Anais Posted July 29, 2004 Share Posted July 29, 2004 Hi, We were discussing with my Hubby what to buy for his son from first marriage on his birthday. Finally I end up choosing a nice book and he was going to get some toy he wanted. Today my husband got an email from his 8 years old son telling: Dad, I want you to get me this this toy on my birthday. I know you haven't purchased me anything in a while but it is OK. You can find the toy here .... or here....It costs so much ...I hope it is not too expensive for you. More instructions. .. My husband was upset. His kids never write him just to say hi. They write only when they want something. He thinks the letter was written with the help of ex. Do you see something wrong here? I think he is just a child. But should my hisband buy the toy he wants? It was sounding like a command. Link to post Share on other sites
Kat Posted July 29, 2004 Share Posted July 29, 2004 How often does your husband see his kids? My younger siblings are like that. They milk my father for all he is worth, even the children (older than me) of his soon to be ex wife. I find it discusting and get annoyed a lot. But my dad wants to be there for his kids. He wants to make them happy and while he can, he will. I know that if I wanted money, or toys, or whatever I would get them. But I love my father for who he is and would rather a lunch with him once a week to dvd's, money, clothes and the rest that i could have 'just because I want them'. At the end of the day it is up to your husband. If he wants to get it for his son, let him. He may see it that he has to compensate for not being there all the time and he may want to make them happy. Sadly most parents (the good ones) put their kids wishes and happiness before they own. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Anais Posted July 29, 2004 Author Share Posted July 29, 2004 Originally posted by Kat How often does your husband see his kids? Not often. It is sad but he cannot do anything right now. He pays for each child 600 US$ per month. But ex keeps buying new expensive car, house and telling she doesn't have money to take kids for vacation. That we need to save for kids college because she is hardly managing to survive. My husband pays her alimony too. Link to post Share on other sites
Kat Posted July 29, 2004 Share Posted July 29, 2004 Originally posted by Anais Not often. It is sad but he cannot do anything right now. He pays for each child 600 US$ per month. But ex keeps buying new expensive car, house and telling she doesn't have money to take kids for vacation. That we need to save for kids college because she is hardly managing to survive. My husband pays her alimony too. I would suggest your husband do whatever he can for his kids outside of what he does now. If buying the kid a toy is what the kid wants, then I don't see the harm. Esppecially since the toy will be only for him and not his mum. I would suggest your husband help your step son as much as he can in ways that either his ex wife can't or in ways that she can't remove from the kids (i.e. money). The other parent is always the novelty, but don't bring the child in between a battle and deny him a gift because it looks like the ex wife asked for it. Does he ring his son often? You say that his son doesn't call or email unless he wants something, is it the same in return (i.e. your husband rining them) (I am not attacking anyone as much as it sounds ) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Anais Posted July 29, 2004 Author Share Posted July 29, 2004 Originally posted by Kat (I am not attacking anyone as much as it sounds ) Thanks for replying Kat. Feel free to attack. Is you avatar telling what is going to happen to me? LOL I agree about the toy. He needs to get it. It is his birthday and dad has chance to make son happy. It is what I told my husband too. It is also ok for a child to ask, and ask bigger and bigger gifts every time...What wasn't normal in the letter is telling ...haven't purchased recently... hope 30$ it is not too expensive for you...was sounding like mom's words. I don't think a child would write it. Just would write dad I want this and this. Please buy it! How it goes fine with you. miss you. It was very practical adult written letter. He calls them often. It is a one way talk though. He asks- they answer. Link to post Share on other sites
Kat Posted July 30, 2004 Share Posted July 30, 2004 Originally posted by Anais hope 30$ it is not too expensive for you... This can be taken two ways. Nasty and spiteful as if the ex wife made him say it. Or caring and kind as if the kid was concerned about any money issues. I would prefer to take it as the latter. This is about the son, not the ex wife. Even if it was written by the wife, than it was written by the wife or at least influenced and you guys can take comfort in that for that to be said, the ex wife had to have a say. and that it wasn't from his heart Link to post Share on other sites
Author Anais Posted July 31, 2004 Author Share Posted July 31, 2004 You are right Kat. It can be taken two ways. Anyway I am going to send the book too. Hope he likes it. Link to post Share on other sites
Kat Posted July 31, 2004 Share Posted July 31, 2004 Good luck, sounds like you have a tough road ahead and not just in regards to presents. Link to post Share on other sites
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