What got you to ACTUALLY START diet & exercise

[JamesM]

Ok, I've been doing xfit for a year now and about 10% to my target weight. I'ts been a slow process because I like to drink, but it's important to me to look and feel good.

 

You drink too much?

 

My GF is short (5'1) and fat.

 

Calling a GF "fat" shows a lack of love and disrespect. How much does she actually weigh?

 

I have urged her to work out with me for a couple years, but she just isn't into it. She will work out 3 days a week on one week and skip 2 weeks.

 

Not everyone is as disciplined as the next. Not everyone likes exercise. Besides, losing weight is more about how much you eat versus how much you "work" (exercise) than about simply exercise.

 

She isn't disciplined with her diet, even though I cook lean meals for her every day.

 

She can't be motivated because you want her thin. Most women would take your motivation as discouraging as your true motivation is selfish.

 

 

I'm not attracted to her and I'm now at the realization she will never be thin or athletic and to me, it's not sexy.

 

Then she is not the woman for you. Let her go and find someone who fits the image in your mind, and let her find someone who loves her as she is for the many qualities she has that are not only on the surface.

 

She know how I feel although I've never said it.

 

Of course she does, and she thinks you do not love her. Her thinking is...why lose weight to have him love me? She has probably dealt with a weight problem all of her life, and if you actually get her to lose weight, there is no guarantee that she won't gain it all back.

 

The question is...can you love her as she is, or must she always meet a special standard set by you?

 

 

I was hoping my getting fit would inspire her, but she only thinks I'm trying to outdo her.

 

Maybe you are. I have lost 40# and am at my target goal. My wife need to lose that much yet. We are both in our forties. I exercise. She does not. She is now losing weight...again. It has been an issue since we met. She has reached her goal weight a few times in our marriage. But you know something? To me, the weight isn't an issue. I have always loved her despite her weight. The qualities that she has can be found in no other IMO. She doesn't have to lose weight for me to love her. She doesn't have to lose weight for me to think she is sexy. And even when (cuz I have confidence that she will) she does lose her weight, my love for her will not be greater. I married her knowing this and I love her because she is so much more than a number.

 

My only reason for wanting her to lose weight (and yes, I do motivate her) is for her health. She loves the encouragement I give her, the books i pick up for her and the gentle comments I may make. What I don't do is make her meals for her, make her choices for her, or tell her what she can or cannot eat. She needs to "discover" this info for herself.

 

We have other relationship issues but the attraction/ fat issue seems to be on my mind all the time.

 

And for her it is the other relationship issues.

 

So, am I a shallow creep.

 

Kinda. She does need someone who will love her no matter how much of there is of her to love.

 

Am I asking too much of her.

 

Maybe or maybe not. What I do see is that your reason for her to lose weight is very damaging to your relationship and her self-esteem. It isn't a loving reason. You want her to look good so that you can be more attracted to her. And I say that if you showed (and if you truly were) that you loved her no matter what, then she would be much more motivated to lose weight than she is now.

 

My gut says I need to find someone who cares about there fitness/ looks as much as I do.

 

I agree. You also need to look at WHY you want her thin. And if you choose someone who is athletic and thin, then you will find that her personality isn't as nice as your gf is.

 

 

I like the idea of my partner being motivated by similar goals.

 

That is lofty and great, but the underlying problem here is not common goals but your need for her to look sexy and athletic. Your definition of sexy is subjective. I already know that my definition is different from yours.

 

 

Question: had your drinking problem ever been mentioned by her?

[fucpcg]

I was always a small kid, and that inspired me to lift weights. I started lifting weights about age 15, yet still only graduated high school at 5'8" and 142 lbs. Never grew in height since then, but have made my way up to a bulky 190's or a lean 180ish. But lifting weights is a small part of the story.

