Ladies, do women really like it when men share their issues and insecurities?

[strongnrelaxed]

Women often say that they like it when a man shows/reveals his issues, self-concerns, and insecurities because it makes them feel closer to them and demonstrates that they are human (as long as it is not overdone).

 

On the other hand, many male relationship experts say that you should never reveal your personal issues or insecurities because women then lose respect for you and their interest level goes down.

 

Thus, my question is: do women in general like it when men share their insecurities or should men listen to these "relationship experts" and never reveal any shortcomings to women?

[Crusoe]

Whether they like it or not, it can be a pretty good indicator as to what kind of woman you are dealing with.

 

In any long lasting relationship your partner is, at some point, going to see you at your worst, weakest, most vulnerable and insecure. If they are the type of woman to lose respect and interest in you when that happens, it's best to find out sooner rather than later.

[TaraMaiden]

It's ridiculous. Everyone has them.

 

The more of a wall or barrier people put up, the less credible they are. You have to reveal these things as appropriate and in the right measure - and only experience within a relationship tells you those levels and degrees - but to give the impression they don't exist at all, is a form of deceit - withholding from your partner can make that person feel untrusted, excluded and doesn't give them the bigger picture - which means they're dealing with an unknown. That would put any partner at a disadvantage.....

[MonsterMash]

Its quite simple. If you show weakness, then you're weak. If she wants to talk about insecurities and all, thats why she has girlfriends. If a woman ever asks you to share those insecurities, its a trap. Don't fall for it.

[TaraMaiden]

A hard man just sounds more vulnerable to me. It's all a front. Anyone who doesn't have a vulnerable side, or hides it to such a degree, is setting their partner up for a shock.

There's nothing remotely admirable about trying to project an image of invulnerability.

The tougher a guy seems, the less respect I have for him. It's almost de-humanising.

[Hawaii50]

Its quite simple. If you show weakness, then you're weak. If she wants to talk about insecurities and all, thats why she has girlfriends. If a woman ever asks you to share those insecurities, its a trap. Don't fall for it.

 

Your bravado is noticeably fake. Do you not notice that you come off like a neanderthal?!

 

 

the key to this OP what the "(as long as it's not overdone)"

I have no trouble sharing what I feel, because before I open my mouth I already know more or less what is causing it and what can/can't be done about. I think it shows an openness and much security within one's self to be able to share things on every level.

[MonsterMash]

Your bravado is noticeably fake. Do you not notice that you come off like a neanderthal?! So, is it fake or am I a Neanderthal? Can't have it both ways.

 

 

the key to this OP what the "(as long as it's not overdone)"

I have no trouble sharing what I feel, because before I open my mouth I already know more or less what is causing it and what can/can't be done about. I think it shows an openness and much security within one's self to be able to share things on every level.

 

So, basically what you're saying is you've fallen hook, line and sinker for how women want you to act. Poor guy.

[TaraMaiden]

He said you're LIKE a Neanderthal. And that's as fake as you are. You can't even BE something convincingly....

[MonsterMash]

Good thing I don't care what anyone thinks of me then huh? If I did, maybe I'd be off in a corner somewhere crying like the estrogen lynch mob wants men to do.

[TaraMaiden]

Yeah. heh heh heh....

 

Like.

we.

....care enough about you to give a damn about anything you say or do....

It's all "Boo-hoo, pity me, poor bloke, victim of female mentality, woe is me, I'm so downtrodden by these powerful amazons, help help help, save us from the wimmin!!"

 

It's truly pathetic.

gimme a break and grow a spine.

 

*Ignored*.

[strongnrelaxed]

Whether they like it or not, it can be a pretty good indicator as to what kind of woman you are dealing with.

 

In any long lasting relationship your partner is, at some point, going to see you at your worst, weakest, most vulnerable and insecure. If they are the type of woman to lose respect and interest in you when that happens, it's best to find out sooner rather than later.

 

I agree 100%. I was married for about 13 years when my father died. My mother moved in with us out of necessity. She was left penniless. Three kids, new job, new doctoral program, house repairs. It was a lot.

