oliverlieb Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 hello guys need some urgent advice! i will try to keep my story short. been dating 2 years, within a few weeks of dating her, i noticed she was quite an aggressive person, she would get very angry at people if they annoyed her. on a few occasions she get very angry & it kind of scared me a little, as i started to wonder, i hope she does not get this angry with me. anyhow over the 2 years, we had a couple of arguments that got heated & yes she got quite angry & twice she ended the relationship with me. on both occasions i went to her, to try and save the relationship & keep us together. anyhow we had a argument recently & again she over reacted & told me to leave her house or she would call the POLICE it was just a silly argument, that got out of hand, she got too carried away. i don't believe she has much control over her anger & then regrets her actions later on. also she is not happy, because we have not moved forward in this relationship, no commitment on my part.... but i fear commitment with her, because i worry about her anger, how could we possibly live together under them conditions. after she threatend me with the police, i left her home & i gave her 4 days to calm down, did not contact her and she did not contact me. i was very upset about how she treated me & she was prob still angry! i phoned her after 5 days of not talking to each other, she ignored my call and sent me text message telling me, that it is over!!! i was heart broken, but i did not chase, or beg, i have gone strict into no contact... i have been in no contact for nearly 3 weeks now, and she sent me this text message two days ago!!! what does this text mean? is she wanting contact or is this bread crumbs? I kNOW IT DON'T MATTER WHAT I WRITE IN THIS TEXT, BECAUSE U WON'T ANSWER IT & WILL PROB JUST DELETE IT, BUT I AM NOT BOTHERED, AS LONG AS YOU KNOW, I MISS YOU & LOVE YOU VERY MUCH & I AM SORRY. I DON'T EXPECT A REPLY & I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I TEXTED BECAUSE I KNOW THINGS HAVE GONE TOO FAR & DEEP, BUT I KNOW THINGS WOULD NOT CHANGE EITHER... ANYWAY SORRY AGAIN Link to post Share on other sites
a.b Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 1- she obviously is bothered or she would not have text you. Do you want to work things out? Link to post Share on other sites
dreamstate83 Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 I will start by saying that if she has anger issues she really needs to fix her own life before committing to a relationship. I know you probably like the idea of her going back to you, but look at it in the long run. Taking her back right now tells her that you will always be there for her and it's okay to project her anger at you. I think that sends a bad message and sets a bad pace for any relationship. Personally, if it were me (and I don't know all of the details of course), I'd say something like this: "Thanks for the email! I need some time alone to think about things and what I desire in a relationship. I know you love me, and I forgive you, but right now I need time to figure out if the problems we had are something that can be fixed." Or, say nothing at all~ Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 It sounds like she wants to reconcile but honestly the anger issues worry me and she is in no way a changed person after 3 weeks. I'm not sure how old you guys are, or how interested you both are in working it out but if I were you I'd tell her that the only way things could work out is if she got help, saw a therapist for the anger, maybe she's bi-polar, who knows. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 She's daring you to contact her by saying you won't. She sounds emotionally unstable. Her rage is abnormal IMO. It's good that you never made a firm commitment to her. You trusted your gut and were wise to listen to your own best judgment. She's trying to manipulate you now. Don't fall for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author oliverlieb Posted October 13, 2012 Author Share Posted October 13, 2012 1- she obviously is bothered or she would not have text you. Do you want to work things out? i am not sure, she has ended this relationship with me twice already, this is the third time? i have been hurt so many times. but i love her & i would even be willing to get relationship counseling with her in order to sort our problems out. or for us to learn how to communicate better, without arguments. but there is no guarantee counseling will work. also does that text message suggest she wants to try? to me it seems like she is admitting nothing will change! i got that text off her, 2 days ago? should i text her back? should i break no contact? what is your opinion of this text people? Link to post Share on other sites
a.b Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 i am not sure, she has ended this relationship with me twice already, this is the third time? i have been hurt so many times. but i love her & i would even be willing to get relationship counseling with her in order to sort our problems out. or for us to learn how to communicate better, without arguments. but there is no guarantee counseling will work. also does that text message suggest she wants to try? to me it seems like she is admitting nothing will change! i got that text off her, 2 days ago? should i text her back? should i break no contact? what is your opinion of this text people? There is never any guarantee a relationship will work, that should never be a reason not to try. But I can't say what you should do, I feel I may advice you wrongly as i'm not thinking very clearly at the moment myself so i'd say listen to everyone else for the moment, just don't make any rash decisions. Link to post Share on other sites
