GuyInLimbo Posted October 22, 2012 Share Posted October 22, 2012 So, showing your daughter it's ok for some scumbag to walk all over you and treat you like a piece of garbage is teaching her a better lesson?? Teach her that a woman can be strong and independent instead. Your daughter is going through it no matter what, so why make her go through years more of torture while you stick your head in the sand? The fact that you would even consider agreeing to this arrangement is mind-boggling to me. Absolutely mind-boggling. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author britbabe1192 Posted October 22, 2012 Author Share Posted October 22, 2012 It's sick I know. I am trying to break free, but it's hard. It's just it was so good right up until he told me he was unhappy that it's hard for me to not what to go back to that. But I suppose now it can never be "that" again. There is too much damage now. Honestly, it all stems back to my parents marriage and divorce. That's just how badly I don't want my daughter to go through that. I honestly think that is the worse of the two outcomes. I also think that I want to teach her that marriages aren't perfect and take hard work and you don't just throw in the towel when it gets tuff. But, i also see that she needs to have a better example of how a man should treat a woman and she shoudn't let people treat her this way...so Right now I am obviously confused. I know what the right thing to do is, but it's just hard and I am scared and still really love my husband. Link to post Share on other sites
Author britbabe1192 Posted October 27, 2012 Author Share Posted October 27, 2012 So some new developments.... today asfter he dropped our daughter off I called him and confromted him about what he is doing. Our daughter was really upset today when he dropped her off and kept crying for Daddy So after she went down for nap I called him and just asked him if her tears are worth all this? And he kinda agreed that they weren't . He basically said that he is just feeling like "is this it" he is having a "grass is greener" complex. But he said he had been thinking all the tings I was saying to him, about maybe it's not greener and maybe he shouldnt throw the towel in on us just yet. He said he would think about everything I was saying and get back to me. He said he wasn't sure how we would do it. He said he didn't know how to come back and make it ok, like what do we do?? And I told him you just do it and no one wrote a book on how to come home. He also said he has a hard time looking at me and doesnt know how he will look at me or hug me or kiss me. Probably outta guilt...? I know i migth get flamed here by people who say "is this what YOU want" "you dserve better" etc... But I really feell like some things are worth fighting for and marriage is one of them, especially when a kid is involved so even tho he is an ass and has done all these horrible things I feel like it is worth fighting for.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted October 27, 2012 Share Posted October 27, 2012 I agree BritBabe, there are plenty of marriages worth fighting for. I thought that my first one was exactly that; however, I continually swept the infidelity under the rug. Eventually, the two of you will have to face that "elephant" in the room if you want to affair-proof the marriage as well. Getting him to come back home is only a small part of the work....marriage is hard work and much harder if only one of you wants it. I'm not going to say "You deserve better", only you can say what you deserve. I will say be sure that you respect yourself and insist that he respect you as a wife, mother and partner. Your daughter needs to see her mother as a strong woman just as much as she needs a loving home with two parents who respect each other to grow up in. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted October 27, 2012 Share Posted October 27, 2012 I'm not going to say "You deserve better", only you can say what you deserve. I will say be sure that you respect yourself and insist that he respect you as a wife, mother and partner. Your daughter needs to see her mother as a strong woman just as much as she needs a loving home with two parents who respect each other to grow up in.[/QUOTE] You nailed the Hell out of that one Trippi! :bunny: :bunny: 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author britbabe1192 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Share Posted October 29, 2012 I know i need to be a strong woman. I guess I am not sure how to do that.... So My husband has decided to come home. He said we need to work on us and he couldn't do this to our daughter anymore. He didn't want to be the source of her pain. I told him that I want to protect her as much as I can and I can't let him come back if he isn't committed to staying for the long haul and not ever doing this to her again. I told him that she couldn't take this again. And he agreed that he was commited. He also tried to throw in there "I cant predict the future" and I said that obviously he couldn't but aside from some freak accident, us not being together couldn't be of our doing in the future. He agreed. He said he has a lot to be happy about and isnt sure why he can't be and he wants me to make him a therapy apointment to help him "get over the **** in his head" and he also wants to go us together at some point. I don't know how I feel. I should be elated, but I just am not. I think we can be ok, someday, but I see it being a long road of healing ahead of us. I want to know how I am suppose to show my daughter that I am a strong person even if he comes back. I don't know what that means. I am going to continue on my path to nursing school and keep on doing things that make me happy. Any advice on how to broach this with our family. He has already mentioned that he didn't want to see family halloween. I told him that at some point he has to see them, and he just said not right now. Anyone experience the resentment of family and how to make it ok....? I apologize for my spelling errors. i know how irrate some get about that. I can't figure out the spell check, sorry... Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 Sometimes the strength of a person is measured on how they own up to their mistakes. Eventually he will have to see your family, it's embarrassing to him that he left. Yes, my exH left the home a few times actually, my family didn't stop caring about him, I or our family because of it. It really comes down to how he handles it, but he can't alienate himself for the rest of his life can he? I'm only going to say this....good that he is back home; one flaw: You only let him commit to not ever hurting the child you have together again by leaving.....so where does that leave you except to build a life internally without him? Link to post Share on other sites
yessy21 Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 He didnt get what he wanted so he went back to you. that is all. empty words with empty promises. Link to post Share on other sites
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