7381girl Posted July 28, 2004 Posted July 28, 2004 I am 23 years old and have been in a pretty serious relationship with my bf for the past 5 years. We have broken up twice in the past 1 1/2 years all of which was my doing. I broke the relationship off with him the 1st time because I suddenly became interested in his friend, who was and still is the type of guy I wish my boyfriend were. Myself and this friend began seeing each other behind his back, we pretty much went all the way. Well after about a month my bf and I got back together as did this friend and his gf. Things seemed ok, I thought I was happy. The friend and I began seeing each other on a weekly basis for about 1 year, I then broke it off again with my bf as did he with his gf-for good. I know that I really want to be with this guy badly but I did not know how he really felt so i went back with my bf (yes he took me back a 2nd time) and the friend has been single since. With all this, I cannot get this friend out of my head, and I confessed to him how I really truely felt, so now he knows. I dont know what to do, i care about my bf but i know that Im in love with his friend, and I know he has strong feelings for me as well. I want to do whats right, even though I havent in the past with my cheating on my bf. Am I just comfortable and afraid? Help please! This is the only time I have ever cheated in my life, but I cannot resist this guy.
HokeyReligions Posted July 28, 2004 Posted July 28, 2004 Dump your current boyfriend. No question. He deserves to have someone who loves him for himself too. You will all be happier that way. This shouldn't even be a question. You don't stay with someone you are not in love with. You'll be happier with the other guy. The other guy will be happier with you. The current bf (who took you back twice) will be happier moving on and finding the right person for him. If he's heartbroken for a while, that is just something he will need to deal with. The right thing to do is let him go.
YellowLioness Posted July 28, 2004 Posted July 28, 2004 Alright hon, prepare to get some fiery responses here. I won't give you one; just prepare yourself. I'll tell you what I think calmly. O.k., I think it's wrong to use people, and you used your boyfriend as a security blanket. And here' a question for you, too. Why would his "best friend" want to be with you if he knows you're a cheater? And WHY do you want to be with someone whom YOU KNOW has a history of cheating, on his best friend, none the less? Also, best friends don't hurt each other. They don't lie to eachother, and they don't f*ck each other's girlfriends. You should tell your boyfriend, and he should tell his "best friend." Otherwise, what is the point of having enemies? Seriously. How would you feel if you were your boyfriend? You would probably be a mess. You would feel hurt and betrayed, like you were the biggest loser in the world because you trusted two very bad people. Two people who were supposed to love you, but obviously didn't because they didn't have enough respect for you (or themselves, for that matter) not to f*ck eachother. I'm not trying to put you in a guilt trip, only in the shoes of your boyfriend. If you get angry reading this, it's because I hit a nerve, and you feel guilty for hurting him. IMHO, you should tell him what you did with his best friend so that he won't have to put his trust in people who are obviously untrustworthy. Really, it's the least you can do after what you did.
YellowLioness Posted July 28, 2004 Posted July 28, 2004 Also, I agree with Hokey. You should break up with this poor guy. Maybe he wants someone who loves him enough not to cheat on him.
Author 7381girl Posted July 28, 2004 Author Posted July 28, 2004 Originally posted by YellowLioness Alright hon, prepare to get some fiery responses here. I won't give you one; just prepare yourself. I'll tell you what I think calmly. O.k., I think it's wrong to use people, and you used your boyfriend as a security blanket. And here' a question for you, too. Why would his "best friend" want to be with you if he knows you're a cheater? And WHY do you want to be with someone whom YOU KNOW has a history of cheating, on his best friend, none the less? Also, best friends don't hurt each other. They don't lie to eachother, and they don't f*ck each other's girlfriends. You should tell your boyfriend, and he should tell his "best friend." Otherwise, what is the point of having enemies? Seriously. How would you feel if you were your boyfriend? You would probably be a mess. You would feel hurt and betrayed, like you were the biggest loser in the world because you trusted two very bad people. Two people who were supposed to love you, but obviously didn't because they didn't have enough respect for you (or themselves, for that matter) not to f*ck eachother. I'm not trying to put you in a guilt trip, only in the shoes of your boyfriend. If you get angry reading this, it's because I hit a nerve, and you feel guilty for hurting him. IMHO, you should tell him what you did with his best friend so that he won't have to put his trust in people who are obviously untrustworthy. Really, it's the least you can do after what you did.
