Sun Devil Posted October 12, 2012 Share Posted October 12, 2012 I see on this forum that there are guys who never experienced any relationship even though they are much older than me. I am wondering how did they get this way. Was it because they are shy and do not approach women they dont know or is it that they do not put much effort into finding women. Could it also be looks? I want to learn to avoid their mistakes so that I do not wind up in their situation. Link to post Share on other sites
yongyong Posted October 12, 2012 Share Posted October 12, 2012 Short Men Get Short Shrift - YouTube here is harsh reality for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sun Devil Posted October 12, 2012 Author Share Posted October 12, 2012 I really hope that video is not the reason I cant get a girl. However, i am wondering what causes some guys to be single in their 30's or 40's Link to post Share on other sites
MARK1957 Posted October 12, 2012 Share Posted October 12, 2012 (edited) I'll be brief. I almost never post threads on LS. But, this thread really applies to me, and I'm in my 50's. Rejection. Ending up feeling so hurt (more than once) that, at some point, you never want to try again. Read my thread (and the replies and my replies) under my user name. It shows up where the last post was my own on September 18. I surely hope you don't end up like me. Good luck to you Sun Devil Mark Edited October 12, 2012 by MARK1957 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted October 12, 2012 Share Posted October 12, 2012 You get this way by not figuring out what attracts women. Men who are good looking don't need to figure it out because women offer themselves. All those guys have to do is not screw it up completely. The guys who are not so attractive need to know what they are doing. At 31, I have still not figured out the game nor are my looks good enough to make up for it. I have asked out plenty of women, that is not the problem. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted October 12, 2012 Share Posted October 12, 2012 I am really puzzled because I have never met any men like that in real life. I do work with two girls in their late 20s that have never had a bf or have been asked out. One of them is quite pretty and thin. They are both highly intelligent but painfully shy. I think there are just as many women in this situation, they just endure it stoically. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sun Devil Posted October 12, 2012 Author Share Posted October 12, 2012 I guess the reason that you dont meet guys like that is because they dont socialize with people they dont know. That would explain why they are single 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sun Devil Posted October 12, 2012 Author Share Posted October 12, 2012 Does anyone else have a reason? Link to post Share on other sites
VodkaShots Posted October 12, 2012 Share Posted October 12, 2012 It's a combination of a lot of things that'll lead to a man in that situation. Social awkwardness, looks, lack of confidence, social/financial situation and maybe a painful history of rejection. Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted October 12, 2012 Share Posted October 12, 2012 From my own experience...... I was always the type to be the girls best friend. I know I am not the most attractive thing out there. I have mild aspergers so I have the social akwardness and cant read nonverbal signals. When i went to a bar in my 20s the problem I had was doing small talk and approaching her. I was too nervous, fear rejection. The funny thing is if I had a reason to talk to her that wasnt about a date I would have no problem doing it. When I was at a bar I couldnt hit on her but my luck came from when something else sparked a conversation between us then I was fine. My relationships came not from the first meet but from multiple times seeing someone and talking to them. I would have a difficult time trying to read if this girl was interested in me. I also dint have relationships just to have relationships. There was one girl in college who I knew through some place i worked on campus. We talked..my buddies were asking me if i was going to ask her out. I learned a few things about her in talking to her that I felt a long term relationship just couldnt happen. Me and her have been very good friends for over 20 years. I had another opportunity with another woman that I could have dated but I didnt do it because of timing. I was around 25 and she was around 30. She moved back home after a failed marriage. I was near the point of moving away. I really did like her. She is one that I have wondered about what if. I have found it difficult in my 30s and 40s to meet women randomly. That is why i have used online because it makes it easier. I wish there was a place where people who were single and looking would congregate. I was married for 6 years in my late 20s/early 30s. That person came through a friend set up. Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted October 12, 2012 Share Posted October 12, 2012 something else to add.... For some men they may not have relationships but they know they can have sex when they want so they specialize in one nighters. With other men they are workaholics focused on their jobs and really dont have time for dating. Or their career doesnt allow it because they transfer often or travel often. Link to post Share on other sites
AD1980 Posted October 12, 2012 Share Posted October 12, 2012 Im painfully shy at approaching random women add in im insecure about my looks and ability to attract women add in never having a women give me a compliment about being attractive lastly a huge fear of rejection so i very rarley aporoach women and its the recipe for a lonely 32 year old whos never been with a women.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sun Devil Posted October 12, 2012 Author Share Posted October 12, 2012 So far, I am hearing that social problems and shyness are the main causes. I am skeptical that looks are the issue since most relationships I have seen, the woman almost always looks better than the guy. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted October 12, 2012 Share Posted October 12, 2012 So far, I am hearing that social problems and shyness are the main causes. I am skeptical that looks are the issue since most relationships I have seen, the woman almost always looks better than the guy. Being shy is not the same thing as having difficulty approaching random women and asking them out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sun Devil Posted October 13, 2012 Author Share Posted October 13, 2012 So to avoid being single in my 30's, I sould be socially active, be confident, and be able to approach women I don't know. Is there any other advice? Link to post Share on other sites
