Help... falling for a best friend... long distance...

[rainie]

Hi, this is my first post. Not sure where my post would fit in, so also posted in the friendship forum....

 

I’m having mixed/confused feelings about an online friend. I’ve met him more than a year ago online and we’ve started becoming very good friends. We chat through msn almost everyday. Through the chats, I found out a lot of stuff about him, even more so than someone I would talk to face-to-face. The distance (I’m in the US and he’s in Hong Kong) didn’t matter. I’ve also started to think of him as my best friend. However, recently he told me that he has some sort of feelings toward another online friend (which I also know and talk to) who lives in HK. They have met each other and went to the movies together one time. And I find myself really jealous. I’ve tried to keep my feelings hidden, not wanting to harm the friendship we have, but it’s hurting too much. I think I’m falling in love with him. The logical side of me tells me that a relationship with him would never work, considering the distance, and that he likes another person. I’ve told him before that I’m jealous of him and that other girl, but he didn’t seem to have any reaction to that. Now, every time I read his blog and it mentions the other girl, I feel so sad. I dunno what to do… to remain friends (and suffering on the inside), to break it up (I’ve tried not going online for a week and I find myself missing him so much), or to tell him my feelings (knowing that I’ll probably get a rejection). Any advice on this? (Btw, I’m in my twenties, have a full time job. He’s 20 and in college. She’s still in high school I think, age 15. )

[Vie]

Hi Rainie,

 

My fiance and I met online and he's in the US and Im here in Indonesia (which is not really THAT far from Hong Kong), as for the distance problem, I think you can overcome that because there's a lot of people who are doing that and some of them do work. I'm not saying they all do, only those who really are strong and know what they want.

 

 

I think what you should do is to confess your feelings to him; First, you'll feel more relief and Second, I think he has the right to know too. You never know, maybe he IS trying to get your attention by talking about this "other girl" all the time. Just don't be scared to take chances. Life and love is all about taking chances. If he doesn't have the same feelings as you do, at least you know. It's gonna be awkward to stay best friends again, I bet.. but at least both of you don't have any more secret. Just find a perfect timing and have a long serious talk. I'm sure this will make you feel better..get it off your chest, dear

 

 

Good luck and I hope you find the love... keep me updated

 

 

*~Vie~*

[rainie]

Hi Vie, first of all... congrats on ur engagement. It's really hard to overcome the long distance obstacle and u and ur fiance somehow made it work

 

Anyways, I don't think he's talking to the other girl to get my attention, since he does get much of my attention. Lately, he's busy with projects and learning japanese at the same time. The other girl knows a bit of japanese and I think he's trying to learn it to have some sort of "code" between them lol. Just yesterday, he posted a few lines of japanese in his blog which i think only she understands. I was a bit angry and feel left out. And nowadays, he's online less and less... whenever I'm online. Maybe it's because of the different time zones. It was never a factor before though :S Still undecided on what to do. But thanks for reading my post

[Vie]

Hey again Rainie,

 

 

Thanks for the reply and the wish We're still working on getting together for good. He had gone back to the US and I'm still stuck in my country. However, we believe that nothing can stop us. It takes process but we're gonna make it through.

 

 

As for you, I still think you need to tell him how you feel. It's no use to keep everything all to yourself.. If he turns out to be REALLY serious about this girl, I'm afraid you need to learn how to let go. It hurts, definitely, but you know what? that will also make you as one of the bravest and most noble-hearted person and one day you will find someone who will love you just as much

 

You seem like a nice girl, I'm sure there are tons more guys out there who would want to be with you.

Don't give up on love just because he isn't the one, stay strong and if you need to talk, I'm here for you

 

 

Good luck, dear!

 

 

*~Vie~*

[rainie]

I know that i need to let go since I'm almost 100% sure that he really likes this other girl. He told me that he misses her after not talking to her for 3 days (turned out that the japanese words he posted in his blog was "i miss u" followed by her name lol) and he had never told me that he misses me even after an extended period of time of no contact (i know i shouldn't compare but couldn't resist thinking that way -_-) I don't see another choice here... but the hardest part is how to let go... cut all ties with him? delete him from my contact list and don't talk to him anymore? I don't want to regret... need to put more thinking into this...

[Vie]

Hey Sweety,

 

 

Unfortunately it looks like he only wants to be friends with you.. I'm sorry to say that. It is hard to let go, let alone to forget about him. I think it's something impossible to do for now.

However, I still think you need to confess your feelings to him and see how it goes.. see his reaction and stuff.. then you can decide whether or not you want to continue your friendship with him. You have built a great friendship together.. a good beginning should be ended in a good way too (I certainly hope the friendship won't end because of this). You to me sound like a mature woman that knows what she wants. If you erase him off your MSN, stop emailing and stuff will only make you sound like a coward and weak person. Face it dear, talk to him..

 

 

I know this is a difficult time for you.. let me know if you need to talk.

 

 

Take care dear.

 

 

*~Vie~*

[slimslowrider]

Hello, I'm also new here but interested in participating... some advice for rainie;

 

breathe deep, take a step back and gain perspective

 

be truthful and open to your friend about your feelings... sure there is risk here, but nothing worth having comes without some kinda price... this could be a door way for a much stronger relationship, or whatever...

 

life will go on either way, and there's plenty of men out there worth having. hope you find what you need.

[rainie]

Hi Vie and slimslowrider, thanks for ur replies

 

I don't see the point of revealing my feelings to him if it's apparent that he's only interested in me as a friend. It would only cause awkwardness between us. The only thing I would like to do now is try to let go with the least harm done to both of us. I guess I need some time off from him and sort out what to do next. As for the msn goes, I've deleted him off my list for now but didn't block him so he can still contact me. I would like to block him temporarily, but I also know some of his in-real-life friends and talk to them online. Don't want to hurt him. And if i see him online, but don't msg me, I'll feel down. And I've made the decision not to visit his blog. I hope this arrangement works for now... I guess I'm not strong enough to break up all ties with him yet, but I hope with time, I can move on.

[Vie]

At least you have made your decision.. I hope you can stay strong during this pain. Don't worry though, one day, you will find your love one and you will look back and smile.

 

 

Remember that you are a beautiful person don't ever think the other way around. Stay strong and keep the faith!

 

Till we talk again, do take care of yourself.

 

 

Lots of hugs from Jakarta,

 

*~Vie~*

[rainie]

Quickie update...

 

I had a semi-serious chat with my friend this past Saturday. He went on another movie date with the girl and I was in a jealous mood. I knew that I had to somehow tell him how I feel, so I told him that I love him. He said "thanks" and then asked me "you are my sis right?" then called me big sister or something (I'm indeed older than him by a few years). Oh well, at that point, the rejection was clear, but I maintained a brave front. I said, "yup, ur like a brother to me". He told me that we were more than normal friends, and that i'm an important person in his life... I agreed. Friends. Then I changed the topic to other things. Later on in the convo, he asked me whether I have a crush on him. I didn't really answer him yes or no and let things stayed in the open... cuz I didn't want to lie lol.

 

Anyways, I tried. And now I feel much better than before, even though i got rejected. But now, I'm unsure whether I want to stay friends with him... I know that he loves me as a friend, but I'm not sure whether I can treat him only as a friend. I couldn't help but feel jealous sometimes. I've cried several times over this... any advice that can point me in the right direction? thanx