 

I came from a pretty dysfunctional family growing up. This led to heavy drinking and weed smoking in high school as well, probably part of the reason I couldn't pack on any weight. I remember thinking my last day of school ever, walking out of the building saying to myself there must be more to life than this. I always liked playing sports, but never had anyone push me in that direction. I decided I would push myself, and that set the tempo of the rest of my life. I play tennis, volleyball, softball/baseball, bastketball, ski, hike, snowshoe, kayak, ice skate, rock climb... you name it I probably have done it at some point. It has always kept me healthy, a good solid weight, and sane. I absolutely can't get over the kids I saw getting high and drinking in high school, still doing the same exact thing today with their lives, some 25 years later. From what I have seen, alcohol (on a party level not a social level) is toxic, and ruins more lives than anything else I have seen. I am soo thankful that sports and fitness came to dominate my life at 18, without it I feel I'd be dead or a lost cause.

[Esoteric Elf]

Where I attended high school, the football players ruled the school. Girls flocked to them and talked about them so much that I could not ignore their influence. I was a weak, thin, shy boy who was ignored by girls. Fueled by zeal to get bigger, I, right after I got home from middle school, did 500 push ups and 500 sit ups. Progress wasn't fast enough; so in high school I picked up weightlifting. Seeing girls go for the muscular guys only heightened my efforts. I wanted any minimal attention with the effort I put in. In some lifts, I increased as much as 100 lbs in months.

 

Years, tears, tears, sweat and much hard work later, I am still ignored by girls, so what the hell, I keep going only because I love it and have the habit formed.

[BklynGuy]

I had an attractive girl & I was a bit ashamed of my body. She could tell & saw it as a weakness. I never wanted to feel embarassed naked in front of a girl again. I stopped after another attractive pounced on me but played & manipulated me.

[skydiveaddict]

What pushed you over the edge to actually DO SOMETHING about being unfit?

 

Joining the military

[ooglesnboogles]

It is....

 

....provided.....

 

1. You know HOW to do it.

 

2. You WANT to do it.

 

3. You choose a plant that fits your lifestyle.

 

4. You stick to it.

 

5. You don't relapse.

 

Since there are many factors that are needed, the "easy" part becomes much harder.

 

...

 

 

I guess I should have phrased it: Losing weight is often a lot easier than people make it out to be... if they find something that works for them.

 

Yeah, it's not easy, especially in the beginning. And finding motivation is one of the hardest things to do. I bought a rowing machine because I wanted something low impact to get into weight loss but I didn't stick to it because it wasn't fun for me. Sitting there, going back and forth while my legs said "Feed us Wendy's!!!"

 

 

Joining the military

 

Yep. That'll do it for ya.

[USMCHokie]

Joining the military

 

This.

 

And because I was a stereotypical Asian twig. And I wanted to be more white.

[Emilia]

What pushed you over the edge to actually DO SOMETHING about being fat and unfit?

 

 

Initially fit boyfriends then joining the police.

[amaysngrace]

I keep going only because I love it and have the habit formed.

 

Doing it for you because it's a healthy habit and you love it is a much much better reason than doing it to attract girls!

 

Always strive to be the best you possible since you're the one you spend the most time with, regardless if you are in a relationship or not.

[ooglesnboogles]

I thought of another motivator for me. I like to watch a lot of sports, and when I see those dudes who are totally ripped or in excellent shape, I always look down at my gut and say "Damn. Why am I watching someone else exercise when I could be exercising?"

 

If nothing else, it makes me feel too guilty to pick up that bag of Lays.

[JamesM]

My motivator now to keep the weight off is noticing that I no longer look three or four weeks pregnant.

 

And when I look around and see the many "pregnant" men, I feel good that I am "childless"...and wish to remain that way.

[ooglesnboogles]

My motivator now to keep the weight off is noticing that I no longer look three or four weeks pregnant.

 

And when I look around and see the many "pregnant" men, I feel good that I am "childless"...and wish to remain that way.

 

 

Hahaha! That's a great one! I suppose I'm lucky that my weight goes on sideways, so no baby for this man. Unfortunately, it makes me look like a fat door