Author 7381girl Posted July 28, 2004 Author Posted July 28, 2004 Originally posted by YellowLioness Alright hon, prepare to get some fiery responses here. I won't give you one; just prepare yourself. I'll tell you what I think calmly. O.k., I think it's wrong to use people, and you used your boyfriend as a security blanket. And here' a question for you, too. Why would his "best friend" want to be with you if he knows you're a cheater? And WHY do you want to be with someone whom YOU KNOW has a history of cheating, on his best friend, none the less? Also, best friends don't hurt each other. They don't lie to eachother, and they don't f*ck each other's girlfriends. You should tell your boyfriend, and he should tell his "best friend." Otherwise, what is the point of having enemies? Seriously. How would you feel if you were your boyfriend? You would probably be a mess. You would feel hurt and betrayed, like you were the biggest loser in the world because you trusted two very bad people. Two people who were supposed to love you, but obviously didn't because they didn't have enough respect for you (or themselves, for that matter) not to f*ck eachother. I'm not trying to put you in a guilt trip, only in the shoes of your boyfriend. If you get angry reading this, it's because I hit a nerve, and you feel guilty for hurting him. IMHO, you should tell him what you did with his best friend so that he won't have to put his trust in people who are obviously untrustworthy. Really, it's the least you can do after what you did. Your so right, I feel like crap because of this, i never done anything like this before. Im just really afraid, afraid of what i dont know. What makes matters even worse is the fact that my bf and I live together ( as of April) i guess i just dont have the guts to break up again- for good but yet I have the guts to cheat?) I feel like Ive just grown apart from my bf we are both different now that we are older.
Taken_Angel Posted July 28, 2004 Posted July 28, 2004 I agree you are WAY wrong and shouldn't be with this guy, I almost bet you went back to your bf again AFTER the "best friend" went back to his GF again! You two should run off and be happy together cheating along the way! hahaha! sorry ok but you need to tell your bf so he can get the cheating GF and best friend out of his life!
YellowLioness Posted July 28, 2004 Posted July 28, 2004 (BTW Angel, I SO had your avatar as a buddy Icon on AIM one time... It's so cute!) Girlie, I know you feel bad. Everyone hurts the people that they care for at some point, or another. I'm not trying to excuse what you did, however. I think it would be best if you came clean. Sit down with your boyfriend in a place that's public, but not too public to where you can't speak with him privately, and tell him. Take him to a park, for example. Make sure you bring your own car, and/or enough money for a cab incase he drove you. Perhaps, if his friend has any sort of consience, he will want to go with you to tell his buddy that he slept with you, and now has feelings for you. That way, everything can be taken care of at one time. Sit him down, and just be as blunt and honest as you can. Make sure you tell him that it was his best friend whom you cheated with. Don't hold back, don't lie, and don't sugar coat. You may see him cry, but stay strong. You need to face up to what you did. This may seem really hard, but in the end you will feel much better. You'll think, "Ok, what I did was horrid. But, at least I came out and told him every thing. Now, I have no secrets that are eating at me, and I did what I could to rectify the situation." Then, you'll be able to move on with a clear consience. However, you will probably feel guilty for this for a long time. And really, you should move on. If he were what you REALLy wanted in a partner, you wouldn't have looked else where. Besides, you're not married to him. Cut your losses and enjoy the rest of your life with out him.
Yikes Posted August 5, 2004 Posted August 5, 2004 Tell him. Tell him now. It will not get any easier if you wait. You are NOT doing him any favours if you wait, but only making matters worse. You might care for him, but you clearly don't love him. My now ex-wife and (so called) best friend (who is married) were messing around behind my back for a longtime. They said they didn't want to hurt me. Bull#@$@. They were (and still are) cowardly and selfish. I am far more pissed now, than I would have been if they were just honest up front at the first indiscretion. My wife used me for financial security and good cover for her affair, and that is nothing but salt in my wounds. Had I not found out, I'd still be getting used, because neither one of them had the guts to be a friggin' grown-up and do what's right. Great, now I went and got my self all pissed off again. (Three deep breaths) Okay I'm better now. Seriously TELL HIM! I know it will be hard, but the right things to do are rarely the easy things.
havNfun Posted August 5, 2004 Posted August 5, 2004 7381girl I urge you to read carefully and re-read everything YellowLioness has posted to you about this. She is giving your some very good advice, some very specific steps, and a game plan to get past this without feeling like crap for the next 10 years. Plus, she is really trying to help you and not bashing you as many perhaps would in response to your issue. best of luck, and print out and read Yellow's words hugs
Ali G Posted August 5, 2004 Posted August 5, 2004 What? she should do this so "she" can feel better? WTF? She should feel like dirt for the next ten years! Yes be straight up with this guy. This sort of thing really pi$$es me off. You females wonder why guys don't open up? No F'ing wonder! Life is too short to take it in the rectum. You can tell this has happened to me huh? Be prepared is right, because no I never forgave either of them. You reap what you sew. Enjoy!!!
Recommended Posts