Obsessed with me liking younger women

[JHparkes]

I have a major problem which is affecting my happiness and making me depressed. I am obsessed with men liking younger women.

It is affecting my relationship with my partner too. He is ten years older than me and has never cheated on anyone. He was with someone for 9 years who was 5 years younger than him with two daughters from a previous relationship bfore him. They are now 15 and 18. Several times he has commented that one of them has grown into a good looking girl. He also seems to like shy girls. Before I went out with him he asked out a 23 year old. He is 43. She refused and he was fine with this. Everyon says he is a nice guy. His youngest niece adores him. He says that she is so shy and he likes to tease her. He doesn't seem to mention his nephew or his son's friends.

 

I got paranoid and said "you're not a pervert are you?" and he said "no of course not babe" he said he hasn't even thought of teenagers in that way and he couldn't understand where i was coming from. He wasn't angry with me, but said none of his exes had ever asked him questions like that before.

 

I suppose I feel threatened by the fact that it is human nature for men to prefer much younger women for their innocence. I feel jealous that now I am 33 no-one will get infatuated with me anymore. This is making me obsessive about the subject and the more I research it online the more I can see that wives have caught their husbands obsessed wtih teenagers.

my dad also went off with a 19-year old and left my 30 something mum when I was 2 years old. Also throughout my teens and twenties, much much older men (like 50s) came on to me and fancied me and this makes me feel even more paranoid.

When my boyfriend teases and jokes with a young girl it makes me jealous and sick. I don't actually think he is a perv, but I think he enjoys their loveliness and fun as he is quite a young 43 year old but it makes me think what does he want with me and if he had the chance he would probably be off with one.

 

I was looking up the google search "my man oggles young girls" last night and I had a grumpy face and pulled away from my boyfriend cause I was convinced he probably thought the same. I then think he must have looked at my phone later as it had moved but he never said anything to me.

 

When I asked him once if he would prefer someone that young he said he doesn't know how men could do it and that if any man touched his neices in that way he would kill them. He also said that he couldn't have the energy to go out with someone of that age!

Help why am i sooo obsessed and how can I stop it???

[threebyfate]

I have to admit to being creeped out when older men hit on much younger women. Can't deny that if a partner displayed a pattern of chicklet chasing or attraction, I'd cut bait.

[River Rain]

I doubt ALL men are interested in younger women. I recently met a 23-year old, and a 28-year old, I'm 44, both those guys said they prefer an older woman because the younger ones are too insecure and jealous. They are both attracted to me and I certainly don't feel over the hill.

 

I think it's just a personal preference based on the guy.

 

The only way to stop such an obsession is to build your confidence. Now the question is, how?

 

Oh, and don't torture yourself by googling stuff like that either. It just feeds the obsession.

[KraftDinner]

I have to admit to being creeped out when older men hit on much younger women. Can't deny that if a partner displayed a pattern of chicklet chasing or attraction, I'd cut bait.

 

I kind of feel that way a little sometimes, when they are much older and seem to look at the chick in a kind of creepy way.

 

I think your obsession stems from your family issues. He's probably fine.

 

And I'm sorry but you think you're not crush-worthy at 33? Lol!!! I'm 39 and people tell me I look in my 20s all the time and I get guys liking me all the time. Well, you know what I mean. Hit on, yes, but more like...in the last year I've had 2 guys, friends, tell me they were 'in love' with me (I'm not flirty, at all! I just act normal). That sounds braggy but I just mean you ain't washed up yet, girl.

[angie2443]

I have a major problem which is affecting my happiness and making me depressed. I am obsessed with men liking younger women.

It is affecting my relationship with my partner too. He is ten years older than me and has never cheated on anyone. He was with someone for 9 years who was 5 years younger than him with two daughters from a previous relationship bfore him. They are now 15 and 18. Several times he has commented that one of them has grown into a good looking girl. He also seems to like shy girls. Before I went out with him he asked out a 23 year old. He is 43. She refused and he was fine with this. Everyon says he is a nice guy. His youngest niece adores him. He says that she is so shy and he likes to tease her. He doesn't seem to mention his nephew or his son's friends.

 

I got paranoid and said "you're not a pervert are you?" and he said "no of course not babe" he said he hasn't even thought of teenagers in that way and he couldn't understand where i was coming from. He wasn't angry with me, but said none of his exes had ever asked him questions like that before.

 

 

When my boyfriend teases and jokes with a young girl it makes me jealous and sick. I don't actually think he is a perv, but I think he enjoys their loveliness and fun as he is quite a young 43 year old but it makes me think what does he want with me and if he had the chance he would probably be off with one.

 

QUOTE]

 

I don't know if you're paronoid or not, but your boyfriend does not sound like good relationship material to me. I can understand a 43 year old man finding a 23 year old attractive, but wanting to date one is just creepy, IMO. Also, the attention you say he gives to his nieces, but not his nepher- it just doesn't feel right. I'm not saying he's a pervert, but he crosses to many lines for my taste.

[JHparkes]

I have a major problem which is affecting my happiness and making me depressed. I am obsessed with men liking younger women.

It is affecting my relationship with my partner too. He is ten years older than me and has never cheated on anyone. He was with someone for 9 years who was 5 years younger than him with two daughters from a previous relationship bfore him. They are now 15 and 18. Several times he has commented that one of them has grown into a good looking girl. He also seems to like shy girls. Before I went out with him he asked out a 23 year old. He is 43. She refused and he was fine with this. Everyon says he is a nice guy. His youngest niece adores him. He says that she is so shy and he likes to tease her. He doesn't seem to mention his nephew or his son's friends.

 

I got paranoid and said "you're not a pervert are you?" and he said "no of course not babe" he said he hasn't even thought of teenagers in that way and he couldn't understand where i was coming from. He wasn't angry with me, but said none of his exes had ever asked him questions like that before.

 

 

When my boyfriend teases and jokes with a young girl it makes me jealous and sick. I don't actually think he is a perv, but I think he enjoys their loveliness and fun as he is quite a young 43 year old but it makes me think what does he want with me and if he had the chance he would probably be off with one.

 

QUOTE]

 

I don't know if you're paronoid or not, but your boyfriend does not sound like good relationship material to me. I can understand a 43 year old man finding a 23 year old attractive, but wanting to date one is just creepy, IMO. Also, the attention you say he gives to his nieces, but not his nepher- it just doesn't feel right. I'm not saying he's a pervert, but he crosses to many lines for my taste.

 

Oh dear that is worrying. I am very much in love with this guy.

When I asked him about it he said that he couldn't look at a girl in that way and that if anyone ever touched his nieces like that he would kill them. Niether me or my family (Mum, sister, friends) get a creepy vibe from him though. I am really hoping he is not a creep!!!!

[KathyM]

He may deny it to your face when confronted, but he obviously has an infatuation with young women, and you are right to feel concerned about this. He may be in denial about it himself, but actions speak louder than words, and I think it's pretty obvious that he has this infatuation. I'd dump the guy if I were you.

[JHparkes]

He may deny it to your face when confronted, but he obviously has an infatuation with young women, and you are right to feel concerned about this. He may be in denial about it himself, but actions speak louder than words, and I think it's pretty obvious that he has this infatuation. I'd dump the guy if I were you.

 

So I should just dump a guy who I have a lot in common with and otherwise get along well with when he hasn't even been near a young girl and has been faithful to all his other spouses?

 

He also has a lot of female friends his age and none of them are suspicious of him being around their teenage daughters??? Would that be so if he had an infatuation that was obvious?

 

My friend has a fake facebook profile of a young woman (aged 19) and she sent him some messages asking him to take her out. He said that the lady he was seeing would not appreciate it and that he doesn't cheat.

[drifter777]

As men age the range of women they are attracted to widens dramatically. Most girls begin to act and look like women by the age of 20 or so and at that point nearly all men feel that it is "ok" to at least check them out. It's a genetic thing that I don't think can be helped or is wrong in any way. Acting on the impulses a man may feel is a different story - although I don't pretend to know what is right or wrong here.

 

There is a formula that many people use as a guide for what's creepy or not. To determine the youngest woman a man should date, take a man's age and divide by two and then add 7. So, a 30 year-old shouldn't consider dating a woman less than 22 years of age (30 / 2 = 15 + 7 = 22). The thing about this is that the older a man gets the age difference gets much bigger but the "appropriateness" of the relationship is still deemed to be ok. Think of a 60 year-old man dating a 37 year-old woman. It's a 23 year difference but I don't think most people would think that such a relationship was shocking. It's the 60 year-old with the 23 year-old that makes most of us throw up in our mouth.

 

Anyway, I'm getting up there in age and I have always had much younger women/girls flirt, check me out, and outright hit on me. I may have returned a little flirting, but that's it. It's not a "moral" thing to me, I just have no desire to cheat. My point is that I think many women are attracted to older men - even much older. Whether it is the "daddy issue" thing or some other reason, I don't understand it but I know it is true.

 

I don't mean to pass my own judgement on what is "appropriate" - just sayin'

[Febreze]

I have a major problem which is affecting my happiness and making me depressed. I am obsessed with men liking younger women.

