Those going no contact, post your status here!

[JayL]

I'm not saying that I am 100% better, just 100% better than I was. If that makes sense? I still think about her, but not as much. The thought of her being with other people, her getting married and having babies with someone else don't hurt as bad. Yes they hurt, but not as bad. There is no shortcut to getting over someone, I believe that there is a process that every broken heart goes through.

 

One suggestion would be to stay away from alcohol, I think everyone will agree with that, or at least limit yourself to 1-2 drinks. You have 2 thoughts going on at one time right now, your head and your emotions, and they are battling. Alcohol really fuels your emotional thoughts and clouds your judgement at this stage.

 

I absolutely agree with the alcohol part...

 

I've drank so much and spent thousands of dollars in a month on alcohol.

 

Last week, I saw our picture through my friend's Facebook albums, I did not look for it, I just clicked on the album and saw our picture there from 2 months ago when we were still all lovey dovey (which was "fake" on her end). I felt weak, I broke down, I drank by myself and I started crying and woke up the next morning holding the bottle.

 

I've accepted the fact that she's gone and will never come back. The fact that she does not feel the same for me or never did. What I'm having a hard time to accept is why she did it that to me. All I did was be myself around her, treat her right, I never did anything that will hurt or offend her, yet she led me on, lied to me about what she felt for me. Her excuse was "I told you I'm not as into this as you are" to relieve her guilt. When I asked her why she was so affectionate at times? Her response was "That's what I was feeling that time".

 

It may not be her intention to lead me on, she probably really "tried" to be with me, she was probably just very confused... but I don't know...

 

All my friends and family know that I've been in rough break-ups in the past. Relationships that lasted for years and years but did not work out in the end, but I was never like this. I was able to let it go and accept the fact that my past gfs and I were just not compatible.

 

There was something about this last girl that really struck me and I hate to admit it, but this may be my shortest relationship with a woman who I still consider a "stranger", but damn... she has affected me the most.

 

Oh well............. life happens... I guess... in time I'll just laugh about this and I hope to just not see her again. I despise her.

 

I hope you're doing better though..... Life's tough... we just gotta make it through...

[NavyAirTraffic]

What I'm having a hard time to accept is why she did it that to me. All I did was be myself around her, treat her right, I never did anything that will hurt or offend her, yet she led me on, lied to me about what she felt for me. Her excuse was "I told you I'm not as into this as you are" to relieve her guilt. When I asked her why she was so affectionate at times? Her response was "That's what I was feeling that time".

 

EXACT same situation for me, exact. The "why" was/is the hardest part, kept asking myself what am I lacking, what more is out there that I cannot bring to the table? Then I started to try and change my thought process and gave myself several examples-she wants to be sexually free, she didn't like my personality, she thought she could find someone more attractive/more money/better lover/taller etc etc etc.

 

I found that no matter what the reason was it didn't matter, it didn't make me feel better. I ultimately picked one and went with it "she thinks she can do better than me", there is no sense of relief that comes with closure (or not for me at least) because ultimately the end result is the same THEY DON'T WANT YOU/ME. Just pick one reason and go with it, let that fuel you to not contact her and to improve yourself.

[JayL]

EXACT same situation for me, exact. The "why" was/is the hardest part, kept asking myself what am I lacking, what more is out there that I cannot bring to the table? Then I started to try and change my thought process and gave myself several examples-she wants to be sexually free, she didn't like my personality, she thought she could find someone more attractive/more money/better lover/taller etc etc etc.

 

I found that no matter what the reason was it didn't matter, it didn't make me feel better. I ultimately picked one and went with it "she thinks she can do better than me", there is no sense of relief that comes with closure (or not for me at least) because ultimately the end result is the same THEY DON'T WANT YOU/ME. Just pick one reason and go with it, let that fuel you to not contact her and to improve yourself.

 

You do make a very valid point.

 

I've analyzed what happened from day 1.

 

The fact that she's only had casual relationships for 5 straight years made me think that she really isn't looking for a relationship. She's jumped from one guy to another. Her only real relationship was when she was 15 until she was 20, it ended because her ex cheated on her several times.