Author oliverlieb Posted October 13, 2012 Author Share Posted October 13, 2012 There is never any guarantee a relationship will work, that should never be a reason not to try. But I can't say what you should do, I feel I may advice you wrongly as i'm not thinking very clearly at the moment myself so i'd say listen to everyone else for the moment, just don't make any rash decisions. well i have been sitting on this text message for 2 days not & have not replied. i am not sure what to reply back, or even if should. she is saying sorry, but i,m not sure wether she means "sorry" because the realtionship is over... it's a confusing text. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamstate83 Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 well i have been sitting on this text message for 2 days not & have not replied. i am not sure what to reply back, or even if should. she is saying sorry, but i,m not sure wether she means "sorry" because the realtionship is over... it's a confusing text. Read my previous response to you up above. If you do decide to give it a go, it's important that she understand that the anger issues are not to be tolerated. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
a.b Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 well i have been sitting on this text message for 2 days not & have not replied. i am not sure what to reply back, or even if should. she is saying sorry, but i,m not sure wether she means "sorry" because the realtionship is over... it's a confusing text. Could you walk away from this without any regrets? Link to post Share on other sites
Author oliverlieb Posted October 13, 2012 Author Share Posted October 13, 2012 Read my previous response to you up above. If you do decide to give it a go, it's important that she understand that the anger issues are not to be tolerated. i am scared of approaching her, as i don't know if this text message she sent is reaching out for reconcilation? i also am worried about her, going hot and cold, as this text was sent 2 days ago. i am also scared of being rejected again, even if i offer her counseling together Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 i am scared of approaching her, as i don't know if this text message she sent is reaching out for reconcilation? i also am worried about her, going hot and cold, as this text was sent 2 days ago. i am also scared of being rejected again, even if i offer her counseling together She's completely manipulating you. If someone mentions calling the police it pretty much says what kind of person they are. That's a big red flag. Ignore her. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamstate83 Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 i am scared of approaching her, as i don't know if this text message she sent is reaching out for reconcilation? i also am worried about her, going hot and cold, as this text was sent 2 days ago. i am also scared of being rejected again, even if i offer her counseling together That's why you tell her you need more time to think about it all! You aren't saying "hey lets do this" and you aren't saying "never gonna happen!". What you would be saying is that you need time. It's honest - you wouldn't be here asking us if you had it figured out! The only one that could possibly feel any rejection is her, but if she does love you then she will understand. I still say however that the anger issues have got to stop. Calling the police??? Wow. Best of luck to you my friend. Link to post Share on other sites
a.b Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 That's why you tell her you need more time to think about it all! You aren't saying "hey lets do this" and you aren't saying "never gonna happen!". What you would be saying is that you need time. It's honest - you wouldn't be here asking us if you had it figured out! The only one that could possibly feel any rejection is her, but if she does love you then she will understand. I still say however that the anger issues have got to stop. Calling the police??? Wow. Best of luck to you my friend. Yes this is great advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author oliverlieb Posted October 13, 2012 Author Share Posted October 13, 2012 She's completely manipulating you. If someone mentions calling the police it pretty much says what kind of person they are. That's a big red flag. Ignore her. this is what scares me... what if we argue again, next time i could be in the back of a police car, getting arrested i lover her, but letting her go, is killing me Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 this is what scares me... what if we argue again, next time i could be in the back of a police car, getting arrested i lover her, but letting her go, is killing me I understand that but for now you should not do a thing. Ignore her. Then you'll see what kind of a psycho she really is. You were right to trust your gut on not being committed to her. The girl has issues. If you want to tell her to get help do that. Personally I wouldn't be bothered. Angry people can be really mean. Link to post Share on other sites
ilovedhim Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 (edited) You said in your 2 year relationship you had 3 arguments, nothing physical right? And you wanted to work things out when you contacted her 3 weeks ago, it was she that started the no contact. IMO you should respond to her, however don't jump back into the relationship. There are anger management workshops she can go to if she wants to prove worthy of getting back with you. Don't do or not do something you'll regret. The worst thing is in 5 or 10 years having that thought of "what might have been." You won't know if they're breadcrumbs (in this instance) unless you contact her back. Be cautious. Edited October 13, 2012 by ilovedhim Link to post Share on other sites
