Ladies, do women really like it when men share their issues and insecurities?

[strongnrelaxed]

Actually, women were hunters and neither doors nor chairs have to do with being a gentle/men.

 

It's only been the last 50 years we've even remotely tried to view them as equals. When in fact, we're not equal; men are better than women at a lot of thing, and conversely, woman are in fact better at a lot of things than men, too. Neither of the aforementioned fall with in society's gender roles, in my mind either.. IE sewing, homemaking.. Maybe nursing and things of that nature, but only because women are bettttttter at empathizing and nurturing.

 

 

Kind of lost me at the liberal agenda comment. Like there are forces at play trying to confuse modern men into respecting women for more than just meatloaf-making-gaps?

 

Hawaii, I really do respect where you are coming from. I think that most of the men posting here likely respect women and have loved women and treated them with respect and dignity.

 

What I see happening is that as we get older, we realize that some patterns are repeating. As we have sons we realize how at the lower and middle socioeconomic levels we men are merely pawns. We mine coal, dump garbage, die in wars, receive torture, imprisonment, and bear the brunt of the most brutal behaviors. Yes, women suffer too - but in these ways men are much more disposable.

 

So to hear women gripe about who cleans more dishes (using a dishwasher invented, designed, assembled and delivered and installed by men) it is hard to take.

 

So rather than shut up like the good little boys we were trained to be, we are speaking out more now. Women have more power and just like men are going to have to get used to that fact, women are going to have to deal with the harsh cold reality of accountability. When sh&t goes wrong now, they too will have to take responsibility. Not much of that happening here, but this is how we start holding their feet to the fire.

 

Join us. Drop those tired old feminist cliches. I promise you that it will not get you laid any more. Look up Tom Leykis on video or radio. He is way over the top but his basic message is more right than wrong.

[strongnrelaxed]

In other words, every man (and woman) who is honest about this understands that the typical reaction of a woman to any display of "emotion"/"weakness" in her man, is to shyte test him. Then the man is vulnerable because he opened himself up to her, and instead of being supportive, she shyte tests him. If he realizes what's happening, he will man up, but if he buys into the propaganda, he will get even more emotional, thinking that he's not being "soft" enough and emotional enough, getting the relationship dynamic exactly backwards.

 

He will start being more emotional, start doing more chores around the house, thinking that's what's needed because of the false propaganda, and the woman will get more and more frustrated, because to her, he's not supposed to respond to the testing with more weakness--the testing is supposed to stimulate him to man up (even if she doesn't actually understand why she's doing it).

 

Don't believe it? What do you think posters such as Tara Maiden and some other female posters (and the beta males who curry their favor here, like Hawaii) are doing when they attack male posters for expressing their opinions? She's a compulsive internet shyte tester.

 

I am crying tears of joy inside right now. How is that for being open ladies? Does this make me more attractive?

 

Duck soup, I owe you a beer. If you are ever in New York. Look me up. First second and third round is on me.

 

Well said sir. Very well done.

[strongnrelaxed]

I'm sorry you went through all that, and for the loss of your father

 

Isn't it possible that the situation set your wife into a spiral? Three kids, you busy with new job and PhD program, and MIL moving in?

 

When you didn't want to talk about it, she may have interpreted that as you pulling away from her, rejecting her.

 

I wish it were that. In fact, as I have said many times, it was my vulnerability that set things off. In all fairness to her, she is painfully insecure. Cute, amazing woman, smart, great mom, and was a great wife for a long time.

 

People change. I get that. So while I will not demonize my ex, I do call out bad behaviors when I see them.

 

This is a very complex and messy situation. Thank you for your kind expression of concern. I appreciate it.

[Cb3657]

I think you guys are taliking to yourselfes and pretending you won a battle congrats on that.

If you want a serious answer to your original post, I think men are hardwired to try to protect women and women are hardwired to want strong men.I dont think any amount of complaining or baiting pissed off women will change that.

