alexa137 Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 ok so my boyfriend of 4 months hates cats and is allergic to them! i see him almost everyday and dont know what to do! i mean if i get rid of the cat and we break up then i dont have my cat! ive had cats all my life! we are serious about each other so im not sure what to do there really isnt any other solutions b/c he recently moved of town so i dont go to his apt and also because i dont drive at night(car problems) and i have a kid so i dont want to leave her alone so going to his place is really out of the question, he had dealt with the watery eyes etc being allergic but also give me the hints about the future anyone else had this problem?? Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Well that's a problem... They can't be around cats, it's not that they don't like them...would you like something If it gave you watery eyes and an allergic reaction? It's unfortunate, I don't think there is anything reasonable you can do...I heard there are some cats that are less allergic than others but it appears you don't have one. I get allergies during the spring sometimes and they really really suck, It's just so uncomfortable and you feel crazy, so don't blame him for feeling that way, it's not in his control. Maybe have him see an allergist? other than that I'm not sure there is much at all you can do except maybe try some benedrly...It's either him or the cat really, maybe have a close friend or family member have it so you can still visit it....but after 4 months I don't think it's a good idea, maybe IF you were planning on living together...but really you don't know this guy well after 4 months and If you're close to your animal I wouldn't consider that until It's really serious...like you're sure you're going to give this a long-term shot by living together or being engaged or what not...I'd say wait at least six months though to decide that, IF not longer...depends on how close you are to this furry companion of yours. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Have you actually seen him have an allergic reaction around your cat? Maybe he just doesn't like cats, just like some people say they are allergic to smoking when they just don't like it. What if he says he is allergic to your kid? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ScreamingTrees Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I LOVE cats. Break up with your boyfriend and date me instead. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SJC2008 Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I LOVE fat cats!!! Link to post Share on other sites
ScreamingTrees Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I LOVE fat cats!!! Skinnier cats need loving too.. My cat's not fat, but still cuddly., damn you.. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 ohe had dealt with the watery eyes etc being allergic but also give me the hints about the future He can get allergy shots. Don't get rid of your cats... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I wouldn't get rid of my cat for any man 6 Link to post Share on other sites
oaks Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 If he's really allergic then this just isn't going to work and the sooner you both recognise this the better. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I LOVE fat cats!!! Me too! Chubby cats FTW Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 If he were allergic to cats and has been at your place daily for the past four months, he should be displaying some consistent signs of his allergy. When he's over, does he tear up? Any swelling or redness around his eyes, face or neck? Does his nose run pretty consistently? If he hasn't been displaying these signs consistently, he's probably full of it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Imported Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I think its become manly to hate cats. Lots of guys I know keep talking like they hate cats. It can get very bad. I've always had cats growing up. Use to have a Russian blue that would attack my ankle whenever he saw me. He was also very good at playing fetch. If I didn't travel so much I'd have a cat now as well, but I am not even home enough to keep a small orange tree alive Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I love cats. This is as many of my cats I could get in one place I'm single but not alone 3 Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I wouldn't get rid of the cat. Maybe this is just me but I love animals more than I love people. I think the human race is kind of horrible. If the allergies are just "annoying" such as a runny nose and itchy eyes, pass him a box of benadryl. They also make allergy shots. There are options for him, but not many options beyond "get rid of the cat and give it to a shelter and will probably be euthanized" for the poor furbaby. Link to post Share on other sites
