Text Message From Ex - Bread Crumbs?

[Chi townD]

i am misrable without her.... we was very close & only had each other. she was always there for me.

 

it's a no win situation... i am lost without her, on the other hand, if i try to get back together with her, she may dump me again, if we had another big argument.

 

i think she loves me, and probably does want to be with me, but feels like, the arguments, will not allow us to have a succesfull relationship.

 

also she does have anger issues

 

 

i am thinking about just texting her with this "i did not delete the text message you sent & i did read it"

 

and see if she responds? or do i need to say more?

 

 

Dude....just let it go! Let it go...let it go.... She obviously has some anger issuses and I do see her calling the cops on you in the future. I see you going to jail on false DV charges. Even if they are bogus, that record will still follow you. It sounds like she loses all control when she's that mad so I wouldn't put it passed her. Sooner or later, she's going to start getting physical with you and you don't want to live like that...

 

Dude, there are plenty of women out in the world that knows how to handle their anger and won't treat you like this. You deserve better.

 

I see the writing on the wall. If you get back with her...it's gonna get bad.

[oliverlieb]

Dude....just let it go! Let it go...let it go.... She obviously has some anger issuses and I do see her calling the cops on you in the future. I see you going to jail on false DV charges. Even if they are bogus, that record will still follow you. It sounds like she loses all control when she's that mad so I wouldn't put it passed her. Sooner or later, she's going to start getting physical with you and you don't want to live like that...

 

Dude, there are plenty of women out in the world that knows how to handle their anger and won't treat you like this. You deserve better.

 

I see the writing on the wall. If you get back with her...it's gonna get bad.

 

 

that is my biggest fear.... next time it could get worse! much worse!

 

i mean we argues over the silliest thing, but it got out of hand. all i was doing was defending myself, as she was criticising me.

 

when she started telling me to *** off & calling me a twat, that is when i told her "this is abusive behaviour" at this point she got very angry, told me to leave or she will call the police.

 

5 days later, i did try to call her, i wanted to offer relationship counseling & anger manegmant to her, bvut she ignored my calls, sent me a text message saying

 

"do not ring me, there is no relationship, seeing as i am abusive, it is over between us.

 

i have been in no contact for the last 3 weeks, and i received that text message 5 days ago.

 

in the text message she admits "nothing will change" so i,m not sure what i am letting myself into if i go back.

 

i used to walk egg shells around her sometimes, incase we had a disagreement & she got angry!

 

when she gets very angry, on 3 occasions it has led to her ending things!

 

i love her, but i can't see a healthy relationship coming out of this

[oliverlieb]

i sent her this text message today...

 

 

"i did read your text message & did not just delete it"

 

 

her reply....

 

 

"how are you? you don't have to reply back if you don't want to"

 

 

my reply....

 

 

"am ok... you?"

 

 

 

her reply.....

 

 

"i am ok"

 

 

 

 

thats it.... just bread crumbs! at least i know i have to move on from this, so called relationship!

 

i know where i stand... i really felt like that previous text message she sent me, about how much she loves me & misses me..... was her reaching out to me.... turns out bread crumbs!

 

 

maybe i should have contacted her back sooner, i left it for nearly 5 days thinking about it.... but she should know deep inside, how difficult it would have been for me to make sort of contact with her.

 

guess i have to strict no contact & never give into anymore bread crumbs, unless she sends me a clear message saying she wants to work things out & she wants to address the issues!!!!

[oliverlieb]

is the best way forward complete no contact?

[salmagundi]

yes, go NC now...you know she was just messing with you...just checking to make sure you were still on the end of her line. She'll probably do this every time she is feeling a little low, like every time she gets rejected by some other guy or whatever.

 

In any case, your relationship was unhealthy, as would be wanting to get back into it. You should be wanting a healthy relationship with a woman who respects you, isn't a drama queen and isn't emotionally unstable.

 

So don't do, not that its on offer anyway. Go NC.

[mishy]

it all sounds very unstable. I think there is an obsious pattern of abuse here, and i dont see it ending unless she has counselling/therapy.

 

She is reeling you back in for another "round"

 

Don't contact her

[veggirl]

Wish you hadn't responded, but I know it's hard.

 

Just know, if you continue responding to BS like that, she will continue to text you every time she is bored / lonely / whatever. You are going to have to be the one who breaks the cycle. Remember....she is seriously psycho!! Like mega crazy pants who should be ashamed of herself.

[oliverlieb]

Wish you hadn't responded, but I know it's hard.

 

Just know, if you continue responding to BS like that, she will continue to text you every time she is bored / lonely / whatever. You are going to have to be the one who breaks the cycle. Remember....she is seriously psycho!! Like mega crazy pants who should be ashamed of herself.