So yes dont share all your weakneses, why, because you will look weak. Man up boys evolution in action.

I will also not respond further so enjoy your "win"

[strongnrelaxed]

According to what Tara just posted, you're not just wrong, you're an "emasculated" male because you have a different opinion from her, i.e. no balls, not really "a man."

 

Sorry. Hold on. Wait a second. I am checking.

 

Whew! Yes, my balls are still there. Hold on, Yes, they're still there. Wait. Uh. Wait. Ok still there. Hey! ALL of my junk is still there. Don't mind me if I continue to "check" as I type with one hand.

 

Just to be clear, no woman can ever emasculate me. I am a man.Period. I will not ask permission to be a man. I just am. Not only that, but being a man is more than just "being" one. It entails a whole world of attitudes, behaviors, responsibilities, character traits, and relationships. In other words it is an action.

 

Now I am old school in some ways. I really do believe in America (at least the Constitution) and I believe that all men and woman are good in their basic nature. I like playing with my kids. I like puppies. I like drinking beer. I enjoy conversations with intelligent balanced women. I have been in a lot of fist fights - lost some, won more than I lost. I spent four years inthe USMC as an infantryman, and am almost done with a doctoral degree.

 

None of this is bragging - I am making a point here. Never once did I consult a woman about any of these things. When I started consulting my wife about career moves, I lost big time. I lost out on career opportunities money promotions work relationships.

 

I admit that this is a devastating emotional realization.

 

It is one thing to learn this and another to learn how many millions of other men have experienced the same thing. THIS is why I am no here ranting and raving about stupidity. This is for my two young sons who are going to inherit the world we leave for them. If we do not speak up, then who will?

 

Most men run.

 

I run towards danger and risk. Not away from it.

[Woggle]

Like I said in another thread my ex questioned my manhood because I cried at a friend's funeral. What does that say about how some women respond to vulnerability?

[Pyro]

Like I said in another thread my ex questioned my manhood because I cried at a friend's funeral. What does that say about how some women respond to vulnerability?

 

That SOME women are garbage.

 

How about we focus on the non garbage women for a change?

[strongnrelaxed]

I think you guys are taliking to yourselfes and pretending you won a battle congrats on that.

If you want a serious answer to your original post, I think men are hardwired to try to protect women and women are hardwired to want strong men.I dont think any amount of complaining or baiting pissed off women will change that.

So yes dont share all your weakneses, why, because you will look weak. Man up boys evolution in action.

I will also not respond further so enjoy your "win"

 

I enjoy this. There is no winning. It is like weeding a garden, You go until all the weeds are gone. Then you look around for more weeds and get rid of those too. I agree though, This thread has done its job.

 

And I am not beyond high fiving my brothers in arms. Well done lads.

 

Next!

[Pyro]

I enjoy this. There is no winning. It is like weeding a garden, You go until all the weeds are gone. Then you look around for more weeds and get rid of those too. I agree though, This thread has done its job.

 

And I am not beyond high fiving my brothers in arms. Well done lads.

 

Next!

 

Not sure what you think that you accomplished. All that you have proven is that some men are afraid to open up to their partners. Some guys must enjoy setting up their relationships for failure.

[strongnrelaxed]

Like I said in another thread my ex questioned my manhood because I cried at a friend's funeral. What does that say about how some women respond to vulnerability?

 

I didn't know this Woggle... but as you can tell, few here will be surprised to hear it.

 

In all fairness to women, they depend on our strength more than they want (or are able?) to admit.

 

So when they see us weak, either physically or emotionally, they freak out. Sometimes they hold it in. The good ones do. They support you and show YOU some strength. That is the way it is supposed to be.

 

Unfortunately it is uncommon in my experience.

[strongnrelaxed]

Not sure what you think that you accomplished. All that you have proven is that some men are afraid to open up to their partners. Some guys must enjoy setting up their relationships for failure.

 

Holy moley! Is that all you took from all of this?

 

Now I see why we have this problem to begin with.

