feeling ugly wanted to be noticed bad idea

[youngstupidgirl]

Well here it goes. I am 24 years old and married.Husband has been gone on and off for the past year. I know he is being good because he calls me all the time.(ALWAYS COMPLANING) But he is always talking to me.He never goes out.

 

Well I am here with the kids and feeling lonely and unattractive.So I thought may I could just get someone to look at me other then my husband it may help my selfasteam. So I started dressing a little better. A little sexy.

 

Well here comes the problem a 40? year old guy we know (with a live in girlfriend and her kids) thought I looked good and started coming over and talking. Well we were talking about the bad things in our relationships.Kind of flirting a little.

 

You know it felt good to be looked at. I'm not really atracted to him but like I said it felt good to be noticed. Well yes I had thought about what it would be like to be with another man but I really didn't want to do it.

 

Well we were talking and he said he had been thinking for awhile about the two of us hooking up. He said that he had gone online and saw a survay about cheating that it made relationships stronger. Well after talking to him I thought about it. I mean I know it's wrong but I am so lonely.

 

Then it happened .... it didn't go very far he rubbed on me and kissed me. And a little more but then I stopped him I told him I can't I just can't I told him I know you don't think this is wrong but I do. And I can't do this.and he said you already did. I told him it would mess everything up and make every thing werd.He said it wouldn't.

 

But we stopped.I haven't talked to him since.What should I do? I f**ked up BAD!

 

Should I tell my husband? Or just leave it? I am pretty sure he won't tell. It relly made me feel dirty. You know, the young girl with the old man... Please give me advice.

[honey2005]

He said that he had gone online and saw a survay about cheating that it made relationships stronger.

 

What a line.

 

I think you did the right thing by not going through with it. I also think you should tell your husband about what happened. He shouldn't be too angry, after all, you did the right thing. Also, I wouldn't hang around the older man anymore, that would be just asking for serious trouble. Good job on doing the right thing:). When your husband gets back tell him what happened, and explain to him how you've felt lonely and unattractive lately. Maybe he can help make you feel better.

[bryanp]

Hello,

 

If the roles were reversed, wouldn't you expect your husband to be honest with you and tell you what happened? If you do not have honesty in your relationship then what do you really have? Do the right thing and tell him the truth or you are still disrespecting him. I wish you luck.

[koala bear]

Well we were talking and he said he had been thinking for awhile about the two of us hooking up. He said that he had gone online and saw a survay about cheating that it made relationships stronger. Well after talking to him I thought about it. I mean I know it's wrong but I am so lonely.

 

You should have stopped it right there!!!!

If you only wanted to noticed you shouldn't have let it go that far.

 

I'm not really atracted to him but like I said it felt good to be noticed.

 

If your don't like him like that way then what happened for you to let him kiss you.I understand not feeling good about yourself but this isn't the way to feel any better.

[youngstupidgirl]

Look I'm really scared my husband is going to leave me if I tell him the truth. He has made that clean in the past and I can't lose him. I have no way to support my family and if he leaves the kids and I will never see him again.

 

I have no contact with this other man anymore.

 

We have two kids under the age of 4 and noone to watch them.So I can't work!!!!

 

They are on waiting list all over for daycare but no openings.

 

What do I do.I KNOW HE WILL LEAVE.

Even though we didn't have sex.

[honey2005]

You seem really upset and guilty about this, which shows that you know you did the wrong thing, even though you didn't go as far as many people do/would have. That alone shows that you care about your marriage. I really think honesty is the best policy, and that if you keep something like this secret from your husband, you will just continue to feel guilty. Are you sure your husband will leave you, even though you did the right thing and left before it went to far (well, farther than it did) , and have been agonizing over this for so long? I really believe that if my husband came to me and told me he had kissed a girl, but things could have gone alot farther,but they didn't because he knew it was wrong and he loved me, I would forgive him. Of course I would feel bad, and probably be hurt for awhile, but I would know that I can trust him, that he really does care. If you tell or not is totally up to you, but it seems like you feel really guilty about what happened, and the only way to make that guilt go away is to confess. What you did wasn't as bad as it could have been, so maybe your husband won't leave you. You know him better than me, though, alot better, so it's your call. It seems like you've learned your lesson from this though, and you won't do anything like it again.

