Re: oh no, not again

[Gunnz]

Slow down give him time I think that he really does care alot about you but you moving to fast is scaring him. I think that you do love him. But you have to give him time to realize that he loves you to. Give him some space and you would be amazed at the results

seth lived downstairs from me, and i met him on new years 1998 day to borrow a flashlight. never really spoke to him again until march. We hung out together for a week and then starting dating, i suppose i intiated the dating thing because i made the first move. we "dated" for about 3 weeks, then i get this "i don't have time for a girlfriend, must concentrate on my work" speech, i was crushed and didn't expect us to remain friends even though he said we would. We did remain friends, really good friends as a matter of fact. i've gotten to know him so well, we spend alot of time together for "just being friends" he has not dated anyone since me, and although i've seen a couple of guys since seth, we are both each others last sexual partner. I asked seth a few months ago why he broke off the "sexual" part of our relationship since we agreed that we are each other's surrogate boy/girl friend. His answer was vague so i had to draw my own conclusions that maybe i came on too strong. seth and i are so close, yet so asexual that it's creating alot of tension for me. it's almost not natural, because we talk about everything (sex as well) I get such a rush from seeing him, and get excited when he calls and sometimes i get a high after seeing him and then feel resentful and stupid because technically we're just "friends" I love seeing him as much as possible, but then every now and then am let down. How long can this go on? I know seth cares about me, but in what ways? I feel so close to him and respect him tremondously, am not interested in dating men, because seth has raised the bar so high, i would constantly compare them to him and that's just not fair. in every way he IS my boyfriend, and i have never had stronger feelings for someone than him. i love him and could definately see myself marrying him (we are both in our late '20')I am so afraid of discussing this with him, though i have danced around the subject. What i would really want to know is if there would be a future for us or am i imagining things and i am only a friend to him? The Harry-Met-Sally scenario is getting old. Another thing: he has bigger worries about the direction he is going in his life, so i know he puts his love life on the back burner, but i also know he loves the attention i give him that relates to him how i feel (making a stocking for him at Xmas, the personalized e mails, sending him flowers, writing poems, and other thoughtful gestures) he in turn does thoughtful things for me too, like brings me brownies when i am feeling ill, taking me to the dr, watching my pets, buying me chocolates, taking his time and searching for certain things to give me as a surprise,coming over at a moments notice to be there for me. *he dated a girl for 7 years and she slept with his best friend, he is over her, but not the betrayal issue. What is it that i can do without risking humiliation and our friendship to find out if he feels the same way i do? I can't help falling in love with him, but I don't want to waste anymore time with delusions of granduer. How do I say "Is there a future for us, will we one day date again?"

[Disintegration]

I think that Seth is afraid of experiencing the hurt he felt after his ex girlfriend cheated on him, all over again.

 

It can't be good for you having such strong feelings for him and constantly being held back.

 

I think maybe you should back off a little bit, I'm not saying don't be friends with him. Just, be there for him, but not AS there for him. Make him miss you a little bit. Don't be as obvious with your feelings, be subtle. Show him that you aren't going to be around forever, once he notices you backing off and doing your own thing.. he'll realize that he misses you. Or he won't notice and won't care.. Either way, you'll have your answer if this is the guy for you.

 

Or just sit down and have a heart to heart with him. Let him know exactly how you feel. Don't put any pressure on him for an answer as much as it will hurt.. If he has any inclination inside of him that wants to be with you than he will go for it. If he doesn't.. than well.. it's time to give all your affections to someone who can give back to you everything.

seth lived downstairs from me, and i met him on new years 1998 day to borrow a flashlight. never really spoke to him again until march. We hung out together for a week and then starting dating, i suppose i intiated the dating thing because i made the first move. we "dated" for about 3 weeks, then i get this "i don't have time for a girlfriend, must concentrate on my work" speech, i was crushed and didn't expect us to remain friends even though he said we would. We did remain friends, really good friends as a matter of fact. i've gotten to know him so well, we spend alot of time together for "just being friends" he has not dated anyone since me, and although i've seen a couple of guys since seth, we are both each others last sexual partner. I asked seth a few months ago why he broke off the "sexual" part of our relationship since we agreed that we are each other's surrogate boy/girl friend. His answer was vague so i had to draw my own conclusions that maybe i came on too strong. seth and i are so close, yet so asexual that it's creating alot of tension for me. it's almost not natural, because we talk about everything (sex as well) I get such a rush from seeing him, and get excited when he calls and sometimes i get a high after seeing him and then feel resentful and stupid because technically we're just "friends" I love seeing him as much as possible, but then every now and then am let down. How long can this go on? I know seth cares about me, but in what ways? I feel so close to him and respect him tremondously, am not interested in dating men, because seth has raised the bar so high, i would constantly compare them to him and that's just not fair. in every way he IS my boyfriend, and i have never had stronger feelings for someone than him. i love him and could definately see myself marrying him (we are both in our late '20')I am so afraid of discussing this with him, though i have danced around the subject. What i would really want to know is if there would be a future for us or am i imagining things and i am only a friend to him? The Harry-Met-Sally scenario is getting old. Another thing: he has bigger worries about the direction he is going in his life, so i know he puts his love life on the back burner, but i also know he loves the attention i give him that relates to him how i feel (making a stocking for him at Xmas, the personalized e mails, sending him flowers, writing poems, and other thoughtful gestures) he in turn does thoughtful things for me too, like brings me brownies when i am feeling ill, taking me to the dr, watching my pets, buying me chocolates, taking his time and searching for certain things to give me as a surprise,coming over at a moments notice to be there for me. *he dated a girl for 7 years and she slept with his best friend, he is over her, but not the betrayal issue. What is it that i can do without risking humiliation and our friendship to find out if he feels the same way i do? I can't help falling in love with him, but I don't want to waste anymore time with delusions of granduer. How do I say "Is there a future for us, will we one day date again?"