Author oliverlieb Posted October 13, 2012 Author Share Posted October 13, 2012 You said in your 2 year relationship you had 3 arguments, nothing physical right? And you wanted to work things out when you contacted her 3 weeks ago, it was she that started the no contact. IMO you should respond to her, however don't jump back into the relationship. There are anger management workshops she can go to if she wants to prove worthy of getting back with you. Don't do or not do something you'll regret. The worst thing is in 5 or 10 years having that thought of "what might have been." You won't know if they're breadcrumbs (in this instance) unless you contact her back. Be cautious. no they was not physical fights, when we first met, we never argued. but when an argument does start, it can snowball. i am not perfect, maybe i annoy her sometimes, but i tend to keep things in perspective, but she tends to go over board & resorts to making accusations the last fallout we had.... she started swearing at me, told me to ***k off & called me a twatt... when i objected to this & told her this was abusive behaviour, she got very angry & told me, that is who she is & when she gets angry, she will swear! then she told me to leave, or she would call the police! after 4 days of no contact, i phoned her to suggest we got get help for anger & relationship counseling... she did not take my calls, then sent me a text message ending the relationship. now i have been 3 weeks no contact & 2 days ago she sent that text. i am not sure how to respond to it.... or should i respond to it Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 she sounds like a psycho. Continue ignoring her. She is obviously not healthy enough for a relationship and I'm sorry but if a 2 yr old dating relationship needs "counselling" it is time to throw in the towel and quit wasting your time.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author oliverlieb Posted October 13, 2012 Author Share Posted October 13, 2012 she sounds like a psycho. Continue ignoring her. She is obviously not healthy enough for a relationship and I'm sorry but if a 2 yr old dating relationship needs "counselling" it is time to throw in the towel and quit wasting your time.... i kind of blame myself tho, because maybe i should have gave her some space & left her alone in the bedroom, rather than trying to talk to her.... the argument just got worse maybe i should not have said, that swearing at me is abusive behaviour! there was underlying problems also... i have been struggling to find a job for the last 9 months, also she was getting fed up of the relationship not going anywhere... i could not not further commit under those circumstances. maybe counseling is a long shot? damn why do i love this woman!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author oliverlieb Posted October 15, 2012 Author Share Posted October 15, 2012 i have still not contacted her back.... its the 5th day now! how do i respond back to this text message she has sent me? any ideas? Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 i have still not contacted her back.... its the 5th day now! how do i respond back to this text message she has sent me? any ideas? What do you want to do? Is it better without her around, more peaceful? Or do you really miss her? Link to post Share on other sites
Tiera D Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 il say send her two words "Lets talk" judge her response TD Link to post Share on other sites
Author oliverlieb Posted October 15, 2012 Author Share Posted October 15, 2012 What do you want to do? Is it better without her around, more peaceful? Or do you really miss her? i am misrable without her.... we was very close & only had each other. she was always there for me. it's a no win situation... i am lost without her, on the other hand, if i try to get back together with her, she may dump me again, if we had another big argument. i think she loves me, and probably does want to be with me, but feels like, the arguments, will not allow us to have a succesfull relationship. also she does have anger issues i am thinking about just texting her with this "i did not delete the text message you sent & i did read it" and see if she responds? or do i need to say more? Link to post Share on other sites
othersideofthepillow Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 You either have to contact her or just let it go. Sucks to think of the later part but really if you never contact her then your not gonna let yourself start the healing process. You will always be wondering what to do. Like a lot of others have said she NEEDS to get help for her anger issues before you can commit or even broach the subject of getting back together in a full out relationship. What I would do is CALL her. People that want to talk to someone will pick up. If she doesn't really want to talk to you then she will ignore it and send you a text after. Discuss meeting up to talk about what has happened and if it can be saved. Suggest something light like meeting for coffee or something so it can be quickly ended if its not going anywhere. Only YOU can actually make the decision here man, we can only give you our 2 cents...the longer you wait to do anything...the longer you won't get anywhere. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts