Update: Part 3

[ThatJustHappened]

Yeah, bc she appeared to be mentally unstable. They will treat that, and then she will have to face the legal consequences of breaking the boundaries of an RO against her. That is life. It is full of consequences. I'm sure that if she is found to be unfit mentally for jail, the hospital will keep her. If they don't, then she is fit to face her legal repurcussions. She committed a crime - she knew ahead of time she was committing a crime - she CHOSE to commit the crime.

 

I choose not to feel sorry for people who willingly commit crimes against me. I understand she may be mentally ill - time will tell. But I say it again, it is not my job as a fellow human to save her from herself. If she showed up and was suicidal or homicidal, I would take appropriate action - legally. My good samaritan obligation ends there. Especially considering how nasty she was to me in the emails she sent. To expect someone she attacks and insults to "help" her, or soothe her - well, sorry. She seems unstable, she seems erratic, and I'm not putting my life in danger for her benefit.

 

If emailing someone was a crime, we would all be in jail right now.

[AnotherRound]

If emailing someone was a crime, we would all be in jail right now.

 

Not emailing - although the emails were inappropriate, and an obvious attempt to hurt me. Threatening me to the police. That IS a crime, and allowed me to get the RO quickly. If she didn't commit a crime, she wouldn't be going to jail. She also committed a crime by messaging exMM when he has an RO against her. This woman is committing crimes left and right - and people are defending her. People who think adultery is horrible, which is NOT a crime, and yet think that actual crimes are "okay" since she was "upset". ??? It makes NO sense to me, total disconnect, imo - and justifying a crime while villianizing people who have affairs and don't commit crimes - cognitive dissonance at its best.

[Quiet Storm]

She seems unstable, she seems erratic, and I'm not putting my life in danger for her benefit.

 

I don't think you have to put your life in danger, but a little compassion, or understanding, or objectivity, when describing her... would be normal, I think.

 

The suicide threats, the fear of abandonment... sounds like a Borderline to me. Not immaturity.

[AnotherRound]

I don't think you have to put your life in danger, but a little compassion, or understanding, or objectivity, when describing her... would be normal, I think.

 

The suicide threats, the fear of abandonment... sounds like a Borderline to me. Not immaturity.

 

I agree, it sounds like some type of personality disorder. But I don't know that for sure, so, I wonder.

 

I was trying to be compassionate - but then she began to harass me. I do understand - but that does not obligate me to "deal with" her. I'm sorry if she has a personality disorder, or any mental illness - but I have my own life to live and deal with. It DOES put my well being in danger bc I can't provide her free counseling - how would that even be healthy?

 

I'm describing her as best as I can. If it isn't "nice" enough, I apologize - but at this point, I think she has earned everything she is getting, fair and square. It would be like saying that a mentally retarded person that rapes someone isn't responsible for that act - they are, MR or not. Obviously, they might not have known better - but the victim doesn't just have to keep getting raped bc of that.

 

Now, had she approached me calmly, without the venom - it could have been very different. But she didn't. She was lashing out at me, a complete stranger, who has never done a thing to her - never looked at her, never spoken to her, never had anything to do with her. Her lashing out was misplaced - and now she is suffering the consequences of that. I feel sorry for her, but again, not my job or my responsibility obligation to save her from herself. I can't save every stranger who needs help, nor should I feel like I have to.

[Saba]

You extrapolated a long way from my point, maybe I was not clear. I acknowledged that you took the action you needed to for your safety. My point was you have written a whole lot of judgemental and nasty stuff about her. It annoys me as I feel that mentally ill people are sick. It is a bit like talking about someone who has a cold as snivelling, disgusting and unhygienic, it may be the case in a snap shot of them but it is not necessarily a personality trait.

 

It is hard to consider your situation with concern when you are picking on someone who you describe as not coping.

As for the hospital to jail thing ...well I did not express that she should not have consequences for her actions however I believe that system does not cater for mental illness in an appropriate manner. Mind you, I believe that the whole justice system does not do the right thing by people with mental illness and society suffers because of it. I’ll stop there so I’m not too far off topic.

