keeping in touch with ex?

[bryan]

ok so its been about 11 weeks since we broke up. we were best friends for years before we had started dating. the separation was not pleasant and there was another man involved. she dumped me for this man. its my birthday today and i received an email from her. she has been trying for us to get to talk and be 'friends' because she says that she can not just NOT talk to me. for me it is extremely painful to be around her and even be in touch with her. i think i'm moving on but then this happens and shakes me to the core. should i write back? i know i shouldn't but i'm wimping out.

[Tony T]

You have no desire to be just friends with her. That would serve no good purpose in your life. It would be a lie. She dumped you as a boyfriend and, sure, she would like to be your friend to smoothe over her guilt feelings, etc. The fact that she can so quickly be your friend is another indication, apart from breaking up with you, that she had no great feelings for you beyond friendship.

 

Many friendships evolve into wonderful romances but others just don't work out. But if my guess is right, even when you were just friends you had designs on her.

 

Don't be rude. Reply to her Email and say only: "Thank you for your kind thoughts and birthday wishes." Then write your name. NOT A WORD MORE.

 

Do not reply to any subsequent Emails. I am sure you have told her you want no contact. For now, that is best. In the future, your feelings for her will flatten and you could probably be her friend if you wanted. However, it is usually not practical for a girl with a boyfriend to keep an ex for a friend because the boyfriend usually frowns on this.

 

Be nice to yourself for the time being and ignore this chick. Contact will only serve to hurt you and retard the healing process.

[Deejette]

It really gets me when I read about how many guys and girls dump their significant others for someone else and then want to be friends. This infuriates me. What a classic example of having your cake and eating it too.

 

So you will become friends. Why, so you can hear about the latest guy she is going out with and what they do in bed?

 

And that birthday ploy is too much. What sentimental garbage. Holidays and birthdays are when the exes come out of the woodwork to renew friendship after they walked all over someone's heart. What hooey!

You have no desire to be just friends with her. That would serve no good purpose in your life. It would be a lie. She dumped you as a boyfriend and, sure, she would like to be your friend to smoothe over her guilt feelings, etc. The fact that she can so quickly be your friend is another indication, apart from breaking up with you, that she had no great feelings for you beyond friendship.

 

Many friendships evolve into wonderful romances but others just don't work out. But if my guess is right, even when you were just friends you had designs on her. Don't be rude. Reply to her Email and say only: "Thank you for your kind thoughts and birthday wishes." Then write your name. NOT A WORD MORE. Do not reply to any subsequent Emails. I am sure you have told her you want no contact. For now, that is best. In the future, your feelings for her will flatten and you could probably be her friend if you wanted. However, it is usually not practical for a girl with a boyfriend to keep an ex for a friend because the boyfriend usually frowns on this. Be nice to yourself for the time being and ignore this chick. Contact will only serve to hurt you and retard the healing process.

[Mandy]

Bryan-

 

Hi, I understand your situation. My boyfriend broke up with me about 3 months ago. It sucked. We had not been getting along for the last 2 months we were together. I think he was interested in someone else. I cannot confirm this, but I am pretty sure. He told me that he did not want a commitment. Yeah right! He started seeing someone a week after we broke up. Anyway, he told me he wanted to have a friendship with me. Whatever. He avoided my phone calls and never returned any of my messages. I gave up. Now I couldn't imagine being friends. It would only hurt me. We were together for two years and he didn't even wish me a happy b-day. Jerk. My b-day was Nov.2! I noticed that yours was the 4th. Cool! The only advice I can give is to get on with your life and leave her in the past. If you keep her around, you will only continue to hurt. Trust me. Well, good luck.