 

 

i know, i should not have responded... but in the last text message she sent me, she said she loves me lots & is missing me....

 

i felt in some way she was trying to reach out to me, but not responding to her was eating away at me... i wanted some kind of clarity, which i have now.

 

i had to know, if it was breadcrumbs or more? now i know!

 

i will stay no contact all the way from this day, anymore bread crumbs come my way, they will be ignored.

 

is ignoring bread crumbs the best way?

 

for example if i get a text from her, in a week or so, asking me if i am ok? do ignore?

 

anything less than "i want to work things out" should be ignored?

 

 

this was not a healthy relationship, as i was actually quite scared of her & her temper

[othersideofthepillow]

texts are cheap!

 

and yes you are right. the ONLY thing you should even "think" about acknowledging or responding to is something along the lines of wanting to work things out and even then you need to work on her anger issues!

 

like everyone else said, i think that it is best for you to just let it go and try and move on.

 

it will be hard and take great dedication on your end but in the end it will be worth it!

 

dangling on her line and answering her breadcrumbs will only HURT you and YOUR healing! THIS IS NOW ABOUT YOU - BREAK FREE AND LET YOURSELF HEAL!!!

[kyle77]

if you want her back I would say to respond and talk to her but let her know that you cant deal with her anger and that she needs to control that...

[veggirl]

if you want her back I would say to respond and talk to her but let her know that you cant deal with her anger and that she needs to control that...

 

No. This girl has major anger issues, you don't just "decide" to control that. Please don't make the OP think that he can just ask her to do so and that she will. She has proven that is not the case.

 

OP yeah you should really ignore her texts unless she says she wants to get back together, in which case I would inquire as to her plans for bettering herself. Like therapy.

[oliverlieb]

No. This girl has major anger issues, you don't just "decide" to control that. Please don't make the OP think that he can just ask her to do so and that she will. She has proven that is not the case.

 

OP yeah you should really ignore her texts unless she says she wants to get back together, in which case I would inquire as to her plans for bettering herself. Like therapy.

 

 

 

i have to agree with you veggirl.... she is a tough character & can be quite aggressive... thats just the way she is & i can not change her.

 

that change has to come from her, she must be willing to get help for herself.

 

also, anything less than "i want you back & will work on my issues" is not going to get any response from me!

 

she needs to clearly state what she wants, or nothing at all.

 

i am just going to leave this behind me now & move on, try to improve things in my own life.

 

if one day, she does come back, then maybe we will have a chance... if not, then i guess as much as it hurts me, i have to move on

[oliverlieb]

No. This girl has major anger issues, you don't just "decide" to control that. Please don't make the OP think that he can just ask her to do so and that she will. She has proven that is not the case.

 

OP yeah you should really ignore her texts unless she says she wants to get back together, in which case I would inquire as to her plans for bettering herself. Like therapy.

 

 

 

i have to agree with you veggirl.... she is a tough character & can be quite aggressive... thats just the way she is & i can not change her.

 

that change has to come from her, she must be willing to get help for herself.

 

also, anything less than "i want you back & will work on my issues" is not going to get any response from me!

 

she needs to clearly state what she wants, or nothing at all.

 

i am just going to leave this behind me now & move on, try to improve things in my own life.

 

if one day, she does come back, then maybe we will have a chance... if not, then i guess as much as it hurts me, i have to move on

[veggirl]

Good for you!!

 

Do your best to get on with your life. IF at some point she comes crawling back appropriately then you can re-assess. But for now it is about you, not her.

[oliverlieb]

those who have read my full story, will know i received a text message from my ex, claiming she loves me lots & misses me, but in the same text she said, it would not work out.

 

anyhow i contacted her back, 5 days after she sent me that text, it turned out to be breadcrumbs... she asked me how i was, i asked her how she was, then have not heard anything else from her.

 

i have received a new text message from her today...

 

we have a joint direct debit, so here is what she sent me!!!

 

 

"JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW, THAT I HAVE CANCELED THE DIRECT DEBIT.. DON'T WORRY I WON'T TEXT YOU AGAIN...

 

THOUGHT I WOULD LET YOU KNOW, SO YOU CAN MAKE OTHER ARRANGEMENTS"

 

 

please read my full story in order for this to make sense... why does she say "don't worry, i won't text you again"

 

i never wanted to split up with her, she ended it... but more & more from reading her texts, it seems to me, it her who is acting like... i am the one who is pushing her away?

 

what is happening here

[oliverlieb]

i feel like, i am still hanging on a string & mine & her story is not over....or is it

[oliverlieb]

what does she mean guys

[LostOne1]

she sounds like my ex... and the same thing kinda happened to me.

 

When my ex gets mad.. jeez.