oaks Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I wouldn't get rid of the cat. Fair enough. I wouldn't want a woman I was dating to get rid of her cat either. It would just cause resentment. If it was a cat I was allergic to (vs, say, the woman not keeping her house clean enough... perhaps she needs a new vacuum cleaner etc) then I'd get rid of the woman. I don't want to have to permanently be on medication when there's the option of just staying away from the thing that's making me ill. Plenty of non-cat ladies out there (and plenty of guys not allergic to cats). 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Hawaii50 Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I love cats. This is as many of my cats I could get in one place I'm single but not alone WOW (10 of 'em) Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I agree with the others, do you actually see his "allergies" in action? I mean if he is truly allergic how can he be at your house daily? Please don't get rid of your cat, there are already too many homeless kitties out there I looove my cat, she wouldn't be going anywhere because of a guy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HeldbyGravity Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 (edited) I have an ex who didn't like cats. It was one of many "maybe we aren't compatible" hints, but he KNEW he had to at least be good to them and tolerate them to be with me. I mean he didn't have to cuddle with them or anything, more cuddles for me. Having cats is something I have heard a lot of women, and even some men, give up because the other person is not an animal person and/or is allergic. I don't think one should Ever give up an animal because they are in a relationship, because that isn't fair to that animal whom you promised to provide a life-long home for. It isn't a good lesson for your child either! "When someone I like doesn't like something I LIKE, I'll give it up!" If you really, really like this guy and he really, really likes you, you can still find ways to make it work I guess, like hire a babysitter every so often or put the cat in another room for a few hours and clean the house well. I have friends I'll do that for, even one who blows up like a balloon but doesn't HATE my kitties for it at all. But... this is hard for me to answer without getting passionate about it. See for me, I work with rescue groups. I HATE to see loved animals come back because people had a "life change", besides a death in the family or a Real inability to care for them. Those animals get so confused, and too many already need homes. I guess it's better they go to a nonkill rescue or a relative if that happens, but still! An animal doesn't forget those things, it's majorly confusing for them to be tossed aside. If someone I liked didn't like dogs for me, that'd be IT. I always want to rescue dogs, and I won't change that for anyone, nor my love for my darling kitties. It's part of me. Is your kitty a part of you and your little family? EDIT: I see fellow animal lovers here... BRETHREN!!! Edited October 9, 2012 by HeldbyGravity Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I have an ex who didn't like cats. It was one of many "maybe we aren't compatible" hints, but he KNEW he had to at least be good to them and tolerate them to be with me. I mean he didn't have to cuddle with them or anything, more cuddles for me. Having cats is something I have heard a lot of women, and even some men, give up because the other person is not an animal person and/or is allergic. I don't think one should Ever give up an animal because they are in a relationship, because that isn't fair to that animal whom you promised to provide a life-long home for. It isn't a good lesson for your child either! "When someone I like doesn't like something I LIKE, I'll give it up!" If you really, really like this guy and he really, really likes you, you can still find ways to make it work I guess, like hire a babysitter every so often or put the cat in another room for a few hours and clean the house well. I have friends I'll do that for, even one who blows up like a balloon but doesn't HATE my kitties for it at all. But... this is hard for me to answer without getting passionate about it. See for me, I work with rescue groups. I HATE to see loved animals come back because people had a "life change", besides a death in the family or a Real inability to care for them. Those animals get so confused, and too many already need homes. I guess it's better they go to a nonkill rescue or a relative if that happens, but still! An animal doesn't forget those things, it's majorly confusing for them to be tossed aside. If someone I liked didn't like dogs for me, that'd be IT. I always want to rescue dogs, and I won't change that for anyone, nor my love for my darling kitties. It's part of me. Is your kitty a part of you and your little family? I totally agree. If you are willing to send a pet to the shelter or something because of a new R then you shouldn't get a pet in the first place. (general "you") Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 anyone else had this problem?? In a relationship potential, as animals are often considered as family members, I'd probably consider it a regretful dealbreaker. I found, in my marriage, that I was somewhat allergic to the cat dander of my exW's cat, which resolved after we split up but, interestingly, had no allergic reaction at all to my now-deceased short-hair Siamese cat. He would sleep right on top of me and I felt no ill effects at all. So, even the allergy can apparently be situational for some people. That doesn't change your dynamic but it is worth considering for the future. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LexiB Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Please do not get rid of your pet for a man you've been seeing for 4 months. As someone stated above, if this something you could even consider so early in a dating relationship, you should never have gotten a pet in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