[ThatJustHappened]

Not emailing - although the emails were inappropriate, and an obvious attempt to hurt me. Threatening me to the police. That IS a crime, and allowed me to get the RO quickly. If she didn't commit a crime, she wouldn't be going to jail. She also committed a crime by messaging exMM when he has an RO against her. This woman is committing crimes left and right - and people are defending her. People who think adultery is horrible, which is NOT a crime, and yet think that actual crimes are "okay" since she was "upset". ??? It makes NO sense to me, total disconnect, imo - and justifying a crime while villianizing people who have affairs and don't commit crimes - cognitive dissonance at its best.

 

So it's a crime to confess directly to the police that you thought about harming someone else but didn't act on it? Yikes..George Orwell was right, the thought police are watching!

 

Who said what she did was ok? I don't think it was ok to send you nasty emails or to threaten you. I'm just saying that sending mean emails isn't a crime.

 

And adultery IS horrible, whether it's legal or not. Not everything that's legal is good. Mullets for example.

 

Edit: I don't think what she did was right, but I do think you're being a bit dramatic about it. I understand wanting a restraining order after what she said to the cops, but 2 emails is not harassment. It's an annoyance at most.

Edited October 14, 2012 by ThatJustHappened

[Saba]

Adultery SHOULD be a crime as it has long reaching and very devastating consequences...much more devastating than a couple of emails. smh

 

I think what has us up in arms is that you were wanting an RO with the very first email and zero threats...that is not rational behavior. No matter how many degrees and professional friends you have, you are not seeing glaringly obvious issues. Lack of empathy and compassion, plus grandiose...oh never mind. It won't matter.

 

It might matter. On reading this thread again maybe one point has not been made clear. Compassion for the OOW does not mean 'helping' her, responding to her contact, initiating contact or not taking action against threats being made. It just means not further degrading someone who is having a breakdown or has a mental illness.

 

As for the crime thing... you are on your own there!

[MissBee]

AR,

 

I'm confused. You keep bringing up free counseling and saving her from herself...not sure if I missed something but who implied you had to counsel her and save her?

 

My response personally was, ignore her, she didn't come to your doorsteps, so ignore UNTIL it becomes something more significant. You said you wanted to hurt her and play with her. Then I was like ohh okay, that explains why this is such an issue to you, as you do want to engage on some level and you're not interested in just ignoring and moving along...or you'd have done so. I was also quite confused about you insisting she is mentally unstable yet still wanting to email her or "play with her"...don't know what your profession is in the mental health industry...but as a non-professional it seems intuitive to me that antagonizing mentally unstable people is foolhardy and pointless. If they need professional help, then taunting them or playing games with them is a bit silly as it won't be effective. It's like arguing with a 5 year old...I mean, who'd really waste time on that?

 

Anyway...I think those things seemed odd to me...as well as to some other folks and it's not because people want to gang up on you or think you should counsel this woman lmaooo (that's crazy). I certainly have no interest in doing that, but from your initial thread I was always puzzled at why if you know she is insane you'd want to hurt her back and play with her or what have you. I've received emails from a delusional and disturbed woman who thought I was with her exboyfriend (we were just friends). I simply blocked and ignored her and that was the end of that. Life went on and that was years ago and it never escalated. I just felt that was easiest and why go to the highest level if a simple function can accomplish the same thing. Had she continued or started calling me or something then I'd react more strongly...but he knew she was disturbed, I could tell she was disturbed and she didn't know anything about me except my public social networking info to message me and when I cut that off..it ended. I was not required to counsel her or save her from her self...what I did was ignore her and leave her the heck alone versus engage with her.

 

But that's just me and you did say you didn't want to just let it be...so it's not completely puzzling. My only concern now is whether or not this is the end of it...or will there be more in store for the future.

Edited October 14, 2012 by MissBee

[AnotherRound]

AR,

 

I'm confused. You keep bringing up free counseling and saving her from herself...not sure if I missed something but who implied you had to counsel her and save her?

 

My response personally was, ignore her, she didn't come to your doorsteps, so ignore UNTIL it becomes something more significant. You said you wanted to hurt her and play with her. Then I was like ohh okay, that explains why this is such an issue to you, as you do want to engage on some level and you're not interested in just ignoring and moving along...or you'd have done so. I was also quite confused about you insisting she is mentally unstable yet still wanting to email her or "play with her"...don't know what your profession is in the mental health industry...but as a non-professional it seems intuitive to me that antagonizing mentally unstable people is foolhardy and pointless. If they need professional help, then taunting them or playing games with them is a bit silly as it won't be effective. It's like arguing with a 5 year old...I mean, who'd really waste time on that?

