A need to vent

[Tibby321]

It has been a while since I was here when I was confussed, angre and wondering what the hect to do.

The decri nisi is being pronounced this Monday 8th so now I can sort the clean break 'consent order'. I am surprised how I have been feeling, pretty rubbish! After feeling very positive about the fact that I was doing the right thing ending the marriage and life would be so much better without him.

He said to me when i finaly filed for divorce that he would make it as difficult for me as pssible....and this was the man who has begged for me not to divorce and that he loved me so much. ALL CRAP, that was him making things as difficult for me as he could.

He cheated, lied, gas lightded me, sort to cause problems with my son, my friends and with the Christodelphian community.

What he has done is played the victim by swiching every thing around. He says that I did not marry him for the right reason, that I'm the cheat, liar, control freak, malipulator, the one who sort to prevent communication with his friends and family, told others that I have an STI - that I left a leaflet at his which was from a tablet box for genital herpes and that he hopes that i don't have HIV and more.

I was told by a member here when I was going through the distress of realising that something was wrong that i should run and run as fast as I could. I didn't run soon enough or fast enough. He caused me to doubt myself which I don't any longer. He has confirmed that he is a brillient actor of deceiption and has no care for anyone else but himself.

it worries me the waves of deep anger that I feel and I don't know what to do with the anger. I have had all sorts of thoughts of what I would like to do but I know that would not acheive anything and would perhaps make things worse' he would hit back.

He is out of my life, I have a life without him but the diovrce wont be final for a while yet and until the judge confirms the clean break it is on my mind (so he is in a sort of way still with me). All the events are on my mind and I need them to go. It has got better and I find that some days I have not thought about it. Then there are the days I can't get it out of my head, like today. Days like that are lost days as it make me feel ill.

I keep busy but the really bad days are when I am incapable of doing anything, my whole body, mind is paralysed.

I have had councilling and yes I know the truth and it doesn't matter what other people think of me because they don't know the truth but i still can't help feeling angre.

May his conscience be his punishment but I doubt he has one.

I really hate this man for what he has done and I have never hated anyone and don't like this feeling.

[Silly_Girl]

Hate is such a destructive emotion, but it doesn't just disappear when we click our fingers, sadly. I really hope you'll feel better - more peaceful - at the end of the process.

[Ninja'sHusband]

I know the sickening feeling of anger that has stayed way past it's welcome... I hate the anger Angry about anger!

 

I find you have to work through a lot of it, it's just not possible to avoid. You have to vomit up that poison somehow. It does help to get out there and do new things though, gets your mind on something new. I started doing half marathons, rock climbing, drawing, focusing on my daughter, etc.

 

Hang on, it does get better. There's still some hell to go through but be patient with yourself through "the suck".

[melenkurion]

You did exactly the right thing. I can understand why you are angry. It's a stage in the process. You have every right to be angry. It takes time to process that. My counsellor told me to try and recognise the difference between anger and rage. Rage was pure destruction, no benefit, couldn't really express myself when I was raging. Anger, however, can be a positive thing: people use righteous anger at injustice (say) to propel them to end it. Deal with the rage as best you can. Physical exercise helps a lot with the rage, and that was the advice my counsellor gave me. Anger is a sign that something needs to change. Take the anger and use it to propel you to make your life even better now that you are free.