TheUnthoughtKnown Posted October 7, 2012 Share Posted October 7, 2012 I'm having a very bad day, and I've only just woken up. My friend posted pictures of his house warming on Fb. Why does this upset me? I've been trying to find my way in the world: I travelled for a bit some years ago, returned and went to college, hated it, dropped out, joined a different college, graduated onto Uni, hated it, dropped out, got a job and now I'm stuck in it. By comparison my friend left school, went to college (while I travelled), then Uni and then got himself a job earning a very good wage. Then he and his gf moved into this gorgeous house in what's known as a really good area. I hate him for it. And I hate myself even more for being bitter. He invited me to his house warming last night but my anger, jealousy and bitterness took hold and I made an excuse to get out of it. Now I see the pictures of last nights party and a surge of anger, jealousy and depression has taken hold of me again. He's a lovely guy and one of my best friends but he's had it all: a stable family life, a good start, he never seems conflicted or confused. He's never been angsty, even when we were in adolescence. He's just a guy who's always known what he's wanted and now he's got it, and it burns me up. I've had a string of failed relationships, failed jobs, failed college and Uni courses. I feel that most things I try, I fail at. I can't do anything right. I feel like calling in sick to work today and sitting in my sh**ty apartment all day feeling sorry for myself... Link to post Share on other sites
kae Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 listen to good music. empower yourself. make a resolve with the fact that things are ****ty... next time life punches you.. you`ll be like soft rubber.. it wont bug you so much.. resilience is sweeeeet Link to post Share on other sites
kae Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 i get it TRUST me.. but part of love of life is my intense hunger for the finer things.. i laaavish in my struggle ... i ask for mmore!! Bring it Bitch!!! i dont think i was meant for the easy ride.. it isnt me! i still have nothing.. but i have an unshakeable belief in myself . everyone has a due date. i cant wait.. in the meantime.. i love sweating and bleeding and crying and fighitng.. i love life Link to post Share on other sites
River Rain Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 I'm having a very bad day, and I've only just woken up. My friend posted pictures of his house warming on Fb. Why does this upset me? I've been trying to find my way in the world: I travelled for a bit some years ago, returned and went to college, hated it, dropped out, joined a different college, graduated onto Uni, hated it, dropped out, got a job and now I'm stuck in it. By comparison my friend left school, went to college (while I travelled), then Uni and then got himself a job earning a very good wage. Then he and his gf moved into this gorgeous house in what's known as a really good area. I hate him for it. And I hate myself even more for being bitter. He invited me to his house warming last night but my anger, jealousy and bitterness took hold and I made an excuse to get out of it. Now I see the pictures of last nights party and a surge of anger, jealousy and depression has taken hold of me again. He's a lovely guy and one of my best friends but he's had it all: a stable family life, a good start, he never seems conflicted or confused. He's never been angsty, even when we were in adolescence. He's just a guy who's always known what he's wanted and now he's got it, and it burns me up. I've had a string of failed relationships, failed jobs, failed college and Uni courses. I feel that most things I try, I fail at. I can't do anything right. I feel like calling in sick to work today and sitting in my sh**ty apartment all day feeling sorry for myself... I get that way too sometimes. When I meet people who seem so happy with their family lives especially. I had to leave mine behind to heal from the past. I don't miss the people, but I would often lament that it was unfair that I never had a loving family, supportive parents and a healthy upbringing. I've also had failed jobs and relationships, lost my condo in 2004 too. But you just can't compare yourself to other people. Yes, easier said than done. But if you do that, you only keep hurting yourself and feeding the bitterness. Stop looking at the photos on fb too. I use the "fake it till you make it" approach a lot of the time. Maybe in this circumstance, keep telling yourself you're happy for your friend, and he deserves happiness and success etc...but don't let this one incident spiral out of control to you hating your entire life, and always remembering what you perceive as failures. Again, easier said than done right? I try to remember what I learned from each perceived failure and how I've become a better person. I try to remember the present and think about what I have to be grateful for today. Anyway, I hope that helps a little. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NoMoreJerks Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 I feel bitter, at a lot of things, especially my ex. There is nothing wrong with that. Sometimes bitterness is justified. Sometimes it is not. I feel bitter that he prefers Thai whores to a relationship with me.. nothing wrong with my feelings. It's normal, and healthy. Should I have felt happy instead? Something would've been wrong with my head if I had felt "happy" for him for doing what made him "happy." Link to post Share on other sites
TiredFamilyGuy Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 (edited) Sitting at home in a stew of misery, unable to enjoy yourself? I can relate. Been there, done that. You must get a grip or the rest of your life will be sour. In many years you could look back to NOW and think "I had it all - youth and opportunities - and wasted it in a mire of self-pity". Don't go further down that route. You have achieved the insight that your problem with your own situation has become the problem (or major part thereof). So, what next? You don't have the house or job or girlfriend you want now - but all that can be made to change. It's not magic - but takes having goals and working towards them in small steps. You are right that you were not dealt the best hand, and it seems you have not played it well so far. But other people have done worse with better. What matters is trying to be just a bit more like your optimum self from now on. You could have gone to the party, made a good hookup, got some of that happy person energy. Don't let opportunities slide. You had one then, you've another, starting now. Edited October 9, 2012 by TiredFamilyGuy Clarity Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheUnthoughtKnown Posted October 18, 2012 Author Share Posted October 18, 2012 Sitting at home in a stew of misery, unable to enjoy yourself? I can relate. Been there, done that. You must get a grip or the rest of your life will be sour. In many years you could look back to NOW and think "I had it all - youth and opportunities - and wasted it in a mire of self-pity". Don't go further down that route. You have achieved the insight that your problem with your own situation has become the problem (or major part thereof). So, what next? You don't have the house or job or girlfriend you want now - but all that can be made to change. It's not magic - but takes having goals and working towards them in small steps. You are right that you were not dealt the best hand, and it seems you have not played it well so far. But other people have done worse with better. What matters is trying to be just a bit more like your optimum self from now on. You could have gone to the party, made a good hookup, got some of that happy person energy. Don't let opportunities slide. You had one then, you've another, starting now. I'm all for opportunities, but I feel like I'm not equipped to handle any opportunities. Most of my life I've been told I'm a failure. My mother said it from time to time, my teachers said to me often enough, friends have even told me I'm doing nothing with my life. I feel I lack the ability. Maybe it's to do with how I was raised, maybe it's something entirely different. The reason I compare myself to my friend is that he is closer to the person I want to be, and so I try and figure out how to be like him, but for all I try, its just not happening. I failed in my studies, I've been fired from the last 2 jobs I had (albeit one was a technicality, since I'd already handed in my resignation before they fired me), an I bounced from relationship to relationship. My life has been shaky and stop-start almost from the beginning, whereas his has been based on routine, and stability. How can I possibly succeed when I lack ability, confidence and motivation? Link to post Share on other sites
taya Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 yeah i no what u mean am only 21 and i get that feeling too stuff just never seem to go my way ,and i do get jealous when i see friends or people with more things then me i feel like i have fail ,but i have not fail they have work hard for what they got so i will too evertime i feel like am going to get jealouse for what someone eles have i tell my self your not going to do this not anymore then the feeling will just fade away . the best quote i ever heard and that i live by everday gos like this............Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending;) Link to post Share on other sites
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