Author GreenPolicy Posted October 18, 2012 Author Share Posted October 18, 2012 I know but in the past you did. I contacted her twice within two weeks of her leaving me and have been NC ever since. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GreenPolicy Posted October 18, 2012 Author Share Posted October 18, 2012 (edited) This is a mind bender....i too like blankspace am boggling at the "You are everything i wanted in a man, but I cant get married" as she was the one who pushed for it.....i dont know I am the type to keep hoping for a good reason for someone to do this to soemone truth is I just don't know......Only Your ex does....... the fact she is on a dating site now must be hard considering she let your future together go...... People probably wont tell you to do what I am going to say....write that email letter ask her for honesty and closure.Dont mention the dating site.....Ask her why she said what she said about not getting married but thinking you were everything she wanted in a man.....she made a promise to you by wearing an engagement ring....its an intention.....the least you deserve is closure.......and she is the only one who can give you that.....i hope she gives it to you.......I could not do this to anyone but if it were me..feelings of love dont die for no good reason.also the heaven adn wanting to go ....sounds like she migth be depressed with life in general......its a bit confusing in that respect....I would want you to have closure so hopefully your ex is a compassionate woman too......deb I go back and forth on contacting her sometimes, but as of Tuesday, it's been exactly two years. I figure if she were interested, she would have reached out by now. As far as answers go, what can she really say? There is no mature, rational explanation for what she did. Contacting her is not going to give me one, no matter what she says, assuming I can gain an audience. People have free will to leave a relationship, it's not a sin to leave somebody, but this definitely seems odd and outside the norm. The bottom line is she didn't want to be with me anymore. Whether that's because she really thought about it and on her own came to a well-reasoned decision and for whatever reason decided not to share that with me, or she didn't like the way I eat my peas or whatever, the bottom line is she was done. I figure if she is in a better place, she would at the very least have been willing to make amends, not necessarily for leaving, but handling things the way that she did. It's not a crime to break up with somebody. I think it is crappy to lead somebody on if your heart wasn't in it, or if you were sincerely in it, to just abruptly quit a relationship without being willing to honestly address and work on whatever issues come up. I don't want to look pathetic in this woman's eyes. I feel like no matter what I say, no matter how mature or dignified, the mere act of contacting her will tell her I'm still hung up on her. Edited October 18, 2012 by GreenPolicy Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 I don't want to look pathetic in this woman's eyes. I feel like no matter what I say, no matter how mature or dignified, the mere act of contacting her will tell her I'm still hung up on her. The question is...are your feelings for her strong enough to take the risk? Are you emotionally ready to be hurt by her again...either now or sometime in the future? You are hung up on her...but that is okay. What you are wondering...is she thinking about you anymore? While some advocate NC emphatically, I don't think it is so simple. Contacting her may bring closure to those unsettled feelings that you have inside of you. It is up to you whether the benefit of knowing is worth the risk that you will be taking. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GreenPolicy Posted October 18, 2012 Author Share Posted October 18, 2012 The question is...are your feelings for her strong enough to take the risk? Are you emotionally ready to be hurt by her again...either now or sometime in the future? You are hung up on her...but that is okay. What you are wondering...is she thinking about you anymore? While some advocate NC emphatically, I don't think it is so simple. Contacting her may bring closure to those unsettled feelings that you have inside of you. It is up to you whether the benefit of knowing is worth the risk that you will be taking. Doesn't her silence throughout this whole time say it all, though? Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 Doesn't her silence throughout this whole time say it all, though? Maybe, but she could say the same thing about you. While you could respond that "Well, I tried two years ago, and she rejected me," I can say back that yes, she did, but now if her feelings have changed, then she could feel that you wont' take her back after she rejected you. It is a tough call on how she feels. But to me (if I were you), the bigger question is...assuming she got back with you, will she stay committed or will she suddenly change her mind? Can you handle the hurt? Is she worth the risk? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mishy Posted October 20, 2012 Share Posted October 20, 2012 its like there is a huge part of the puzzle missing. Really it sounds to me liek she just wasn't feeling it. It seems to me that she processes emotions differently, or has an inability to form close bonding relationships. I think that her "aww thanks" just speaks volumes about how she was not emotionally invested in the relationship Are you wanting to get back with her, or just wanting answers? because it seems to me that even she herself would not give you the answers you need. And if this is what she is like, the marriage would have been hell 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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