I see him every day. It's a nightmare.

[katy1151]

I posted on here about a month ago when my boyfriend of nine months broke up with me out of the blue, two days before our school started. He's reason was because he didn't know what he wanted in life, and that he needed space. Basically, we never fought and (I thought) we were madly in love with each other, so I was shocked and was very depressed for several weeks. I did talk to him a few days after he broke up with me as an attempt to get answers, and we agreed to talk in a month. The month is up and he has not tried contacting me. Things have been getting better, but I am having a hard time coping.

 

We both go to the same college. Our school is tiny (not even 2,000 students) and we live in the same dorm. Therefore, I see him multiple times a day. During the first few weeks he would run away whenever he saw me. This really bothered me because he was also my best friend. I said hi to him twice when he walked by me, and he would just look at the ground and say hello back. On my birthday, about a week ago, he totally ignored me when we would walk past each other. I am hurt that he doesn't have the decency to be polite. Before, I would have taken him back, but now I don't want him. However, I still can't get over him.

 

One of the hardest parts is that he hangs out with the freshmen girls all the time. Like he has completely moved on. Whenever I go past the lobby, sure enough there he is flirting and laughing with them. Each time I witness this, I feel sick to my stomach and sad for hours afterwards. I don't know how to stop myself from feeling this way.

 

So if I could get any advice on getting over this, that would be great. Also, I have some of his sweatshirts, and other things, and I don't know if I should give it back to him. He has things of mine as well that he hasn't returned.

[gamman]

Go into NC. Can you change your routine, even the routes you take to class for a while to avoid him? Get rid of his things -- throw them out, leave them at his door, have a friend ask him if he wants them back -- get rid of them asap.

 

I meditated a lot when my mind was just totally nuts immediately following my break up. Exercise, cardio? Reading? Something to help with that anxiety and racing mind. Are you able to see a therapist/counselor? Just someone to talk to about this stuff? Socializing? Trying to keep busy? Mindfulness, trying to stay in the present?

 

And try not to worry about him, what he's doing. I know it's really, really hard, but who cares who he is talking to and that he doesn't say hi. Right now, worry about your own self preservation.

 

There isn't a magic bullet. I'm really sorry. I know it's extraordinarily painful what you're going through. Just have faith that if you take the time and effort to heal from this is in a healthy way it will get better and you will grow so much as a person. This won't go on forever. Have faith.

[katy1151]

I have been trying to change my routine to avoid him, but it's pretty difficult. Normally, he goes to dinner at the cafeteria the same time we would go last year. But lately, his times are sporadic. Thus, half the time when I am there, so is he. I also can't really change my path to classes since the campus is so small. Ideally, I would like to move off campus. But that's not possible until next year. It's unfortunate, because on the rare days I don't see him, I feel a lot better.

 

I have been talking to friends and family, and doing things like yoga, swimming, and running to get my mind off of things, and trying to boost my self esteem since it took quite the hit. I'm also thinking about joining a sorority to keep me busy.

[Jingle14]

You have my sympathies as I have a similar problem. Mine lives and works in my neighbourhood and his parents live on the only road leading off where I live - yesterday I had to go past there 8 times and it really doesn't help at all. I have altered my routine as best I can but this does entail having to drive the long way around to avoid going past his street and his office. I would move but my son has just started High School (and the school itself is over the road from where he lives) and I can't possibly sell up and uproot him when he has already been through enough. My son usually walks but his living near the school has impacted on me dropping my son at school in bad weather (although I haven't admitted this to him) as the only time in a year I went up there, to an Open Night in July, he drove past me. Even a trip to the shop around the corner runs the risk of bumping into him. This is not helping my recovery or getting over him at all and I feel as stuck, 16 months on, as I did at the start. Sometimes, I choose to stay home rather than drive past the parents. When his car is there, this is a stab in the heart, when it isn't my imagination runs wild thinking he must be with his new tart, it's just horrible.

 

Unfortunately, I don't know the answer but I do know how very, very difficult it is and I empathise.

Edited October 8, 2012 by Jingle14

[katy1151]

I'm sorry Jingle14, that sounds very difficult. Hopefully, with time things will improve though.

 

I have another question if that's okay. Has anyone else had to deal with seeing their ex on a regular basis? I was wondering if seeing them all the time holds you back from moving on. I'm afraid that I will be stuck here, unable to move on, and won't have the desire to date again.

[RudeLou]

I have to see my ex everyday here at work. The first day sucked because it was awkward. We talked for a little bit and while it can still be awkward it's not as bad. I'm just going to try to do my work and go our separate ways when we used to carpool or hang out right after work. I'm still hurt, but I know with time I'll be okay.

 

Hang in there!

[xpaperxcutx]

You probably don't want to hear this but my guess is he wanted to be a free man to date other people. The fact he is talking to freshmen girls prove that...

 

Anyways, the only way you can be completely free of him is to carve out your own identity at school. Instead of thinking you and him you have to think about you. The first steps to go about it is to make new friends and build a good social circle. I like your idea of joining a sorority, make new girl friends who can be your go-to for shopping, gossip, etc. Start going to the campus gym more and if you can, take up weight training. Mentally, your mind will think about him from time to time, but get yourself out there to get involve with the academics and also get involve with community activities. Finally, always do something you absolutely love, so by the end of the day you'll be exhausted to even think about him.

[shawn923]

Your story sounds exactly like me and I know what youre going thru. I got dumped out the blue by my college GF as well, and I had to see her everyday. It sucked. Bad. On top of that she dated other guys and made sure to flirt with them whenever I had to walk past... Basically she was trying to hurt me on purpose, therefore NC was the best thing possible. The sooner u can go NC and cut these toxic ppl out of your life, the sooner you will heal. Even if u randomly see him everyday YOU WILL get over it eventually, IT WILL pass. Of course its harder and prolongs your hurt, but you will come out of this a MUCH stronger person, and will be ready for w/e the future brings.

 

Dont worry about your ex, hes taking the easy way out in life/shortcuts, so he doesnt have to worry about his isssues right now. But you cant run from your problems forever, sooner or later karma will be the ***** out of him in the a$$ and he will have a load of problems in his future. Karma is all too true, and just be glad you escaped on the right side of it.

 

Look at it this way, you will NEVER hurt this bad again. You have faced the hardest that there is to face, and nothing will be able to stop you from now on. You will never make these mistakes again. Your ex however is in from loads of bad karma, so smile! You escaped a horrible situation and are about to be stronger than ever!

 

"You may strike me down, but I shall become more powerful than you can ever imagine" -Obi Wan Kenobi

[katy1151]

Thank you everyone for your advice! It has been very helpful.

 

Shawn923: Thank you for sharing your experience. I feel like I can get through this now. You're right, seeing them flirt with others is extremely painful. I'm just trying my best to ignore the things he does. I hope everything has worked out well for you! It sounds like you deserve it!