Ladies, do women really like it when men share their issues and insecurities?

[threebyfate]

Most women in relationships where their weight is a continuing issue, don't care enough about it to actually do anything about it. Other than blame the man for having and expressing his feelings. Again, there's nothing complex about it.

 

Having a fat, piggy, sloppy, lazy, sexually unattractive wife is one of the major issues that causes the most trouble in marriages that we read about here. And men get attacked for honestly expressing their feelings--they're insensitive neanderthals if they tell their wives "Baby you're way too fat. Stop shoveling food in your mouth all the time and get on the treadmill."

 

So no, women really DON'T want to hear men's feelings UNLESS they think it will give them greater insight into their man's psyche and make it easier to manipulate the man.

It appears you're unaware that men statistically exceed women in the overweight and obesity categories.

 

Does this mean that men are delusional?

[Hawaii50]

Whats truly sad is the estrogen lynch mob has fled, but left behind a neutered, metrosexual male to spout off the feminazi party line.

 

Pathetic really.

 

lol.. no worries buddy..

 

I have more balls, brains, heart, humor, assets/money, pussy, forethought, consideration, education, cognitive ability, and emotional understanding than your proportionally empty skull could ever compare to

 

I'm not defending women, i'm standing up against stupidity. You're all whiners, lol. you can't see the counter-intuitiveness to this whole thread and you're all being little immature girls. not even women.

 

You can't do anything in this thread because you share your lives with stupid (whether intellectually or emotionally) people.

 

The examples you bring up are asinine and when further exemplified only leave you looking less than presentable.

[Hawaii50]

Bottom line a REAL WOMAN will never have a problem with a REAL MAN expressing his emotions appropriately. can THAT not some of this thread?!

[xxoo]

I've never heard any MAN seriously define his manliness by drinking beers in front of a football game. That's a false attribution that a woman might think applies, but men don't. Or you may have heard men joking around about it.

 

My example of beers/football was in response to your example of ice cream and a sad movie for women. Neither gender "defines" themselves by these acts, but they are comparable ways that each gender can acceptably chill out, let loose, and ignore diet/exercise standards. There is no double standard here that I can see.

 

You other points--women shopping to relieve stress, women getting fat--again, what double standard? Men get fat. As TBF points out, men get fat as much as or more than women. Men have negative stereotypical coping mechanisms (alcohol, gambling, cheating). What double standard?

 

In my relationship, H is the spender and the eater. I have my flaws, but it ain't either of those!

[Mme. Chaucer]

I think women want men who can communicate feelings to them. But they don't want men who actually let the internal feelings influence the man to be weak.

 

Truly, I want to be that way myself.

 

I don't want to be "weak" because of feelings that I have, which at times can be practically overwhelming. Or, to barf them all over anyone in proximity to me.

 

I also don't want to deny and "stuff" my feelings, because that makes me sick emotionally and even physically. I want to have them, and let them do their thing, and still function like a strong, trustworthy, accountable, mature and stand-up person.

 

I expect my husband to strive for that as well (which he does).

 

Sometimes, I can't do it and I have moments where I fail to do what I need to do because of feelings. Or, I behave in ways that are negative and maybe hurtful because of feelings.

 

I know that this is part of the human condition. I accept that men AND women are susceptible to it.

 

Men AND women (adults) who act on their negative feelings often are usually not trustworthy partners, friends or even employees.

 

For example, if a man tells his woman that he is fearful of having a confrontation with his boss (for example), she may be glad to know he is honest with his feelings. But, if he lets his fear affect his behavior, and doesn't go into work that day because of his fear, the woman will immediately lose any respect for him as a weakling, because of his avoidant (weak) behavior.

 

I don't think that it's okay for a man OR a woman to let their fears rule their life. I also understand that we all have our times of weakness.

 

However if a woman has the same sort of crisis it's OK for her to sit on the couch and eat a gallon of ice cream and cry her heart out.