 

She attempted to be in a relationship again when she was 24, but she ended it with the guy after a month because she thinks "he's too nice".

 

When her and I started, she tried to end it just after 1 week of being together and stated she does not want a serious relationship, but took it back 2 days later and said she wants to give it a go. I asked why, her response was "You have what I'm looking for..." then I said - what do you mean? She said "you're nice but you have a backbone, something guys I meet don't have a good balance of. It's either they're too nice or they're too much of an a-hole. You're in between and I like that."

 

Then she was hot and cold for the 5 weeks that followed after that. She spotted things she didn't like and mentioned to me.

 

Comment # 1 : You're too proper.

Comment # 2 : You're too organized.

Comment # 3 : You're too committed into the relationship.

 

When I backed off, when I acted cold around her, did not care and was ignoring her, she was sweet and was the first one to message, the first one to initiate the "move".

 

It is hard to accept that what turned her off are the "good qualities" and what pulled her towards me are the qualities that I normally don't possess, but it comes out when I'm annoyed.

 

She liked the idea of feeling neglected, she liked the idea of having to "work" for something, the likes the "thrill and excitement". Her cousin told me that she's more into the type of men that needs to be "worked on".

 

In the end of the day, we'll just have to find that woman who will like us for being "us" and appreciate the qualities that we have.

 

This world is such a mess....

 

Few people have the things that most people want but don't have and they neglect it...

 

I'm going to try my best to not break NC this time... I'm such a fool.

Edited October 16, 2012 by JayL

[whatheheckhappened]

Navy Air Traffic and JayL. all too familiar with your current situation. I too was in honeymoon phase....was actually totally blindsided after meeting the family. didnt see it comin at all. thought "she could possibly be the one." she pursued me at first..and with each date and time together my walls came down more and more. after she said "not progressing...it's not you it's me." i told her for the first time i was totally into her...and smitten. i believed in my actions which i let known over the 2 month courtship and not talking about feelings an being needy. believe me...i didnt hound her or call or text all the time. i made dates when we were together. you have to have an little mystery too you but it's a balancing act. i thought i handled myself with confidence and when i was with her...i was totally into her. now it's back to the drawing board...now i'm overanalyzing an replayin every move, call, text. nothing adds up. she still dominates my daily thoughts. however, have yet to make contact....want too...wrote down the email and all...just taking day by day.

 

break: Oct. 4.

nc: Oct. 4.

[whatheheckhappened]

hate to say this...but i believe it to be true. you treat them like dirt...they stick to u like mudd. the power lies within the person who cares less.

[JayL]

hate to say this...but i believe it to be true. you treat them like dirt...they stick to u like mudd. the power lies within the person who cares less.

 

We all just haven't found that person who's right for us yet.....

[Silent_Rain]

I was in a relationship close to 3 years

 

We officially broke up on September 16,2012

 

I tried the "being friends" , but that did not work

 

NC since October 7, 2012

 

 

I'm doing fine, there are times where I feel that I can do it, i've been occupying my time with work, studies, and going out with people. However, there are times when I think about her -- the beautiful moments with her. I try my utmost best to think something else , been going back to church to re-establish a closer connection with God and trying to heal. It is hard. I do care for her and do wish all the best for her -- because I cannot deny the fact that I do love her. She was my first love. I pray that she is happy with her life, that all good things go for her and that she does find love. But at the same time, I need to heal from this heart break -- and to fill this void within my heart.

[Drseussgrrl]

Ok - I'm ready for a beating.

 

I broke down and emailed him today. I already feel stupid. This was about 2.5 hours ago and now of course I'm watching my inbox like a hawk. We broke up on very amicable terms and I maintained NC for 2.5 months.

 

"I wanted a good amount of time to pass before officially reaching out to you in a meaningful way, with a clear mind and heart.

 

I've thought about you in the past months. I think people enter your life sometimes for reasons unknown, but always for a reason, and remembering all the fun we had over the summer always puts a smile on my face.

 

I hope you're doing well."

 

Navy - my relationship was pretty much like yours - short and intense, broke up in the honeymoon phase and it's left me thinking about him non-stop, even though I knew it had to end due to his lack of commitment.

 

Ugh - whatever you do, don't break NC!!! (I was doing so well).

[Drseussgrrl]

Keep in mind this is after his liking my FB stuff for 2 months. So I thought in some way he was reaching out.

 

Yeah - it's all just one big mind f*ck.

[NavyAirTraffic]

Keep in mind this is after his liking my FB stuff for 2 months. So I thought in some way he was reaching out.

 

Yeah - it's all just one big mind f*ck.

 

Well it's too late now, the email has been sent. I do know one thing, you have disappointment coming back to you. Not an easy thing to hear, not easy to say. Fairytales are just that, either both parties want to work on it or they don't. Maybe if you prepare yourself for what's to come, 1 of 3 scenarios, you might handle it well.

 

1.)he doesn't respond

2.)he responds vaguely

3.)he responds favorably and might want to meet.

 

33% success rate, if you can call him wanting to meet success. You might just reopen wounds to find out you're back in the same place you were when you first broke up. If it's GIGS, it's been way too short of time. I just don't want you getting your hopes up for him reading the email, realizing he loves you more than anything and running back into your arms. Is there a chance of that, sure, probability extremely low. Try to go forward with a level head and understand the most likely outcome to your email.

 

Don't believe me, read everyone elses "breaking NC" story, including mine which is coming up next.

[NavyAirTraffic]

Broke NC yesterday after 3.5 week breakup and 1.5 weeks of NC.

 

She called me, she texted me said she missed me and wanted to see me. The rest of the story is above somewhere. Well today I was feeling good, I liked seeing her, I wasn't really expecting much. I wouldn't have contacted her again, I'm a firm believer that she must do the work. Well she put in the work alright, she worked me with a right cross and an upper cut to finish me off today. Haha, I have to laugh how stupid I was. Do I regret it, a little. I received a text at 10:55 am 4 hours after she left my house. I'll summarize.

 

"I've met someone else, I shouldn't have slept with you but I love the way you are to me. Never again, I'm deleting your number because I will only try to run back to you, I still desire to be with you but we both know it won't work"

 

There is the upper cut. I'm ok, like I said I wasn't expecting much. I got closure when I wasn't even looking for it. So I'm back to NC. I didn't respond, just texted it to myself as a reminder and deleted all of her contact info AGAIN.

 

I'm hope this is the last time I have to write about her on LS.

 

So 3.5 months BU 0.5 days NC.

Edited October 16, 2012 by NavyAirTraffic

[dreamstate83]

Broke NC yesterday after 3.5 week breakup and 1.5 weeks of NC.

 

She called me, she texted me said she missed me and wanted to see me. The rest of the story is above somewhere. Well today I was feeling good, I liked seeing her, I wasn't really expecting much. I wouldn't have contacted her again, I'm a firm believer that she must do the work. Well she put in the work alright, she worked me with a right cross and an upper cut to finish me off today. Haha, I have to laugh how stupid I was. Do I regret it, a little. I received a text at 10:55 am 4 hours after she left my house. I'll summarize.

 

"I've met someone else, I shouldn't have slept with you but I love the way you are to me. Never again, I'm deleting your number because I will only try to run back to you, I still desire to be with you but we both know it won't work"

 

There is the upper cut. I'm ok, like I said I wasn't expecting much. I got closure when I wasn't even looking for it. So I'm back to NC. I didn't respond, just texted it to myself as a reminder and deleted all of her contact info AGAIN.

 

I'm hope this is the last time I have to write about her on LS.

 

So 3.5 months BU 0.5 days NC.

 

The good news is that this makes it even easier to shrug and move on! Keep it up!

[NavyAirTraffic]

The good news is that this makes it even easier to shrug and move on! Keep it up!

 

I agree. I wasn't devastated when I heard the news. All of the feelings; mad, hurt, sickened by the thought of her with someone else are dulled. I've already been through that sh/t. She's with someone else: I've already forced myself to think of that and it just doesn't hurt as much as it should or normally would have. She no longer wants to be with me: I've tried to grieve her loss. My mood really hasn't changed from 2 days ago. Almost relieved the crazy rollercoaster ride is coming to an end.

