savethedrama4allama Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 So, when your boyfriend calls his ex three times to tell her he wants to end their "friendship" (which really was just her using him), to explain why, and to tell her not to call anymore... and she keeps calling and text messaging, so he changes his cell phone number, and then she starts emailing, so he gets a new email address, and then she finally starts calling his friends (who she met while they dated but never was friends with them herself) and nobody knows how she got the number... what do you do? (short of a restraining order) I don't want to call her myself because it is immature and it won't work anyway. We are ignoring her obviously, but any other ideas would be greatly appreciated. She is freaking me out- she has a history with mental imbalance, and one voicemail will be angry, the next in tears, the next sounding rational. When they were friends he told her my full name and some info about me, so now I watch my back walking through parking lots if you know what I mean. He has the same home phone number as when they dated...but he lives with family who dislikes her so that is probably what has kept her at bay so far... He has moved since they dated but she would only need to look in the phone book to get his new address... They go to the same small college which consists of one building, pretty easy to find someone there, they will both be heading back in the Fall... And he drives the same car as when they dated, which has two small yet unique stickers that could indicate it is his. Link to post Share on other sites
Fayebelle Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 OK DRAMA! This is REALLY getting old fast -and I'm not even living it! Your BF needs to threaten her w/ a restraining order- nothing else is working. Also he had a good repor w/her parents- have him talk to them about intervening (they prob won't but at least they will be aware of her actions). Perhaps just realizing what a big deal this is will get her to back off. If not -I'd look into a restraining order. She's a whack job! This really has gone on long enough. I preached patience before but I think it's time for action. Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted July 28, 2004 Share Posted July 28, 2004 I brought up a restraining order to my boyfriend last night jokingly, and he said that he will seriously do that if she tries to find him in person. Its kinda a rediculous idea considering she probably weighs 100 lbs and couldn't hurt either of us without the help of a firearm, but I don't know what else to do! And when you don't know what else to do, you post to Loveshack! Link to post Share on other sites
Fayebelle Posted July 28, 2004 Share Posted July 28, 2004 I think the threat alone may be enough to deter her- Make her see he really IS NOT INTERESTED! Link to post Share on other sites
Firegirl04 Posted July 28, 2004 Share Posted July 28, 2004 Obviously she hasn't got the hint... he has stopped talking to her, changed the numbers, etc. Your next step is to file for a restraining (protective) order. Link to post Share on other sites
beautiful Posted July 29, 2004 Share Posted July 29, 2004 Hmm ok, maybe you need to ask your bf some serious ?. This sound extremely bizzare to me. What is his involvement still? Way to much drama and you way to involved in this. Why would you be in such a situation? Link to post Share on other sites
Firegirl04 Posted July 29, 2004 Share Posted July 29, 2004 Beautiful maybe right... he maybe more involved than what he is telling you Link to post Share on other sites
Fayebelle Posted July 29, 2004 Share Posted July 29, 2004 Save the Drama had a thread on here a while ago about this when it 1st started to be a prob- The chick is just nutters. Link to post Share on other sites
faux Posted July 29, 2004 Share Posted July 29, 2004 Originally posted by Fayebelle ...Your BF needs to threaten her w/ a restraining order- nothing else is working... NO! Using a Restraining Order, or even a TRO in that way, even "threatening" to get one, can be interpreted as using a RO in a manner in which to harass another. This is a crime, and ROs/TROs are not intended to be used in this manner. ROs are intended to protect persons, not threaten or harass other persons. I don't care if this girl is coming up to his house with a loaded shot gun, threatening her with a RO is a big NO NO. I'd agree that the boyfriend should GET a restraining order. Good luck on that, especially seeing as he is a man. The way in which police tend to approach these situations is "Just ignore her". I've been there and had little luck myself. I see it was mentioned that the ex leaves voice mails, emails, and text messages. Save all of these. Print to hard copy anything that you can. Save notes. If someone picks up the telephone and she's on it, write down the time of the call, what was said, and how it made you feel. Keep a journal of any events, especially specific times when friends say they were contacted by this ex of his. You'll need all the proof, and very specific dates and times, if he is going to form a case against her. He doesn't necessarily have to file for the TRO now, but it's good to start gathering up this information NOW. Keep it very organized and in a safe place. When your boyfriend goes to the police department to file for a TRO (Temporary Restraining Order), he will need to have proof that he is being harassed or threatened by this ex. After the TRO is granted (hopefully), it will usually be in effect for a period of one week. After this week, he will be required to prove his case in court against her at a family court. He will have to see her face to face in the court house, but hopefully things will get settled, and the TRO will become a FRO (Finalized restraining order). If he can't get the TRO, don't let the police drive him away that easily. He can file for anything that he wants. To file for a TRO, the signing officer and judge must have proof that he is in danger, or being threatened somehow by this girl. To file harassment, however, or other charges, he doesn't need "permission" to do so. If they give him a hard time about the TRO for being a guy (unfortunately, some places do that) he can always file for something else that is appropriate. If things work out, and he gets an order of protection, it might be a good idea to consult an attorney. The way that the law tends to work, sometimes, is that your boyfriend and his ex will just be told to "stay away from one another". A FRO would do the same thing, as it will be ordered by a judge. However, it wouldn't be a bad idea to invest in an attorney to bring up her mental instability. I wouldn't recommend your boyfriend bring any of that up unless he has an attorney, who can better handle that sort of issue. Good luck! Also remember, however... If a TRO/FRO is granted, and your boyfriend communicates in any way, or does anything to bother his ex, HE can get arrested. TRO/FROs go both ways. Link to post Share on other sites
moodyblues Posted July 29, 2004 Share Posted July 29, 2004 What Faux said about Restraining orders is pretty accurate, but for his state. Each state does it differently. Like in Kentucky and Indiana, the scenario that Faux used would be correct. In Arizona, the Order of Protection is a one time deal without the week to three weeks Temporary Order. That would also apply to the threatening part too. I have never heard of a victim being prosecuted for threatening to get a restraining order. DEFINITELY write everything down and keep recordings! If you do decide to get one, it might be better if both of you go and when you go to the courthouse ask them if they have domestic violence advocates on site. They will potentially treat you better than a police officer or court personnel. Also, check out your state's stalking law (this can be found on your State of Whatever Legislative Statutes site). If he does get a Restraining Order, he might want to file it with the local police and possibly let school administrators know about it too. Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted July 29, 2004 Share Posted July 29, 2004 Fayebelle is right. He hasn't had contact with her since April. I know this because all of her correspondence is "why haven't you been talking to me?" or "you have been ignoring me for __ months!" Thanks everyone for your tips! Link to post Share on other sites
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