 

Anyway...I think those things seemed odd to me...as well as to some other folks and it's not because people want to gang up on you or think you should counsel this woman lmaooo (that's crazy). I certainly have no interest in doing that, but from your initial thread I was always puzzled at why if you know she is insane you'd want to hurt her back and play with her or what have you. I've received emails from a delusional and disturbed woman who thought I was with her exboyfriend (we were just friends). I simply blocked and ignored her and that was the end of that. Life went on and that was years ago and it never escalated. I just felt that was easiest and why go to the highest level if a simple function can accomplish the same thing. Had she continued or started calling me or something then I'd react more strongly...but he knew she was disturbed, I could tell she was disturbed and she didn't know anything about me except my public social networking info to message me and when I cut that off..it ended. I was not required to counsel her or save her from her self...what I did was ignore her and leave her the heck alone versus engage with her.

 

But that's just me and you did say you didn't want to just let it be...so it's not completely puzzling. My only concern now is whether or not this is the end of it...or will there be more in store for the future.

 

You're right - for a minute, I didn't want to just let it be. Because honestly, I'm not SURE she has a mental health issue. It appears that she may just be a really childish person - not mentally ill at all. If that is the case, then I would have some desire to "put her in her place". The problem is, I don't KNOW for sure what the issue is. So, I didn't really know how I should handle it. If I'm being bullied by someone that is mentally ill - that's one thing. But, if she isn't mentally ill, and just refuses to accept that exMM doesn't want a relationship with her any longer - then, I feel that I have the right to "spar" with her on some level when she attacks me.

 

I only wanted an RO after the first email bc the email was extremely inappropriate. It's not like she emailed me and asked me, politely, with civility - to provide her with honesty that perhaps exMM hadn't given her. Quite the opposite. It was instantly attacking me, my involvement with him, and intruding on my life by asking me questions about he and I - which has NOTHING to do with her any longer, as they are not together and haven't been for 8 months. It was insulting and pushy, and from a stranger who all I know about is that she tends to cause unnecessary drama and "throws tantrums" in public on an almost daily basis. So, yes, I wanted an RO if possible, bc I don't want to deal with that - from anyone.

 

It seems that some people believe that I should speak with her, soothe her. That IS insane! lol Why would I do that? Why would I want to do that or be expected to do that? I don't owe her anything. And, again, had she approached me sanely (as opposed to how she did!), I might have considered talking to her. Maybe not, as I don't see the point - we are strangers, I don't want to be friends with her, and honestly - she's irrelevant in my life, and I'm perfectly okay with that.

 

So, yes, my gut says she is most likely mentally ill (as exMM says she is and the police also seem to think she is). But, what if she isn't? What if this is just how she handles life? What if she is just stomping her feet like a child? I have approached it as if she is mentally ill, bc it's better to err that way than the other. And that's what I did - ignored her. Then people accused me of sending her over the edge! lol So, apparently, I couldn't have won either way. If I defend myself, fight fire with fire, then I'm a terrible and cold person. If I ignore her, and only take appropriate action through the police, then I'm a terrible and cold person.

 

She has not been "abusive" to me, but she HAS been abusive to exMM, his stbxw, and their child. So, yes, I have very little sympathy for her at this time. Mentally ill or not, she is harming people on purpose and taking pleasure in it. Including a child - not a young child, but a young teenager who has also done nothing to her. So, I'm frustrated not only with what she did to me - but with what she did to them and with all the other people she has tried to drag into her drama. Her pain is no bigger than anyone elses, yet she is reacting like hers is more important - more valid - more deserving than anyone elses. Personally, I think what she did to the stbxw was disgusting - purposely trying to hurt her feelings, calling her a "fat pig" and insulting her - all in some weird attempt to get exMM to love her, or marry her, or whatever.