 

Actually, I think this is an appropriate way to deal with feelings as long as it's not happening multiple times per week! As xxoo pointed out, a guy "checking out" in his man cave with beers, or completely insensate in front of the TV might be doing the exact same thing and it's really OK. In moderation.

 

And there are plenty of men who let their emotions dominate everything around them, though it might look different than the way women do it. Probably a raging or jealous man is more socially acceptable than a sobbing frightened man, but it's basically the same thing.

 

This is completely different from the standards that women apply to themselves. They give themselves a pass to let their fears, weaknesses, emotions affect what they actually do, but because they're women, it's O.K., it's acceptable.

 

I acknowledge that acting out emotionally is MUCH more socially accepted in women than in men. I won't go into biology, because I don't know - but maybe our hormonal make-up predisposes us to be that way.

 

But, it's not "acceptable," to me, anyway, to let my emotional tsunamis dictate the course of my life, how I treat people and handle my responsibilities.

 

Again, I will admit that I fail to "stay the course" at times. Then it's on ME to get back to where I am supposed to be, and where my loved ones (not only my husband, but my daughter and my close friends) expect me to be.

 

And I also admit that when I was younger, I had no clue about any of this, and I was pretty much at the mercy of whatever "feelings" were happening at any given time, and so were the people around me.

 

If you or anyone is really interested in having better relationships with those he or she loves, I think it's crucial to become accountable for ones own feelings, to own them, and to be ready to make amends where necessary if you act out negatively because of them.

 

Blaming women or men is useless.

Edited October 7, 2012 by Mme. Chaucer

[g450]

But why come here, ask what people think, and then tell everyone (except MonsterMash) who responds to you that they don't really think what they shared, and that they are WRONG?

 

^^^^^

This!

 

I have been on LS for a few years now and this is something that I have noticed a patern of. Certain people will start a thread that they know is controversial and then either sit back and watch the fireworks or get argumenentive or condescending with those that respond. I have noticed that it is usually the same people posting things that they seem to have just pulled out of the respective anuses from time to time.

 

It kind of reminds me of the Old Saturday Night Live show where the old lady starts a discussion and then tells everyone "now talk amongst yourselves, Im verklempt".

 

Mind you that Im not directing this at the OP or anyone in particular and I dont remember the posters name but I still see stuff like that here a lot. It's usually somebody who has been here a long time and just makes up postings out of the blue. Maybe out of bordom. Who knows. As if the real life threads with people in agony here arent drama enough for all of us.

 

But Ill bight: Im middle of the road on this issue. I know for a fact that showing insecurity to most woman will backfire on you. OTOH that is not always the case. My new wife actually encourages me to talk about things like my past marriage for example. If I dont have a grin on my face 24/7 she will constantly ask me "are you OK hon?". And most often Ill just tell her yeah, why you ask. I do ocassionally have my weak moments though but she seems compassionate when I tell her something is bothering me. Not always though, it really is a gamble.

 

But my view is that if I cant share something that is troubling me with the one person I am supposted to trust, then what is the point of being married to her right? I do let her know, but I dont do it in a whiney way. I think the way it is presented is important.

 

Anyway, just for grins I think I will go home tonight and tell my new wife: "I feel like you should make me a sandwitch" and see what happens LOL. This is why its so important to marry somebody with a sense of humor.

[Cb3657]

Just to be clear, I was speaking about My behaviour not my wife's, and I certainly will not be using basement torture on her.

My behaviour is all I control, whether my wife would support a breakdown is immaterial to how I feel about having one in public.

Really you only control yourself, this is something all the boys on here who are whining about the poor behaviour of women need to remember. Whether there are good or bad women makes little difference in whether you live well. Carrying a ton of bitter feelings to all women may be living well in your head but looks a lot like swimming in poison to me.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Anyway, just for grins I think I will go home tonight and tell my new wife: "I feel like you should make me a sandwitch" and see what happens LOL. This is why its so important to marry somebody with a sense of humor.

