justrandomchicks1 Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 I've been pretty much just having a relationship with this guy who's married. I kind of fell in love with him when I first saw and I'd do anything for him. Sometimes thoug I feel it's only me giving in the relationship. He says he loves me and he cares for his wife and family. But I feel like if he loved me wouldn't he be ok with my having his child. And he's everything but ok with it. If he loves me why is it he prefers his wife with this. I feel terrible about getting an abortion. But I don't know how else to get him to be how we were before. And he acted as thoug he truly loved me and now I feel it's fading. And I don't know what to do. He's in an abusive relationship with his wife for the sake of his kids but he's not willing to sacrifice anything for us. I feel like despite everything I'm nothing to him... I just want to feel what I felt in the past with him. But he's making it hard to try to keep it that way. I feel as though why after I've given him everything he still will do more risk more for a woman who beats and berates him in public. It's like he's bound to her and I don't get why because I've always felt we were soulmates. What can I do to make things better? Link to post Share on other sites
Author justrandomchicks1 Posted October 13, 2012 Author Share Posted October 13, 2012 No he berates him public treats him like sit. And she's my boss I really couldn't say anything. As far as the fights he won't press charges against her. He wats to stay with her for the family. Link to post Share on other sites
alexandria35 Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 I've been pretty much just having a relationship with this guy who's married. I kind of fell in love with him when I first saw and I'd do anything for him. Sometimes thoug I feel it's only me giving in the relationship. He says he loves me and he cares for his wife and family. But I feel like if he loved me wouldn't he be ok with my having his child. And he's everything but ok with it. If he loves me why is it he prefers his wife with this. I feel terrible about getting an abortion. But I don't know how else to get him to be how we were before. And he acted as thoug he truly loved me and now I feel it's fading. And I don't know what to do. He's in an abusive relationship with his wife for the sake of his kids but he's not willing to sacrifice anything for us. I feel like despite everything I'm nothing to him... I just want to feel what I felt in the past with him. But he's making it hard to try to keep it that way. I feel as though why after I've given him everything he still will do more risk more for a woman who beats and berates him in public. It's like he's bound to her and I don't get why because I've always felt we were soulmates. What can I do to make things better? I'm confused by the bolded sentence above. At first you seem to say if he loves you he wouldn't be ok with you having his child, then you seem to say he isn't ok with it. Which is it? Is he ok or isn't he? Does he want you to have an abortion? If he is staying with an physically abusive wife then he is a weak man who doesn't know how to take care of himself. Why do want a man like that? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author justrandomchicks1 Posted October 13, 2012 Author Share Posted October 13, 2012 I got a condition that makes it likely I won't have kids which is why I'm not really ok with it. If I terminate I'm likely not going to e able to have any ever. sorry I meant she. My english is a little off. he wants me to get an abortion I meant that if he loved me he wouldn't mind my having his child. Link to post Share on other sites
Author justrandomchicks1 Posted October 13, 2012 Author Share Posted October 13, 2012 the way I see it is he's being strong for his kid. But also I feel like maybe it's just I'm not enough maybe it's what he feels he deserves or wants but to me he's worth so much more. Link to post Share on other sites
Author justrandomchicks1 Posted October 13, 2012 Author Share Posted October 13, 2012 Then my original post remains. Why hasn't someone reported this horrible woman? Because he doesn't want charges to e pressed. I believe he can only report. Yes, I've urged him to report her. But he won't because of that's on the line. Link to post Share on other sites
Author justrandomchicks1 Posted October 13, 2012 Author Share Posted October 13, 2012 I've never seen it happen. I just know. Not really willing to go into the details of how. I just do. More private matters. Link to post Share on other sites
Author justrandomchicks1 Posted October 13, 2012 Author Share Posted October 13, 2012 I didn't know that I could do anything about it. I guess I could try... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 No he berates him public treats him like sit. And she's my boss I really couldn't say anything. As far as the fights he won't press charges against her. He wats to stay with her for the family. She is your boss? Time to find another job asap. And, get some counseling to figure out what you're going to do next. This guy isn't going to leave his wife. He was happy just having an affair with you and now that you're pregnant, things have changed and are more complicated, not what he signed up for/bargained when choosing to have an A with you. The guy isn't worth it, honestly, I would break it off with him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author justrandomchicks1 Posted October 13, 2012 Author Share Posted October 13, 2012 Saw this after I posted. Unless you saw it...you know nothing but hearsay. Now why do you want a person who will take a public beating, have an affair, get his affair partner pregnant while married and allow his child to be exposed to abuse all the while displaying some pretty unsavory character traits of his own? What are your plans if he won't leave to be with you? Are you prepared to raise a child on your own? Are you willing to tell his wife that her child is about to have a sibling? Where is your head and your ability to guide a child by showing a healthy relationship? he takes good care his sons. He's a great guy just events and choices made aren't... I don't know what really to do without him. It's why I feel like I can't lose him I'd have nothing whether I have his child or not I'd feel extremely lost. As my heart is too much into this to let go easily. I didn't really want kids until I was like more grown up... I never gave much thought because I didn't believe it was likely. I'm 19. I had plans of my own. Link to post Share on other sites
Author justrandomchicks1 Posted October 13, 2012 Author Share Posted October 13, 2012 You didn't know you could call the police if someone is being assaulted? no I didn't. He's not minor or woman. Link to post Share on other sites
MourningLosses Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 I think he might be exaggerating. Bentnotbroken I have PMd you. Please? Link to post Share on other sites
Author justrandomchicks1 Posted October 13, 2012 Author Share Posted October 13, 2012 She is your boss? Time to find another job asap. And, get some counseling to figure out what you're going to do next. This guy isn't going to leave his wife. He was happy just having an affair with you and now that you're pregnant, things have changed and are more complicated, not what he signed up for/bargained when choosing to have an A with you. The guy isn't worth it, honestly, I would break it off with him. why doesn't he? I mean how is he more ok with her than me. I'm working on it.... and everytime I talk aout it without him like with a counselor I'd rather struggle and keep it. I just could image that if he were there for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author justrandomchicks1 Posted October 13, 2012 Author Share Posted October 13, 2012 yea it's est to know the truth for better or worst... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
veryhappy Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 She's your boss...can I suggest you take down your profile picture if it's the real you? This grown up man doesn't need you to protect him or rescue him. As a woman the last thing you need is to rescue and raise a boy to a man as a partner. Keep that in mind and it will save you a lot of trouble. Also the "poor me" routine is very often used by MM. They sort of make a lifetime movie out of their boring life. There's nothing you can do to improve your A with this guy. Nothing. He's pulling away because he was just looking for fun, and a baby is not fun. He'll throw you under the bus as soon as the W will find out. You need to decide on your own if you want to keep the baby or not. Unfair to him yes, but you can do that, and as far as I'm concerned he doesn't deserve to have an opinion. I say keep the pregnancy if the chances of getting pregnant again are low, or simply if you want this baby. You can't undo abortion, so you need to be 100% convinced if you go that path. Regardless of what you do, MM is not on your side. You are on your own, and shouldn't expect that he'll be with you and the baby. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author justrandomchicks1 Posted October 13, 2012 Author Share Posted October 13, 2012 well I guess the truth is the only thing that matters... If there was no hope with him whatsoever I'd just keep it. he hasn't completely ignored me though. Link to post Share on other sites
Artie Lang Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 (edited) i find it rather amusing when people label these cheaters as a "great guy" or "nice girl"(lol) in spite of their cheating ways. no they are NOT "great," nor are they "nice" people. Edited October 13, 2012 by Artie Lang 7 Link to post Share on other sites
veryhappy Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 well I guess the truth is the only thing that matters... If there was no hope with him whatsoever I'd just keep it. he hasn't completely ignored me though. That's all you want in life at 19...a man who doesn't completely ignore you? Let's say I can tell you the future. He's not going to be with you. After his W will be notified, he'll be in your life just related to your child, if there will be any interest. You will be single, with a baby. You have bigger problems than getting this guy. I have no idea what will snap you back to reality. You are putting your energy in the wrong place. The worst thing you can do is have an abortion if you don't want one hoping to keep him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author justrandomchicks1 Posted October 13, 2012 Author Share Posted October 13, 2012 yeah I guess on a big scheme of things if it can't work I should do what I want with my life. That makes me feel like a bitch though. I don't want to ruin what's left of our relationship. Mainly I've decided to quit and not e in the closet about us if he can't handle that then I guess I know what I am to him. Link to post Share on other sites
skywriter Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 I wish you'd stop looking at it as a relationship and consider the wife and kids he goes home to. You need to get mad , you are 19, however, this pregnancy is causing you to have to mature quicker. Find an adult confidante if necessary to help you realise that this isn't some fantasy anymore, an innocent child is now involved. Men like him, are counting on young and dumb, because he can say anything and you'll believe it. His pulling away is an example of how he operates. Conflict avoidance, reality avoidance. If you can't play by his rules, discard and move on to the next. Better yet, go home and play house. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author justrandomchicks1 Posted October 13, 2012 Author Share Posted October 13, 2012 he has other issues I didn't know about... I just found out about. I kind of feel like betrayed. But I just wish things would get better for him. Also, I've said everything about the situation. It's no longer in closet. I just feel ad like I'm making things worst by being pregnant. It's not fair to them. And it's not fair to me that I should miss this one chance in a lifetime. Mostly though, I feel just grief it's likely over. I think I'll just stay in ed and never come out. Too depressing everything is. Well thanks for your advice guys I wish I'd have realized it earlier. Before it was too late. Link to post Share on other sites
Author justrandomchicks1 Posted October 13, 2012 Author Share Posted October 13, 2012 Well, I'm already doing much of that. For instance I quit my job and cut all ties with him seeing that he's had worst things now happen. He can deal with his family without my situation involved. I lied about getting an abortion. It doesn't matter I'm planning on not really being involved. I found out really bad news. So I'm done really. I guess there's always more to a situation than one side. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted October 14, 2012 Share Posted October 14, 2012 (edited) I don't see how you can get more from him. It sounds like you are his side action while he still wants to stay with his wife. He's having his cake and eating it too. Having a baby outside his marriage will only complicate things for him, so of course he isn't okay with it. Does his wife know about you and him? You're 19, so whatever condition you may have, you're pregnant. You're still young, so it would be very unlikely to for you to not be able to get pregnant at all. Your situation sounds VERY identical to this one: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/other-man-woman/350541-accidental-pregnancy-married-man-last-update Edited October 14, 2012 by pink_sugar Link to post Share on other sites
Author justrandomchicks1 Posted October 14, 2012 Author Share Posted October 14, 2012 he actually has worst demons than I thought. I found out after talking to her about it. He is a liar. And lied about his situation with her now I feel really bad for her. I quit my job and told him we're done and that I got an abortion. I plan to just find a new job and focus on the future. My first relationship with a guy went really sour I think I shouldjust put it all ehind and and forget about it really. The condition I has to do with my not being ale to conceive so I didn't use condoms as much as I should have. I regret that deeply of course. But well I guess overall maybe it's a lesson learned and I don't know if I regret the baby really. Idk. It's the past really. Link to post Share on other sites
Author justrandomchicks1 Posted October 14, 2012 Author Share Posted October 14, 2012 I didn't get an abortion. I just lied because they have enough issues as it is. I spoke to her and she for the first time talked about his issues. I just decided to quit and cut all ties and now I'm just really depressed about it. Idk before him I was so lonely now I am again alone and worst off. It sucks.... Thanks for the advice guys though. Link to post Share on other sites
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