 

As far as I'm concerned, it's over. If she isn't getting help, then she is NOT mentally ill. If she is released from jail, and attempts to contact me, I will contact the police immediately and she can serve the consequences of that. I won't search her out, or engage with her - unless she forces me to by showing up. At that point, all bets are off. I will treat her like the threat that she SEEMS to be, and I will do whatever necessary to get her away from me and out of my life and to defend myself. She has NO right to approach me, in any manner (never did) and certainly not now with the RO in place. If she is mentally ill, I will feel sorry for her -and that's it. I will still react quickly and appropriately to ANY contact she attempts with me. Mentally ill or not, she is not allowed in my life bc I say so, and don't wish her to be in my life in any form.

[AnotherRound]

Really? I read no compassion in your part 2 rant (well none of them really.) I think you were and are pissed at this OOW who had a sexual relationship with your beloved MM. I think it pissed you off. He lied to both of you. Perhaps, you, with all your knowledge and book learning were better equipped to deal with the lies and deception of the situation. OOW's truth is more than likely what other OW/OM actually go through. But perhaps, she wasn't nearly as emotionally grounded as you profess to be. I feel sorry for her actually. She never threatened you, just pissed you off, because she was just like you. And really, I feel sorry for you as well. If you were so okay with the situation, there wouldn't be pages and pages of posts revealing otherwise.

 

Lol, okay. I tend to not get pissed when I break up with someone and he goes off and dates someone new. That's kind of the point, isn't it? I'm not pissed that she had awesome sex with exMM, good for her! I have had awesome sex with him too, when I wanted to What I was "pissed" about was that she thought she had any right at all to contact me. She is a stranger, has nothing to do with me, and wants to be in my life (apparently). I don't want her in my life. I don't "like" her from what I know, I have no desire to have people that are "like" her anywhere near me in my life. Like I said, I am disappointed that exMM chose her bc she is not someone I would spend five minutes even talking to - let alone discussing deep and emotional issues with, lol.

 

I know that it seems to some that they have it all figured out - that's fine. I obviously have some legitimate concern or she wouldn't be sitting in a hospital psych ward waiting for her transfer to the local jail. While I'm still living my life just as I was. So, I didn't commit a crime at any time (not even while having the affair!), and she did. Consequences are hard sometimes, but are almost ALWAYS deserved. Her consequences are hers to embrace, and I won't rob her of that.

[AnotherRound]

Wow......this story gets better all the time. So she asked you some questions in that email? You saw that as pushy and insulting.

 

My gawd.......I feel more sorry for this woman with every post of yours.

 

She got lied to, just as you have been, (but you deny it) and she thought you and her could discuss. She wants answers.

 

Unhinged.......not from what you've posted. All that over an email that you didn't like. Wow!

 

She asked me questions about he and I NOW - 8 months after he had broken up with her and has not had any contact with her. She wasn't lied to, but apparently it makes some of you feel better to believe that. I wasn't lied to - nobody was lied to. Like I said, she is WAY over-reacting to a break up. Believe it or not, I know, it's crazy - but true, lol.

 

She wasn't trying to "discuss" anything with me. She thought she was going to tell me something I didn't know (that she had sex with exMM) - and everything she told me I already knew. She wanted to hurt me, just like she hurt the stbxw - but it backfired, and she flipped out. I didn't respond, and she most likely assumed from that that I wasn't hurt, or not hurt enough. So, she sent the second email - still no response, so she really flipped out then!

 

And she didn't tell the police that she had thought about hurting me - she told them that she wanted to physically harm me bc I was seeing HER boyfriend, lmao. Her boyfriend, who broke up with her 8 months ago, filed a RO against her, and refuses ANY contact with her. She's delusional, or denying, or something - mentally ill or really just NOT getting it. So, the police took appropriate action. I wasn't in her head, I didn't make her threaten my person. But, I'm glad she did it in front of the police! And right after she sent me the second email - knowing that exMM and I are talking, she sent him a message that said something like, "where did you go? Are you okay?" - so, yeah, it appears that she is unstable (probably is), or, she just cannot stand the thought that he is "back" to me - as she did have an issue of jealousy in regards to me during their "relationship" bc he voiced to her once, when he first tried to end it with her, that he really wanted to be with me.

 

So, anyway - feel sorry for her, I guess someone has to, bc I don't. I don't do the whole victim mentality - I just handle **** as it comes... lol.

[veryinteresting]

Oh, I thing I get it now. So it is OOW who contacted you VIA email and not his wife? Very interesting, that changes things a bit in my opinion. I can now see what you mean by not doing anything to her. However, it does bring your married man's judgement into play. He was willing to have another affair with another person who appears to be possibly quite unhinged -- based on the info you provided. He chose to have an affair with a woman who he later had to get a restraining order on? Karma anyone? Hopefully he doesn't continue his affair spree with unhinged women and chooses to either work things out with his wife, stay away from women for awhile, or possibly work things out with you.

 

I do, however, find this part of your post quite telling... "exMM, his stbxw".

[AnotherRound]

I suppose that all makes sense. But, I'm guessing next week, there will be a new update part 4, where she's been released from hospital, and there was some snafu in her going to jail. What's next?? And perhaps I missed it, but how exactly does she know about you? Your beloved exMM must have given her your name at the very least? I know you've said you have a very well known business, so it wouldn't be hard to find your email address, but my question is why did you ever come up as he was doing the deed with her? Confounding.. Have you asked this prince of a man, why he ever gave this woman your info?

 

She got my name from snooping, lol. We have a lot of mutual friends - all of us do. It's a VERY small area. He and I were never secret, so we have a lot of friends who knew we were a couple for all of those years. Like I said, she went to everybody and anybody to get information - and followed him around - like hiding behind stuff! Who knows - I know he didn't give her my name, why would he? So she could show up and cause more drama? Nah - I'm sure she got it from someone else, and I think she got his phone records bc she seems to have gotten my phone number (He has since taken care of that, as he is convinced she created an online account to snoop his phone records bc he never set one up, but the phone company said there is one, and he blocked access to that and started getting paper statements again). She could have gotten my name from that even, just by googling my phone number as my business site would come up that way. Once she had my name, she could have gotten a lot of info - I do a LOT online for my business, so, yeah.

 

I know that you WANT him to be this shyster who is out telling everyone all about me. Truth is, he just isn't. She is just not handling him breaking up with her well at all - imagine if he HAD lied to her! Holy cow, that would be some serious movie fodder then, wouldn't it?! She just didn't get what she had worked out in her head - and she's pissed. Or ill - I don't know.

 

I only started this thread bc the other one was closed by mods - they asked if I wanted it reopened, but it had gone so far OT (shocker, lol) that I decided to just start a new one and see if it could possibly be kept on topic instead of trying to sift through the other one. There won't be any new updates - unless she shows up. Let's all hope she is medicated (if she is ill) or that she respects the boundaries of the law at least (if she isn't ill). !!!

[AnotherRound]

Oh, I thing I get it now. So it is OOW who contacted you VIA email and not his wife? Very interesting, that changes things a bit in my opinion. I can now see what you mean by not doing anything to her. However, it does bring your married man's judgement into play. He was willing to have another affair with another person who appears to be possibly quite unhinged -- based on the info you provided. He chose to have an affair with a woman who he later had to get a restraining order on? Karma anyone? Hopefully he doesn't continue his affair spree with unhinged women and chooses to either work things out with his wife, stay away from women for awhile, or possibly work things out with you.

 

I do, however, find this part of your post quite telling... "exMM, his stbxw".

 

Yes, from the other OW who came after I broke up with him last year - not the stbxw. I mentioned it earlier, yes, I'm disappointed in his choice - she is not someone I would want anywhere near me and that is playing into my decisions regarding him (I am considering that, trust me! lol).

 

And no, he and his stbxw are divorcing, it's in the final stages. He no longer wishes to reconcile as he has realized it won't ever work. He and I are discussing possibly dating afterwards, I'm leaning heavily towards trying it out - but not 100% convinced yet (almost, but not quite).

 

Yes, he is my exMM - the wife is the stbxw - and the other OW is the one who has been trying to contact me. I know - a freakin' soap opera. Kind of crazy considering he and I had 7 years with NO drama at all - and the other OW comes in and all of a sudden, it's a **** storm - and still a train wreck 8 months after he ended it with her, went NC, got the RO and hasn't had a single convo with her! lol

[AnotherRound]

I think that's what a few of us think about you and your constant ramblings. Sorry, I just still don't get your vitriol at this woman. I think you have more in common with her, than not.

 

Okay, that's your opinion. Again, you can send me PMs about that (like you have already) and insult me there if you want. I would prefer you let the threads go on for the people interested and actually participating. Thanks!

[AnotherRound]

He doesn't lie to you uh? Really...........according to you the first time you met him and for a while thereafter he told you the biggest lie of all...........that he wasn't married.

 

A man who tells that big whooper, has no problem lying........none at all. As for what you believe.......that's up to you.

 

I do agree with you about one thing........you aren't a victim of him.

 

Yes, I remember that lie clearly. And, have discussed it here many times - Like I said, I forgave him for that, and he has more than redeemed himself over the past 8 years. He hasn't lied to me since, so, that one is forgiven.

[veryinteresting]

Yes, from the other OW who came after I broke up with him last year - not the stbxw. I mentioned it earlier, yes, I'm disappointed in his choice - she is not someone I would want anywhere near me and that is playing into my decisions regarding him (I am considering that, trust me! lol).

 

And no, he and his stbxw are divorcing, it's in the final stages. He no longer wishes to reconcile as he has realized it won't ever work. He and I are discussing possibly dating afterwards, I'm leaning heavily towards trying it out - but not 100% convinced yet (almost, but not quite).

 

Yes, he is my exMM - the wife is the stbxw - and the other OW is the one who has been trying to contact me. I know - a freakin' soap opera. Kind of crazy considering he and I had 7 years with NO drama at all - and the other OW comes in and all of a sudden, it's a **** storm - and still a train wreck 8 months after he ended it with her, went NC, got the RO and hasn't had a single convo with her! lol

 

Your life is very interesting. You should contact TLC as I am sure that there are many people out there who would tune in weekly to watch the drama unfold, and you could become RICH!

 

I hope things work out for you. You seem like a very nice woman even though you sometimes appear confused and, at times, long winded. I mean that in the nicest way possible. I am smiling while writing this, I am not trying to insult you.

 

On another note, I can relate to you as my Mother was also murdered a little over three years ago. It was one of the worse times of my life. It always hurts doesn't it?

 

Anyway, I hope the best for you.

[alexandria35]

She can't cope because she is childish and spoiled! Really? That is what you think?

 

Feeling sad for her would indicate you have some compassion which you clearly do not. She has serious problems at the moment (if what you say is accurate). You have done what you need to do so why are you so snide and nasty about her?

 

AR feels sad for everyone. She feels sad for me because I don't have sex without love. I'm not sure why that makes her sad. I'm not sad about it. It must be very hard to carry around so much sadness for everybody. What a terrible burden that has to be.

[Spark1111]

AR feels sad for everyone. She feels sad for me because I don't have sex without love. I'm not sure why that makes her sad. I'm not sad about it. It must be very hard to carry around so much sadness for everybody. What a terrible burden that has to be.

 

Sad? I sense AR feels superior to every other woman and is ALWAYS right. She also seems to relish the drama but will never admit to causing any of it.

 

Her empathy lies with herself, ONLY.

 

It is hard to post a dissenting opinion ever on her threads.

 

They are dismissed as being just too simple, stupid and unelightened unless you agree with her position completely.

 

I hope the OOW stays far, far away from you, as you want. How stupid to think, in her mentally ill, unstable anger that she too was loved by this xMM.

 

But obviously you are so much smarter and enlightened so how could that prize of a MM not love you oh so much more?

[Mount]

!!!! that is speechless from me. Where is the superiority coming from? And the reality is that the MM is choosing his wife AT THIS MINUTE, pls don't deny it. On the way to divorce is not the result being divorced YET.

 

And I think the "crazy" OOW as per described here is the projection. I think you all would agree with me.

 

She asked me questions about he and I NOW - 8 months after he had broken up with her and has not had any contact with her. She wasn't lied to, but apparently it makes some of you feel better to believe that. I wasn't lied to - nobody was lied to. Like I said, she is WAY over-reacting to a break up. Believe it or not, I know, it's crazy - but true, lol.

 

She wasn't trying to "discuss" anything with me. She thought she was going to tell me something I didn't know (that she had sex with exMM) - and everything she told me I already knew. She wanted to hurt me, just like she hurt the stbxw - but it backfired, and she flipped out. I didn't respond, and she most likely assumed from that that I wasn't hurt, or not hurt enough. So, she sent the second email - still no response, so she really flipped out then!