 

When I tell you that I feel like I barely showed my weakness, I am telling you the God's honest truth (even though I am an Atheist). This sent my wife into a spiral.

 

I was just being more quiet and subdued than usual. Didn't want to talk about it.

 

That is all it takes I guess.

[MonsterMash]

I have a spine. Seems to me that you wimmins don't like when I use it.

[strongnrelaxed]

It's ridiculous. Everyone has them.

 

The more of a wall or barrier people put up, the less credible they are. You have to reveal these things as appropriate and in the right measure - and only experience within a relationship tells you those levels and degrees - but to give the impression they don't exist at all, is a form of deceit - withholding from your partner can make that person feel untrusted, excluded and doesn't give them the bigger picture - which means they're dealing with an unknown. That would put any partner at a disadvantage.....

 

Tara- I respect you but you are waayy off base on this one. There is no sharing and it is especially wrong to suggest that it is a form of deceit. Women cannot handle the same things men can (at least strong accomplished men) They are just not raised to be accountable in the same ways. Just in the same ways that men cannot handle things that are typically women's domains.

 

Sharing at any level can possible set of a chain reaction that will be impossible to undo.

 

It is sad, but look around this site. There are literally hundreds of stories attesting to this.

[strongnrelaxed]

A hard man just sounds more vulnerable to me. It's all a front. Anyone who doesn't have a vulnerable side, or hides it to such a degree, is setting their partner up for a shock.

There's nothing remotely admirable about trying to project an image of invulnerability.

The tougher a guy seems, the less respect I have for him. It's almost de-humanising.

 

I want to believe that you really believe this. But I hope you will consider that millions of men know this to be completely the opposite of their lived real life experiences.

 

It is good to know that there are women who find this sort of strength to be a weakness. And that there are others who will cheat on you or otherwise bail out at the first hint of weakness.

 

This is the razors edge that men have always had to walk. We're hearing more and more about this as marriages fail and women scratch their heads and ask "why are men so unwilling to commit?"

[TaraMaiden]

Male relationship experts:eek:....mmkkaaayyyy. I will NEVER...EVER.... be involved with a fake man again. All his issues came out as passive aggressive bull crap that I took the blame for. I could not be the kind of wife he wanted because I had no idea what he wanted. He said one thing but deep down there was a whole different level of bull going on. Talk to me honestly or step the hell off I am going to enjoy the rest of my life.

 

On the other hand if you are willing to share ALL of yourself with me...baby hang on for the ride cause we can kick azz together.

Now that's what I'm talking about.

 

If a man can't trust his partner/spouse to be open, honest and a bit vulnerable with them, then it's going to cause problems.

Being open, honest candid and 'vulnerable' doesn't = weakness. It indicates trust, love and communication. Any man that holds back, hides, conceals covers up... well, he has to accept the consequences, if he chooses to be that covert.

[strongnrelaxed]

Your bravado is noticeably fake. Do you not notice that you come off like a neanderthal?!

 

 

the key to this OP what the "(as long as it's not overdone)"

I have no trouble sharing what I feel, because before I open my mouth I already know more or less what is causing it and what can/can't be done about. I think it shows an openness and much security within one's self to be able to share things on every level.

 

Hey. Name calling is not appropriate. He is just expressing what a lot of men know to be true.

 

I agree - it does take strength and much security to be able to share such things. WHY THE HELL do you think it takes so much fortitude to be able to do this? Holy crap you are admitting that he is right - you just do not realize it. Re read your post and think on it. Don't attack me now. Just be a decent man and reflect on your own words for a minute before responding. Yes, you are right. It does take strength. Because you know you will need strength for the emotional onslaught that this often brings. That is NOT ok with me.

 

I get it. I deal with it. I just disagree with it. Sort of like war. We cannot stop it, but I am not going to condone it.