 

I think that's why I have to lie so much, because I feel like if I do or say something that will anger her.. then I'm screwed... and maybe that makes her not worth being in a relationship.

 

I know you love her and want to work it out.. but if shes not willing to fix the anger issues. it's gonna be the same thing all your life. I just realized this myself now too.

[oliverlieb]

she sounds like my ex... and the same thing kinda happened to me.

 

When my ex gets mad.. jeez.

 

I think that's why I have to lie so much, because I feel like if I do or say something that will anger her.. then I'm screwed... and maybe that makes her not worth being in a relationship.

 

I know you love her and want to work it out.. but if shes not willing to fix the anger issues. it's gonna be the same thing all your life. I just realized this myself now too.

 

 

i know how you feel. i was the same, would worry loads about upsetting her, in case you gets very angry, then it snowballs into an argument, and i get dumped.

 

it's such a hard place to be, because i love her, and want to be back with her... but something tells me, the next argument we have, could lead to me me being dumped again!!

 

and i will be back on here, in another couple of months.

 

 

i feel like reaching out to her, and suggesting she gets help.... but she may just tell me to get lost or tell me you does not even want to be with me.

 

don't know how to move forward

[geegirl]

i feel like reaching out to her, and suggesting she gets help.... but she may just tell me to get lost or tell me you does not even want to be with me.

 

don't know how to move forward

 

It's not your responsibility to suggest that she seek help.

 

It's your responsibility to seek help for yourself seeing that she has now dumped you for the third time and you keep wanting to continue your efforts in placing yourself in a toxic situation, over and over again. What does that say about you? Any chance to make contact, there you go like an addict tapping your arm, seeking a fix. Stop it.

 

You don't know how to move forward because you are resisting and denying yourself from facing the reality of what you know you need to do.

 

Let go. There is no help for her unless SHE acknowledges and identifies her problems on her own. You are no help to her when you can't even manage your own life. Fix you, first. There is a reason why you're still persisting with contacting when you know contact has done nothing but cause you pain.

Edited October 23, 2012 by geegirl

[veggirl]

She is just manipulating you. "don't worry I won't text you again" is to make you feel sorry for her. Don't respond!!!

[David84]

My ex had mad anger issues. Previous ex. I couldn't figure out why or what would set her off but booze was a trigger for sure but sober too. We ended up in counciling because I was going crazy. She made me feel like it was me. She attacked me one night drunk and bite through my mouth. Later apologizing and pleading. Month later she physically attacked me and forced me to drive home intoxicated while threatening to call the police on me. Lose lose situation. Anyways I was arrested and charged with assault at my home that night because she had a bruise on her wrist from me holding off her smashing a mason jar on my head. The shrink was interesting because he saw both of us for a month after all this and later just myself once the relationship ended and I was suffering from being in an abusive relationship. He suggested this site for me and to look up BPD, he said she clearly was but couldnt suggested it during couples sessions. "shrinkformen" google it. Reading helped me understand.

[oliverlieb]

My ex had mad anger issues. Previous ex. I couldn't figure out why or what would set her off but booze was a trigger for sure but sober too. We ended up in counciling because I was going crazy. She made me feel like it was me. She attacked me one night drunk and bite through my mouth. Later apologizing and pleading. Month later she physically attacked me and forced me to drive home intoxicated while threatening to call the police on me. Lose lose situation. Anyways I was arrested and charged with assault at my home that night because she had a bruise on her wrist from me holding off her smashing a mason jar on my head. The shrink was interesting because he saw both of us for a month after all this and later just myself once the relationship ended and I was suffering from being in an abusive relationship. He suggested this site for me and to look up BPD, he said she clearly was but couldnt suggested it during couples sessions. "shrinkformen" google it. Reading helped me understand.

 

 

wow i am sorry to hear your story... fortunately neither one of is a drinker, so alcohol was never a problem.

 

i do feel like suggesting couples counseling to her, but it means getting involved with this relationship again.

 

also, who is to say counseling will even resolve the problem... and i could be back in the same situation again.

 

my biggest fear is getting back together with her, we have a little argument, she turns it into chaos, gets very angry & i just get dumped again, or even worse arrested

 

 

i love her, but to be with her feels like a scary thought... but in the same breath, i want to be there for her & help her.

 

she does not have many people in her life, just like me!

 

we had each other & that is about it

[Under The Radar]

I followed your story very carefully on another forum and read the plethora of responses given to help you. Please understand, my intention is NOT to embarrass, judge, or "call you out". In fact, your relationship resonated with me more than any other OP has since I began following such forums.

