I don't want to be in a relationship for awhile...

[Justdontknowhow]

Ok....first time poster...

 

I met this girl a 8 months back through a friend, when I met her I was instantly intrigued by her as I felt a real connection when we talked. I decided to continue to talk with her and get to know her over the course of the months though texting. (gradual communication here and there)

 

During this time she had a boyfriend who she felt she did not belong with...I encouraged her to work things out with him and see if she would be happy.

 

2 months ago she broke up with him and now we text each other everyday. We hang out at least twice a week and when we do, the night ends with us just talking alone for hours (record being 8 hours straight). We talk about how are day went or about general life.

 

I feel myself gradually thinking more and more about this girl...she is LITERALLY everything I wanted in a woman, we have so much in common its scary....I know she knows we have a deep connection. But recently...I told her how I felt about her, I told her how over time, I started to feel something for her and I knew she wanted a friend more than a relationship, but I couldn't sit there without knowing how she felt about me...her response to this was; "I really don't want to be in a relationship for a while....it would stink to not be able to be friends though"...this response was confusing to me as she didn't really answer my question as to if she had feelings for me???...We ended this discussion with meeting at night and continued our long chats about life..(as if nothing changed).

 

I feel like I'm stuck...I think I love this girl...but I'm afraid to lose her by ruining this amazing friendship.

 

A little background on her: She is in her early 20s but has only dated older men in their 30s (I myself am 27)...She has a very religious background and have recently begun to renew her faith..(she feels she has made many mistakes in her life)..Our discussions include her leaving this state for a couple of months to see how it feels to respecting my beliefs and moral codes.

 

I honestly don't know what to do here....I want to be with her but I can't stand not knowing what she wants from me...Her friendship is just as important and I don't want to make things "weird"....

 

Any advice would be appreciated.

[Justdontknowhow]

will1988 hmmm either you are deep into friend zone territory with no coming back, or she may have feelings for you but is wanting to wait because of the recent break up. How long were her and the ex dating? was there abuse? how torn up was she after the break up? If it was a lengthy relationship she is probably still getting over him. I'd try planting subtle hints to show her you like her, see how she reacts. I'd give it a few more weeks to a few more months before asking her out again. See how she reacts to it then...if she is still giving you the "I want to just be friends" phrase then move on and just be her friend...find another girl.

 

Hi Will, thanks for the reply, since I posted this thread, Ive tried a couple of things to see if she was interested....I would go for more physical contact such as touching her knees or her face, I would brush her hair away from her eyes (she didn't really mind that?) I feel she is getting more and more comfortable with me but recently I tried to get her to hold my hands with a few subtle suggestions, but she changed the direction of the conversation and she ignored holding hands all together...I'm confused over the fact that she would respond well to my physical contact with some things but with others, less successful.

 

She was with her boyfriend for about a year before breaking up....it seems like she is not really that broken up about it. And no, it was not an abusive relationship.

 

Confused and Flabbergasted!

[nowwhatnow]

wow this situation is basically exactly the same as mine.

 

i met this guy a couple months ago and we have been hanging out a couple times a week every week, texting the whole day, he even texts me goodnight every night.

 

a couple weeks ago after we hung out he texted me saying he just got out of a really tough relationship and is happy being single but he has feelings for me.

 

i thought this was so weird because i have feelings for him too. he just doesn't want either of us to act on it i guess. we still hang out all the time - like you - and i can tell he still has feelings but i dont know what to do. i do not want to give him an ultimatum because he has already said he is not ready for another relationship. it is just annoying since we both have feelings for each other. but i really enjoy being friends with him so i dont want to mess that up.

 

i know this probably doesnt help...but if you ever figure it out. let me know!

[stillafool]

 

her response to this was; "I really don't want to be in a relationship for a while....it would stink to not be able to be friends though"...this response was confusing to me as she didn't really answer my question as to if she had feelings for me???...couple of months to see how it feels to respecting my beliefs and moral codes.

 

 

 

Her response seems quite clear to me. She doesn't want to be in a relationship but values you as a friend and doesn't want to lose that relationship. She lets you touch her because she doesn't want to hurt your feelings. She realizes that holding hands gives the impression of appearing as a couple and she does not want to do that. She does have feelings for you but they aren't romantic. She wants to be honest with you but she doesn't want to hurt you.

[Justdontknowhow]

Thanks for the reply's, I'm going to wait awhile before I make anymore major moves, she is a fantastic person and I wouldn't want to mess things up with her....I'm afraid though, the more I spend time with her, the more my feelings will develop...is this a mistake? Should I just stop things....or just continue and be there for her.

 

I guess this leaves me with; should I hold my feelings back and enjoy her friendship for the long while before my heart is broken? Or should I just accept that being friends would be too much for me and just end this before it gets worse?

 

LOL I'm sure I'm not the only person with this exact problem, but it always feels like you know what to do...but you just can't bring yourself to do what has to be done.

[Daniel V. Ross]

Do not jump into a relationship if you are not still ready for it.

[stillafool]

Or should I just accept that being friends would be too much for me and just end this before it gets worse?

 

 

^^^^^This would be the best for you otherwise you will just hurt.

[Justdontknowhow]

Thanks for all the advice guys, it really helped.

 

Here's an update...

 

So we have become more and more physical (no sex) just touching. She lets me touch her legs, arms, face etc.. She also lets me HOLD her HANDS now! We sleep together in the same bed at least once a week...when she does, we literally snuggle up against each other. The other day while we were snuggling, she leaned into me as if she wanted me to kiss her, but I refrained because of what she said before about "not wanting to be in a relationship"...(btw before all this she informed me she was moving in December and felt she needed more time to figure herself out)..could it be that she is changing her mind? Or am I forcing her into something?

 

She told me she liked me alot but was trying not to ....her actions are speaking differently...I like this girl alot but I'm afraid to chase her away.

[Justdontknowhow]

Ok guys, new update.....Well we had sex....and she loved it from what she told me....but she still wont consider us a couple..........freaking sooooo confused what I'm doing wrong here!!!:lmao: