Update: Part 3

[AnotherRound]

You can say I add nothing, but what really, is your point? Everything I've said has been on topic (not that there really was one.) Again, you detest the fact of others not buying into your story or having opposing views. Simple really.

 

The topic was about an ex gf of a current person one is talking to stalking you, harassing you, etc.

Edited October 14, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed comments about private communications

[AnotherRound]

Sorry my PM's have affected you. You're pretty good at that too. I will continue to respond to your posts. Feel free to ignore if I offend.

 

Same Now, can we get back on topic please? Did you want to say anything about the situation I was dealing with? Thanks!

[2sunny]

He was willing to break his marital vows/agreement - I doubt he wouldn't break a restraining order.

 

Just because its in the paper - that wouldn't mean he wouldn't see her given his lack of moral compass and "doing" the right thing.

 

I'd bet money he was continually hot and cold with her and that's what set her off.

 

One thing is for sure - HE is the common denominator in a LOT of harm to at LEAST three women. That's terrible.

[AnotherRound]

He was willing to break his marital vows/agreement - I doubt he wouldn't break a restraining order.

 

Just because its in the paper - that wouldn't mean he wouldn't see her given his lack of moral compass and "doing" the right thing.

 

I'd bet money he was continually hot and cold with her and that's what set her off.

 

One thing is for sure - HE is the common denominator in a LOT of harm to at LEAST three women. That's terrible.

 

Maybe. I can't see him being hot and cold though - he just isn't like that. I'm sure he was enjoying himself with her, or he wouldn't have been seeing her. I think she just assumed or wanted it to be much more than he did. He has always been really honest about what he wants and needs - that is NOT a problem he has ever had, so, it would be really odd if he wasn't with her. And like I said, her emails verified everything that he said. Her main complaint was that she felt "used" by him - and was angry that he was talking to me again (still).

 

I understand that she felt used. Yes, that is terrible. But, if he was honest with her about what he wanted (not a love relationship, but a FWBs thing) and she agreed (which is what I think happened) but was convinced he would fall in love with her - whose fault is that? His? Now, if he wasn't honest, then that's a different story. But the odds of that, from what I know of him, are very slim - so I just have to go with what I know of him. If he didn't lie to his stbxw and didn't lie to me all those years (and I KNOW this to be true), why would he lie to this other woman? I mean, what would be the point?

 

Trust me - he doesn't have to lie to get attention. He has a very high profile career, and is around a lot of women on a constant basis. I've seen him work, and they literally throw themselves at him. He is a very attractive man, and I have watched this happen. Women of all ages - trying to give him their numbers and trying to get his attention. He would have no need to lie to anyone - he basically has his pick of many women. And, he tried to break it off with her before - and she began to exhibit the behaviors - and he gave her another chance. He didn't want to hurt her, and he was honest with her - and she couldn't handle it. Obviously, if he had known that she was as unstable or weak (whichever it is) she is, he wouldn't have gotten involved on ANY level. Trust me, he regrets it, and did apologize to her for hurting her - even though it was not his intent.

 

I wouldn't say a "lot" of harm to 3 women - maybe just her. His stbxw seems to be fine with things - moving along nicely (other than wanting more money or whatever), but not seeming that the divorce is affecting her. I heard (think I mentioned this before) that she is seeing someone herself. I am fine - living my life just like I was the year and a half we were apart - only talking to him a little more nowadays. So, yes, the OW is hurt - or angry - or something - and that's unfortunate. But honestly, I think she is hurting herself more than anyone else is bc she is refusing to just accept that they didn't go where she wanted them to go. That's why, imo, she tried to force it by showing up and attacking the stbxw - she wanted him to herself - even though he had told her he didn't want that type of relationship with her.

 

I see what you're saying - and like I said, you could be absolutely right. Time will tell. If you are, I promise, I will listen to you tell me that you told me so! I will see how it goes, let it all unfold, and see where we all end up - and update when anything happens or changes. I think he may surprise many here - but it won't surprise me if what I think I know is true.

[cocorico]

T

Did your crazy person just go away? How did you resolve it? I honestly have never dealt with someone like this in my personal life. I find myself quizzically looking at the situation and thinking, wtf? I cannot get my brain around it honestly, bc it just seems so surreal! Like a caricature of a "real" person - something you'd see in a movie, not IRL.

 

 

No, she didn't "just go away". I doubt they do. I think they escalate until someone else takes control of the situation for them and replaces their broken SuperEgo with the Law.

 

In my case, she had broken the law by committing repeated unsolicited acts of harassment and stalking. She had used her employer's ICT infrastructure in order to do this, in clear violation of their publicly available policy on appropriate use, and her actions could also be construed as bringing her employer into disrepute because of the nature and content of the communications. I simply informed her of the laws she had broken, the organisational policies she was on violation of, the body of irrefutable evidence I had and would provide to both the law enforcement agency and to her employer should she ever attempt to contact me again in any form, and made full copies of everything in case it was needed later.

