I would like to get a dog. But he tells me "no", like i'm a child.

I am having a surprise party for my sister and I wanted to plan it to be at OUR house, and when I told him, felt like he was against it....like it just wasn't OK to do.

He has control of all the money, which is fine cause I suck at it. But the thing is, I get a prepaid card with a certain amount on it, out of my own paycheck and once its gone, it's gone and I have to wait until more is deposited. This is fine and what I agreed to. BUT, he goes online and looks at what I purchased, and in fact, when we made the online account, he tried to keep from me the sign in info to look at it. I don't go on his acct to see what he is spending on....

I clean constantly, do laundry, make his lunch at 5 damn 30 every morning, even though I can sleep until 630. I lose an hr of sleep to do this. I do not mind and I love doing it. I work my butt off every day. I just feel like it's all about him.

 

Anyway, most of that was a rant. The question I have: Any advice on how to deal with the issue of not feeling at home as it is his house and blah blah blah....anyone felt this way, been in the same situation and what did you do?

I guess it is not what I expected once we were married.

[Hawaii50]

I don't know but I've heard other women say this as well. I own a home but am single at the moment, so I wonder if this might crop up when the time comes. Me personally, I have a hard enough time matching my clothes so the idea of decorating a house is like rocket science. Please.. go. make things look like it's supposed be there. I will be paying attention to what other people say..

 

your dude doesn't seem like he's being sincere about letting you make decisions, or you're just being indecisive cause you don't feel like it's your house.

[alritenow]

Thanks for replying.

Yeah, I'm not making decisions due to how I feel.

I know what you mean, and he isn't exactly interior decorator of the year so I never thought it would be an issue like this. Maybe i'm just not pushy enough, but that just isn't me. I also feel that he is resentful in a way...which could stem from something else completely. I do know I have to get passed this because I am just unhappy at the moment. And I refuse to live unhappily.

[CarrieT]

I see lots of red flags:

 

He wants a pool table, and I really don't like pool. I told him this, but said if that's what you want, then get one.

You expressed an opinion, but backslid.

 

Another thing, I love animals, and soon enough, I would like to get a dog. But he tells me "no", like i'm a child.

Why don't you stand up for yourself in this regard?

 

I am having a surprise party for my sister and I wanted to plan it to be at OUR house, and when I told him, felt like he was against it....like it just wasn't OK to do.

YOU are having a surprise party. Did you talk to him about hosting one together?

 

He has control of all the money, which is fine cause I suck at it. But the thing is, I get a prepaid card with a certain amount on it, out of my own paycheck and once its gone, it's gone and I have to wait until more is deposited. This is fine and what I agreed to. BUT, he goes online and looks at what I purchased, and in fact, when we made the online account, he tried to keep from me the sign in info to look at it. I don't go on his acct to see what he is spending on....

HUGE red flag. Why don't you take more responsibility for finances? And why does he have to check your account? Why don't you have a joint account?

 

I clean constantly, do laundry, make his lunch at 5 damn 30 every morning, even though I can sleep until 630. I lose an hr of sleep to do this. I do not mind and I love doing it. I work my butt off every day. I just feel like it's all about him.

What does he do to contribute to the chores?

 

Anyway, most of that was a rant. The question I have: Any advice on how to deal with the issue of not feeling at home

Yep - you need to start communicating IMMEDIATELY about the situation and working to make the place feel more comfortable for the two of you.

 

anyone felt this way, been in the same situation and what did you do?

I'm about to be in the same situation and my BF and I are communicating extensively before moving in together how to marry our belongings so that the home feels like OURS versus his or mine.