jcrew11 Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 You're just not desperate enough to date a chubby girl or a "not hot" girl. Expand your horizons and date black women, hispanic women, asian women, etc. I think you get caught in a trap of being rejected by a "hot girl" out of your league and you think life is over. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mario_C Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 I'm in my 40s and haven't been in a committed relationship since I graduated from college. Social awkwardness is mainly the issue. Shame about being fat (and now old and balding, but doing something about the fat that appears to be working). Shame about living at home with mom - I moved out over 6 years ago, but did live at "home" as an adult for 7 years. I'm still not comfortable with my living situation or career, so I feel like trash because of that. Would you talk to someone like that? I wouldn't. So I hide in my room and participate in boards like this, or monopolize Meetup because I can infiltrate social gatherings and they can't throw me out unless I assert myself in some way. And a lot of the awkwardness is due to the fact that I'm not bright, socially. Sure I know a lot of useless crap and facts, but I can't hold an interesting or exciting conversation. So I am pushed out of the way by younger, thinner, funnier and more aggressive suitors. And probably will until I finally can't take it anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
mesmerized Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 So to avoid being single in my 30's, I sould be socially active, be confident, and be able to approach women I don't know. Is there any other advice? Dont be a creep and talk about kidnapping them and other creepy/terrible things you talk about here. Thats a good start. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
El Brujo Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 For me it was multiple factors: 1. not liking bars/alcohol 2. getting hit on by women I had no interest in 3. not wanting sex 4. being too involved in my own hobbies 5. last and certainly not least, being born on the wrong planet, where sex is a commodity like steel or oil, but love is a HUGE no-no Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sun Devil Posted October 13, 2012 Author Share Posted October 13, 2012 Does anyone think that their physical appearance is the reason why they have not had a girlfriend? Link to post Share on other sites
Necromancer Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 Does anyone think that their physical appearance is the reason why they have not had a girlfriend? For many guys yes, but not all. Still its a huge part, no male model looking guy is going to be incel. Link to post Share on other sites
El Brujo Posted October 14, 2012 Share Posted October 14, 2012 That's why Meetup and speed dating don't really work in small towns. Link to post Share on other sites
Revolver Posted October 14, 2012 Share Posted October 14, 2012 It almost has to do with not havin game or being shy. Looks is no excuse because average and ugly men have sex and are in relationships by the millions in this country. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dmmm Posted October 14, 2012 Share Posted October 14, 2012 For me, being in my late 20's and never had a gf etc it is because: 1: I spent my teens believing that girls didn't really want to talk to me. I also believed that people in general would just rather be alone and so never really bothered talking to people. So never really learnt how to socialize nor did I develop my personality. So now even if I do encounter a chance to speak to a woman (or even guy) I just come off as a 2D flat boring guy. I have zero game. ZERO. But occasionally when feeling comfortable enough I can be pretty funny. Just rarely get to that comfortable stage. 2: Got a job in pretty much isolation. So no chance to interact there. 3: Now I have zero self confidence. I'm also almost as short as the OP. That don't help but I still believe with confidence that can be overcome. 4: I have no interests other than watching TV. SO even if I got over my social awkwardness etc, I have nowhere I want to go anyway. 5: Last few years become more and more reclusive. 6: Have no friends in my town. Only really have one guy I would call a true friend and he lives in another country. For me, having one good friend I think would help enormously. Someone to go places with, to be around people, to kind of push me just a little at a time. I'm not saying I'd lay it out to him how unhappy I am being such a loner, just know having someone to call and go places with would help. Think 6 reasons is enough for now! On the bright side, lately I am becoming more and more determined to change my lot. Am at least feeling confident that it can be changed. That maybe I can get past this and actually achieve some semblance of a "normal" life, which may or may not include a gf. Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted October 14, 2012 Share Posted October 14, 2012 On the bright side, lately I am becoming more and more determined to change my lot. Am at least feeling confident that it can be changed. That maybe I can get past this and actually achieve some semblance of a "normal" life, which may or may not include a gf. And it is with this mentality that you will become happier and even succeed Link to post Share on other sites
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