 

She turned this around and claimed that *i* was threatening her, but by drawing attention in that way she simply lost sympathy from everyone around her and had to back down. I know she has gone around telling anyone who would listen that I am "dangerous" but that was no bad thing IMO! If her self-conjured bogeymen are able to keep her scared enough to,stop her acting outside of the law in future, more strength to them!

 

Good luck, AR. I hope the system is able to contain, if not heal, yours.

[cocorico]

I wonder if MM has ever apologized to the OOW. Something tells me this is not the case.

 

So are MMs expected to apologise to OWs they dump too, or just OOWs? This notion seems to run counter to the prevailing wisdom here which is that any woman who has an A with a MM, be she OW or OOW, should simply embrace the bus accident as her karmic reward and suck it up.

 

I've not seen prior posts supporting the right of an OW (or OOW) to a post-A apology from the MM, but do think it might help all those other OWs who post seeking "closure".

[Saba]

So are MMs expected to apologise to OWs they dump too, or just OOWs? This notion seems to run counter to the prevailing wisdom here which is that any woman who has an A with a MM, be she OW or OOW, should simply embrace the bus accident as her karmic reward and suck it up.

 

I've not seen prior posts supporting the right of an OW (or OOW) to a post-A apology from the MM, but do think it might help all those other OWs who post seeking "closure".

 

Love your phrasing!!

 

I have seen plenty of posts from people who think that the OW is entitled to be treated like anyone else would be (as if both affair partners were single) in a breakup. I have actually read numerous posts which claim that the BS should allow a private breakup between the two APs. So although there are a lot of people chartering the karmic bus on d-day there are some on LS who are not. Would an apology really bring closure anyway?

Edited October 14, 2012 by Saba
font problem

[woinlove]

The topic was about an ex gf of a current person one is talking to stalking you, harassing you, etc.

 

AR, you say this woman was committed to a psychiatric hospital four days ago and someone in the case has leaked her private information to you so that you know if she is released from the hospital she will go straight to jail, so whether she stays in the hospital or stays in jail, it seems she will be in custody. What is the problem? I would suggest breaking ties with the professional who leaks her private information as that will help you let go of your emotional involvement with her. Let the medical doctors and/or the police take care of things. Try to focus on other things and let go of the obsession.

[Decorative]

Really? Empathy? I could identify with that, yet you've shown none. NONE! No, you've applauded the demise of the OOW's trip. Not to mention the BS. You've told all of us, enthusiastically of her (crazy ex OOW) journey from the RO's to psych hospital to (hopefully) jail. Really? Where is your empathy? You lack any professional responsibility towards her, an apparent stranger and victim of your wonderful MM. I'm sorry, I find myself doubting basically anything you say. I've conferred with my friends who happen to be mental health professionals (basically shared your condensed story) and they, frankly called foul, I've shared the links to your story (in full) because they don't believe (in their professional experience) a mental health professional would ever go on to a public site and share the level of detail you have shared. Funnily, they've asked what state you practice in, because they feel you need to be reported.

 

I agree. Utterly and entirely.

[truthbetold]

Maybe. I can't see him being hot and cold though - he just isn't like that. I'm sure he was enjoying himself with her, or he wouldn't have been seeing her. I think she just assumed or wanted it to be much more than he did. He has always been really honest about what he wants and needs - that is NOT a problem he has ever had, so, it would be really odd if he wasn't with her. And like I said, her emails verified everything that he said. Her main complaint was that she felt "used" by him - and was angry that he was talking to me again (still).

 

I understand that she felt used. Yes, that is terrible. But, if he was honest with her about what he wanted (not a love relationship, but a FWBs thing) and she agreed (which is what I think happened) but was convinced he would fall in love with her - whose fault is that? His? Now, if he wasn't honest, then that's a different story. But the odds of that, from what I know of him, are very slim - so I just have to go with what I know of him. If he didn't lie to his stbxw and didn't lie to me all those years (and I KNOW this to be true), why would he lie to this other woman? I mean, what would be the point?

 

Trust me - he doesn't have to lie to get attention. He has a very high profile career, and is around a lot of women on a constant basis. I've seen him work, and they literally throw themselves at him. He is a very attractive man, and I have watched this happen. Women of all ages - trying to give him their numbers and trying to get his attention. He would have no need to lie to anyone - he basically has his pick of many women. And, he tried to break it off with her before - and she began to exhibit the behaviors - and he gave her another chance. He didn't want to hurt her, and he was honest with her - and she couldn't handle it. Obviously, if he had known that she was as unstable or weak (whichever it is) she is, he wouldn't have gotten involved on ANY level. Trust me, he regrets it, and did apologize to her for hurting her - even though it was not his intent.

 

I wouldn't say a "lot" of harm to 3 women - maybe just her. His stbxw seems to be fine with things - moving along nicely (other than wanting more money or whatever), but not seeming that the divorce is affecting her. I heard (think I mentioned this before) that she is seeing someone herself. I am fine - living my life just like I was the year and a half we were apart - only talking to him a little more nowadays. So, yes, the OW is hurt - or angry - or something - and that's unfortunate. But honestly, I think she is hurting herself more than anyone else is bc she is refusing to just accept that they didn't go where she wanted them to go. That's why, imo, she tried to force it by showing up and attacking the stbxw - she wanted him to herself - even though he had told her he didn't want that type of relationship with her.

