Parental Control

[Bug]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years, recently I moved in with him and soon after his 20 yr. old son moved in. We (my boyfriend and I) split everything, the rent, bills, and groceries. I do most of the cooking (I don't mind) and cleaning (I mind). My problem is that I don't think I should be paying half for everything. His son works and gives his father some money but I don't see any of it. I think my boyfriend should pay more, it's his son and he has his own room. Also, his son never does a thing in the house you have to ask him over and over again and when he does it, it's half ass. When I complain about me cleaning all the time and complaining about his son, he says I'm too perfect, I want things my way. Yes I want things done my way it's my house. I do love my boyfriend allot we also just got engaged 2 days ago. I want this fixed before we get married. what can I do?

[Paulie]

Yeah...Definitely fix it before you get married!

[Tony T]

You're a day late and a dollar short, babe. You should have gotten this straightened out before your engagement. By accepting a marriage proposal, you accept everything just like it is. Why is it that every woman in the world thinks things will magically improve in the future when, in fact, they often get worse???

 

This guy's son is a super freeloader and it sounds like his dad, your new fiance, is a selfish jerk. His son is giving him money and he's pocketing it without giving you or the household a cent. What a scumbag.

 

In any court in the land, a judge would rule that the son is responsible for one third of the rent, one third of the food costs (if he eats at your place), and one third of the utilities.

 

You are getting a raw deal here. You aren't taking this thing anywhere serious enough. This is a DANGEROUS indication that your guy is not only selfish, but does not share your view of fairness and equity. You are getting royally screwed here...but I have to say it's your fault for putting up with it. Why in heaven's name did you agree to marry this guy without resolving this?

 

You need to stick to your guns and insist that the money the son gives daddy goes right into the pot for rent, utility, and food expenses. He also needs to do some contributing to the chores at home.

 

Just reading your post got me really worked up. If you don't have the guts to do it, post again and I'll fly to your city and help you take care of this matter. I get really pissed when nice ladies like you get taken advantage of...especially after they have given their love to the jerk that is taking advantage of them.

 

Damn, I wish I hadn't read this. I will be upset about this all weekend.

 

Congratulations on your engagement!!!

[Suz]

Hi Bug...

 

Congratulations on your engagement!

 

Well, it looks like you have a perfect opportunity to get things changed!! A new beginning for you and your new husband can also make new rules for any kids who live with you!

 

Talk to your fiance and tell him that you'd like things to be a little different when you get married. I am sure he will agree with you. It sounds like you get along pretty well with his son, which is a good sign! I am glad for you.

 

I hope that everything works out for you!

 

Take care!

 

My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years, recently I moved in with him and soon after his 20 yr. old son moved in. We (my boyfriend and I) split everything, the rent, bills, and groceries. I do most of the cooking (I don't mind) and cleaning (I mind). My problem is that I don't think I should be paying half for everything. His son works and gives his father some money but I don't see any of it. I think my boyfriend should pay more, it's his son and he has his own room. Also, his son never does a thing in the house you have to ask him over and over again and when he does it, it's half ass. When I complain about me cleaning all the time and complaining about his son, he says I'm too perfect, I want things my way. Yes I want things done my way it's my house. I do love my boyfriend allot we also just got engaged 2 days ago. I want this fixed before we get married. what can I do?

[Deejette]

A 20-year old is an adult by my standards and can earn money, do chores, and pull his weight. But you are not his mother. It is up to the father to handle this. If he doesn't see how unfair the situation is, don't think it will get better after marriage.

 

Tony is right. People think that marriage is a solution. That just walking down the aisle will cause all the relationship problems to disappear. They don't. They get worse, because now you feel trapped in a situation you could have walked away from when you were single.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years, recently I moved in with him and soon after his 20 yr. old son moved in. We (my boyfriend and I) split everything, the rent, bills, and groceries. I do most of the cooking (I don't mind) and cleaning (I mind). My problem is that I don't think I should be paying half for everything. His son works and gives his father some money but I don't see any of it. I think my boyfriend should pay more, it's his son and he has his own room. Also, his son never does a thing in the house you have to ask him over and over again and when he does it, it's half ass. When I complain about me cleaning all the time and complaining about his son, he says I'm too perfect, I want things my way. Yes I want things done my way it's my house. I do love my boyfriend allot we also just got engaged 2 days ago. I want this fixed before we get married. what can I do?

[bug]

Tony,

 

As a matter of fact I did resolve somethings these are the things that were left over. Now when we got engaged it was the morning after I flew back home from a vacation. Before I left on vacation, I told them that things are going to change around here when I get back and I meant it. I don't think that things will change by themselves in the future. Hell it is the future and things are slowly changing but not fast enough for me. I totally agree with him paying a third. I shouldn't be supporting his son. He (my fiance) thinks it's fair that I split everything with him and if I have something to say to his son (about anything) that I should just say it to him. I feel I said this all before to him many times and this was all laid out when he first moved in. In my fiance's defense, he's not selfish or a scumbag. He just thinks that I should be a "mother figure" to his son. I don't want to be a mother figure I'm to young to try and change a 20yr old (I'm only 33yrs. old myself). He has a mother, not a very good one but she's still around. I was reading your response when my fiance called and I told him what I was reading. Maybe after I print this out he will be able to understand that I'm not crazy for thinking I'm getting "a raw deal".

You're a day late and a dollar short, babe. You should have gotten this straightened out before your engagement. By accepting a marriage proposal, you accept everything just like it is. Why is it that every woman in the world thinks things will magically improve in the future when, in fact, they often get worse??? This guy's son is a super freeloader and it sounds like his dad, your new fiance, is a selfish jerk. His son is giving him money and he's pocketing it without giving you or the household a cent. What a scumbag. In any court in the land, a judge would rule that the son is responsible for one third of the rent, one third of the food costs (if he eats at your place), and one third of the utilities.

 

You are getting a raw deal here. You aren't taking this thing anywhere serious enough. This is a DANGEROUS indication that your guy is not only selfish, but does not share your view of fairness and equity. You are getting royally screwed here...but I have to say it's your fault for putting up with it. Why in heaven's name did you agree to marry this guy without resolving this? You need to stick to your guns and insist that the money the son gives daddy goes right into the pot for rent, utility, and food expenses. He also needs to do some contributing to the chores at home. Just reading your post got me really worked up. If you don't have the guts to do it, post again and I'll fly to your city and help you take care of this matter. I get really pissed when nice ladies like you get taken advantage of...especially after they have given their love to the jerk that is taking advantage of them. Damn, I wish I hadn't read this. I will be upset about this all weekend. Congratulations on your engagement!!!

[bug]

Tony, As a matter of fact I did resolve somethings these are the things that were left over. Now when we got engaged it was the morning after I flew back home from a vacation. Before I left on vacation, I told them that things are going to change around here when I get back and I meant it. I don't think that things will change by themselves in the future. Hell it is the future and things are slowly changing but not fast enough for me. I totally agree with him paying a third. I shouldn't be supporting his son. He (my fiance) thinks it's fair that I split everything with him and if I have something to say to his son (about anything) that I should just say it to him. I feel I said this all before to him many times and this was all laid out when he first moved in. In my fiance's defense, he's not selfish or a scumbag. He just thinks that I should be a "mother figure" to his son. I don't want to be a mother figure I'm to young to try and change a 20yr old (I'm only 33yrs. old myself). He has a mother, not a very good one but she's still around. I was reading your response when my fiance called and I told him what I was reading. Maybe after I print this out he will be able to understand that I'm not crazy for thinking I'm getting "a raw deal".