 

And she didn't tell the police that she had thought about hurting me - she told them that she wanted to physically harm me bc I was seeing HER boyfriend, lmao. Her boyfriend, who broke up with her 8 months ago, filed a RO against her, and refuses ANY contact with her. She's delusional, or denying, or something - mentally ill or really just NOT getting it. So, the police took appropriate action. I wasn't in her head, I didn't make her threaten my person. But, I'm glad she did it in front of the police! And right after she sent me the second email - knowing that exMM and I are talking, she sent him a message that said something like, "where did you go? Are you okay?" - so, yeah, it appears that she is unstable (probably is), or, she just cannot stand the thought that he is "back" to me - as she did have an issue of jealousy in regards to me during their "relationship" bc he voiced to her once, when he first tried to end it with her, that he really wanted to be with me.

 

So, anyway - feel sorry for her, I guess someone has to, bc I don't. I don't do the whole victim mentality - I just handle **** as it comes... lol.

Edited October 14, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[AnotherRound]

Your life is very interesting. You should contact TLC as I am sure that there are many people out there who would tune in weekly to watch the drama unfold, and you could become RICH!

 

I hope things work out for you. You seem like a very nice woman even though you sometimes appear confused and, at times, long winded. I mean that in the nicest way possible. I am smiling while writing this, I am not trying to insult you.

 

On another note, I can relate to you as my Mother was also murdered a little over three years ago. It was one of the worse times of my life. It always hurts doesn't it?

 

Anyway, I hope the best for you.

 

No offense taken - I AM long winded, lol I like to turn a phrase, make things sound pretty when I'm writing them. To me, it's an art - not just simply to share information.

 

Yes, having your mother murdered is a huge trauma - I found my mother, and I will NEVER get that picture out of my head. She was young and beautiful and I miss her every day. I'm sorry that you also have dealt with this - I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, honestly. There is no heartbreak that I can even consider coming close to that experience in my life. And, it taught me to live my life to the fullest as I'm in it - bc you just really never know when it will end. I won't ever miss my opportunity to say my feelings to someone I love again, not after that.

 

I wish you much peace - and don't worry about me, when I am confused (and that's very seldom), I always figure it out.

[AnotherRound]

AR feels sad for everyone. She feels sad for me because I don't have sex without love. I'm not sure why that makes her sad. I'm not sad about it. It must be very hard to carry around so much sadness for everybody. What a terrible burden that has to be.

 

It is a burden. My Grandmother used to tell me that my heart is too big for this cruel world... she was right. This is why I have to work to keep my empathy in check - so it doesn't overwhelm me. It took me a LONG time to realize that I cannot save the world - and to allow others to handle their own issues, and not sacrifice myself so that others would be okay. It's pretty common in abuse and trauma survivors. I've worked hard to find the medium level of that so that I can function without being heartbroken about every sad thing in the world. I have learned to emotionally detach myself from things that I cannot control or make better. Although, I still have a hard time watching the news.

 

I feel sad for people that don't experience life in their utmost capacity. Because I don't believe in an after life and have seen life ended suddenly and tragically - and think to myself, why do we live as if we will never die? Because, of course, we all die - some sooner than others. When I die, I don't want to look back and have regrets - wishing I had loved more, wishing I had spent more time with those I loved. I want to look back and think - yep, it's okay to die - I've lived and loved to the fullest while I was here and able.

[2sunny]

I'm seriously beginningi to think that it may be possible he was actually still seeing that OOW - but denying it to all these other women.

 

Yes, he's lied - but my gut says he's still been ling about seeing her.

 

You may CHOOSE not to believe that - but it certainly would make more sense.

 

Blind trust for this MM seems silly at this point -no way I would trust him like you do after all this...and him sharing with you doesn't always mean that's truth.

 

IF he really wanted and needed that D to get finalized - he'd agree to her terms and get it done and over with... But he hasn't!

 

This MM is a real gem - and I say that with sarcasm.

 

You've stated it has been difficult to respect him at times - there's no basis for any R without trust and respect.

 

I'm just scratching my head why you may think he's a good thing...

Edited October 14, 2012 by 2sunny

[AnotherRound]

I'm seriously beginningi to think that it may be possible he was actually still seeing that OOW - but denying it to all these other women.

 

Yes, he's lied - but my gut says he's still been ling about seeing her.

 

You may CHOOSE not to believe hat - but it certainly would make more sense.