 

With that being said, you really need to go NC. Her behaviour WILL NOT change at all. Her anger problems are an intimate part of who she is. The red flags have been there from the very beginning. Yes, her text messages are absolutely bread crumbs. Yes, she is definitely manipulative. Yes, this will end VERY badly if you contact her and subsequently resume a relationship with her. As another poster has already mentioned she may in fact have Borderline Personality Disorder. Please google it and you will see that much of her behaviour is very much in accordance with the symptoms outlined for such a detrimental condition.

 

I realize you have no family support and only one really good friend you can trust. Your co-dependant on this woman and breaking away from her (which is mandatory if you wish to heal) is like withdrawing from drugs. The feelings are literally like alcohol or heroin withdrawal. Your brain creates doubt becuase she has manipulated you and you have low self-esteem. You seek her external validation of you to feel "whole" and good about yourself. I know, I told you before that I could have written your OP word for freakin word!!!

 

It breaks my heart to see you suffering like this and I wish I could teleport myself to wherever you are to try and help. However, I cannot do that so you need to suck it up, get tough, and walk away forever. Learn to love yourself and in the process get your confidence/dignity back. Marriage Counseling WILL NOT help at all. She doesn't think she has a problem; she thinks YOU are the problem. You will always be her punching bag. I went through MC with my ex and she called the police on me too! It was the craziest thing I've ever experienced and it broke me.

 

I felt EXACTLY the way you feel right now. I didn't think I could do it, but I did. You will make it too, but you have to keep moving forward. Remember: Temporary pain for relief from long term pain. When in hell, keep on moving. We will be here for you, but we cannot pull the trigger on this. Please, DON'T go back ... there is nothing there for you but pain and heartache.

 

Stay strong brother - Josh

Edited October 24, 2012 by Training Revelations

[oliverlieb]

I followed your story very carefully on another forum and read the plethora of responses given to help you. Please understand, my intention is NOT to embarrass, judge, or "call you out". In fact, your relationship resonated with me more than any other OP has since I began following such forums.

 

With that being said, you really need to go NC. Her behaviour WILL NOT change at all. Her anger problems are an intimate part of who she is. The red flags have been there from the very beginning. Yes, her text messages are absolutely bread crumbs. Yes, she is definitely manipulative. Yes, this will end VERY badly if you contact her and subsequently resume a relationship with her. As another poster has already mentioned she may in fact have Borderline Personality Disorder. Please google it and you will see that much of her behaviour is very much in accordance with the symptoms outlined for such a detrimental condition.

 

I realize you have no family support and only one really good friend you can trust. Your co-dependant on this woman and breaking away from her (which is mandatory if you wish to heal) is like withdrawing from drugs. The feelings are literally like alcohol or heroin withdrawal. Your brain creates doubt becuase she has manipulated you and you have low self-esteem. You seek her external validation of you to feel "whole" and good about yourself. I know, I told you before that I could have written your OP word for freakin word!!!

 

It breaks my heart to see you suffering like this and I wish I could teleport myself to wherever you are to try and help. However, I cannot do that so you need to suck it up, get tough, and walk away forever. Learn to love yourself and in the process get your confidence/dignity back. Marriage Counseling WILL NOT help at all. She doesn't think she has a problem; she thinks YOU are the problem. You will always be her punching bag. I went through MC with my ex and she called the police on me too! It was the craziest thing I've ever experienced and it broke me.

 

I felt EXACTLY the way you feel right now. I didn't think I could do it, but I did. You will make it too, but you have to keep moving forward. Remember: Temporary pain for relief from long term pain. When in hell, keep on moving. We will be here for you, but we cannot pull the trigger on this. Please, DON'T go back ... there is nothing there for you but pain and heartache.

 

Stay strong brother - Josh

 

 

 

hello josh, thank you for your kind words & for your support, i sincerely appreciate it... and reading your post & those from other people on here, i am beginning to accept that i need to walk away from this situation.

 

 

this is how i feel... i am not usually a soft person & have been through a lot in my lifetime & these experiences have made me quite a strong character.

 

i have had previous relationships that i have had to walk away from, because i did not feel they was right for me... and yes it hurt like hell, but i came out of the other side of it & looked back, with not much regret.

 

for some reason, this lady has been different. yes she has anger issues, yes she has treated me pretty awful at times...

 

but... in the same breath.... she was also like an angel to me... she could be the most loving, caring, devoted, down to earth person i ever met.

 

for nearly 2 years, she was always there for me, by my side.

 

we was best friends, and so close together, every where we ever went, we held hands so tight & would not let go!

 

i know it was a good relationship & now it has turned toxic.

 

it was great, but underneath it all there was problems, and i chose to ignore them, and now it's beginning to sink in!

 

i was in love with her, so i put up with her anger & her outbursts... but i cannot carry on living like that, i can not be spend my life being scared of the person i love.

 

 

so i will move on, it is difficult, but i will do it....i have been no contact with her for nearly a month now, so i think i am doing ok