[whatheheckhappened]

wow...wasnt expecting that. thought you reversed it. that stinks but now you know it's someone else...and your not stuck wondering. all the best and keep busy!

[suladas]

The good news is that this makes it even easier to shrug and move on! Keep it up!

 

I agree. I really wish i'd get some kind of closure like that. I don't see it happening anytime soon though. Seeing her with someone new would help me a lot, but it's not going to happen.

[NavyAirTraffic]

I agree. I really wish i'd get some kind of closure like that. I don't see it happening anytime soon though. Seeing her with someone new would help me a lot, but it's not going to happen.

 

Yes it is a huge relief actually I can't lie. I'd already forced myself to believe that she's been with someone else, so getting the actual news really didn't change my mood. The real difference is knowing that the breadcrumbs/texts/calls are all over with now. There is finality.

[suladas]

Yes it is a huge relief actually I can't lie. I'd already forced myself to believe that she's been with someone else, so getting the actual news really didn't change my mood. The real difference is knowing that the breadcrumbs/texts/calls are all over with now. There is finality.

 

Ya that's good, i'm back and forth if no contact is good or not, i've got zero since a week after the BU, over 2 1/2 months. I wish I could tell myself that, but I know she isn't, so I can't. If I knew she had even been one date, i'd move on because it would show she was lying, but that hasn't happened.

[dreamstate83]

Well, My ex and I began the phase of resentment and anger. My issue was one of circumstance more than anything else, and it's clear the girl still cares. Does that mean we are going to be together? I don't plan on it - hope in these cases can only lead to disaster. Regardless I sent her an email standing my ground and telling her "the deal" with the situation. It got to a point of so much resentment that I had to take a step back so I sent an email "Look, this isn't who we are. We were never malicious in our relationship and so there is no point being malicious now. I think we need to face the issue rather than running from it."

 

Long story short, she agreed and we are set to talk this weekend. I normally wouldn't have even agreed to it, but she's never communicated with me about problems that come up before.

 

So, I guess we will see how this goes. I'll post an update after the talk.

[NavyAirTraffic]

Well, My ex and I began the phase of resentment and anger. My issue was one of circumstance more than anything else, and it's clear the girl still cares. Does that mean we are going to be together? I don't plan on it - hope in these cases can only lead to disaster. Regardless I sent her an email standing my ground and telling her "the deal" with the situation. It got to a point of so much resentment that I had to take a step back so I sent an email "Look, this isn't who we are. We were never malicious in our relationship and so there is no point being malicious now. I think we need to face the issue rather than running from it."

 

Long story short, she agreed and we are set to talk this weekend. I normally wouldn't have even agreed to it, but she's never communicated with me about problems that come up before.

 

So, I guess we will see how this goes. I'll post an update after the talk.

 

I wish you luck and think you have hope. It seems from your story that both of you are willing to work at it, that's a promising recipe.

[NavyAirTraffic]

Ya that's good, i'm back and forth if no contact is good or not, i've got zero since a week after the BU, over 2 1/2 months. I wish I could tell myself that, but I know she isn't, so I can't. If I knew she had even been one date, i'd move on because it would show she was lying, but that hasn't happened.

 

How do you know she isn't, I'm curious?

[suladas]

How do you know she isn't, I'm curious?

 

We are next door neighbors, it's way to easy to know she isn't. Living next door for a year, and then during the time we dated I know her schedule decently well and i'm like 100% sure she's not. I know i'm kind of a stalker, we both did before we dated and admitted it later and laughed, i'm pretty sure she's still doing the same thing with me, i've noticed a few times coming home. It's good and it's bad. She said she had no intention to date right now just didn't have the time and gave me the impression if she wanted to date she'd want to see if things would work between us. So if she was dating anyone, it would be quite easy for me to just be over her because she wasn't being honest.

 

She got home right after I did tonight so I was in my kitchen and seen her come home and wow I haven't had the urge to contact her so badly in a long time. I don't know what happened, but i'm glad I didn't.