It is affecting my relationship with my partner too. He is ten years older than me and has never cheated on anyone. He was with someone for 9 years who was 5 years younger than him with two daughters from a previous relationship bfore him. They are now 15 and 18. Several times he has commented that one of them has grown into a good looking girl. He also seems to like shy girls. Before I went out with him he asked out a 23 year old. He is 43. She refused and he was fine with this. Everyon says he is a nice guy. His youngest niece adores him. He says that she is so shy and he likes to tease her. He doesn't seem to mention his nephew or his son's friends.

 

I got paranoid and said "you're not a pervert are you?" and he said "no of course not babe" he said he hasn't even thought of teenagers in that way and he couldn't understand where i was coming from. He wasn't angry with me, but said none of his exes had ever asked him questions like that before.

 

I suppose I feel threatened by the fact that it is human nature for men to prefer much younger women for their innocence. I feel jealous that now I am 33 no-one will get infatuated with me anymore. This is making me obsessive about the subject and the more I research it online the more I can see that wives have caught their husbands obsessed wtih teenagers.

my dad also went off with a 19-year old and left my 30 something mum when I was 2 years old. Also throughout my teens and twenties, much much older men (like 50s) came on to me and fancied me and this makes me feel even more paranoid.

When my boyfriend teases and jokes with a young girl it makes me jealous and sick. I don't actually think he is a perv, but I think he enjoys their loveliness and fun as he is quite a young 43 year old but it makes me think what does he want with me and if he had the chance he would probably be off with one.

 

I was looking up the google search "my man oggles young girls" last night and I had a grumpy face and pulled away from my boyfriend cause I was convinced he probably thought the same. I then think he must have looked at my phone later as it had moved but he never said anything to me.

 

When I asked him once if he would prefer someone that young he said he doesn't know how men could do it and that if any man touched his neices in that way he would kill them. He also said that he couldn't have the energy to go out with someone of that age

Help why am i sooo obsessed and how can I stop it???

 

I know exactly how u feel girl because the guy I'm seeing now likes the younger girls too although he just wont admit it but I've caught him in the past texting with a teen girl around 18-19 and have caught him checking out younger girls anywhere between those ages and early 20s. He's 32!

 

I'm 36 and I work so hard to stay looking younger than I am but its almost a losing battle when it comes to these younger women and it seems that they enjoy competing with us for older men's attention. I catch these girls looking at older handsome guys all the time

 

Its frustrating I know girl but the best thing to do is not stress over it and just try to be as fit as possible and give him lots of attention so he doesn't go astray because men cant stop thinking with the "little guy" down there and it doesn't take much to set that "little guy" off

[Feelin Frisky]

For one, there's absolutely no shame in seeing a professional. Obsessive or "circular patterns" of though which tend to negatively amplify feelings each time the cycle goes around is often "chemically" underpinned and most people can't "out-think" their own chemistry or the pace at which the thoughts come and trigger the feelings. I went through this myself and learned things about myself I could never figure out otherwise. Perhaps I'd be dead already if I didn't get this help. Secondly, if you're adverse to getting help, then you should expect to have to do some things differently and work hard to change your self. There is nothing wrong or unnatural about some concern about your partner finding younger women attractive. But do you notice when other women register on his chick radar? If he's a normal man, he'll notice EVERY beautiful woman.

 

Thirdly, you don't seem to have adjusted to the fact that you are just entering your prime. The 30's is your time to get it on--not fret about loss of your youth. That should come 20 years from now.

 

If you find yourself obsessing, work out more, find more things to do, or do all the above and try some pro help--perhaps a little Prozac or some other SSRI to regain your intellect and your ability to choose your emotions that than have them rule you.

[NYC-BigKat]

I have a major problem which is affecting my happiness and making me depressed. I am obsessed with men liking younger women.

It is affecting my relationship with my partner too. He is ten years older than me and has never cheated on anyone. He was with someone for 9 years who was 5 years younger than him with two daughters from a previous relationship bfore him. They are now 15 and 18. Several times he has commented that one of them has grown into a good looking girl. He also seems to like shy girls. Before I went out with him he asked out a 23 year old. He is 43. She refused and he was fine with this. Everyon says he is a nice guy. His youngest niece adores him. He says that she is so shy and he likes to tease her. He doesn't seem to mention his nephew or his son's friends.

 

I got paranoid and said "you're not a pervert are you?" and he said "no of course not babe" he said he hasn't even thought of teenagers in that way and he couldn't understand where i was coming from. He wasn't angry with me, but said none of his exes had ever asked him questions like that before.

