Over a Condom????

[Rob]

Well, there's this girl that i've been talking to all week, she stayed over my house a few times, but nothing really happened. We just cuddled and talked and stuff. But we really connected. She's really really hot. In fact, she's a cheerleader for a PRO Basketball team. she said she really likes me too, and stuff. but the thing is that she and I went out last night, and before we went out she came over my house and she put her hands in my pocket. i had a condom in there, not really having any plans but maybe just hoping, or planning ahead, i'm not pushing or anything, just really enjoy her company. She got all pissed off and said "did you think you were going to use that on me!!!!!"

 

I said (duh) i don't know sorry, guys always carry them and stuff. She was really really pissed! well at the end of the night she ended up stroking my hair and stuff but she was still really really pissed. I cried all night and stuff, and i think the best way to get her back is to cook her dinner tomorrow and bring it over her house and show her that i really do care about her and don't want to use her for sex. i really did like what i had with this girl, and am not at all using her for sex.. how do i get her over this stupid little thing?

[sparkle]

I think the best way is to just tell her how you feel..that you like what you have with this girl, and that you don't want her for sex, that you weren't planning on having sex with her. just talk to her. communicate. that's the best thing right now. cooking her dinner sounds good too. maybe you can tell her how you feel about this over dinner.

 

Two weeks ago, I was spending the night and cuddling with my new boyfriend, and the same situation as yours occurred. I was pretty upset at first, but he told me that he wasn't looking for sex, but if things had become hot and heavy while we were making out, and if it progressed to sex, he'd rather be safe than sorry. He added that he'd never have sex with me until I was ready or wanted to, and that he didn't really want to, but he brought it 'just in case'.

 

It wasn't as much as what he said, but the fact that he was open about it, let me forgive him, and made me feel better.

 

Hope this helps, how'd it go?

[Tony T]

Don't you DARE cook her a damned thing. This girl invaded your privacy. She hardly knows you and has no right whatsoever to put her hand in your pockets. And whatever she finds there she has no right to question.

 

You should have asked her which is worse, putting her hands in a guy's pocket she must met...or finding a condom in it. Remind her that the pocket is only inches from the penis. Don't let a woman get away with crap just because she's beautiful. There are millions of men who are with beautiful women and are miserable for various reasons, their insecurities not being the least of them.

 

Now if you cook her a meal and go over and suck up to her she will see you as a true, first class wimp. Just let her cool off, then call her and see if she wants to go to a movie or dinner or whatever...like nothing happened. But don't you dare appear to be doing things to be apologetic for something SHE did wrong.

 

Also, she has a lot of nerve being so presumptuous thinking the condom was meant for her. Don't let her think she's the only game you've got going.

 

So don't treat her special and if she brings that condom thing up a again, let her know in no uncertain terms that you forgive her for the invasion of your privacy but it's in the past and there will be no more discussion about it. If she persists, go to your favorite search engine and enter "cheerleaders" There are lots and lots of them who are beautiful and would be exstatic if they found a condom in your pocket. Some would even put one in your hand.

 

What a prude!!!

[Mitch]

were making out, and if it progressed to sex,

he'd rather be safe than sorry. He added that he'd never have sex with me until I was ready or wanted to, and that he didn't really want to, but he brought it 'just in case'. It wasn't as much as what he said, but the fact that he was open about it, let me forgive him, and made me feel better. Hope this helps, how'd it go?

Yeah, this is the way to go. Sparkle's got a really good boyfriend from the sounds of things.

 

Too late in your case? Not sure.

 

The whole "A condom was in my pocket? No way?!!" approach will kill things. But it doesn't sound like you did that.

 

Talk to her about it. And your subsequent approach NEEDS to be congruous with what happened on "condom night."

 

If she catches you in a lie, you're history.

 

Consider the following:

 

1) I didn't know how you felt about things and had one just in case (the above situation really).

 

2) I have a life insurance policy too but don't plan on dying tomorrow.

 

3) When should guys have one handy do you think?

 

-----------------------

 

Eh, #1 is the best way to approach it. Maybe supplement it with #3.

 

The key is to talk with her, and show you don't have only one thing on your mind.

 

When things like this come up, you can REALLY get a pretty strong reaction. I sure as hell have. BUT, because I was honest about it and talked to them about it later, things worked out and it actually helped move things along.

 

Odds are good she has all sorts of guys chasing her who just want one thing. It sounds like you actually are interested in her as a human being.

 

If true, this is your advantage. USE IT!! Talk to her in a way that none of these "players" would (i.e. like Sparkle's sweetie). Give her a chance to realize "Hey, this guy is different"

 

Gifts, cooking for her, etc. probably won't mean much until you start to work through this hurdle.

 

She has to decide that your intentions are not to get into her pants when you're giving her these things. So, it could even backfire if this hurdle isn't in the works of being cleared.

 

Relationships/dating etc. are complicated in their purest form. We should not try to inject additional complexity.

 

---------

 

Now, you don't mention where "your pockets" were. Were these pants you were wearing, were they off somewhere where she didn't have any business being (like a drawer, walk in safe??). That's something to consider to.

 

For the sake of this message, I'm assuming you were wearing 'em.

[Deejette]

I think this girl should have praised you for thinking ahead and not reacted in this immature way. I mean, if she was willing to let you get close to her physically, she shouldn't be so shocked that you were thinking ahead. She sounds like a tease and protests too much.

Yeah, this is the way to go. Sparkle's got a really good boyfriend from the sounds of things.

 

Too late in your case? Not sure. The whole "A condom was in my pocket? No way?!!" approach will kill things. But it doesn't sound like you did that. Talk to her about it. And your subsequent approach NEEDS to be congruous with what happened on "condom night." If she catches you in a lie, you're history.

 

Consider the following: 1) I didn't know how you felt about things and had one just in case (the above situation really). 2) I have a life insurance policy too but don't plan on dying tomorrow. 3) When should guys have one handy do you think? ----------------------- Eh, #1 is the best way to approach it. Maybe supplement it with #3. The key is to talk with her, and show you don't have only one thing on your mind. When things like this come up, you can REALLY get a pretty strong reaction. I sure as hell have. BUT, because I was honest about it and talked to them about it later, things worked out and it actually helped move things along. Odds are good she has all sorts of guys chasing her who just want one thing. It sounds like you actually are interested in her as a human being.

 

If true, this is your advantage. USE IT!! Talk to her in a way that none of these "players" would (i.e. like Sparkle's sweetie). Give her a chance to realize "Hey, this guy is different"

 

Gifts, cooking for her, etc. probably won't mean much until you start to work through this hurdle. She has to decide that your intentions are not to get into her pants when you're giving her these things. So, it could even backfire if this hurdle isn't in the works of being cleared. Relationships/dating etc. are complicated in their purest form. We should not try to inject additional complexity. --------- Now, you don't mention where "your pockets" were. Were these pants you were wearing, were they off somewhere where she didn't have any business being (like a drawer, walk in safe??). That's something to consider to. For the sake of this message, I'm assuming you were wearing 'em.