[NavyAirTraffic]

We are next door neighbors, it's way to easy to know she isn't. Living next door for a year, and then during the time we dated I know her schedule decently well and i'm like 100% sure she's not. I know i'm kind of a stalker, we both did before we dated and admitted it later and laughed, i'm pretty sure she's still doing the same thing with me, i've noticed a few times coming home. It's good and it's bad. She said she had no intention to date right now just didn't have the time and gave me the impression if she wanted to date she'd want to see if things would work between us. So if she was dating anyone, it would be quite easy for me to just be over her because she wasn't being honest.

 

She got home right after I did tonight so I was in my kitchen and seen her come home and wow I haven't had the urge to contact her so badly in a long time. I don't know what happened, but i'm glad I didn't.

 

WOW, I don't envy you. I couldn't imagine living next to my ex. It must be extremely hard, wanting your next door neighbor, possibly passing on dates to not upset her or have her change her mind?? I understand the torture, I think. She tells you "when I'm ready you'd be the one", so you sit in limbo.

 

I don't know your exact situation but if you're waiting for her, I wouldn't. Your future is uncertain and waiting/making decisions based on her is like treading water. A lot of work/pain and you remain stagnant. You sound like you're waiting for a sign from her (her dating) to re-jump start your life (start moving on). I hope it works out, but if it doesn't it'll have been a lot of time wasted.

[suladas]

WOW, I don't envy you. I couldn't imagine living next to my ex. It must be extremely hard, wanting your next door neighbor, possibly passing on dates to not upset her or have her change her mind?? I understand the torture, I think. She tells you "when I'm ready you'd be the one", so you sit in limbo.

 

I don't know your exact situation but if you're waiting for her, I wouldn't. Your future is uncertain and waiting/making decisions based on her is like treading water. A lot of work/pain and you remain stagnant. You sound like you're waiting for a sign from her (her dating) to re-jump start your life (start moving on). I hope it works out, but if it doesn't it'll have been a lot of time wasted.

 

I'm not waiting, i've been on a date, and met many new women at parties, through friends, etc. I was at first where I didn't want to bring any girl to my place because of that but I don't care now. But I really don't have any interest in any of them. Right now i'm pretty much at the point I don't want to date, but it's not because i'm waiting for her. I just don't have much interest in it, partly discouraged right now, partly just to much crap going on I don't want to.

 

Ya it's really tough. We both use to run into each other on purpose and talk nearly everyday during the summer, now it's the opposite, it sucks. It's not even the dating I miss completely also the talking i've been use to for almost a year and a half just instantly stop. Plus it killed me when her kids would still talk to me after the BU, I felt so bad. I didn't think I was that attached to them.

 

The icing on the cake is I messed up my shoulder and i've been off work since 2 weeks after the BU, working like 5 hours a week max so i'm home all the time.

 

Oh well, I figure this BU will make me a lot stronger.

Edited October 17, 2012 by suladas

[dreamstate83]

I wish you luck and think you have hope. It seems from your story that both of you are willing to work at it, that's a promising recipe.

 

I'll be honest here. It's true that a reconciliation would be positive if she's committing to working on the issues that she has. BUT me being across the world from her now would end up being an incredible challenge. If we got back together it would be another year before I can really do anything about the geographical issues.

 

All of that, however, is getting a bit ahead of things. ATM I'm happy to just go in without assumption and let the cards lie where they fall.

[whatheheckhappened]

Navy air traffic...i thought of your story late last nite as i was up floundering in bed picking apart my situation...what happened, what went wrong, what did i do and working on a reachout email. then it hit me...your situation and mine are very similar. got tossed away at the HEIGHT of the honeymoon phase with little or no explanation. am i correct in saying that you just found out yesterday it was b/c she met someone else but didnt tell you that initially? for me it's like trying to solve an enigma wrapped in a riddle. i've been told by other females my age...ones that are dating...once they go from hot too cold in a short period of time it's usually b/c they met someone else.....an thats what i need to tell myself...so i can keep up the NC.