 

No worries pyro. You seem like a reasonable man. Life will teach you the same lessons we all learn. Perhaps you will be one of the privileged few who skate by unscathed.

 

I hope so. I really do.

 

 

Remember what you read here. Just file it away.

[Cb3657]

Pyro You can certainly share and be open you just should not be whiny or weepy, crying a funeral is ok as long as it is not sobbing, you gotta do that you do it on your own. It seems like we spend so much time trying to overcome our instincts. I appreciate if you feel like you can open up to your partner about anything. I can TELL my wife anything and do tell her everything but my job is to be a strong and steady partner I embrace that role. It feels like these fellas are pissed at being asked to do this.

[Pyro]

Pyro You can certainly share and be open you just should not be whiny or weepy, crying a funeral is ok as long as it is not sobbing, you gotta do that you do it on your own. It seems like we spend so much time trying to overcome our instincts. I appreciate if you feel like you can open up to your partner about anything. I can TELL my wife anything and do tell her everything but my job is to be a strong and steady partner I embrace that role. It feels like these fellas are pissed at being asked to do this.

 

If a guy loses a best friend or a family member then he has all the right in the world to sob if that is how he feels. If any woman loses any respect for her man over that then she is scum.

 

As men it is our job to be strong, but to also be realistic and understand that we aren't perfect and there will be times where opening up is necessary in order to stay healthy and sane.

[xxoo]

I think women want men who can communicate feelings to them. But they don't want men who actually let the internal feelings influence the man to be weak.

 

For example, if a man tells his woman that he is fearful of having a confrontation with his boss (for example), she may be glad to know he is honest with his feelings. But, if he lets his fear affect his behavior, and doesn't go into work that day because of his fear, the woman will immediately lose any respect for him as a weakling, because of his avoidant (weak) behavior.

 

This is completely different from the standards that women apply to themselves. They give themselves a pass to let their fears, weaknesses, emotions affect what they actually do, but because they're women, it's O.K., it's acceptable.

 

In my relationship, we are a team--a team with minor children to support and protect. Neither adult gets the luxury of hiding away from challenges or fears. This is real life, not a fairy tale.

 

Yes, I would lose respect for my partner if he let fear keep him from meeting his responsibilities. He would for me, too. I don't see the double standard here.

 

If a man is on a work out program and diet, but then has some sort of emotional crisis, and let's that interrupt his workout plan or diet, that's just his weakness, because a man is supposed to be able to overcome his emotions when needed.

 

However if a woman has the same sort of crisis it's OK for her to sit on the couch and eat a gallon of ice cream and cry her heart out.

 

Because in the reality of relationships in our culture, women are allowed to let their emotions dictate their behavior, men aren't.

 

Again, I can not relate at all. It is considered "manly" to have a few beers and veg out in front of the football game, work out and diet be damned. (I'm not complaining about that, btw)

 

Think of the probably hundreds of threads over the time on Love Shack about men complaining about their wives getting too fat. That's a repetivie issue here.

 

Think of all the angst they are put through over simply wanting to express their feelings about this to their wives. They are called misogynists, they are called "neanderthals," they are called bad shallow men, they are harassed and criticized in the worst possible way.

 

If women HONESTLY cared about men's "feelings," we would never see threads like this with tons of women posting about how terrible men are simply for expressing such feelings.

 

His feelings about her body size? That's an incredibly complex issue, and not as simple as caring about his feelings.

 

Most women care very much what their men think of their body size, even if they aren't able to meet the expectations.

[Woggle]

If you won't let your spouse cry after their best friend is murdered you are scum. Women like this are no different than men who want women to not go out of the box and do things that aren't considered ladylike. Both are wrong.

[Crusoe]

I agree 100%. I was married for about 13 years when my father died. My mother moved in with us out of necessity. She was left penniless. Three kids, new job, new doctoral program, house repairs. It was a lot.

 

When I tell you that I feel like I barely showed my weakness, I am telling you the God's honest truth (even though I am an Atheist). This sent my wife into a spiral.