 

I suppose I feel threatened by the fact that it is human nature for men to prefer much younger women for their innocence. I feel jealous that now I am 33 no-one will get infatuated with me anymore. This is making me obsessive about the subject and the more I research it online the more I can see that wives have caught their husbands obsessed wtih teenagers.

my dad also went off with a 19-year old and left my 30 something mum when I was 2 years old. Also throughout my teens and twenties, much much older men (like 50s) came on to me and fancied me and this makes me feel even more paranoid.

When my boyfriend teases and jokes with a young girl it makes me jealous and sick. I don't actually think he is a perv, but I think he enjoys their loveliness and fun as he is quite a young 43 year old but it makes me think what does he want with me and if he had the chance he would probably be off with one.

 

I was looking up the google search "my man oggles young girls" last night and I had a grumpy face and pulled away from my boyfriend cause I was convinced he probably thought the same. I then think he must have looked at my phone later as it had moved but he never said anything to me.

 

When I asked him once if he would prefer someone that young he said he doesn't know how men could do it and that if any man touched his neices in that way he would kill them. He also said that he couldn't have the energy to go out with someone of that age!

Help why am i sooo obsessed and how can I stop it???

 

Um...I think you should worry 'cause my uncle cheated on his 35 yr old gf with a woman 20-21 or something. This guy I went to school with cheated on his gf with a 18 yr old & he's 28 & his gf was 27 so its common u know.

[threebyfate]

Um...I think you should worry 'cause my uncle cheated on his 35 yr old gf with a woman 20-21 or something. This guy I went to school with cheated on his gf with a 18 yr old & he's 28 & his gf was 27 so its common u know.

This is why women should ensure they're not dating scumbags.

[angie2443]

He may deny it to your face when confronted, but he obviously has an infatuation with young women, and you are right to feel concerned about this. He may be in denial about it himself, but actions speak louder than words, and I think it's pretty obvious that he has this infatuation. I'd dump the guy if I were you.

 

I agree. I'm not saying he's into under age girls, just very young girls. If I were in your position, I'd want a man who was more interested in women my age. Again, I understand finding young women, and young men for that matter, attractive. It's interacting with them in the way that your guy seems to that would turn me off completely.

[angie2443]

I know exactly how u feel girl because the guy I'm seeing now likes the younger girls too although he just wont admit it but I've caught him in the past texting with a teen girl around 18-19 and have caught him checking out younger girls anywhere between those ages and early 20s. He's 32!

 

I'm 36 and I work so hard to stay looking younger than I am but its almost a losing battle when it comes to these younger women and it seems that they enjoy competing with us for older men's attention. I catch these girls looking at older handsome guys all the time

 

Its frustrating I know girl but the best thing to do is not stress over it and just try to be as fit as possible and give him lots of attention so he doesn't go astray because men cant stop thinking with the "little guy" down there and it doesn't take much to set that "little guy" off

 

I have the feeling that it's not the young girls that are the problem, but some emotionally stunted men. Texting a teenage girl just sounds wrong to me. There are men out there who are decent and mature and who know how to be respectful to the woman they are with.

[Shaun-Dro]

I agree. I'm not saying he's into under age girls, just very young girls. If I were in your position, I'd want a man who was more interested in women my age. Again, I understand finding young women, and young men for that matter, attractive. It's interacting with them in the way that your guy seems to that would turn me off completely.

 

Underage is subjective and holds no water because the ages of consent vary from state to state, so naturally men are going to be attracted to all young women/girls of child-bearing age, period.

 

Putting laws on these ages is stupid because it isn't universal so I do not support it whatsoever. If the universal age of consent in the US were 17 or 18, whatever, I'd be more willing to understand the cause, but for the ages to keep varying is silly. Bottom line, once a woman reaches about 16 she should be legal everywhere, because they're pretty mature by then, and grasp the notion of what they're doing and it's repercussions.

[angie2443]

Underage is subjective and holds no water because the ages of consent vary from state to state, so naturally men are going to be attracted to all young women/girls of child-bearing age, period.

 

Putting laws on these ages is stupid because it isn't universal so I do not support it whatsoever. If the universal age of consent in the US were 17 or 18, whatever, I'd be more willing to understand the cause, but for the ages to keep varying is silly. Bottom line, once a woman reaches about 16 she should be legal everywhere, because they're pretty mature by then, and grasp the notion of what they're doing and it's repercussions.

 

I don't know why this was posted here, unless it's to continue you ongoing message that men want really young girls. This thread is for someone working on an issue with their partner. Your mini lecture about your opinion that very young girls should be legal for men to.. whatever with... seems really out of place here (IMO).