Confusled3 Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 The other night I had some girls over for a night in, we drunk loads of alcohol. My fiancé went to the pub and when he got back had a drink with us and went to bed. Later that night there was only me and my bestfriend left, I went for a wee and she came to talk to me, which is the norm. Suddenly she pulled her top up and walked into my bedroom telling my fella to look at her boobs, she then walked out and he said 'come back, I didn't see them!' now she is saying she did it to make me laugh and his response is to get angry with me. He doesn't remember and so recons he must have said it to shock her. The only problem is that I heard it and know him and he defo is not the type o come out with that. I am soo hurt right now, it feels like they have cheated on me. Please tell me I'm not crazy. Can I also say we aren't teenagers we are in our 30s. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Can I also say we aren't teenagers we are in our 30s. You may not be teenagers but all of you are certainly acting like it. Your friend knows no discretion, your fiance knows no boundaries, and you know no better people? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusled3 Posted October 9, 2012 Author Share Posted October 9, 2012 Thanks carrie, hit me while I'm down why don't you. Me and my fiancé have been together for 4 years and my bestfriend has been my friend for 3.5. Nothing like this has ever happened before and that's why I'm so upset Link to post Share on other sites
Later82012 Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Get rid of her from your life. She cannot be even a friend IMO. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
paperboy48 Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I woulnd not blame him as much I was her.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusled3 Posted October 9, 2012 Author Share Posted October 9, 2012 I just can't believe he said it, and yes I know she was soo much more in the wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I just can't believe he said it, and yes I know she was soo much more in the wrong. It was just a funny reaction, clearly he didn't expect it. I know it's not nice but I wouldn't worry about it. Link to post Share on other sites
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I feel like 30 year old people shouldn't act like this... Anyways I would confront her about it because drunk or not it was a real bitch move and he deserves some anger to for telling her to come back so he can get a better look! He should only care about what your boobs look like no one else! Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I agree with Carrie. If you all spend a lot of time together (just the three of you) then it's not surprising that their boundaries are poor, especially with alcohol added into the mix. Do not get into a triangle. At the minimum, you've got jealousy and boundary-crossing confusion (which you're experiencing now). At the maximum, they are heading towards an EA/PA and you become the piggy-in-the-middle. Length of time knowing them is irrelevant. My suggestion for a way forward is to either talk it out with them separately and tell them that it was inappropriate. Or decide that you are never going to mix alcohol with just the two of them like that again - work through your feelings on your own. And cut back on socialising with just the three of you. I'd also suggest that you don't have your friend stayover when your BF is there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusled3 Posted October 9, 2012 Author Share Posted October 9, 2012 There is no triangle, she's my friend, he has his own. We do get on with each others friends but don't make a habit of doing things together as a threesum In fact we rearly do. I was having a party with my girls so he went out with the boys, him and a friend came back and when his friend left he went to bed. In the mean time my other girls left and me and said friend was having a drink. Planning my wedding if you must knw as she was mean to be my maid of honour! Also she was not staying over, she and her husband live 5 mins away Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Thanks carrie, hit me while I'm down why don't you. Me and my fiancé have been together for 4 years and my bestfriend has been my friend for 3.5. Nothing like this has ever happened before and that's why I'm so upset I'm sorry you are down and I'm sorry if the truth hurts. But January expanded on it appropriately. The length of time you guys have all been together means nothing - especially if you can't talk openly and honestly about the issue and deal with it like a mature adult. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusled3 Posted October 9, 2012 Author Share Posted October 9, 2012 The length of time was to show that things aren't usually like this. My fiancé has always been my sole mate who knows me better than I know myself and that is why it hurts, because I would never in my wildest nightmares have thought he would say something like that, and what's worse is what would have happened if she did go back in? I feel that I can not trust him because he is not the person I thought he was and if you read my first post correctly you would see that january2011s post doesn't relate to any of the facts I have given!!! Link to post Share on other sites
yessy21 Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Time to put boundaries up. rule #1 My boyfriend doesnt need to see your tits. Rule#2 My fiance doesnt need to see your tits Rule #3 my husband doesnt need to see your tits. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusled3 Posted October 9, 2012 Author Share Posted October 9, 2012 Imperfectinisbeauty can you repost your comment, I can't read it. Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 You were hurt and now you are defending them, despite also posting that you cannot trust your fiance. Either this is a problem, or it's not. That is the crux of it, in my opinion. If it's a problem, we can give you suggestions on how to deal with it; suggestions that you may or may not decide to use. That's fine, it is your life after all. However, you really need to decide if this is a problem. And if it is, defending their actions only serves to hurt you. We are internet strangers and we don't have any investment in your life choices, but you do. So, is this a problem? Or can you really explain it away as a one-off incident that won't happen again? We can only give our opinion based on what you've posted. You are welcome to disregard or ignore those opinions as you wish. Either way, you need to decide what you are going to do about what happened between your fiance and your best friend - defending them against the posters here is going to have you going around in circles and probably no closer to a solution. A waste of time, in my opinion. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusled3 Posted October 9, 2012 Author Share Posted October 9, 2012 I am asking for your advise on the facts given not for you t make stuff up and then comment on it. I am not defending them, i am trying to explain the people i thought they were Uptil 3 nights ago. I'm saying it is a problem for me as I feel hurt and betrayed because I thought I knew him but now feel like I don't. I stupidly thought posting was a good idea as I didn't want to tell my friends and family. I've spent the last 3 days in bed feeling broken and I thought someone would be able to help me sort my thoughts out! Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I thought someone would be able to help me sort my thoughts out! We ARE trying to help. By having you question the people you have in your life who do not share the same values as you - and to talk to them openly and honestly about your feelings - IS advice you are seemingly not wanting to take. Why do you think that is? Link to post Share on other sites
paperboy48 Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 The length of time was to show that things aren't usually like this. My fiancé has always been my sole mate who knows me better than I know myself and that is why it hurts, because I would never in my wildest nightmares have thought he would say something like that, and what's worse is what would have happened if she did go back in? I feel that I can not trust him because he is not the person I thought he was and if you read my first post correctly you would see that january2011s post doesn't relate to any of the facts I have given!!! QST: What if he thought to himself...you were in on it? He may have thought the two of were you were rather tippsy and you thought it would be a funny thing if she ran across your bedroom toppless? Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Confusled3, I wish you peace and a healthy solution to this as well as dissolution of the barriers that are preventing you from moving torwards that peace and solution. Link to post Share on other sites
Mycteria Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I can't imagine one of my female friends doing this, so I'd be shocked at her. His reaction, however, was just a joke. I could definitely see all of my past boyfriends saying something like that, especially if they were under the impression that I was in on it too as someone pointed out earlier. Maybe he thought you sent her in there so he was just making a joke about it. Clearly he didn't mean any harm if you were obviously within earshot. I would be upset at the friend, because what she did is just plain weird. But the fiance? He's a guy, and he was just making light of the situation. It was pretty immature but not something to worry about, IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
rainfall Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 If this happened to me I would be angry at my "friend" and my boyfriend, but I think I would be alot quicker to forgive my boyfriend. He didn't ask he to flash him and (like others have said) may have thought you knew about it and were ok with it. He probably figured that you were ok with it, because what your friend did was slutty, trashy, and something you don't do to someone who you consider your best friend. If I were you I'd forgive my guy but let him know that in the future if any of my "friends" decide to flash him its not ok. I would also ditch your friend, she is someone you shouldn't trust and will only cause you problems later on. Drunk or not a friend's boyfriend is someone you don't flash, hit on, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I am asking for your advise on the facts given not for you t make stuff up and then comment on it. I am not defending them, i am trying to explain the people i thought they were Uptil 3 nights ago. I'm saying it is a problem for me as I feel hurt and betrayed because I thought I knew him but now feel like I don't. I stupidly thought posting was a good idea as I didn't want to tell my friends and family. I've spent the last 3 days in bed feeling broken and I thought someone would be able to help me sort my thoughts out! She did this right in front of you? Have you told her husband about it? If not, you should. See how he feels about it. She sounds like kind of a slutbucket..if it was me, I would terminate the friendship after I talked to the husband, but it's really up to you. I think your fiance's response was inappropriate and that he shouldn't be angry at you for being upset, but as a few other people have said, he didn't ask her to flash him. Will he not even talk to you about it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusled3 Posted October 9, 2012 Author Share Posted October 9, 2012 That's what I want to believe but he said he was fast asleep so he wouldn't have known I was there. All he is saying is that he must have done it from shock but it didn't sound like that to me Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 30 plus is too old to be flashing your tits, even if your drunk. It WAS highly innappropriate and inconsiderate of your feelings. Yet, most men, even ones who love their partners the most, fantasise and enjoy seeing attarctive women. He probably thought he got lucky by getting to see a new pair of tits! You cannot blame a guy for doing what is natural to him; wanting to see tits! It does not mean he does not love you, it just means he is a guy with natural desires. The fact he wanted to see her tits does not mean anything. It is NO indication he will cheat on you or that he loves you less than you thought he did. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 That's what I want to believe but he said he was fast asleep so he wouldn't have known I was there. All he is saying is that he must have done it from shock but it didn't sound like that to me It is NORMAL for men to be excited about seeing tits. Get over it. He is not ONLY going to think about your tits for your entire lives together:rolleyes: Also - I think ditching your friend is a little harsh, but I would probably keep her more at arms length, and keep her as a friend you have " good times with" rather than as a "bestfriend". A best friend, in my opinion, should not cross certain boundaries; such as flashing tits at your fiance. ...I am 25 and I am a little crazy myself. When on drugs or drinking (drugs SELDOM happen) I recently ran through town NAKED. Yes I am 25. I like the quiet life at home but still like to ... be crazy and have immature fun. Yet I would still not flash my tits at my "best friends" partner, as it just feels like an " off" thing to do........ Link to post Share on other sites
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