 

I was just being more quiet and subdued than usual. Didn't want to talk about it.

 

That is all it takes I guess.

 

Some women just can't give strength back when it's needed.

 

My ex was like that. You can show all the patience and understanding in the world but once their source of strength (you) is depleted, they look elsewhere. All you're left with wasted years and a hard lesson learnt.

 

That lesson isn't to never be weak, tired, ill, stressed or rundown, it's to next time find a strong woman that can either give a little strength when needed, or stand on their own two feet while you regain yours.

[threebyfate]

Depends.

 

Do they continue whining and moaning, constantly rubbing ash in their hair and rending their clothing in despair about the cruel inequities of women? Eff that noise. Whiny, crybabies aren't attractive.

[Cb3657]

OK I just think what I think on this one I guess, I keep my sobbing to myself. I will cry I just wont do a sobbing breakdown type thing in front of anyone, that is a moment I will keep to myself. I would not want my wife to see this, she knows i have feelings and that I love/care but I have never seen a man in full break down that I did not pity and I dont like the idea of people, or my wife, pitying me. This may be a mental thing for me but there it is

[Crusoe]

Depends.

 

Do they continue whining and moaning, constantly rubbing ash in their hair and rending their clothing in despair about the cruel inequities of women? Eff that noise. Whiny, crybabies aren't attractive.

 

A lot of things in this world aren't attractive. Always best to try and to rid them from ones system before one becomes too ugly to bear.

[threebyfate]

Men are allowed to have and express their emotions only to the extent they don't inconvenience the woman the man happens to be with at the time.

 

When women say they want men to open up emotionally, they're not saying it for the man's benefit. They're saying it just because it's another form of attention the man can provide to the woman, it's always for the woman's ego or benefit.

 

So opening up emotionally to the woman can benefit her because it gives her insight to his character, his weaknesses, what buttons she can push to manipulate him more effectively.

 

Beyond that....shut up already, mister.

What I stated surrounds men who won't do anything about their issues. How does this translate to not wanting to hear anything at all?

 

But I will admit to not finding insecure men attractive. When I'm emotionally and intellectually tougher and stronger than a man, it's a turnoff for me. My preference resides in equality of mind, spirit and connection, not a parental role dynamic.

[Hawaii50]

Men are allowed to have and express their emotions only to the extent they don't inconvenience the woman the man happens to be with at the time.

 

When women say they want men to open up emotionally, they're not saying it for the man's benefit. They're saying it just because it's another form of attention the man can provide to the woman, it's always for the woman's ego or benefit.

 

So opening up emotionally to the woman can benefit her because it gives her insight to his character, his weaknesses, what buttons she can push to manipulate him more effectively.

 

Beyond that....shut up already, mister.

 

 

I understand the whiney part, i do.. i wouldn't share a moment past finding out she's whiney..

 

In my opinion, the woman you describe..Never loved or cared about you. Because that isn't right. And I've never experienced that, not once.

[Hawaii50]

overt but i get it lmao

[Hawaii50]

This applies to virtually all women, even those who claim otherwise.

 

You don't believe me?

 

Here's a little experiment. You should actually try it.

 

Try to spend an entire week being totally honest with your wife/partner and see how many crying fits, temper tantrums, petulant remarks, looks, rolling eyes, withholding of sex, sarcastic remarks, expression of resentment, or other kinds of petty or major retributions she inflicts or attempts to inflict on you.

 

I'll wager the average man can't realistically even get through a single 24 hour period honestly expressing his feelings to his woman, and if he does, she will make him pay for it.

 

"Those pants DO make your ass look fat honey. Actually, all your pants make your ass look fat. So maybe it isn't the pants' fault?"

 

"Yes I do wish your tits were two cup sizes bigger. Always have. You know what, I meant to say 4 cup sizes bigger."

 

"Take out the garbage yourself. I don't want to."

 

 

Your experiment is ridiculous.. how about i punch her in the face and see what she does.. again ridiculous.