 

My husband and I have a joke about "WHERE'S MY DINNER!!!" He doesn't even say it anymore, he just walks into the kitchen all puffed up with arms akimbo, looking indignant.

[threebyfate]

No, since the thread topic isn't about which gender has a greater tendency towards obesity.

 

It's about whether women really want to hear their men's honest expression of their opinions/feelings/emotions.

 

By the female "logic" of what you just posted, a man who happens to be partnered with a grossly obese woman, and is himself slender, is not allowed to be unhappy with that, and is not allowed to express his unhappiness to her honestly, because "men statistically exceed women in the overweight and obesity categories."

 

Why how dare ANY man be unhappy if he happens to have an obese wife, or to express his unhappiness???? DOESN'T' HE KNOW THAT MEN ARE STATISTICALLY MORE LIKELY TO BE FAT THAN WOMEN???? How dare he disregard a generally-true statistical data point simply because it does not apply to his specific situation!!!!

 

And I'll bet before you posted that, you even looked up the phraseology on the internet, while patting yourself on the back for your "logical approach" while cackling away as you typed it out in your response.

Hmmm...who's being emotional and irrational?

 

In your previous post, there was no reference to "some", instead its infused with indignant spokesman for men. If you're going to generalize, it might be best to line up your ducks in the pot, prior to going off.

 

There are some women who've let themselves go. There are some men who've let themselves go. There are some people who have no social skills and fail badly at dating. There are some people who whine incessantly about the other gender and their failings while at the same time, disregarding their own lack of social skills, to ensure they don't have to do the hard work on themselves to help them out with dating. There are also people who want mothers/fathers or therapists instead of partners.

 

For myself, glad to have a man who's more than capable of holding up his own end of responsibilities without needing me to prop him up. The reverse also holds true. Hip, hip hooray for adult marriages!

[TaraMaiden]

Hawaii50 is male......

[Hawaii50]

No one suggested it's appropriate to physically assault one's partner under any circumstances.

 

Reductio ad absurdium much?

 

 

 

No one mentioned intentionally verbally abusing a woman either, nit-wit

 

It's not about "understanding" which is about the intellect. It's about how the woman will emotionally respond to her partner's expression of emotion. She can understand her man is whiney cause he's hurting intellectually--and still lose any respect for him emotionally.

As I've said prior. A real woman will always respect a real man when he expresses his emotions appropriately. You might need a picture drawn or something because you're slacking at grasping simple verbal concepts.

 

 

Why are you comparing an adolescent's immature reaction to unrequited puppy love, to a mature adult mourning to the death of someone at a funeral?

 

Wasn't comparing anything or anyone.. What telling a story about when I was in fact overly emotional (whiney) and expressed those feelings to a woman who didn't care at all. I'm beginning to think you lack the comprehension skills necessary to respond in a forum.

 

I guess now you're going to suggest that instead of mourning at the funeral, we should punch the corpse in the face, too?

 

 

Again.

 

You even post in a feminized, overwrought needlessly exaggerated emotional way. "AGAINAGAINAGAINGAIN"??? LOL.

 

It's frustrating trying to elevate, or help you understand the difference in expressing emotion as men need to do, and being a whiney little girl. You have a very thick skull, Sir'.

 

 

Yes, if you wish her tits were bigger.

 

And it's also callous and disrespectful. If you like larger breasts, don't find women with smaller breasts. I understand how you can be confused, simply from your lack of understanding on other things I've said in this thread. But it's hurtful to a woman. And it would shatter your ego to know that half of the women you've been with wanted MORE. And hey, i'm not record breaker, but i can understand that different people want different things. I wouldn't date a woman who would bring things are un-changeable and somehow make me feel like **** for it.

 

 

It's not disrespectful at all. If SHE feels it's disrespectful, then SHE must wish she had bigger tits, too.