 

Blind trust for this MM seems silly at this point.no way I would trust him like you do after all this...and him sharing with you doesn't always mean that's truth.

 

This MM is a real gem - and I say that with sarcasm.

 

You've stated it has been difficult to respect him at times - there's no basis for any R without trust and respect.

 

I'm just scratching my head why you may think he's a good thing...

 

I would almost consider that he might still be seeing her - except, her emails prove he is not. As do the fact that the ROs are published in the local paper and he would be breaking the RO to even speak to her. And, all the people in town talking about her tantrums and such. It just doesn't seem likely. Yes, it WOULD make more sense - unfortunately, I think this OW is just not handling the rejection well (or is mentally ill, or whatever). There is just too much verification of everything he has said at this point - including her emails to me stating that he won't speak to her and how mad she is about that.

 

I don't think he's a "gem". He's simply a man. A man that I fell in love with. He is faulted and flawed and has good qualities and character traits too. He is a mixture of all things human, as am I. I don't think he walks on water - he's human, I know that. He has never lied to me, never hurt me on purpose, never mistreated me. He has been there for me through some very tough times, and supported me and been my best friend. He doesn't always say or do the right thing - neither do I.

 

I don't blindly trust him. I trust him until I have reason not to. I do not have any reason to believe that after 8 years, he has suddenly started lying to me. He lied to me in the very beginning, and we talked about it - and he hasn't lied to me since. Even when the lie would have been less hurtful than the truth - he has stuck with it and been completely honest with me throughout our time together. When I ask him things that he thinks I may not want to know, he asks me to make sure I want to know bc he doesn't want to hurt me. That is not the actions of a man that is a liar. He didn't lie to me, he didn't lie to his stbxw - I find it hard to believe that he would lie to the OW.

 

I don't have trouble respecting him really - I do have trouble respecting some of his choices. Yes, that is an issue for me. I do think about that, and consider it. But, I also know that I can't present my life as if I have always made good choices or have never hurt anyone either. That's the crux - I accept my human-ness, and know that I deserve to be loved and cherished despite it - and I offer the same to him.

 

No, he's not perfect. No, he doesn't do everything right. No, he doesn't always make the best choice. Yes, he gets confused. Yes, he sometimes hurts people bc he makes bad choices. But in all that, I do love him, and he has not done anything to me that is a dealbreaker. Maybe he will - I have no idea, I can't predict the future. After all this time, I don't expect his behavior towards me to change drastically from what it has been for all this time. If it does, again, shame on me. But I wouldn't feel stupid - I would expect him to feel badly for being a "bad" person towards me. If he didn't, oh well - but I would be able to walk away with no regrets. It really is that simple to me.

[AnotherRound]

Really? Empathy? I could identify with that, yet you've shown none. NONE! No, you've applauded the demise of the OOW's trip. Not to mention the BS. You've told all of us, enthusiastically of her (crazy ex OOW) journey from the RO's to psych hospital to (hopefully) jail. Really? Where is your empathy? You lack any professional responsibility towards her, an apparent stranger and victim of your wonderful MM. I'm sorry, I find myself doubting basically anything you say. I've conferred with my friends who happen to be mental health professionals (basically shared your condensed story) and they, frankly called foul, I've shared the links to your story (in full) because they don't believe (in their professional experience) a mental health professional would ever go on to a public site and share the level of detail you have shared. Funnily, they've asked what state you practice in, because they feel you need to be reported.

 

Like I said, anyone who wants to report me is free to do so. I freely give out the numbers necessary to do so to anyone I work with in a professional capacity. And, as any professional does, I carry liability insurance, so, I'm covered.

 

My personal life is not under scrutiny by my professional board, but if they want to do the leg work and report me, feel free. I have committed no crimes, shared no HIPAA protected information, nor shared anything regarding any clients that I have worked with. I have done nothing wrong, and am not worried.

 

As usual, you offer nothing to the thread other than attempting to insult me, and possibly threatening me. I know what the truth is - and as I'm "off the clock" so to say, and this doesn't involve anyone that I interact with professionally - you and your friends can waste your time as much as you want.

 

Again, I'm asking you to stay on topic, participate in the thread - and to stop attempting to insult me and/or intimidate me. I have a feeling it will do no good to ask you this nicely, again, but I tried.