 

I get the whiney part, but anyone who loves you will understand if you're hurting or not. AGAIN whiney bitches need not apply. I was once a whiney bitch when i was 18-19. I balled in front of a girl that was breaking my heart, and she didn't care. She actually left cause she couldn't take my emotional state. not surprised, she didn't love me, i was "new" sotospeak.. she was my first real love after being on my own.

 

Yes i control my emotions better now, and when i need to i will let the tears fall or the anger come.. when it's needed. I'm not ashamed to be an emotional being. I wouldn't be with a woman who was ashamed of ME BEING an emotional being. AGIANGIANGIAIGIAAGAIN, I understand the no whining.

 

 

Also, there is a point to where you're bringing this conversation that is absolutely ridiculous.. talking about "i wish your tits were bigger.", is that honesty? NO that's disrespect, and an obvious showing that you don't care how she feels.. and that you probably don't love her for her. Yes you can take down all your mental filters and call everyone out, and they have terms for those people.. Turettes*? Asheburgers* syndrome.. these people are mentally handicapped.. are you?! no, so you don't say stupid things like that serve no purpose but to hurt the one you love.

 

Being honest with your emotional being to yourself and to the person who you're SUPPOSED to be able to share everything with does not give you a free pass to be an unadulterated ASHhole.

[Sauron]

All that means is you hold yourself to a higher standard than women generally do. Most women can justify almost any behavior they want to engage in based on how they happen to be "feeling" that day.

 

Feeling a little depressed? I know, let's go to the mall!!! A little compulsive shopping will cheer the little lady right up!!!

 

How many men (heterosexual men that is) ever told you that to cheer themselves up they bought a new pair of shoes? The emotional state was the entire justification for the action taken.

 

Not to say that men don't act in response to their emotions; but the internal narrative between men and women, the reasons they give themselves as justifications for what they do, tend to differ in this respect.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I've never heard any MAN seriously define his manliness by drinking beers in front of a football game. That's a false attribution that a woman might think applies, but men don't. Or you may have heard men joking around about it.

 

Men tend to define their manliness by acts of courage, how much money they have, physical stature and ability, and probably most of all, how many women they can get to have sex with them, and the attractiveness level of the women. That's one of the reasons it's kind of emasculating for a man's wife to let herself become a lazy fat sow--being married to a pig is deflating to one's masculinity image. It's not solely that the sex with a fatty often leaves much to be desired (although that's also a big part of it).

 

A man wants a woman on his arm he can be proud of. Not a lazy fat pig.

 

 

 

 

The only thing that's "complex" about it, is that conveying dissatisfaction with the woman's body size carries the implication that she might actually be at fault to some degree and responsible for those feelings, as well as for doing something about it to solve the problem.

 

If it's just about a man feeling insecure or weak for some other reason, the woman ultimately can just tell him to get his act together and "act like a man." She can't do that if SHE's the problem. Then she has to get HER act together. She has to stop eating like a pig and start getting in shape. Of course women who refuse to do so turn around and attack the man for even having these feelings. So it's always the man's fault anyway.

 

 

 

Most women in relationships where their weight is a continuing issue, don't care enough about it to actually do anything about it. Other than blame the man for having and expressing his feelings. Again, there's nothing complex about it.

 

Having a fat, piggy, sloppy, lazy, sexually unattractive wife is one of the major issues that causes the most trouble in marriages that we read about here. And men get attacked for honestly expressing their feelings--they're insensitive neanderthals if they tell their wives "Baby you're way too fat. Stop shoveling food in your mouth all the time and get on the treadmill."

 

So no, women really DON'T want to hear men's feelings UNLESS they think it will give them greater insight into their man's psyche and make it easier to manipulate the man.

 

I wanted to stand up and salute after I read this one!

[MonsterMash]

Whats truly sad is the estrogen lynch mob has fled, but left behind a neutered, metrosexual male to spout off the feminazi party line.

 

Pathetic really.