 

Andddddd there's another level of stupidity, but i'm sure you're capable of a whole lot less.

 

 

You just did EXACTLY what I predicted. You completely DISCOUNTED the male's expression of his feelings, then TURNED IT AROUND into an "insult" against the woman, invalidating his feelings, and validating hers, and over the top making it a paranoid delusion not just about him wanting larger tits on her, but that he doesn't even "love her." I.e. any criticism is never warranted, it means the man disrespects and doesn't love her.

You speaking about her tits/weight are not your feelings, or criticism. The way you speak of them, I would consider it verbal abuse. Which, in my mind is just as evil as physical abuse. I've known too many broken women, broken by inconsiderate douchbags, such as you're displaying right now

 

She's 50 pounds overweight? If you mention it to her, you disrespected her and don't love her. You caught her having sex with your brother? If you mention it to her, you disrespected her and don't love her.

Again ridiculous attempt at trying to make an analogy.. You should probably look up the word before you try anymore of that.

 

 

Men, read closely: what this poster did is EXACTLY why men expressing their honest feelings to their women is a "no win" proposition.

I am willing to bet this life that you put yourself into "no-win" situations constantly, and that's why you really haven't amounted to much. Just an assumption.

 

Women just want expression of their men's feelings where the men is going to say "you so great" "you so beautiful" "I wanna love you and marry you 4 evah and you have my babies" and so forth.

 

Dude, lol, YOU don't know what a real woman wants, and wouldn't if she rubbed it all over your confused face.

I also wouldn't date a woman who is 50 lbs over weight and if/when I settle down and my wife has a few babies, some extra weight, I'm intelligent enough to figure out certain ways to motivate her. Like suggest more activities outdoors, healthier eating.. not just saying "WTF you're fat"

 

 

It seems you are the "disrespectful" one and that you have no mental filters. IOW a typical female--double standards abound--no one else can even point out a legitimate criticism (you are overweight, your chest is too small, you cheated with my brother) but you can throw outrageously abusive comments with complete immunity.

 

You got it wrong, I think before I speak, and I'm calling a spade-a spade. you really made yourself look even dumber here. Please don't procreate

 

You've never been in a healthy, loving and mutual relationship. I doubt you ever will either with the way you think. I don't feel bad for you, but I do feel bad for the people in your life either by choice or blood.

 

Again: men, read her post with care, it is the PROOF of the point. ALL WOMEN "REASON" EXACTLY THE SAME WAY.

 

 

Women are more in touch with themselves emotionally, and I also consider myself more in touch with myself than most men so I cannot take that as insult. I'm also pretty certain that most men will agree that you give US a bad rap.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Unless you're a woman, since that's exactly how you're behaving right now.

^^ If you mean smart than you, again, I will say thank you.

 

 

I won't be replying anymore, but I am interested in one comment that you didn't quote.. what do you try to think about the following..

 

"Bottom line a REAL WOMAN will never have a problem with a REAL MAN expressing his emotions appropriately. can THAT not summarize* this thread?!

 

I'd be interested to hear your neanderthal approach to that.

 

other question I wonder about... but don't expect an answer.

Were you breast fed?

When was your last relationship?

Did some chick rip your heart out or something?

Did your father drink?

Were you raised by a misandrist sewing circle?!

Do you think you come off as an "alpha" male?

[Hawaii50]

I would literally paypal you $10/person, for every person you can get to agree with you, over what I've said, collectively (that means total)

[TaraMaiden]

And just for the record, you'd never have to pay out on my account....

[Hawaii50]

Hawaii50 is male......

 

Very male...but he's saying i'm a woman for what i'm saying, because my opinion isn't completely inconsiderate. he's just trolling, and i'm bored enough to be entertained.

[TaraMaiden]

I can't believe what a wall of posts you see when someone is on ignore... it makes for interesting viewing when a poster is talking to themselves 8 times virtually in a row....