 

I see what you're saying - and like I said, you could be absolutely right. Time will tell. If you are, I promise, I will listen to you tell me that you told me so! I will see how it goes, let it all unfold, and see where we all end up - and update when anything happens or changes. I think he may surprise many here - but it won't surprise me if what I think I know is true.

 

Sorry AR, but the whole women of all ages throwing themselves at him? I find that pretty incredible to believe. I mean John Edwards who by many is considered attractive:sick: Or countless others to name still don't have women publicly throwing themselves at them. Pretty much rock stars are the only ones that have women doing that and that's even in certain situations. So sorry I'm not buying your MM is such a Rock god.

 

If he was he wouldn't have had to entertain crazy. And like it or not he seems to thrive on those that he can manipulate. If he was so awesome as you said he could have anyone, but no he chooses to stay safe with those he knows he can control.

 

So I don't think he's going to surprise many. Because your followers all agree with you, no surprise there and well the rest, in my humble opinion don't think will be surprised.

 

You've said though in other places that it disgusts you he would pick such weak women. I don't get why you're brushing that off as analytical as you are I would think you would play out in your head once it wears off that you "got him" how it will translate to the real world.

 

It's what some of us are trying to say. You're getting so caught up in defending him and I really wonder if crazy OOW didn't want him so bad, would you? You seem to still think the wife isn't the one who has finally had enough (though from what YOU wrote, it's clear she steered that ship) so it seems you need to make her out to still wanting him too thus fueling your desire to want him. Yet in many ways you have said his choice in women has disgusted you.

 

Since your are out having all this fabulous FWB sex and going on other great dates. And he has flocks of women throwing themselves at him, I don't understand in the least why someone so together would want all this drama, it makes no sense. It's why so many are seeing so many cracks in what you're saying, what you write is not consistent.

 

The more you defend the more obvious that is. I'm not saying this to be argumentative I'm just trying to let you see that it's not like some light bulb is going to pop on for some of us with what you write and you've said you're good with that. So if you're good with that, why not just be able to say "Thanks, that's not how I feel, I'm good with that". And that's it?

 

I think your confusion is pretty evident and you're hell bent on winning for whatever reason.

[AnotherRound]

Love your phrasing!!

 

I have seen plenty of posts from people who think that the OW is entitled to be treated like anyone else would be (as if both affair partners were single) in a breakup. I have actually read numerous posts which claim that the BS should allow a private breakup between the two APs. So although there are a lot of people chartering the karmic bus on d-day there are some on LS who are not. Would an apology really bring closure anyway?

 

He did apologize to her, privately, face to face, and one on one. He did the same thing with me, even though we weren't even seeing each other anymore. He came over, explained that he was going to try to reconcile with his wife, explained why, apologized for any hurt he had ever caused me, and that was it. He did the same thing with the OW, even though initially he tried not to see her face to face bc of her previous behaviors. She then started threatening him that if he didn't come see her face to face that she would start showing up again all over town and around his child. So he did. It obviously didn't help at all in her case. I simply left him to it - she did not.

 

I admired the fact that he made the effort to apologize face to face, even though I didn't feel as if I needed an apology. He hadn't hurt me - and him wanting to reconcile with his wife didn't hurt me, in fact, it made sense to me, and I probably would have wondered about him if he hadn't at least tried to work that relationship out.

 

So, no, sometimes a face to face apology doesn't help at all. And after that is when he had to block the OW from contact bc she just continued to escalate. I think that the one in my case will go away. She has recently gotten a new job I hear and am hoping that occupies some of her time. It appears that when she has nothing to do, she creates drama - so, hopefully that will die down. I am also hopeful that the hospital helped her - either with counseling and/or medication. At the minimum, maybe they provided her with some resources. If she wasn't found to be mentally ill - then I have no idea what to think. If that is the case, I just hope that the legal system keeps her in check regarding her behaviors.

 

I think the only thing that exMM could have done that would have soothed the OW is to have married her - honestly. Anything short of that, and she was going to be pissed. Like I said, this isn't the first time that she has done this with a MM - there are at least 2 other MMs in our tiny little town that she has done this with. Exact same thing - same MO - so, I don't think it's exMM at all - as she is the common denominator in that. I think she has a fantasy in her head of stealing away a MM, despite what they tell her. And, when it doesn't work out like that, she freaks out (for lack of better phrasing).

 

Thanks for all of the responses. I know it's a crazy situation - trust me, I know, lol. I'm just glad it seems to be over and am ready to get back to my really uneventful life, the one without drama. ExMM and I NEVER had drama of any kind in our relationship - until she inserted herself 8 months after they had broken up. So, I know it's not he and I, but her. And hopefully that is taken care of now.

[Stephanie]

I think this has been sufficiently discussed in some form or another in three different threads. I believe everyone knows everyone else's feelings and positions now.

 

I'm going to close this thread now and we're all going to take a break from this situation.