PinkSapphire Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I can sympathize with your bf because I am also allergic to cats and my previous partner had three (!). It was a huge problem becasue I am severely allergic (and would give ANYTHING to not be; it sucks because lots of my good friends have cats, too). I went to the doctor hoping they had something they could give me. Pretty much my reaction is so dangerous and debilitating that they told me to never go near cats or a person who has them (whichis impossible, btw, you don' tknow if a stranger owns cats until you are in the middle of anaphylactic shock and need hospitalization). So, in the end, we found some suggestions on websites of what to do. Basically, he had to always come to my place, shower just before h eleft his house, brush his teeth, all using the hottest water he could stand, have clean clothes (cleaned in the hottest temp setting on wash) that were stored in a bag, change in the bathroom, then leave the house wtihout touching the cats again. This was the only way I could be near HIM. To have your bf at your house, you will need to have all hardwood floors, vacuum with a HEPA filter vacuum at least two hours prior to him arriving, open all of the windows for those two + hours before he arrives, all of this while the cats are locked in a room with a floor-to-ceiling door that is preferably away from the areas he will be in (basements are great for this). Wash all sheets and clothes in hot hot water and replace on bed, etc. Close the closet doors, wipe down EVERY surface with HOT water and a cloth (that will be locked away or washed prior to his arrival), and if you can afford to, run a HEPA filter after all of the cleaning. Then YOU shower (and yoru child) in HOT water, using lots of soap and shampoo twice, etc to get all the sticky proteins off of you from cleaning. Brush your teeth - twice - so you can kiss him, clean every part of you thoroughly, preferably twice, dry with a towel FRESHLY washed in HOT water (part of the laundry from before) then put on freshly cleaned clothes. Is he worth it? Also, you will either need to get rid of your cat or find a way to permanently lock it away for when/if you two get serious and talk about cohabiting. It is very tough to be allergic to cats. Everyone has them, and even being at teh same table with someone with dander on their clothes (everyone who owns a cat usually) causes a painful and awful reaction that lasts for days. I think I would love cats, since I love dogs very much, except I HATE them for causing me so much pain and lost weeks of my life (did I mention the awful reaction?) So, if he is great and maybe a long-term potential, decide if he is worth all of this trouble in the meantime. My guy did, which surprised me greatly, but it is up to each individual. I wish you luck; this is not an easy decision on either side Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Funny, I hate cats, but I love dogs esepcially my maltese. My boyfriend loves cats but doesn't mind dogs, yet, he is allergic to their saliva. I would never give up my pet for a guy I recently met. I remember when I first got my puppy, I was dating this Russian guy who by all-means hated dogs. Everytime I bring up my dog, he would tell blatantly to get rid of it, like animals are easily disposable. We're no longer dating. My current bf has this thing about dogs, he doesn't necessarily hate thembut he is somewhat scared of coming in contact with their saliva. However my dog hardly licks nor does he bite, and given the fact I have made my boyfriend come out to walk my dog almost everynight, he has grown attached to the pup. If theres a good solution by all means seek it out. However if his allergies are to the point that it's not good for him or you in the long run, you guy just aren't meant to be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
seren Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 For me there would be no contest, my cat would stay and the BF would have to take the allergy pills or we would have to agree to meet at his place. I have two dogs and a cat, the cat seems to trigger most allergies in people. If I know they are coming around, I give a really deep clean and kitty stays out of the deep clean room, they dose on antihistamine and it seems to work. I can see it might be a problem if the relationship goes on for a long time, but maybe going to his house is the answer. But, give up kitty or my dogs? Nope they are part of my family and own a huge part of my heart. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
EasyHeart Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 I think it's quite funny (in a disturbing way) how many women suddenly become detectives (He's lying! Have you actually seen this so-called allergy?) and doctors (He can just take a pill! He needs to get shots!) when confronted with a common medical condition. I'm allergic to cats. Allergies are real and it ain't that easy to treat them. Jes sayin'. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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