[threebyfate]

Hawaii, there isn't a way to get through to people who are determined to hold on tight to their denial coping mechanisms. It's a form of internal looping where they'll only acknowledge opinions that agree with their view since a more realistic view of life, would shake the foundations of their inner narrative.

 

It is this exact reason why people look for therapeutic or parent/child relationships, so their partners become their caregivers, nurturing what wasn't nurtured when they were children. And for this exact reason, why incessant whining and insecurity in men is so unattractive to me since I refuse to take on the role of mother/therapist on an ongoing basis.

[xxoo]

And you made exactly the same logical error that threebyfate made.

 

Because you think like a woman--that is, emotionally, not logically.

 

The issue isn't which of the genders is more statistically likely to be obese.

 

The fact that you can't see that, tbf couldn't see it, numerous of hawaii's posts, etc. on this very thread prove the point.

 

Your comparison of beers/football to ice cream/sad movie is more of the same. Guys don't watch football and drink beer when they are feeling sad and teary, to get over some kind of emotional crisis. They do it to have a good time. If you were thinking more rationally (impossible I know), you might have compared guys drinking beer and watching football to girls going out to the mall and doing some power shopping.

\

 

My point is that men can have beers and watch football to chill out and destress.....and they do. They may also do it to have a good time, but another reason is to chill out and let go of stress. You said that men don't have a comparable outlet, to throw diet and exercise to the wind, but they do. It is false to say that men do not have this outlet. Whether or not they find it cathartic to watch sad movies and cry is not the point, because men have their own catharsis: watching violent sports, drinking beer, and screaming at the tv And it is just as bad for their waistline.

[Hawaii50]

Hawaii, there isn't a way to get through to people who are determined to hold on tight to their denial coping mechanisms. It's a form of internal looping where they'll only acknowledge opinions that agree with their view since a more realistic view of life, would shake the foundations of their inner narrative.

 

It is this exact reason why people look for therapeutic or parent/child relationships, so their partners become their caregivers, nurturing what wasn't nurtured when they were children. And for this exact reason, why incessant whining and insecurity in men is so unattractive to me since I refuse to take on the role of mother/therapist on an ongoing basis.

 

I can definitely see that.

[Hawaii50]

I can't believe what a wall of posts you see when someone is on ignore... it makes for interesting viewing when a poster is talking to themselves 8 times virtually in a row....

 

Not sure if I'm the one on ignore, but I swear I'm not THAT crazy!

[TaraMaiden]

No... Try 'ignoring' Duck soup - you'll see what I mean!

[Hawaii50]

Then you owe me at least $20 bucks based on the responses in this thread alone.

 

Pay up.

 

I will break my rule and reply to you... cause I knew it was over your head..

 

You get more people to agree with you, than me, and I will pay you $10/person on whatever the difference. That means if you get 20 people, i get 5... the "Difference" is 15, or $150.

 

 

I think we need to do this fairly... IE; make a thread..

 

we each make one post.. and let the people decide. I would of course expect you pay up in the event that I somehow:cool: win.

 

we bet on all kinds of stuff out here it always makes things interesting.

[Crusoe]

\

 

My point is that men can have beers and watch football to chill out and destress.....and they do. They may also do it to have a good time, but another reason is to chill out and let go of stress. You said that men don't have a comparable outlet, to throw diet and exercise to the wind, but they do. It is false to say that men do not have this outlet. Whether or not they find it cathartic to watch sad movies and cry is not the point, because men have their own catharsis: watching violent sports, drinking beer, and screaming at the tv And it is just as bad for their waistline.

 

Beer and cartoon time!

 

One of life's simple bare necessities.

A time a bear can rest at ease,

To forget about his worries and his strife.....

[TaraMaiden]

Yeaaaah man....

[Crusoe]

Yeaaaah man....

 

You'd better believe it, lil sister.

[TaraMaiden]

An' I'd Luuurve a Paw-paw.....