snow_x Posted July 28, 2004 Share Posted July 28, 2004 My boyfriend and I broke up 2 months ago and I am having a hard time getting over it. I read a lot of psychology stuff because I know I have some problems. The first year went perfect. We were together 3 years. THe last 2 were a rollercoaster. I had issues with him looking at porn. Although the first year I didn't mind he looked at porn, I never knew he looked at it as much as I found out later. I know now I have attachment problems, I have what they call an anxious/ambivalent attachment style that makes very insecure. After one year, the relationship turned into a love/hate relationship. I wanted to leave him and then no. I broke up with him but then couldn't stand to be without him. Anyways, I became clingy and jealous over internet stuff. What I want opinion on, is it disrespectful for a guy to look at teen porn when you're dating an older girl. He was 30, and I 38. It really got to my self esteem. It hurt me really a lot. I used to think I was desirable and pretty, but now, I just think I'm over the hill. Any comments appreciated. Anyways, I don't think I date younger guy ever. Link to post Share on other sites
Fayebelle Posted July 28, 2004 Share Posted July 28, 2004 That's not disrespectful- That's disgusting! He has a prob that a real psychologist- not a book- should look into. Link to post Share on other sites
supermom Posted July 28, 2004 Share Posted July 28, 2004 He has an incurable sickness! Teens are teens, this is utterly discusting. I would leave and NEVER look back. How discusting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted July 29, 2004 Share Posted July 29, 2004 I'm guessing by "teen porn" you mean porn with models who are 18 and 19, I don't think that's indicative of either psychological problems or depraved peversion. Link to post Share on other sites
snow_x_ Posted July 29, 2004 Share Posted July 29, 2004 He looked at both. I loved him so much. I still have very strong feelings for him. I snooped into his computer, and found that out amongst other things. I regret doing that so much. Then it went into a spiral of mistrust. I feel ashamed of all the snooping. My selfesteem is at zero now. Maybe I should have tried to help him instead of being accusing. I have a lot of guilt. Link to post Share on other sites
fredrolin Posted July 29, 2004 Share Posted July 29, 2004 I am a 40 year old married man, my wife is 40. I enjoy looking at young girls. They have beautiful tight bodies. But in reality these young women wouldn't want me and I don't want them. My wife knows her body isn't what it used to be but at this point there is nothing that can be done, everyone ages. I think your overreacting. Link to post Share on other sites
beautiful Posted July 29, 2004 Share Posted July 29, 2004 snow_x_ this is not about this guy , it is about you! Take care of yourself and fix yourself! DO NOT allow a man or anyone else for that matter to have such "power over" you as a human being. ALL MEN LOOK AT PORN! If they did not they be out there cheating(some do anyway). As long as people are of age in these porns and it is not hard core , I find it is ok. Start taking care of you! Link to post Share on other sites
faux Posted July 29, 2004 Share Posted July 29, 2004 If these models were eighteen and nineteen, as Dyer mentioned, there's really nothing very wrong with it. People look at porn, and your ex boyfriend was old enough to look at porn, as an adult. It was wrong of you to invade his privacy. This issue perhaps would have been better solved by you talking to him about it. Another very important thing, is that if you have some psychological issues, do not read books about such issues. If you have these types of problems, it is never a good idea to start reading books about them. This is much the same as being in a mental hospital, in which you begin to take on the characteristics and thoughts of other people, who are much worse off, around you. If you have some form of mental illness, talk to a professional about it. Do not read anything about it unless your professional advises you to do so. From personal experience, I think reading up on these things only ever causes more problems. You felt that you had a problem in this relationship, and could not deal with it. I do not know if you actually tried to talk it out, and work it out with him, and perhaps maybe your thinking over the issue was a bit irrational. In any case, you are out of the relationship now, by your own doing. You no longer have to deal with this man and his issues, yes? Link to post Share on other sites
Fayebelle Posted July 29, 2004 Share Posted July 29, 2004 When I 1st read the post I was imagining YOUNG teens and got super freaked. That would be too foul. Link to post Share on other sites
deesgirl Posted July 30, 2004 Share Posted July 30, 2004 I don't think men or women can understand how much it hurts for your SO to be looking at 18 yr. old porn stars, when we are starting to age. Porn has never been an issue for me, but I'm 37 now. To know that your H is looking at 18 yr. olds, then having sex with a 37 yr. old body is degrading. I didn't look at it the same when I was in my 20's. I mean, these girls could be our daughters. Link to post Share on other sites
xeon124 Posted July 30, 2004 Share Posted July 30, 2004 I hope to God I never end up with a person so uptight about a guy looking at Porn, even hardcore... if you are degraded by it, then you and that person SHOULDN'T be together... that's it. I would want a woman with the same sexual prowess as I have. Snow_x, if you've ever studied sexual disorders, you would know exactly what I am talking about. I have a few defenses of porn too: 1) It teaches you new things. I wouldn't be half the lover as I am without it. 2) Sometimes your hand is good and you want to look at some attractive women while you are pleasuring yourself. Well, men at least, we get turned on by visual stuff much more then women. 3) I enjoy looking women from 18 - 40 naked and doing porn, so... yeah.. don't feel degraded, you are all beautiful damniT! Link to post Share on other sites
honey2005 Posted July 30, 2004 Share Posted July 30, 2004 don't feel degraded, you are all beautiful damniT! aww, sweet. Link to post Share on other sites
lioness Posted July 30, 2004 Share Posted July 30, 2004 If he was only looking, what was the issue? He wasn't out meeting them, right? Men ALL look at women, yes, young women too. And if you felt insecure about the relationship, chances are, he did too. Link to post Share on other sites
Butterfly_Queen Posted July 30, 2004 Share Posted July 30, 2004 I guess it doesn't really matter the ages of the women he is looking at. What matters is, if you don't like it, and its hurting you, then he should stop. What should matter is what is important to the relationship. A good strong relationship thats built on trust, honesty, and respect. Talk to him and tell him how you feel. If he continues to do this knowing how you feel about it, its a disrespect to you as an individual and to the realtionship as a whole. Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
xeon124 Posted August 1, 2004 Share Posted August 1, 2004 Originally posted by Butterfly_Queen I guess it doesn't really matter the ages of the women he is looking at. What matters is, if you don't like it, and its hurting you, then he should stop. What should matter is what is important to the relationship. A good strong relationship thats built on trust, honesty, and respect. Talk to him and tell him how you feel. If he continues to do this knowing how you feel about it, its a disrespect to you as an individual and to the realtionship as a whole. Best of luck. You women need help... you really can't control everything a man does because you "claim" that it bothers you, it won't work, he will still look at porn, just behind your back causing problems in your relationship. AND (if you want to follow that line of thinking), if he enjoys looking at porn and you tell him not to, you are disrespecting him by not allowing him to do something he enjoys... Link to post Share on other sites
Butterfly_Queen Posted August 1, 2004 Share Posted August 1, 2004 lol..ok then...You see it your way, and I can see it mine. No problem..sheesh! Link to post Share on other sites
Author snow_x Posted December 8, 2004 Author Share Posted December 8, 2004 We are finally broken up. He was looking at teens, from as young as 11. 11, 12, 13. I don't think that is normal. I lost all my self-esteem now. He left me, went out with a model, she dumped him. THen he phone me back, I took him back, then 2 weeks later, he started cheating on me and I saw teen porn on his PC again. He dumped me again, saying I didn't let him do anything. All I want to do is send him a letter telling him how much of an ass he is. How cruel he is. How selfish he is, thinking only of his little pleasures, not thinking of who he is hurting. Should I, or should I drop it? Snow_x. Link to post Share on other sites
kellydontwanttasleep Posted December 8, 2004 Share Posted December 8, 2004 just let it go and let him go. let yourself find some peace. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted December 8, 2004 Share Posted December 8, 2004 Originally posted by snow_x We are finally broken up. He was looking at teens, from as young as 11. 11, 12, 13. Not only is that "wrong", its illegal. Its child pornography. All I want to do is send him a letter telling him how much of an ass he is. How cruel he is. How selfish he is, thinking only of his little pleasures, not thinking of who he is hurting. Should I, or should I drop it? Snow_x. If you send him a letter saying stuff like that, it won't make him realize how hurtful, cruel and selfish he is - it will only make him angry and direct that anger toward you. It won't do any good and it won't accomplish what you would like for it to. Best to let it drop. Link to post Share on other sites
snow x Posted December 9, 2004 Share Posted December 9, 2004 I know I should let it go, but I feel so hurt with all he has done to me. I'M just really down these days. I have trouble doing theaily things. Thank you for your replies. Link to post Share on other sites
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