 

 

I am happy for you. You have the privilege of having a normal woman who can handle such things. Watch your back though. Remember this post the next time you are vulnerable (sick, tired, stressed, etc) and she starts ripping on you, starting an argument, crying etc. Wearing on your last nerve. They never do this when you are strong.

 

You cannot say I didn't warn you.

 

Come back and read this post in five years.

 

Go ahead. Laugh inside. You know this to be true.

[strongnrelaxed]

He said you're LIKE a Neanderthal. And that's as fake as you are. You can't even BE something convincingly....

 

Now YOU are name calling too?

 

Does anyone see how screwed up this is? This reminds me of 7th grade.

 

Showing vulnerability to women is a bad idea. Period. To say that "not all women are like that" is BS. Do what you will.

 

You cannot say you weren't warned men. Look at these replies for all the proof you need.

[strongnrelaxed]

Now that's what I'm talking about.

 

If a man can't trust his partner/spouse to be open, honest and a bit vulnerable with them, then it's going to cause problems.

Being open, honest candid and 'vulnerable' doesn't = weakness. It indicates trust, love and communication. Any man that holds back, hides, conceals covers up... well, he has to accept the consequences, if he chooses to be that covert.

 

I am sorry. This is a fairy tale version of relationships. This only exists when the man is completely subservient to the woman. When he can let all of his emotions run free in the green fields of togetherness around a big castle with flying unicorns.

 

I really do wish this were true. I honestly do.

 

But the harsh coldness of reality has a way of snapping us back to our senses.

 

If a marriage fails FOR ANY reason. It is the man's fault. We get this. It is wrong, but we get it.

 

If the man is strong and silent. He is a domineering, passive aggressive whatever - hence he is evil.

 

If he shows too much he is whiny and weak.

 

There is no way to be. You just have to be yourself and if your woman is with that, then great. If she is not, then she needs to go. Period.

 

The minute a man starts reading women's opinions on how men should be is the day he is doomed to a life of misery.

[xxoo]

I would not trust a partner who never shared any insecurities or issues with me. Obviously you have them; everybody does. I wouldn't want to hear a constant stream of them (nor would I want to be with someone who had a constant stream of insecurities and issues), but if you never share or show any, I wonder what you're not telling me--and my assumptions might be worse than reality.

 

I don't want to naively pretend my partner has no issues or insecurities. I want a partner who is actually secure and stable. Sharing his perfectly normal, occasional, issues with me best demonstrates that emotional strength.

Edited October 6, 2012 by xxoo

[strongnrelaxed]

Yeah. heh heh heh....

 

Like.

we.

....care enough about you to give a damn about anything you say or do....

It's all "Boo-hoo, pity me, poor bloke, victim of female mentality, woe is me, I'm so downtrodden by these powerful amazons, help help help, save us from the wimmin!!"

 

It's truly pathetic.

gimme a break and grow a spine.

 

*Ignored*.

 

Spoken like a typical hysterical wash woman. The sort who would, like her neanderthal sisters, scream hysterically as a wild animal in the wild approached (thereby attracting it all the more) and kick and scratch at the man for not killing the threat faster, cleaner, sooner, more neatly.

 

There is only one appropriate response to this - and it ends with the woman snoozing with a big grin - purring and licking her little paws like a kitty cat. And before you say anything, I have done this numerous times. Works perfectly EVERY time.

 

Come to my place and I will show you how it works Tara.

[TaraMaiden]

When you stop insulting us - we'll stop the quid pro quo.

And you guys started it.

You constantly belittle, undermine and insult women, bracketing them in this stupid category of controlling, untrustworthy, conniving, deceitful, ungracious, mean, vicious, manipulative and abusive individuals whose purpose in life is purely to knock you guys down, and keep you there.

Quit the whingeing and get a life.

Most women are not like that.

Just as - thankfully - most men are not habitual complainers, like you guys are.

 

For millennia women have had to tolerate the subjugation of their gender and the dominance of the male.

The only species on the planet where one half is intent on subduing and dominating the other.

Now the tables have turned, women are getting stronger - and many men obviously feel threatened and uncomfortable about that.

if men had treated women more like human beings and less like cattle,we'd be seeing less of the rivalry and more of the companionship.

if there is discord between men and women -men have only themselves to blame.

[Hawaii50]

So, basically what you're saying is you've fallen hook, line and sinker for how women want you to act. Poor guy.

 

If I'm in a committed relationship and I feel something that I've deemed she should know, or I need help mentally digesting, I'm not going to be a retard about it, or think it's a trap is all. I'm rich in many incalculable ways, and leading that list is my emotion security; My ability to understand my feelings and where they come from. That also includes sharing those feelings with people they concern.

 

Your thought process only proves to widen the rift between men and women. Yeah, there are shiesty women out there, but I don't go for those types. And if I make the mistake, I correct it asap. fool me once. I'm not a serial-retard picking up complex-ridden women at bars.

[strongnrelaxed]

I would not trust a partner who never shared any insecurities or issues with me. Obviously you have them; everybody does. I wouldn't want to hear a constant stream of them (nor would I want to be with someone who had a constant stream of insecurities and issues), but if you never share or show any, I wonder what you're not telling me--and my assumptions might be worse than reality.

 

I don't want to naively pretend my partner has no issues or insecurities. I want a partner who is actually secure and stable. Sharing his perfectly normal, occasional, issues with me best demonstrates that emotional strength.

 

Finally a reasonable response from a woman. The challenge xx is that there are no easy rules for men to follow. When his emotions are riding the highest and he is young and feeling vulnerable for whatever reason, this is when he needs his partner the most. But this is when he has to be on guard the most. I wish it were not so, but it is. Some women can handle this but it is usually based on a complex set of rules that is impossible for most men to decipher. Especially in these times.

 

This, I believe, is why so many more men commit suicide, mass murder etc. They do not have outlets. How bad does this have to get before people realize there is a problem?

 

Look at the other women's responses to this thread. Name calling, nasty little attacks. This is the exact sort of thing that happens when a man says he should be strong. Unfortunately it is the same sort of thing that men experience behind closed doors.

 

Keep reading. Men are trying to say this over and over. But they are getting shut down. See some of the responses. Do you see the irony there?

 

Maybe it takes a more erudite man than me to explain it. I am trying.

[strongnrelaxed]

I would not trust a partner who never shared any insecurities or issues with me. Obviously you have them; everybody does. I wouldn't want to hear a constant stream of them (nor would I want to be with someone who had a constant stream of insecurities and issues), but if you never share or show any, I wonder what you're not telling me--and my assumptions might be worse than reality.

 

I don't want to naively pretend my partner has no issues or insecurities. I want a partner who is actually secure and stable. Sharing his perfectly normal, occasional, issues with me best demonstrates that emotional strength.

 

Ooh, MMe Chaucer and I like the same post. I almost feel warm and fuzzy inside. Oh wait, that's gas.

 

Sorry, never mind.

 

Hi MME C. How are your many cats today?

[strongnrelaxed]

When you stop insulting us - we'll stop the quid pro quo.

And you guys started it.

You constantly belittle, undermine and insult women, bracketing them in this stupid category of controlling, untrustworthy, conniving, deceitful, ungracious, mean, vicious, manipulative and abusive individuals whose purpose in life is purely to knock you guys down, and keep you there.

Quit the whingeing and get a life.

Most women are not like that.

Just as - thankfully - most men are not habitual complainers, like you guys are.

 

For millennia women have had to tolerate the subjugation of their gender and the dominance of the male.

The only species on the planet where one half is intent on subduing and dominating the other.

Now the tables have turned, women are getting stronger - and many men obviously feel threatened and uncomfortable about that.

if men had treated women more like human beings and less like cattle,we'd be seeing less of the rivalry and more of the companionship.

if there is discord between men and women -men have only themselves to blame.

 

Wow! That was gold right there. Finally, the evil patriarchy emerges as the cause of all that is evil in the world. I knew it would come out. It just took a little coaxing.

 

Tara. Call me. I can make you feel all better. This is all so unnecessary.