confused as hell

[jay]

ok, i'll get straight to the point. i am 16 years old male. ok, fine, laugh.....about 7 months ago a girl from came to board at my school, and i got to like her. only problem was i never saw her around school as it is a massive school and she had different classes than me. however one of my enemies also fell for her(he is now my best friend....ironic) we soon made up by talking about her and one day he had a problem with his computer so i lent him my laptop to do some work. the bastard emailed her under my name asking about her etc. anyway, i soon found out and sent her an email saying sorry for the whole thing etc. so i made contact that way, for the last 7 months wee have been sending e mails frequently and unfrequently, sometimes it takes one or two or even three be4 she replies. i asked if she wanted to meet up cos she always complains about being bored but she said no. i'm not trying to be big headed but she went out with a real loser a while ago and got laughed at but she still went out with him-thats all over now but she has a real nice personality and so it's hard to tell what she thinks, any suggestions? i have thought about nagging her until she meets and then taking her to fancy restaurants etc. and showing her a good time but it's hard to tell wether she's into that sort of thing.

 

hhhhheeeeeeellllllppppppp!!!!

[Deejette]

You may have to take it slow with her, but inviting her to a nice restaurant where you can talk and get to know her is a good idea. I don't think bombarding her with e-mail is a good idea, because you might scare her away.

 

You have to prove to her that you are not some jerk. Especially after that e-mail stunt your friend pulled. Girls are cautious that they don't want to be to topic of locker-room jokes and shared stories.

ok, i'll get straight to the point. i am 16 years old male. ok, fine, laugh.....about 7 months ago a girl from came to board at my school, and i got to like her. only problem was i never saw her around school as it is a massive school and she had different classes than me. however one of my enemies also fell for her(he is now my best friend....ironic) we soon made up by talking about her and one day he had a problem with his computer so i lent him my laptop to do some work. the bastard emailed her under my name asking about her etc. anyway, i soon found out and sent her an email saying sorry for the whole thing etc. so i made contact that way, for the last 7 months wee have been sending e mails frequently and unfrequently, sometimes it takes one or two or even three be4 she replies. i asked if she wanted to meet up cos she always complains about being bored but she said no. i'm not trying to be big headed but she went out with a real loser a while ago and got laughed at but she still went out with him-thats all over now but she has a real nice personality and so it's hard to tell what she thinks, any suggestions? i have thought about nagging her until she meets and then taking her to fancy restaurants etc. and showing her a good time but it's hard to tell wether she's into that sort of thing.

 

hhhhheeeeeeellllllppppppp!!!!

[Paulie]

Well, it seems to me that you have already been persistent enough.

 

You've been talking to her via e-mail, but is she still in your school?

 

You suggested meeting up with her, and she said no...Why?

 

Under what context did you suggest you meet up with her?

 

Did you suggest you meet as a date, as friends, etc.?

 

Please answer these questions, so that we can get a better feel for it.

 

In the meantime, I hope you're looking around at other girls as well! This one seems to be way too much of a project.

[jay]

You may have to take it slow with her, but inviting her to a nice restaurant where you can talk and get to know her is a good idea. I don't think bombarding her with e-mail is a good idea, because you might scare her away. You have to prove to her that you are not some jerk. Especially after that e-mail stunt your friend pulled. Girls are cautious that they don't want to be to topic of locker-room jokes and shared stories.

thanx for replying, it's just i need someone to talk to and none of my friends exept of course the other guy seem to take me seriously. i'm big on closure but i know that if, in the end she says no, i will be devastated. last time i forgot to mention that my friend, the one i told u about hasd also been e-mailing her and recently quit, he has been trying to convince me that i should do the same and just forget about her but i know thats impossible.she once told me that she would never go out with him.could it be she was just waiting to get him out of the way, to meet me? or am i just thinking optimistically? he has asked her out at least four times and each time she refused.do you think she will do the same with me?

[jay]

it's funny you should ask these questions actually. she is still at the school but i have moved to a school about 300 metres away for the last month or so.

 

when i asked to meet i basically said she should make the decision of wether it be like a date or as friends.i put forward a few ideas like go to the cinema or whatever. i live in northern ireland you see and she goes back to brussels to visit her parents at the holidays. she was given the choice last year of going to a school in brussels or staying here and she chose to stay here, this was around the time i started to email her. when i was thrown out of school for not getting good grades she seemed top take it badly and started saying she wished she could go back to brussels.

 

also i can't seem to concentrate on other girls. at my new school i have been asked out by a few nice girls(a new experience to me) but when i would normally say yes, it just makes me feel even worse that it is not her that is asking me out.

[Paulie]

First off, women like a man that takes charge. Not in an aggressive way, but a man that suggests an idea, and goes with it. My suggestion is that if you are going to ask this girl to do something with you again, you suggest something FUN, and Low-key. Ask her to meet under the context of friendship. That ought to get the ball rolling. If she refuses this time, write her off, forget about her.

 

But my biggest concern for you is why you are so hung up on this one girl. I mean, do you really think that some of these NICE girls that are asking you out couldn't satisfy you more than this girl?

 

BELIEVE ME, if you've been reading this site for a while, you know that I know what it feels like to get hung up on one girl. But i've found that forcing yourself to explore what other people have to offer can be very rewarding. Even though new people might not be all that appealing initially, this attraction sometimes grows.

 

Later,

 

Paulie

[jay]

thing is. if i asked her now and she said no, i would be in a really bad way. i can't tell wether i love her or not, i'm still only16 and i don't know wether there is a limit to how much you can love someone. what i do know is, i would turn down anyone just to get one chance to take her out or speak to her.

[Tony T]

Stop Emailing her, stop thinking about her. Mark your calendar for seven years from today. If you still like her then, Email her and ask her to marry you.

 

Meanwhile, go after some chicks you can interact with in person. Email is highly impersonal. If this girl doesn't want an in person meeting, she probably has bad breath, passes gas a lot, has strong underarm odor, or is really a guy.

 

Move on.

[Deejette]

I still think you should ask her out, act like a gentleman, and show her that you are different from her friend, whom she has rejected.

 

But if she rejects you, I know it will hurt, but you will live through it too. It is better to try and be rejected than to hang back and wonder your whole life about what it would have been like if you had the nerve to ask her out.

thanx for replying, it's just i need someone to talk to and none of my friends exept of course the other guy seem to take me seriously. i'm big on closure but i know that if, in the end she says no, i will be devastated. last time i forgot to mention that my friend, the one i told u about hasd also been e-mailing her and recently quit, he has been trying to convince me that i should do the same and just forget about her but i know thats impossible.she once told me that she would never go out with him.could it be she was just waiting to get him out of the way, to meet me? or am i just thinking optimistically? he has asked her out at least four times and each time she refused.do you think she will do the same with me?