[moimeme]

Don't do something your instincts warn you against. Remember, the people here don't know you or your family and don't have to live with the consequences, which is why they can so glibly tell you to do something your brain is screaming warnings about.

 

A lot of them have never been in such a situation - heck, many aren't even married and never have been. People think they will behave one way in a situation but find they do very differently when faced with real life. You didn't have sex, you regret what you did, and you'll never do it again. I think you're being punished enough by your own conscience without telling your husband. If you know him to be not very understanding and to be unforgiving, then do not tell him. None of these strangers will have to live alone with your kids if you do.

[monagirl]

I agree with moimeme you shouldn't tell. You learned your lesson and the guilt you feel is a reminder to never act in that way again.

Instead of looking elsewhere concentrate your energies on your relationships with your children and your husband because in the end they are the people who will be with in the long run.

[mr7man]

Dear youngstupidgirl,

My wife, about 18yrs ago, had an affair that she quickly broke off after realizing just what she was jeopardizing- family, kids, security and losing someone that she really still loved, but just wanted more of. I ,at the time was busy working 3 jobs to pay the bills of a young married couple with new house, a nine month old & a 2yo. The only thing I was guilty of was being so busy making a living that I stopped making a life for my wife. So instead of coming to me to say that she needed more attention from me(still dealing with post-partum drepression) she sought the comfort of a stranger. Biggest mistake she ever made. I know about all this now because 6mo. ago I did something stupid too and let my buddies take me out for drinks on my b-day & get stinking drunk. They took me to a strip club where they knew most of the gals and set me up with a young beauty for a private lap dance that was quite a bit more than just a dance. I was drunk and feeling old and unattractive(major mid-life crisis) and went with the flow. I new that I had crossed a major line that I wanted to forget and knew that I could never tell her as it would destroy her and she would probably leave me if she knew. I decided to just let it pass and caulk it up to my stupidity. Then, my luck ran out, ya see, I just happened to pick up an std from that one stupid monent. And of course I knew that I must have passed it along to my wife by now. I had to tell her what I did. But how? Man! It was the most difficult thing I've ever had to do. I tried to tell her several times, but the words just wouldn't leave my mouth! Well, after lying awake all nite I woke her and broke down sobbing and told her. I'm sure her heart broke, but to my surprise, she admitted that SHE had cheated me 18yrs ago! WHOA! Total shock. I would have never figured that SHE would ever do that. A bit of a stale-mate. We both apologized and sobbed. Here I was the guilty one and yet she was just as guilty. Should I be relieved that the score is even? Or Mad at her for lying to me for all these years? But I respected her honesty, especially when she didn't have to tell me and could have made me the bad guy. Talk about a mixed bag of emotions! Anyway, what I'm getting at is that after talking with her, we have worked it out and decided that we still love each other and have been thru so much together, struggles, 4 kids- one who was a depressed-drug addict-run a way, bankruptcy, you name it, we've been thru it and now this. I just couldn't be mad at her because of what I had done and her honesty, yet I am still hurt that while I was working so hard for my family she cheated on me. Now, do I think it would have been better for my marriage if she had told me 18years ago? No way. I would have probably left her. Cheating on me during the peak of my love for her? I would have been crushed. But finding out now after all we've been thru- heck, I have too much of my life invested in her just to walk away. And what about forgiveness? Don't ever expect to be forgiven if at first you are not willing to forgive others. We are all human and ultimately, will make mistakes. We are not perfect. And neither are you. My advice is to keep it between you and God- He has ALREADY forgiven you. Now YOU must learn to forgive yourself. THAT will be your toughest task. You will have to find a way to be at peace with yourself. You haven't even done what my wife has done. Just don't make that mistake again.

Good luck.